Bad taste The Bad Taste Joke Thread

[BloodOmen]

What did the Cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?


Wiped his arse.

 

[Lakih]

Found this gem on Imgur (from tumbler originally)
The older you get the less things are sexy in bed.
Toenails get longer, bones get creekier, body parts get drier and the odors from your partner get much, much more "noticeable".
These days my wife just lays there, not moving at all while I gyrate a little bit on top. I can't even tell anymore if she enjoys it but the doctors tells us she can feel everything despite the coma.

 

[Hawkwind]

half-Jewish, half-black kid asks his mum, "Am I Jewish or am I black?"
"You're just my son" relpies his mother, "but why do you ask?"
"Well," says the boy, "my friend is selling his bike for £50 and I don't know whether to be a good Jewish boy and haggle or just stab the cracker cunt and nick it!"

 

[BloodOmen]

"I rang Babestation last night, girl said "Hi, how can I help you?" I said "fucking hide! i've lost the tv remote and my bird is coming down the stairs"

 

[Bodhi]

Why do Swedish warships have bar codes on the sides?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

 

[BloodOmen]

Surprise Surprise!... no? too soon?

 

[CorNokZ]

http://www.dw.com/en/austrias-top-pole-vaulter-paralyzed-after-training-injury/a-18619621

Spoiler

Austrian putting Poles in a vault

I recognise this from somewhere..

 

[fettoken]

I wish it was my pole that'd paralyzed her.

 

[old.user4556]

Surprise Surprise!... no? too soon?

View attachment 26569

Woooooooaft, disaster averted. I was going to post that in the random spam thread, but thought "hmmmm, I better check the bad taste thread before I do a serious Glen".

*wipes brow*

 

[Edmond]

Cilla Black arrived at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter said,

"What's your name and where do you come from?"

 

[BloodOmen]

A successful recording career and numerous television appearances made Cilla Black.
It's expected that cremation will have a similar effect!

 

[Bodhi]

Bob Geldof says he'll open his home to four refugee families.....

With his parenting record, I think I'd rather risk a dinghy with forty others.

 

[Lamp]

What's the difference between the Australia Cricket team and CillaBlack?

Cilla managed to get to 72

 

[backdoor]

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

 

[Scouse]

That like was because of the attempt, not the success of the joke

 

[backdoor]

A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."

 

[backdoor]

I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!"

Kinky bitch.

 

[old.user4556]

Please stop.

 

[Scouse]

Oh I dunno. The kinky bitch one was so-so

 

[backdoor]

More you say......

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men."
So he stabs her and nicks her purse.

 

[old.user4556]

No really, that's plenty.

 

[backdoor]

I'm here all week

Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.

 

[Scouse]

Bad taste jokes m8. Not just bad jokes

 

[Gwadien]

So this was a genuine conversation over a game of CS:GO, it's seriously quite offensive, so don't read it if you're going to get offended, I shouldn't have to say this, but still..

So basically, the McGregor fight lasted 17 seconds, I was saying how bullied would you feel if you spent 500 dollars on a shit seats for a 17 second game.

It would be like going to a gig and the support band plays and then the main band plays and just walks off after one song like yeah, done.

Then this other guy responds with

Spoiler

Nah, it'd be more like going to see the Eagles of Death Metal and getting shot by terrorists as the band start to play.

 

[caLLous]

I guess you had to be there.

Spoiler

(not at the Eagles of Death Metal gig)

 

[Gwadien]

I guess you had to be there.

Spoiler

(not at the Eagles of Death Metal gig)

I thought that, but then I told it to a mate, and he pissed himself.

 

[Gumbo]

I guess you had to be there.

Spoiler

(not at the Eagles of Death Metal gig)

Now that's funny.

 

[BloodOmen]

Paul Daniels breaks David Blaine's record for longest time spent in a box.

 

[CorNokZ]

 

[BloodOmen]

“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.”