Joke of the day

[Lazarus]

An elderly couple go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is
asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finish, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse."
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them
£50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple return and asks the sex therapist
to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment,
have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask.
Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house.
I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges £98.
The Hilton charges £139.
We do it here for £50, and I get £43 back from BUPA!"

 

[Lazarus]

A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant. "What are their names?"
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naw" says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant "'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"


A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."


Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall." She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."


A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Springburn."


A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners argh! thump!"


Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

 

[TdC]

some things are a constant in the universe, like the quality of this thread

 

[SilverHood]

You may know they've released John Hinckley from the mental facility for
unsupervised visits to his parent's home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young to remember John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster.

This is such a nice letter from the President:

THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.

Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington, DC

Dear John:

Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in
recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are
now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the
hospital has reported that you are doing fine.

I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I
would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents.

I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital,
you
would let us know.

By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jody Foster?

Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President

:worthy:

 

[Lazarus]

Australian Sayings

I'M HUNGRY
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."

I'M THIRSTY
"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nun's nasty."
"I'm dry as a fuck with no foreplay."
"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bull's bum going up a hill backwards."
"I'm drier than an Arab's fart."

I NEED TO GO FOR A PEE
"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"Takin' the kids to the pool."
"I got to take a snake's hiss."
"Gotta go have a slash."
"Gonna go water a horse."
"I'm off to drain the main vein."
"Time to splatter the bladder."
"I'm dying for a piss so bad I can taste it."
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."

I NEED TO DO A POO
"I gotta go give birth to a Kiwi."
"I'm takin' a stroll to the gravy bowl."
"It was like giving birth to Kim Beasly."
"Off to the bog to leave an offering."
"Time to snap off a grogan."
"Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave."
"I'm gonna strangle a brownie."
"There's a brown dog barking at the back door."
"I'm going to give birth to your twin."
"Need to choke a brown dog."
"I've freed Nelson Mandela."
"Going for a Rodney."
"Taking out the garbage."
"I gotta back one out."
"Release the Chocolate hostage."
"i gotta lay some cables for Telstra."

VOMIT
"Calling for George."
"I was driving the porcelain bus this morning."
"I left him a lawn pizza."
"Toss a tiger on the carpet."

YES
"Does a fat dog fart?"
"Even Blind Freddy could see it."
"Is the Pope a Catholic?"
"Does a Koala shit in a gum tree and wipe his ass on a Cockatoo?"
"Does the Pope tuck his shirt in with a wooden spoon?"
"Bloody oath!"
"No wucking furries."

NO
"Pig's arse!!"
"Get Fucked!"

INSULTS
"I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders."
"Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!"
"About as useful as tits on a bull."
"You must be the world's only living brain donor."
"He's a few wanks short of an orgasm."
"She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard."
"He had a head on him like a sucked mango."
"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down."
"He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock."
"So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!"
"Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery."
"Pull your lip over your head and swallow!"
"As ugly as a bucket full of arseholes."
"If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards."
"Got a face like a bashed in shit can."
"Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground."
"Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse."
"Couldn't organise a fuck in a brothel with a fist full of fifties."
"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition."
"I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds!"
"A stubbie short of a six pack."
"Seen better heads in a piss trough."
"You're as handy as shit on a stick."
"Tighter than a fish's arse."
"So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him."
"Face like a smashed crab."
"As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp."
"He could talk a dog off a meatwagon."
"Fucked in the head."
"You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie."
"He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door."
"Mate, she's as rough as a pig's breakfast."
"Your face is like a twisted Ugg boot."
"He's got a face like a cat licking shit off a thistle."
"She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times."
"She's two pick handles wide."
"An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag."
"As ugly as a bag of spanners."
"You've got a head like a dropped pie."
"He thinks his shit don' stink, but his farts give him away."
"I wish his dad had settled for a blow job."
"Fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down."
"If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it."
"Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deckchairs."
"As thick as two short planks!"
"You got a head like a busted watermelon."

COMPLIMENTS
"Ya bloods worth bottling!"
"He's True Blue."
"I'd be up her like a rat up a drain pipe."
"A better man never stood in two shoes!"

ASSORTED
"Drilling for Vegemite." (Anal sex)
"I'll have a super." (I'll have a beer)
"Make mine an unleaded." (I'll have a light beer)
"Going off like a frog in a sock." (try to picture this one)

 

[]AC[dRuM]

Did you hear about the dyslexic bloke who sold his soul to santa?

