Rant Am I Wrong?

[Trem]

My son started school not long ago as some of you know. Every day when he gets there he goes off and plays as we have to wait until 9am to go in, we are always early because I'm like that. He runs around and plays with his best mate and he also plays with the other kids much like boys do.

There is a lad who is brought to school by his nan, now yesterday this lad was playing with the others when Dan pushed him...slightly more a laying on of hands...you know...like boys do. So this lad comes crying to his nan and shes over reacting really quite badly. So I shout Dan over and say to him "did you push him mate?" he say "no" and so this old fucking battleaxe butts in and says "YES YOU DID I SAW YOU DO IT" like my son is a 15 year old knife wielding maniac. I let that go and told Dan to say sorry, so he did then he gave this lad a hug and gave him one of his toys, then the lad says "leave me alone" to which his nan laughed.

So I stewed on that yesterday, the fact that I let her pretty much tell my son off, that was not on.

We get there today we were the first there closely followed by Dans mate and his dad. Dans off running around and playing great then this woman and her forrest gump...sorry grandson turn up. He says to his nan "I want to go play" so she lets him at which point he starts playing with Dan and the others. Now today I made sure I could see where they all were in case anything else happened. A minute or so goes by and Dan pretty much touches the lad with both hands, doesn't push I can't even say it moved the lads jumper even. At this point this woman screams "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!" and goes storming over to Dan and her rainman and she starts telling my son off.......


....I flipped at this point and steam over there myself and say "jesus you are over reacting, it isn't like hes just done a drive-by shooting" she says "how would you like it if your son went in crying everyday" her grandson was not crying or even really that bothered, so I say "well I saw your boy slapping Dan on Monday but thats ok I take it?" (this lad had windmilled on Dan and Dan just ignored it and carried on playing), she totally ignored that point.

In the end I said "look just chill out will you" and she said "but hes only little" I could of known that line was fucking coming. Its like a mirror of when I was at school, quite big for my age so that automatically means I'm the bully and this is what I was worried about with Dan, he will not have the sort of schooling I got. I was being picked on once by this lad so I punched him, he ran off to the teachers and I got the cane for it, I won't have that for Dan.

I don't suppose this is a question of if I'm wrong I just needed to vent and hear some other points of view, I didn't do anything wrong actually but if this woman was a 30 year old bloke telling my son off things may of turned out quite a lot worse.

Its funny theres this old cow (probably not that old actually, maybe 55/60) who is a fucking prick and theres me 6 foot 4 with tattoos who would do anything for anyone really and theres this other bloke with tattoos up his neck and on his hands and he is a diamond as well, really nice guy. I never thought I would have this, I am actually quite upset, passed livid now.

Sorry for the rant and the tangents, sorry if this seems like nothing but it is a massive thing to me.

 

[MYstIC G]

Next time she does it, do the old "calm down, calm down" routine from Harry Enfield, just so you can laugh at her later

 

[DaGaffer]

Difficult one. I actually think all adults should feel comfortable telling any kids off, and there's too much "don't you tell my kid off blah, blah, blah..." stuff these days; kids live in a simple world and parents don't set the right example. On the other hand, she did seem like she was being a bit over-sensitive and confrontational, but getting into a slanging match in front of the kids isn't the way to go.

 

[Trem]

Next time she does it I will knee cap her, either that or a fanny kick.

Difficult one. I actually think all adults should feel comfortable telling any kids off, and there's too much "don't you tell my kid off blah, blah, blah..." stuff these days; kids live in a simple world and parents don't set the right example. On the other hand, she did seem like she was being a bit over-sensitive and confrontational, but getting into a slanging match in front of the kids isn't the way to go.

I agree, I would tell kids off for being naughty but point 1 my lad wasn't being naughty and point 2 he was 4 this month, if he was 10 or 11 and he was naughty then anyone would have my blessing to tell him off.

I forgot to add that today and yesterday after this my son didn't want to go into school, this is the first time he has ever done this and I blame her for that, you see thats just wound me up again

 

[TdC]

ooh she seems a right bat, though I must add, Dan is a boy and will associate with other kids in the way little boys do, and some times he's going to get into trouble, and you (more importantly the bat, but you too Trem) can't save him from being a little boy.

the bat sounds like she wants to be a magic wall around her kid at all times. I can understand it a bit, but I also know that it is wrong.

edit: ofc some times little boys get in to trouble even if they've done nowt wrong. in that case I wouldn't know.

