Rant Why so clumsy moose :(

[mooSe_]

Chapter 1:
Ok so yesterday I was leaving the library after doing some revision but I realised I didn't have any food at home so I walked into town and went to sainsbury's. My bag was mostly full of books, revision notes and essay printouts as well as my hoodie but there was some space so I put some of my shopping in there too to make it easier to carry.
However because I'm a massive retard I put a microwaveable curry in on top of everything. When I got home and started unpacking I noticed the curry had exploded all over everything. Luckily John Locke escaped with only a small amount of sauce on his cover, but Berkeley had been proper curried. I also had to throw the essays in the bin and my hoodie looked like I had somehow managed to throw up over my own head.
I emptied everything out and salvaged what I could and decided to put my bag and my hoodie in the washing machine. No curry for dinner But we had a BBQ which was pretty good so it's ok.

Chapter 2:
It turns out that I didn't empty my bag properly before I put it in the washing machine. There were a few playing cards in one of the pockets for some reason (I'm pretty sure I don't even own a pack of cards) which are now in small pieces stuck all over my hoodie and bag and the inside of the washing machine.
So I spent my hangover this morning cleaning the inside of the washing machine which was fun. Then my internet stopped working so I got pissed off and went to the library again. I couldn't take my bag because it was covered in crap so I put it in the wash again before I left (it looks almost clean now!).
As I was leaving the library I remembered that once again I didn't have much food due to the BBQ and the curry incident yesterday; so I decided to go to the supermarket again.
I bought a bunch of stuff including some soup in like a plastic container thing (not sure why; I usually prefer to make it myself, same with curry actually). As I started unpacking and putting things in the fridge I dropped the container of soup and it exploded all over the floor, walls and door (my housemate had literally just cleaned the kitchen 10 minutes before lol). I stood staring at the mess for a bit while everyone else pissed themselves laughing.

Chapter 3:
I eventually got the soup explosion under control and went outside with my hoodie to try and clean some of the stuff off that was stuck to it because it looked like I'd tried to papier mache it or some shit. For some reason though there was an old saucepan full of some brown looking water and dead snails and stuff like that on the floor outside the back door; so obviously I managed to successfully drop my hoodie in it and then pick it up and then drop it on my foot.
In conclusion, the real world is a confusing and scary place; where, unless I'm concentrating really hard, everything gets covered in some kind of orange coloured sauce that I have to clean up.

 

[Edmond]

Repped for brilliant-ness :worthy:

 

[Ezteq]

welcome to the land of the Clusterfuck; I now grant you full status.

Your membership pack will be coming in the post, unless it gets lost or the postman drops it in a puddle or a dog eats it, and will include the following items:

first aid kit (including headache pills and plasters).
dustpan and brush.
scissors.
gatorade.
a GPS atuomatically programmed to locate the nearest A&E to wherever you are at the time.
a small rubber chicken.
a change of clothing.
several packets of those wipes you get from KFC.
a phrasebook which tells you how to say 'help I'm up shit creek' in 12 languages.

I would teach you the secret handshake but last time it was attempted the two members trying it each broke a thumb and one ended up covered in nesquik.

 

[Vasconcelos]

hopefuly you are not a surgeon ...

 

[mooSe_]

Also I can't remember what kind of curry it was, but I might be able to find out if I go smell my hoodie.

welcome to the land of the Clusterfuck; I now grant you full status.

Your membership pack will be coming in the post, unless it gets lost or the postman drops it in a puddle or a dog eats it, and will include the following items:

first aid kit (including headache pills and plasters).
dustpan and brush.
scissors.
gatorade.
a GPS atuomatically programmed to locate the nearest A&E to wherever you are at the time.
a small rubber chicken.
a change of clothing.
several packets of those wipes you get from KFC.
a phrasebook which tells you how to say 'help I'm up shit creek' in 12 languages.

I would teach you the secret handshake but last time it was attempted the two members trying it each broke a thumb and one ended up covered in nesquik.

Including scissors in the pack sounds like a recipe for disaster.

 

[Punishment]

Poor moose, have a rep you spanner

I literally repped 8 people to rep you for this

 

[Jimmy]

you made me piss my pants repped

 

[Jimmy]

Poor moose, have a rep you spanner

I literally repped 8 people to rep you for this

u didn't rep me .... i somehow feel left out

 

[old.Tohtori]

BEst story all month and will borrow it on many occasion

 

[Larossa]

Repped - makes me feel so much better about life; at least it isn't covered in curry sauce!

 

[TdC]

I was just thinking it's been a while since something like this happened to me, so there are good odds that I will probably be raped by a giant panda on the way home

anyway, chin up buddy, the world isn't all bad

 

[mooSe_]

Hopefully giant pandas aren't attracted by the smell of curry or I'm in trouble

Yeah it's all alright, my exam today went quite well even though I spent more time playing SC2 than revising.

 

[mooSe_]

Today's fails:

Ok so today I was walking home and just as I was getting to the traffic lights they went orange. I didn't feel like doing that half running half walking thing people do when they want to get across the road faster so I thought meh I'll wait. So the lights went red and I stood waiting at the side of the road, however none of the cars moved. I waited for like 10-15 seconds with all the drivers in all 3 lanes looking at me like I'm a retard and I eventually thought ah fuck this I'm crossing! So I take 2 steps into the road and BAM I've got like 30 cars driving at me. I had to do the half run half walk thing after all It must've looked like I was trying to get myself killed; waiting until they started moving and then stepping into the road

Then I got home and opened the cupboard and some jar of mixed spices fell out and went all over the floor. Plus it was getting dark and the light in the kitchen doesn't work now (I don't think that is my fault but it probably is) so it was a mission to clean up.

 

[Lamp]

I'm generally not clumsy. Most of my accidents involve mugs of tea (just poured in the hot water & nudge the whole thing on the floor somehow, knocking the milk bottle over the kitchen work surface, pouring too much milk in as it comes out in one humungous gulp instead of a trickle, tear my bag in the mug etc)

 

[TdC]

tear my bag in the mug

you....tear....your bag often? 0o

 

[Lamp]

every now and again. I have to wash the mug out when that happens

sometimes my bag will tear as I pick it up

 

[TdC]

you should be more careful, jerking your bag around like that

 

[Cerb]

I wince every time I pour boiling water over my bag.

 

[fettoken]

Just out of curiosity, is there a small amount of C4 packed in everything you buy and/or use, causing it to explode.

 

[Cerb]

Do you run obstacle courses after you put things in your bag?

 

[pikeh]

pretty sure both my student houses had some random saucepan with brown water/fag ends/dead snails outside the back doors. Its just one of those things

must spread rep etc...

 

[Huntingtons]

i know that feeling. Theres a reason i cant wear white (yet i still do most of the time which has ended up with stains on all white tees).

Lesson to learn here is:

Cook yourself, or eat out!