Bad taste The Bad Taste Joke Thread

[BloodOmen]

What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable? Mrs Hawking.

Schrödinger's Pete Burns, is he Dead or Alive?

 

[Raven]

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No. Just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face

 

[CorNokZ]

 

[TdC]

 

[TdC]

 

[BloodOmen]

 

[SilverHood]

Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell are now hanging in the afterlife.

 

[BloodOmen]

Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell are now hanging in the afterlife.

Fucking hell that didn't take you long.

 

[Bodhi]

I had a really smarty dream about the blonde one from ABBA last night.

I only woke up because his beard was tickling my balls.

 

[BloodOmen]

Linkin Park t-shirt for sale £10... Bit tight around the neck but hangs well

 

[old.user4556]

Give an old joke a home, eh?

 

[SilverHood]

Give an old joke a home, eh?

It would appear that there's still a market for old rope

 

[BloodOmen]

Bruce Forsyth

Strictly done dancing

-----

"Daddy, what's a Transvestite?"
"Ask Mummy, he can tell you"

-----

I went to a fetish restaurant last night. I got toed in the hole.

 

[Lamp]

What do Muslim men do during foreplay? Tickle the goat under its chin.

Did you hear about the winner of the Miss Middle East beauty contest? Nope, me neither.

 

[BloodOmen]

What's the difference between Cinderella and Princess Diana?

Cinderella's carriage didn't turn into a brick wall at midnight

- - - - -

I said to the doctor, "I've had kleptomania for years now."
He said, "Are you taking anything at the moment?"
I said, "Yes, your wallet."

- - - - -

A blonde woman goes to the hospital. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."
The Doctor had a look, chuckled, and said, "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas."

 

[BloodOmen]

What's Diane Abbott's favourite contraceptive?
Her Face.

- - - -

Mohammed spent a lot of time up mountains, slaying goats and raping children, Jesus spent a lot of time around the docks and managed to feed the 5000 on fish. And that, people, is the difference between gross prophet and net prophet.

- - - -

What bounces and makes kids cry?
My donation cheque to Children in Need.

 

[BloodOmen]

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on the moon?

Spoiler

Because if he chose SpaceY it would land on a 14 year old boy.

 

[BloodOmen]

Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey and Dustin Hoffman walk into an Irish themed pub in New York. The bartender says, "Oh no, not Yewtree again!"

 

[fettoken]

Oscar Pistorious was a decent bloke, he took the missus 'out' on valentines day!

 

[SilverHood]

What do Muslim men do during foreplay? Tickle the goat under its chin.

Did you hear about the winner of the Miss Middle East beauty contest? Nope, me neither.

I read this and then thought of your joke! Must get out more.
Miss Iraq and Miss Israel selfie strikes a nerve

 

[Job]

Bill Burr..gay men kissing.

Bill Burr - "Gays" (stand up comedy):
View: http://youtu.be/CU9wkUnHmjE


Oh nsfw

 

[SilverHood]

We all knew Albert Einstein was a Genius. But his brother Frank was a monster.

6.9 .... Sexy time interrupted by a period.

 

[fettoken]

Want to facepalm that with a dash of funny as well.

 

[CorNokZ]

We all knew Albert Einstein was a Genius. But his brother Frank was a monster.

His brother was a doctor, who created a monster? No?

 

[BloodOmen]

 

[BloodOmen]

What's red and dangles from a cunt?

The budget briefcase.

 

[Bodhi]

I went to a feminist picnic the other day. It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.

 

[CorNokZ]

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

 

[BloodOmen]

Police in Liverpool pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find the car taxed M.O.T. tested and insured. It wasn't stolen and there were no stolen goods or drugs found. The driver was sober AND He had a full licence and no points. A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time."

 

[Gwadien]