 

[Trem]

ooh she seems a right bat, though I must add, Dan is a boy and will associate with other kids in the way little boys do, and some times he's going to get into trouble, and you (more importantly the bat, but you too Trem) can't save him from being a little boy.

the bat sounds like she wants to be a magic wall around her kid at all times. I can understand it a bit, but I also know that it is wrong.

Oh mate I have tried to be calm about it and I can see her side but shes too extreme in her caring. On the one hand she sees it as fine telling other peoples kids off but on the other hand my son can't brush up against her grandson without her screaming and running.

I will fester over this all weekend thats the problem now, if I'm right or wrong doesn't come into this anymore I am going to stew and god knows what will happen if it happens again. I could do with waiting for her at the gates to have a chat about it on Monday morning but then again would she be thinking that, I doubt it.

 

[TdC]

heh I was just thinking you could explain to mini-trem that you think she is a right bag 'o nuts, but ofc I realized that kids being kids he'd prolly say that at some inopportune moment


yeah, she seems quite extreme, but I don't think she's a bad person because of it (though she may be ofc who knows). maybe you could try just having a random chat about the weather or something with her while the kids play? she will have to learn how boys play though. I mean, sometimes it gets rough, sometimes kids cry. Doesn't mean you have to jump on them every five minutes.

 

[Scouse]

I will fester over this all weekend thats the problem now, if I'm right or wrong doesn't come into this anymore I am going to stew and god knows what will happen if it happens again. I could do with waiting for her at the gates to have a chat about it on Monday morning but then again would she be thinking that, I doubt it.

TBH m8 - if you can't keep a lid on it for the whole weekend I'd be more worried about your reaction than hers...

Perspective. As long as he sees you as the paragon of stability you are then little things like wingy dingbat old biotches won't affect him long-term - and you can pretty much guarantee that you're going to meet a hell of a lot worse than her over the years.

Or you could shoot her in the face

 

[TdC]

or you could shoot her in the face

viva el presidente! Viva!

 

[Trem]

I'm just a fretter, then fretting makes me angry then getting angry makes me.....erm.....I dunno angrier.

Anyway I feel a bit better now, just picked Dan up and he has got a certificate today for being helpful and caring

When we were on our way out Dan shouted bye to his teachers and one of them came out and said what a good boy he is and he is one of her best pupils. I then told her about this morning and she asked if I knew the kids name who was involved so I told her and this bit is great........she rolled her eyes when she heard his name and looked away, now she didn't have to say anything else her face told it all but she said "well he certainly is no angel either".

I found that bit really uplifting to the point of almost crying

I know I will meet worse over the years Scouse me old chum but I can deal with it when my son isn't only 4 years old. I could deal with it better if it was a bloke, not in a violent sort of way but that way always makes men feel more in control I guess. I have to restrain myself because she is the lads nan and she can't see he is doing any wrong, its a totally blinkered way to bring the lad up with, christ knows what will happen when someone chins him in later life, will he run to his nan then?

Also found out why Dan did what he did, apparently this lad wanted to play a game that no one else wanted to play so Dan said no and this lad kept on so Dan tried to make him go away....thats all it was.

I have also asked Dan to stay away from this boy because he will get me in trouble because the lads nan is a bit mental. If Dan repeats that to her then so be it

 

[bob269]

Or you could shoot on her face

*Corrected. (Altho not advisable in a school playground )

 

[phazey]

I would exercise caution here mate. If she's overprotective, she'll probably also be, how to say - just as economical on the truth when it comes to her ranting to the kids (absent) parents. And what you do not want is a scene to occur in front of your son.

In our adult eyes, if she brought her 3 sons to try and "sort you out" we'd think "yeah, i could chin two of them before they got a hit in" - a few cuts and bruises would dent the pride for sure. BUT the scars your son would maybe carry would run a lot deeper - also considering any intervention by the authorities, the school etc.

It's a difficult cop out. Sure.

I would approach the woman Monday, request to her that IF she feels there is anything your son is doing to upset her, that she approaches you to address the issue. Then you can deal with it as you wish with your son directly.

Ask your son to not play with the child, ask the grandmother to ask the same of her grandson. Maybe she's overprotective for a reason - you never know.

 

[Dukat]

I vote for shooting her in the face!

 

[TdC]

ha well so you're not wrong in your analysis matey. I would council never letting on to the bat that you got the reaction you did off the teacher though.
asking her to come to you if your boy's done something wrong in her eyes seems like a good idea, but it may not be the best idea. this issue seems simple I guess, but little things like this may best be handled gently I feel. perhaps a quick chat with your friendly teacher if the bat gets on your nerves again? she may have a (womanly) insight that you've not yet thought of.