 

[Lazarus]

Did you hear about the dyslexic bloke who sold his soul to santa?

long time ago :kissit:

 

[]AC[dRuM]

 

[Gengi]

Dear Friends,

It is important for men to remember that as women grow
older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same
quality of housekeeping as they did when they were
younger. When men notice this, they should try not to
yell.

Let me relate how I handle the situation. When I got
laid off from my consulting job and took "early
retirement" in April, it became necessary for Nancy to
get a full-time job, both for extra income
and for health benefits that we need.

It was shortly after she started working that I
noticed that she was beginning to show her age. I
usually get home from fishing or hunting about the
same time she gets home from work. Although she
knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she
has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts
supper. I try not to yell, instead I tell her to take
her time and just wake me when she finally does get
supper on the table.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished
eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the
table for several hours after supper. I do what I can
by reminding her several times each evening that they
aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates
this, as it does seem to help her get them done before
she goes to bed. Now that she is older she seems to
get tired so much more quickly.

Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes
she says she just can't make another trip down those
steps. I don't make a big issue of this. As long as
she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am
willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I
need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge
meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club or
to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like
that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening
to do the ironing. This gives her little more time to
do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing
the dog, vacuuming or dusting. Also, if I have had a
really good day fishing, this allows her to gut and
scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.

Nancy is starting to complain a little occasionally.
For example, she will say that it is difficult for her
to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch
hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try
to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it
out over two or even three days. That way she won't
have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing
lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt any, if
you know what I mean.

When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs
more rest periods. She had to take a break when she
was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to
embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest
breaks. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big,
cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit
for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making
one for herself, she may as well make one for me and
take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me
until I fall asleep.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I
support Nancy on a daily basis. I'm not saying that
the ability to show this much consideration is easy.
Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it
impossible. No one knows better than I do how
frustrating women can become as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just yell at your wife a
little less often because of this article, I will
consider that writing it was worthwhile.

Signed,
Gary

PS: Gary's funeral was on Tuesday, November 25th. Nancy
was acquitted Thursday, November 27th.

 

[Gengi]

Doctor Norm had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice within himself, trying to reassure him: "Norm, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go......

But invariably the other voice inside his head would bring him back to reality: "Norm, you're a vet...."


later

 

[Gengi]

A priest in a small rural town was very fond of the ten chickens and one handsome cock rooster he kept in a hen house behind the rectory. One Saturday night, the priest discovered that the cock rooster was missing. At the same time, the priest heard rumours of cockfights being held in town. Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Sunday Mass.

During Mass he asked the congregation, "Who among you will confess to sporting a handsome cock?" All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said. "That's not what I mean. Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?" All the women stood up.

"Oh, no," he said. "That's not what I mean, either. Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that doesn't belong to you?" Half the women stood up.

"Oh Lord," he said. "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen my cock?" All the choirboys stood up!

later

 

[caLLous]

 

[Bullitt]

I saw Gareth Gates go into a sweet shop the other day.

He came out with 50 bags of M&M's.

 

[TriGGer]

Paddy gets a job painting lines on the side of the road, and on the first day on the job he paints 100ft of line, the second day 50ft and on the third day, 25ft. The boss arrives, a little dismayed with the progress after what seemed like a good start. "Paddy, do you mind telling me why you managed to paint 100ft on your first day, 50ft on your second day and only 25ft today ?" asks the boss. "To be sure, mister", replys Paddy, "Have you seen how far away that bloody tin is now !?!".

 

[.Wilier.]

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.
"One day," he begins, "I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.
"No shit?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.
"Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.'"
"Keep going!"
"I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, You now have three wishes.' I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, I want a body like Arnold ..' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, What will be your second wish?'"
"What next?" begged the bartender.
"I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.' She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours! Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?'
I looked at her and replied, How 'bout a little head?

 

[Lazarus]

A selection

Dear Abby,

My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*ck*ng red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Sincerely,
Bitchy in Michigan

If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many have a gender. For example...

Freezer bags -
Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right through them.

Photocopier -
Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc, if the wrong buttons are pushed.

Tyre -
Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated.

Hot Air Balloon -
Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under its arse and, of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges -
Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.

Web page -
Female, because they're always getting hit on.

London Underground -
Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

Hourglass -
Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

Hammer -
Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

Remote control -
Female...
Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider - It gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

 

[SilverHood]

Why did the Chicken Cross The Road?

SAEED AL SAHAF (Iraqi Head of Information)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the
chicken is on our side of the road or not.
The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

TONY BLAIR
I agree with George.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed I've not been told.

