Bad taste The Bad Taste Joke Thread

[Edmond]

and Vlad's a sicko....???

 

[Lazarus]

I had a wank over an ex-girlfriend the other day.

I know its not right, but shes a heavy sleeper and I still have a key to the flat.

 

[Ch3tan]

I really don't understand why Vlad spoilered his joke, far worse on this thread.

 

[gohan]

the whole thread is a spoiler tbfh


if you don't wanna be offended don't come in xD

 

[Lazarus]

When Paddy was asked if he preferred breasts or thighs, he replied that he had always been partial to a shaved fanny.

He was promptly informed that this was not an option in a KFC Bargain Bucket.

 

[Lazarus]

My daughter said; "Dad, can my bf stay over tonight?"
I said, "Can he fuck"

She said; "Like a rabbit"

 

[Lazarus]

I was travelling in Pakistan and was feeling very depressed at night, so i called a help line. I told them i was suicidal.. And they all got excited and asked if i knew how to drive a truck or fly a plane

 

[Everz]

My daughter said, "Dad, I think our house is haunted by a poltergeist!"
I said, "Don't be so ridiculous. There's no such thing as ghosts."
She said, "My knickers keep disappearing. I found three pairs in your room."
I said, "Yeah... Poltergeist... You're probably right."

 

[Everz]

I'm not sure what I find more disturbing, my mum being so adamant that my sister's a lesbian,

or my dad winking while he says, "She's not, son...

...Trust me!"

 

[Gwadien]

Vlad rofl!! Sicko!

A topical one:
Feeling a bit awkward writing my valentines card,We've been together a couple of years and her parents still don't know about us, Anyway. Happy valentines maddy. Mine forever. Love pablo

Haha, Madeline McCann jokes, I know it's evil, but her fam-a-lam lived near us, but instead of giving sympathy, we're just the centre of creation of loads of McCann jokes :\

Anyway my joke;

Tohtori


I fail

 

[Ezteq]

I'm not sure what I find more disturbing, my mum being so adamant that my sister's a lesbian,

or my dad winking while he says, "She's not, son...

...Trust me!"

that just got a very dirty, sid james style laugh out of me...which would be ok except I'm in the library as I read it hehee

 

[Lazarus]

andrex are bringing out a toilet paper with the printed outline of a pakistani/negro.

You can now colour it in as you wipe.

Extra marks for keeping it in the lines.

 

[Punishment]

Oh dear

 

[Madmaxx]

hahaha wow

 

[BloodOmen]

i'm not racist or anything but fucking lol at the toilet paper one.

 

[liloe]

What do you call a black guy flying a plane?

Spoiler

A pilot you fucking racists!

 

[Lazarus]

What do fat birds and mopeds have in common?
They are both fun to ride until some fucker sees you on one.

 

[Lazarus]

the pakistani kids next door challenged me to a waterfight so I thought I would post this while I was waiting on the kettle boiling.

 

[Lazarus]

Can you spare just £2? Ranji is a 9 yearold boy livin pakistan.he has just one eye,one leg and one arm and each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on rusty old bike with bent wheels no brakes and only one pedal.If you can send us just £2 we will send you the video-- its fuckin hilarious.

 

[Lazarus]

Paddy n mick oan their lunchbreak.
Paddy says to mick "mick pass me wan o they sarnies ye've got.Mick passes wan over tae paddy.He takes a bite and nearly chokes. jesus"whit the fucks in they peeces ?

Mick replies crab paste.

Crab paste says paddy "where the fuck did ye get it from"

Mick replies Boots the fuckin chemist.

 

[Lazarus]

Paddy goes to America for the 1st time, walking up 5th avenue he sees a building on fire and rushes over to see people on the 4th floor windows, he shouts up, 'i'm Paddy John O'Neill an Irish rugby player, jump and i'll catch ye!'
A girl jumps out and Paddy catches her.
a guy jumps out and Paddy gets him too,
then a black guy jumps and Paddy lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up, 'come on now folks, dont fuck about, there's no point on throwing down the burnt ones!'

 

[Edmond]

A guy had an estate agent round to value his house, the estate agent valued it at £300k.

Hang on a minute, the guy says, last week Mr Patel next door had his house valued at £400k, why is mine £100k less?

The estate agent says, ahh well sir, you must understand that Mr Patel doesn't have a paki living next door to him

 

[Fast]

How very odd. Some girl has had all her Valentines flowers and teddies delivered to a lamp post off the A12. Judging by the ammount she must of been a right slag.

-----------

NASA send two monkeys and a woman to space.

Radio messages:
NASA to monkey 1: Optimise life support systems and recalibrate radiation monitoring equipment.

NASA to monkey 2: Check trajectory and compensate if required using formula (m2-3n)x(5-m3)

NASA to woman: Feed monkeys, touch fuck all

 

[gohan]

NASA send two monkeys and a woman to space.

Radio messages:
NASA to monkey 1: Optimise life support systems and recalibrate radiation monitoring equipment.

NASA to monkey 2: Check trajectory and compensate if required using formula (m2-3n)x(5-m3)

NASA to woman: Feed monkeys, touch fuck all

stolen for FB

 

[Edmond]

Why won't a black guy use aspirin?

He's too proud to pick the cotton out of the bottle.

 

[Edmond]

Abdul's wife dies and he wants to put an obituary in the paper. He phones them and finds out its £1 for three words. He's only got a pound so he says 'Just say "Minjita is Dead."

The people at the paper take pity on him and say he can have another three words for free, so he says ' Okay put "Minjita is dead...shop still open!"





GUTS- Is arriving home late, after a night out with the boys only to be met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere"?

BALLS- Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume, beer and with lipstick on your collar, then having the balls to slap your wifes arse and say, "your next fatty




A paki arrives at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter looks him up and down and says "What do YOU want?"
The man says, with a glowing smile, "I'm here for Jesus..."
St. Peter pokes his head around the gates and shouts "JESUS, YOUR TAXI'S HERE!"

 

[Jimmy]

"Some random woman stopped me in the street today and started telling me a joke. It had all the ingredients of a good joke: child abuse; incestual rape; tears and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline. Something about £2 a month?"




"Selling Bourbon Biscuits for 49p a pack?

That's ASDA Price.

Selling Plastic Fire Trucks

That's Fisher Price

Selling pathetic rape claim stories to the Sun?

That's Katie Price."




If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape... or shoplifting?

 

[Huntingtons]

Better executed with:

A man goes home to his wife and says "pack your bags dear, I've won the lottery!". "Pack my bags?! Ohhh! Where are we going?!".

The man replies "We?"

even better

man calls his wife and says "pack your bags dear, I've won the lottery!"
"Should i pack warm or cold?" she ask all exited

"i dont care as long as youre gone when i get back"

 

[Ch3tan]

Why is Beyonce always singing "to the left to the left"?




Because she's got no rights.

 

[CorNokZ]

Why is Beyonce always singing "to the left to the left"?




Because naggers got no rights.

fix'd