 

[Trem]

I would exercise caution here mate. If she's overprotective, she'll probably also be, how to say - just as economical on the truth when it comes to her ranting to the kids (absent) parents. And what you do not want is a scene to occur in front of your son.

In our adult eyes, if she brought her 3 sons to try and "sort you out" we'd think "yeah, i could chin two of them before they got a hit in" - a few cuts and bruises would dent the pride for sure. BUT the scars your son would maybe carry would run a lot deeper - also considering any intervention by the authorities, the school etc.

Exactly what I thought about what she tells the kids parents, can see her saying what a horrible boy my son is and stuff like that.

If she has 3 sons and they come to see me then more fool them, that would be the way of children but if that happens then so be it, I would make sure I got hit first. Lets face it if that happens there isn't much I can do about it, if she arrives at school with a mob then I aren't going to be able to talk to her then am I?

I will try on Monday to talk to her and if she won't then thats the way it will have to be, I will also tell her to keep her grandson away from my son and vice versa. Thats about all I can do.

she may have a (womanly) insight that you've not yet thought of.

Yeah Samm was quite relaxed about it all and very sensible in her approach, well she was until I told her that the bat told Dan off then she said "TELL HER TO FUCK OFF"

 

[dysfunction]

Maybe the boy is being bullied in school and thats why she is being over protective..

 

[SawTooTH]

Kids are wrapped in too much cotton wool by their parents these days, for my taste. Kids need to fall down and tussle a bit.

I was dragged into school once about my son who was the school swot, very quiet and kept himself to himself. A big kid decided to have a go at him so my son thumped him. Big kid goes crying to mummy and them mummy goes to the head.

I told them that my son has no history of violence and that this obviously disturbed bully had picked on the wrong person.

They couldn't really do anything, as the bully had history.

I also told my son that he acted appropriately under the circumstances but to avoid confrontation if possible.

 

[MYstIC G]

I found that bit really uplifting to the point of almost crying

Hmm, time for you to tell your lass that you're actually gay mate. No hiding it anymore!

I have also asked Dan to stay away from this boy because he will get me in trouble because the lads nan is a bit mental. If Dan repeats that to her then so be it

He will, he's a good kid, he'll do it just so this thread stays alive

 

[Sar]

Next time she does it I will knee cap her, either that or a fanny kick.

*smirk*





Tbh you were right in reacting how you did, as I'd be the same myself. Some people are so blind to their own (grand)kid's behaviour it's unbelievable.

 

[Trem]

Maybe the boy is being bullied in school and thats why she is being over protective..

Yes bullying is rife amongst 3 and 4 year olds, there is no bullying at this age there is scuffles and arguments about which Ben 10 character is best.

Kids are wrapped in too much cotton wool by their parents these days, for my taste. Kids need to fall down and tussle a bit.

I was dragged into school once about my son who was the school swot, very quiet and kept himself to himself. A big kid decided to have a go at him so my son thumped him. Big kid goes crying to mummy and them mummy goes to the head.

I told them that my son has no history of violence and that this obviously disturbed bully had picked on the wrong person.

They couldn't really do anything, as the bully had history.

I also told my son that he acted appropriately under the circumstances but to avoid confrontation if possible.

Sounding very much like my situation, I bet you were livid. Did you feel satisfied when it was all over or did you want more by way of apologies?

Hmm, time for you to tell your lass that you're actually gay mate. No hiding it anymore!He will, he's a good kid, he'll do it just so this thread stays alive

If I was gay I would like my men to have smooth shoulders

*smirk*

Tbh you were right in reacting how you did, as I'd be the same myself. Some people are so blind to their own (grand)kid's behaviour it's unbelievable.

Ta chum, just counting down the hours until Monday now, maybe she has realised she over reacted and will say sorry and buy me some ciggies, chances of that are in the region of 0000.0000001%

 

[DaGaffer]

Yes bullying is rife amongst 3 and 4 year olds, there is no bullying at this age there is scuffles and arguments about which Ben 10 character is best.

Actually I was properly bullied from my very first day at infants school. Turned up with my thick Afrikaans accent (long story) and a kid belted me within minutes of me opening my mouth. It took a really nasty fight when I was about nine before I got the little fucker off my back. I still remember it.

 

[Sar]

TBH Trem, my Mrs is 100 times worse than you, so don't worry.

We were in KFC yesterday, and my daughter (who's 10, and wouldn't say boo to a goose in public) went up to the counter to get a gravy dip. She was standing there in the queue, and the woman behind her walked up in front of her, completely ignoring her.

My Mrs races up and starts mouthing off at her, and made sure my daughter was served first. Her excuse was she "didn't see her". Well she saw her well enough to queue behind her to begin with, stupid cow.

