Bad taste The Bad Taste Joke Thread
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Gwadien
Uneducated Northern Cretin
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was only a matter of time.
Fast
Part of the furniture
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You wont beheading there in a hurry?
old.user4556
Has a sexy sister. I am also a Bodhi wannabee.
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Gwadien
Uneducated Northern Cretin
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Nah I won't, I get a weird sensation when flying, almost as if my head is rolling..
Fast
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Calaen
I am a massive cock who isn't firing atm!
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Calaen
I am a massive cock who isn't firing atm!
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Husband says to his wife "Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time".
She replies "You've got the biggest cock compared to all your mates"!
A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as it comes home, it rushes and fucks all the 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens. Farmer gets tense now. Next day, he finds the cock fucking the ducks and the geese. Later, the farmer finds the cock pale, half-dead and vultures circling overhead. Farmer says, "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" The cock opens one eye,and says, "Ssshhh. They're about to land".
Old Chinese wise man say: Oral sex make your day but anal sex make your hole weak!!
Whats the odd one out???
A. Washing Machine
B. Toaster
C. Women
D. Freezer
Answer is B. Toaster - It's the only one that doesn't drip when it's fucked!
I was asked to leave the local swimming pool today as the large bulge in my speedo's was upsetting some of the other swimmers. I pointed out another guy in similar trunks and asked why he was not being asked to leave. They replied "Because he hasn't shit himself"!
Paddy's struggling down the road with a wardrobe. A friend says "hey paddy why don't ya get Mick to help"? Paddy says "He's inside carry the clothes"!
She replies "You've got the biggest cock compared to all your mates"!
A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as it comes home, it rushes and fucks all the 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens. Farmer gets tense now. Next day, he finds the cock fucking the ducks and the geese. Later, the farmer finds the cock pale, half-dead and vultures circling overhead. Farmer says, "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" The cock opens one eye,and says, "Ssshhh. They're about to land".
Old Chinese wise man say: Oral sex make your day but anal sex make your hole weak!!
Whats the odd one out???
A. Washing Machine
B. Toaster
C. Women
D. Freezer
Answer is B. Toaster - It's the only one that doesn't drip when it's fucked!
I was asked to leave the local swimming pool today as the large bulge in my speedo's was upsetting some of the other swimmers. I pointed out another guy in similar trunks and asked why he was not being asked to leave. They replied "Because he hasn't shit himself"!
Paddy's struggling down the road with a wardrobe. A friend says "hey paddy why don't ya get Mick to help"? Paddy says "He's inside carry the clothes"!
Lazarus
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As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well...
Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen turns to President Obama, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets..., I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Obama, always trying to be "Presidential", replied: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses..."
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well...
Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen turns to President Obama, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets..., I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Obama, always trying to be "Presidential", replied: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses..."
liloe
It's my birthday today!
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I'm so confused at this
Indeed, I love black humour
Ok one more:
A little girl walks into a pet shop asking: Mister, I want to buy a little bunny.
Says the salesman: Look, little lady, do you want the cute liddul brown bunny or the cute liddul white bunny?
Answers the girl: I don't think my python gives a shit, mister.
Lazarus
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At the end of a tiny deserted bar in Liverpool sat a Scouser. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.
After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the Scouser.
Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
At this, the Scouser leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool.
He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.
Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the Scouser, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to you?"
"I don't know," the Scouser replied. "Something about a job."
After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the Scouser.
Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
At this, the Scouser leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool.
He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.
Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the Scouser, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to you?"
"I don't know," the Scouser replied. "Something about a job."
old.user4556
Has a sexy sister. I am also a Bodhi wannabee.
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Why can't Anne Frank drive?
Because she's a woman.
Because she's a woman.
georgie
FH is my second home
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Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
Lamp
Gold Star Holder!!
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That made my day.
Aye. I lolled :lol:
DavidH
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Ditto
Dark Orb Choir
Loyal Freddie
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went to the pub with my girlfriend last night, locals were shouting peado and other names at me just because my girlfriends 21 and im 50.
it completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.......
it completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.......
old.user4556
Has a sexy sister. I am also a Bodhi wannabee.
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Harold Shipman walks into a curry house and says "you know, I could murder a nan".
