Bad taste The Bad Taste Joke Thread

[CorNokZ]

Why do hurricanes always get girls' names?

Because they are wet and wild when they come, but when they leave they will have taken your house, car and boat

 

[old.Tohtori]

9 out of 10 participants love a group rape.

 

[Fweddy]

What's the difference between a train carriage and a miscarriage?

I've never eaten a train carriage.

 

[Lamp]

Dave was woken up by a terrible commotion next door in the early hours. He get out of bed and look out the back window. His next door neighbour is seen whacking an asian guy with a shovel. The man tries to fight back but its useless. After a few minutes the asian fella is lying motionless on the grass. Stunned, Dave looks on. The neighbour is seen to dig a large hole in the garden, sticks the body in it, covers it with soil before patting it down with the shovel!

Dave, mouth agape, eyes wide, shaking, returns to bed
"Whats up, love?" asks his wife
"That cunt next door has still got my fucking spade"

 

[Jupitus]

Dave was woken up by a terrible commotion next door in the early hours. He get out of bed and look out the back window. His next door neighbour is seen whacking an asian guy with a shovel. The man tries to fight back but its useless. After a few minutes the asian fella is lying motionless on the grass. Stunned, Dave looks on. The neighbour is seen to dig a large hole in the garden, sticks the body in it, covers it with soil before patting it down with the shovel!

Dave, mouth agape, eyes wide, shaking, returns to bed
"Whats up, love?" asks his wife
"That cunt next door has still got my fucking spade"

Lamp! I'm no GN but can you please do something about the tenses in that!

 

[Gumbo]

My Jimmy Savile advent calender is rubbish.

Spoiler

The flaps only open between 1 and 16!

 

[Aoami]

My Jimmy Savile advent calender is rubbish.

Spoiler

The flaps only open between 1 and 16!

hahahaha, best saville joke yet

 

[ECA]

The pope has a twitter account. Apparently now it's 6 years old it's acceptable to come on.

 

[CorNokZ]

Penny: Hey, Sheldon!
(the audience chuckles)

Sheldon: Oh, hello, Penny!
(the audience begins getting excited, laughing without even knowing they are laughing or what they are laughing at)

Penny: What are you doing?
(nervous giggles are heard from all around the room)

Sheldon: Playing on a poorly coded Nintendo 64 emulator
(6 people die instantly. A shockwave with the force of 10 Hiroshima bombings erupts from the studio, causing billions of dollars worth of damage. The surviving audience members begin urinating and vomiting on each other, all while laughing uncontrollably from the funniest joke ever told)

 

[Gumbo]

Oscar Pistorius was just the tip of the iceberg. Apparently Ellie Simmonds has just been arrested for posession of small arms.

 

[Lazarus]

Surely Oscar Pistorius can't be the first bloke to wake up legless on Valentine's Day after shooting a load into his girlfriend's face whilst imagining she was someone else?

 

[Scouse]

I was speaking to a friend the other day and she said the last time she had sex was like the Olympics 100 meters final.

"What, over in 9.5 seconds?" I laughed.

"No, eight black men and a gun".

 

[Lazarus]

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side; my lap top's been confiscated but on the plus side the wife has gone off to her mothers

 

[soze]

Got a few text messages

Looks as though Arsene Wenger might be looking to Oscar Pistorius in the Summer transfer window after reports claimed he had more shots on target in 9 seconds than Arsenal did in 90 minutes against Bayern Munich.

Apparently Oscar Pistorious wanted a new bathroom door but his missus was dead against it.

Whats the difference between jimmy saville and arsene wenger ....when jimmys finished with you at least you walk away with a medal around your neck ...

Another olympian has been arrested following the pistorius scandal, ellie simmonds has been picked up on a small arms charge.

 

[caLLous]

What does a redneck girl say to her dad after she loses her virginity?
"Get off me, you're crushing my cigarettes."

 

[Gumbo]

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off. A passing tramp stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?" The woman says, "No, fuck off." The tramp turns to leave and replies,

Spoiler

"Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

 

[Lazarus]

A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence.
After an hour in bed with her he said "How far across the field were you before you realised it was caught?"

 

[Lamp]

lolz

 

[Gumbo]

With all these celebrities getting arrested for child molestation, it makes me wonder if Gary Glitter really did have a gang !!

 

[BloodOmen]

 

[Chilly]

Dude has some stones

 

[BloodOmen]

Dude has some stones

 

[Kryten]

Pirelli tyres in F1.

 

[caLLous]

Tim Minchin is great. He played Atticus Fetch in the last season of Californication and was brilliant.

He does songs like those above and then, during a break in filming for the season finale of Californication, he does this:

 

[Gumbo]

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Spoiler

Dr. Dre.

 

[Sydrik]

After today's news that Angelina Jolie no longer wants her tits I have decided to write her a short letter asking if I can have them instead.

 

[Gumbo]

Maths Quiz:
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have?

Spoiler

Huge tits.

 

[caLLous]

 

[Gumbo]

I was having a great time at the nazi karaoke evening. And then I went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like I love jews.

 

[TdC]

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill....Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine...Both are in hospital...One's in a Korma..The other's got a dodgy Tikka.

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat...That's a lot..Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month.
.time to change suppliers I think.


Bro sent me that. The rascist fucker.