Bad taste The Bad Taste Joke Thread

Job

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Police in Liverpool pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find the car taxed M.O.T. tested and insured. It wasn't stolen and there were no stolen goods or drugs found. The driver was sober AND He had a full licence and no points. A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time."
Funny because London, Manchester and Birmingham are the hotbeds of car crime these days.
 

Moriath

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Funny because London, Manchester and Birmingham are the hotbeds of car crime these days.
No one in london owns a motor unless they really rich. Most get the tube and stuffs.
 

Job

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There are 2.65 million cars in London.
And 75% of them are Jaaaggsss.
 

Scouse

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Funny because London, Manchester and Birmingham are the hotbeds of car crime these days.
Look who can't take a joke!
 

Scouse

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Oh, and without wanting to get into a long debate and derail a good thread:
London aside - because it's not even remotely representative of the rest of the UK. Guess where's next on the hotspot?
upload_2018-2-3_0-23-14.png

Oops! But that's not to be surprised since the only person on here living in Liverpool is also the only person on here who hates the idea of technology being put to very good use to help police identify uninsured drivers, and has persistently argued against it.

Anyway - please to be carrying on in the random spam or annoying things thread if so want to do - I promise not another whisper from me here :)
 

SilverHood

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The catholic church is feeling outraged at the recent Oxfam scandal. Sex parties with vulnerable children! They felt they should at least have been invited to the party.
 

BloodOmen

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A smile is contagious. Just smile at someone and see their reaction. For that extra bit of excitement, do it with your cock out.

- - -

Ha - mildly amusing
Haha - laughing
Hahaha - saracstic laughing
Hahahaha - Staying Alive

- - -

NEWSFLASH!!!! Self-driving Uber car kills Arizona woman pedestrian. NRA calls for more guns.
 

Job

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I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number

I told her we use names here
 

Bodhi

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What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
 

CorNokZ

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My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

So I said fuck it, packed up my shit and right
 

BloodOmen

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Went to a club with the wife
There was a guy on the dance floor going mental twerking, breakdancing, spinning, moonwalking, back flips, the lot. My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” I said, "By the looks of it he’s still fucking celebrating!”
 

BloodOmen

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I may be wrong but I'm pretty sure it was little girls he was done for not boys. Needs a different celeb to be proper funny. Any suggestions?
I thought it was both little boys and little girls?
 

caLLous

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It looks like he was only charged with abuse of girls (from a cursory glance at his wiki page).

Maybe Kevin Spacey would fit better (so to speak).
 

BloodOmen

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...one day, Petal skips over to her Dad and asks,"Daddy, why am I called Petal?" He lifts her onto his lap, and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, and as I held you in my arms, a petal floated down gently onto your forehead, so we decided to name you Petal."

Butterfly overhears this and asks, "The why am I called Butterfly?" He lifts her onto his lap and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, as I held you in my arms, a butterfly flew down, and landed on your head, so we decided to name you Butterfly".

Breezeblock overhears this and asks, "ERRRGGGHJAAARRGGVYYYBBLLUURRRRRRRR"
 

CorNokZ

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How do you get "Dick" from Richard?

Ask him nicely
 

Job

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Top answer.
Her virginity at fifteen.
 

BloodOmen

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Elton John is releasing a charity song in aid of the New Zealand shootings “sandals in the bin” will be released on Monday
 

Job

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This road near my mtb trails at Rivington.

 

dysfunction

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The guy that fell from the Kenya Airlines flight has been named. Amin Yaflowerbed.

Its also come to light that he was approached by a local football club as he is quick down the wing, very down to earth and makes a big impact.
 

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