 

[Trem]

Actually I was properly bullied from my very first day at infants school. Turned up with my thick Afrikaans accent (long story) and a kid belted me within minutes of me opening my mouth. It took a really nasty fight when I was about nine before I got the little fucker off my back. I still remember it.

This is not infants this is pre-school.

 

[nath]

TBH Trem, my Mrs is 100 times worse than you, so don't worry.

We were in KFC yesterday, and my daughter (who's 10, and wouldn't say boo to a goose in public) went up to the counter to get a gravy dip. She was standing there in the queue, and the woman behind her walked up in front of her, completely ignoring her.

My Mrs races up and starts mouthing off at her, and made sure my daughter was served first. Her excuse was she "didn't see her". Well she saw her well enough to queue behind her to begin with, stupid cow.

When I'm king of the universe, you will be legally allowed to kneecap people for this.

 

[Trem]

TBH Trem, my Mrs is 100 times worse than you, so don't worry.

We were in KFC yesterday, and my daughter (who's 10, and wouldn't say boo to a goose in public) went up to the counter to get a gravy dip. She was standing there in the queue, and the woman behind her walked up in front of her, completely ignoring her.

My Mrs races up and starts mouthing off at her, and made sure my daughter was served first. Her excuse was she "didn't see her". Well she saw her well enough to queue behind her to begin with, stupid cow.

Good on your mrs, but tbh anyone jumping a queue in Belfast needs their head looking at

I'm surprised your mrs didn't nut her.

Well done Mrs Sar!

 

[DaGaffer]

This is not infants this is pre-school.

It was also back in the dark ages; we didn't have pre-school then; I was 4.

 

[russell]

All I can say Trem is welcome to the playground!

I like reading your posts because it is always clear how much you love your little boy.... and it brings it all back, because what you say is true

So many, SO MANY times have I sucked it in when I have had the urge to thump a stupid parent.

BUT your kid (especially at pre- school age) looks to you, and how you deal with situations and even tho this women is clearly wrong, you should be mature and adult in your response. (It is worth gritting your teeth, and thinking of the bigger picture, even if you do want to rip her head off)

The worst times in the playground, are when the parents, just lose it and the kids are just stood there thinking 'What's going on?' (as they get older this kind of stuff just embarrasses them) Kids are resilient, they forget it and are straight back to playing the next day- boys especially always seem to have a quick shove and then be mates again, the girls are more cruel and calculated. Its hard but I have seen the parents make things into a big deal and then that puts pressure on the kids.

The bottom line is you can't tell other people how to parent. How would you feel if one of them started criticising your parenting skills and how your boy is bought up?

I have also learned through bitter experience that you never have the full picture of the situation -so there could be a reason why this Nan is being such a dick (abuse at home, chronic illness, death of parents etc) This does not excuse it, but there may be a background. If she carries on being so idiotic, she will cause her boy to end up with no friends. Well meaning parents can cause alot of problems for their kids.

The teacher is obviously clued up, and your boy is smart. He will be fine and the worst thing you can do is get him teased for having a Dad who loses it the playground and starts fanny kicking stupid little old ladies!

Don't stew, let it go. Something else will happen next week...

 

[Trem]

Thanks Russ, I liked your edit reason

I lost it when I saw her stooping down telling MY son off.

If the role was reversed would she like it if a stranger told her grandson off? Jesus if I had done that I would be in a cell now.

I aren't any calmer and I won't be until I see them again Monday.

I said to Dan last night "what are you going to do on Monday if (boy in question) comes up to you again?" and Dan said "I will walk away daddy because he has a silly nan" so if anything does happen on Monday it won't be because of Dan.

My stomach is still turning though and I can think of nothing else.

 

[russell]

Hardest thing in the world is when your little kid comes out of school crying cos some other kid wont play with them or has got the others to gang up on them. Only happened to me a couple of times, but it breaks your heart. Making me cry now, and it was a year ago. I am pathetic, she has forgotten all about it.

 

[Sharma]

I said to Dan last night "what are you going to do on Monday if (boy in question) comes up to you again?" and Dan said "I will walk away daddy because he has a silly nan" so if anything does happen on Monday it won't be because of Dan.

My Dad gave me similar advice through most of my childhood, I think to date throughout my 21 years so far i've only ever had two fights, one with some random kid who being honest was a complete prat and deserved a chinning and the other was my brother (sibling rivalry and all that).

And to this day I still don't like getting into those situations since it solves nothing really, also the knowledge that it'll end up being me being skewered by the law helps.

*fluffles Trem*