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR
I envisage a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us
the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

TRISHA GODDARD
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
eChicken2003 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook- and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
What is your definition of chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

HOMER SIMPSON
Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n!

 

[dysfunction]

A german hunter loads his rifle and shoots at a rabbit but the bullet goes just a little to the left.

So he reloads and shoots at the rabbit again. This time though the bullet goes a little to the right.

"Aah vell" ,thinks the German, "on average the Rabbit is dead!"

 

[Lazarus]

A guy walks into a pub with his dog. The dog is wearing earphones and has a radio taped to it's back

The barman says, "whats with they earphones oan the dug"

The punter replies "I usually take him to the Celtic game on a Saturday, but I couldnae get tickets this week so he's listening to the game onthe wireless".

"Aye right" said the barman.

10 minutes later the dog starts doing backflips.

"What's he up to" says the barman.

"Larsson's just scored" replies the man.

"aye right" says the barman again.

"Switch teletext on and see" says the punter.Right enough the score comes up Celtic 1 Rangers 0 (Larsson) 2

minutes later the dog starts chasing it's tail.

"What's he up to now" asks the barman.

"thats what he does when Sutton scores it must be 2-0.

"Piss off" says the barman.

"Check the telly" says the punter.

Sure enough the score comes up Celtic 2 Rangers 0 (Sutton)

"That's amazing" says the barman "What does he do when Rangers score?"

"Dunno" says the punter "I've only had him a year!!"

 

[Gumbo]

Cue 'choke the chicken' gags.

 

[Bullitt]

 

[Bullitt]

There's this midget with a speech impediment who wants to start a horse ranch.
So, he goes to a ranch and talks to a rancher and says, "Can I tee yur hortes."
The guy says, "Sure, I'll let you see my horses."
They go out to the paddock and the midget asks to look more closely at one of the fillies.
The midget says, "Will ya waise me up sa I kan tee hur eyez."
And the rancher says, "Sure, I'll let you see her eyes."
The midget says, "Te gut purdy eyez. Will ya waise me up sa I kun tee hur teef."
The rancher says "Sure, I'll let you see her teeth.", and does so.
Then the midget says, "Ahhh tee gut purdy teef. Kun I tee hur twot?"
The rancher says, "What?
The midget says again, "Kun I tee hur twot?"
So he stuck the midget's head up the horse's twat.
"No! Kun I tee hur twot?" So the rancher does it again.
Then the midget says, "Wet me wefwase mytelf:

kun I tee hur gallop?"

 

[.Wilier.]

SON: Dad, where did I come from?

DAD: Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!

Dad and mum met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with
your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Café. Then, mom
did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was ready to
upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was
a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload. Nine
months later, the damn virus appeared!

 

[~Yuckfou~]

So Dad is concerned that his son is late home from school, he is always on time. Some time passes and eventually the lad turns up, looking a little red faced. "How come you are late son?", "Well Dad I had my first sexual experience tonight on the way home"
Dad is well chuffed that his lad is out there being a man, and lets it pass. The next night the lad isn't at all late. Dad is a little bemused "How come you are home so early son? Did you not want to have another sexual experience?"
"Well Dad I did want to, but my arse is still hurting from last night."

 

[Gef]

ON reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.

He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks: "And get me a whisky you cow."

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls: "And get me another whisky you useless tart."

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach: "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now."

Next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.

Plunging downwards, the parrot turns to him and says: "For someone who can't fly, you’re pretty lippy."

 

[Uncle Sick]

A german hunter loads his rifle and shoots at a rabbit but the bullet goes just a little to the left.

So he reloads and shoots at the rabbit again. This time though the bullet goes a little to the right.

"Aah vell" ,thinks the German, "on average the Rabbit is dead!"

LOLMAO!

Oh, teh ethnicity.

 

[Lazarus]

For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!

For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.

For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Children (honest & am no kidding)

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3-bedroom house about 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates / blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and Superman cape.

It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.

15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and very expensive to remove.

18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amassing thing.



True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, ..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class. And what do you think that man said? One little boy raised his hand and said, I think he said...'Holy xxxxx! A talking pig!'

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

26. A nine-month-old baby can punch you square in the face as hard as an 18 stonened. Fact.

Aren't Kids lovely

 

[TdC]

rofl

I like #9

 

[Scouse]

rofl

I like #9

Yeah. But the rest off them suck the p00p out of my cats butt....

 

[stormrider]

Hmm where can I get some brake fluid from