Bad taste The Bad Taste Joke Thread

[Lamp]

I'm shitting myself about going for this brain scan tomorrow.
I have a photographic memory.
How the fuck do I delete my browsing history?

 

[Edmond]

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning. Can you believe that? 2:30am! Luckily I was still up playing my drums.

Now thats funny :lol:

 

[Vasconcelos]

I'm shitting myself about going for this brain scan tomorrow.
I have a photographic memory.
How the fuck do I delete my browsing history?

Plug your comp into any of your holes and use CCCleaner!

 

[georgie]

I was shagging my neighbour over her kitchen table when we heard the front door opening.

"Shit! That's my husband," she said "Quick try the back door."

I knew I should have got out of there but there's no way I was refusing an offer like that!

 

[Madmaxx]

lol i love this thread

 

[cHodAX]

I was shagging my neighbour over her kitchen table when we heard the front door opening.

"Shit! That's my husband," she said "Quick try the back door."

I knew I should have got out of there but there's no way I was refusing an offer like that!

Love it!

 

[Fafnir]

Plug your comp into any of your holes and use CCCleaner!

Is that the russian version?

 

[Everz]

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

 

[kiliarien]

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

Oh dear, you need to check back a page....

 

[Everz]

:<.

 

[georgie]

Aww, poor Evz... Looks so sad.




Gimp.

 

[BloodOmen]

Bloke wants his 70 year old wife dead. He asks a hitman how he would do it. He says "I would shoot her below the left nipple" Bloke says "I want her dead, not fucking knee capped"



A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the guy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge £20 for sex." The guy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the guy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £25."

 

[Cerb]

You know,

If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's the story of a woman learning her place.

 

[Tilda]

Whats purple, pussy and squeeling?

Spoiler

A peeled baby in a bad of salt

 

[Ch3tan]

What? Spelling errors or just a very poor joke??

 

[Edmond]

I think its the wrong punchline

 

[Billargh]

A black baby was given wings by God.

The baby asked: 'Does this mean I'm now an angel?'

God laughed and said: '***** please, you're a bat!"

 

[Ch3tan]

Old, I posted that near the start of the thread.

Also you can tell it better than that

 

[Billargh]

Oh shit, it's a first page job And I know man, I can't remember how the whole thing goes though

 

[Fast]

I was explaining to my mates why I’ve got the nickname ‘shaggy’. I explained it was because I’ve shagged loads of birds.

Ever since I shagged a disabled girl up the arse, they’ve nicknamed me ‘Mr bum spastic’

 

[Vladamir]

Two coppers knocked on my door last night. They showed me a picture of my mrs and asked was it my wife, "yes officer it is, she hasn't been in an accident has she"? "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus sir" the copper said. "yes I know that but she has a really good personality"!!!!!

 

[Edmond]

Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care...

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.

 

[Ezteq]

my ffriend recently told me she'd lost her husband to the big C, she gave me a funny look when I sympathised and said drowning is a horrible way to go

 

[Ch3tan]

My wife and I were arguing in the car the other day, we drove past a farm and saw a cow, she said " relatives of yours?"
i replied "yes, in-laws"

That shut her up.

 

[Edmond]

why is there a string on the end of a tampon?
to floss your teeth with after eating.

how do you know the bartender is pissed at you?
when you find a string in your bloody mary.

I got home from work and my girlfriend was packing up her clothes. I said, "What you doing?"
"Im leaving you because I heard you are a paedophile!" Shocked, I replied "Paedophile? That's a big word for a 12 year old"

What did One gay sperm say to another?
How do we find an egg in all of this shit?

What has eight legs and makes women scream?
Gang rape!

 

[Lamp]

Funny how times change.
Years ago, if you had a Moat round your village, you felt safe.

 

[Vladamir]

This ones particularly grim, so i'll spoiler it

Spoiler

I parked outside the abortion clinic the other day and managed to lose my keys.

Turns out they don't like it when you go in and ask for a coathanger

 

[Lazarus]

The Metropolitan Police are looking for a racist attacker.
I rang them - Apparently its not a job!

 

[gohan]

i got into a massive argument with my girlfriend last night because she found out i'd been sleeping with her sister

















imagine that, a grown women jealous of an 8 year old!

 

[Ezteq]

Vlad rofl!! Sicko!

A topical one:
Feeling a bit awkward writing my valentines card,We've been together a couple of years and her parents still don't know about us, Anyway. Happy valentines maddy. Mine forever. Love pablo