Bad taste The Bad Taste Joke Thread

[Dark Orb Choir]

** HAITI EARTHQUAKE**..a plane load of scousers are flying out to Haiti to help with the looting


The After Eight factory is being relocated to Haiti to start production on their new range of Dark Chocolate Thins

 

[kiliarien]

I'd ask that people don't circumvent the filter please. The filter is there as a "last resort", i.e. to stop people posting things they should know better than to post anyway.

Also thinking about it, if you guys spoiler tag your jokes, if somebody clicks to see it, then they're getting themselves into that position on purpose, so they won't be able to complain.

I see your point there Mystic, and I agree with racist/racial stereotype posts, however for just poor bad taste tbh if a person doesn't know if they like bad taste jokes or not by now then it's their own fault. They see the thread title, and should just decide not to open it. That is another version of, as you say, getting themselves into that position on purpose.

Anyways, I shall continue:

lol there's another version of that. You tell all your friends that you are gonna do this girl and tell them to all wait for your signal. Then when you are doin her like described in your post you shout "RODEO!" and all your friends bust in and start cheering and chanting and stuff. The aim of the game is to stay on her as long as possible.

Surely the game version you should use is mount her as before and whisper in her ear "Wow, you really do look like your mum in this position.'

Also, breaking news.....

The 2010 Carribean Surfing Championship has been won in controversial circumstances by a man from Haiti on a wardrobe.

 

[soze]

I just got an email that reminded me of this thread.

My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.
Just this morning she asked, "Is that the best you can do?"

When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one fucking punch.

My wife says it's disgusting to piss in the bath.
I suppose I should wait until she gets out.

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

The other day I told my neighbour Jerome that he was like Marmite.
He said, "What, you either love me or you hate me?"
I said, "No, you're dark and you smell."

Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez.
It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.

Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!!!

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?

I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

I was asked to run a marathon and I said, "no chance."
Then I was told it was for spastic and blind kids, so I thought, "Fuck it. I could win that!"

I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"

 

[Jarahl]

Brilliant jokes, keep em coming.

But to some extent I agree with Seel here, the N word should be kept out of this thread, keep saying Black Man, Chinese Man etc etc, the joke is still funny that way

 

[Jimmy]

Incest - It's all relative.

 

[Jimmy]

I decided to wake the missus this morning by slipping under the covers and eating her out, I didn't realise that she was halfway through her period.

boy was i red faced

 

[Delrith]

You hear about the International hide and seek contest?
It ended a few months ago, but Maddie Mccann is still playing



¬_¬

 

[Sparx]

ok... selfmade one...

Q: Why did Haiti order tons of nuclear waste from all over the world?

A: They just realised that Half-Life is better than Quake.

I love how this one was such a tumbleweed that it got totally ignored lol

 

[Urgluf]

I love how this one was such a tumbleweed that it got totally ignored lol

Not everyone here are nerds though

 

[Everz]

What's the difference between Haiti and Madeleine Mccann?
Haiti made it to 7.


The best way to get a woman to have sex with you is to compliment her...
Like, "Wow you're a fast runner, you almost got away."

 

[Jimmy]

What's the difference between Haiti and Madeleine Mccann?
Haiti made it to 7.


The best way to get a woman to have sex with you is to compliment her...
Like, "Wow you're a fast runner, you almost got away."

sickipedia?

 

[Everz]

sickipedia?

Ruined.

 

[Sparx]

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

 

[Dahakon]

What's the best thing about fucking twenty three year olds?

There's twenty of them.

What's the best thing about fucking ninety three year olds?

They're usually dead.

 

[Tijl]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what?”

 

[soze]

Another email and a little bump

Spoiler

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

Paddy ordered a whisky.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen who.res than let liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"



Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It’s your flaming plane!"


Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing se.x, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".


Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She un.dresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole feckin' bed by the looks of it!"




Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your ar.se if you get a dodgy one!


Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.

He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!


Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"


Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.

Paddy says "To he.ll with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"


Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"


Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London!"

 

[Lamp]

You heard Cheryl Cole has dyed her pubes red?...........

Spoiler

She's gone through two black c*nts already this week

 

[old.user4556]

A man goes to the doctor and says to the doctor "I would like to arrange to get my daughter on the pill please"

The doctor whips his prescription booklet out and says "sure not problem, can I ask how old she is?"

"Twelve" the man replies.

"... and she's sexually active?!" exclames the doctor.

The man says "well no, she just lies there".

 

[Ch3tan]

BUNGEE JUMPING

£25 per person

pakis FREE*


*no strings attached



My budgie broke his leg today, so I made him a split out of two swan vesta matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk!

 

[Ch3tan]

Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor phones. " Paddy," he says "you've got sugar diabetes.", Paddy says "Ok, so when am I fighting the black ****?"

Walkers are to add a new flavour crisp to their range. "Spunk" flavour. They will be marketed as "Diet Crisps", as 97% of women will spit the fuckers out.

 

[Ch3tan]

Raoul Moat. The most dangerous ginger to emerge from the woods since last months fox attack.



Hi Mr Moat, if you really want to hide from the police and not get caught, try Portugal.

Lots of love.

Maddie x

 

[Huntingtons]

lies, he's a light coffee colour!

yes, black coffee. the only coffee colour

 

[Laddey]

A chicken walks into a bar see's a bloke sat their.

Chicken says to the bloke

"whats your name?" the bloke replies....


bond....James Bond....Bond says to the chicken

"whats your name"?

The chicken replies....


The names ken....Chic,ken.

 

[gohan]

A chicken walks into a bar see's a bloke sat their.

Chicken says to the bloke

"whats your name?" the bloke replies....


bond....James Bond....Bond says to the chicken

"whats your name"?

The chicken replies....


The names ken....Chic,ken.

go home

 

[CorNokZ]

go home

Fast

 

[Ch3tan]

It wasn't even in bad taste, let alone a joke.

 

[pikeh]

A chicken walks into a bar see's a bloke sat their.

Chicken says to the bloke

"whats your name?" the bloke replies....


bond....James Bond....Bond says to the chicken

"whats your name"?

The chicken replies....


The names ken....Chic,ken.

did you just make this up yourself?

 

[BloodOmen]

did you just make this up yourself?

I reckon he did because its terrible lol

 

[Lamp]

terrible....worse than having to watch 2 men 1 cup....

 

[kiliarien]

Spoilered it so that I don't offend. So don't read it if you're easily inclined to be offended (then again, wtf are you doing in this thread if you are??)

My girlfriend threw me out the house yesterday because she caught me having sex with her sister. Fucking pathetic isn't it....?

Spoiler

A fully grown woman jealous of a 14 year old.