Bad taste The Bad Taste Joke Thread

[old.user4556]

I was getting a hand-job off my new girlfriend when I asked, "How are you so good at this?"

"Years of practice," she said.

"Bit of a player in your day?" I laughed.

"No," she replied, "my dad had no arms."

 

[CorNokZ]

A teenage girl came to her mother and asked for advice

"Mom how do you give a good handjob?"

Surprised by the question her mother replied "It's like when you try to get ketchup out of the bottle"

The next time the girl was with her boyfriend, she unbuttened his pants and started jerking him off.

"Aww yeah baby! You are so fucking good! Use both hands!"

Spoiler

 

[Overdriven]

Lower O.D. feels sad after CorNokZ posted that

 

[Cyradix]

 

[Lamp]

 

[BloodOmen]

 

[Lamp]

I gotta be honest, I can't stand RCB. I wouldn't go watch him if they were giving out free tickets wrapped in a £50 note.

Sorry, Blood.

 

[BloodOmen]

I gotta be honest, I can't stand RCB. I wouldn't go watch him if they were giving out free tickets wrapped in a £50 note.

Sorry, Blood.

Pff, I grew up with RCB tbh absolute legend live on stage.

 

[old.Tohtori]

 

[Raven]

I gotta be honest, I can't stand RCB. I wouldn't go watch him if they were giving out free tickets wrapped in a £50 note.

Sorry, Blood.

He is actually a pretty nice guy, as funny as toothache though.

 

[Lamp]

I had sex with a midget last night.

It got me kicked out of the Classic Car Club.

 

[caLLous]

"You know what, Phil? I reckon tonight's the night," I said, leering. "I think she's gonna go all the way. She's a right dirty cow, you should hear some of the kinky shit she told me she's into. Anyway, last night she sucked my cock in the car and she let me cum in her mouth. After the meal at this posh place I'm taking her tonight she's gonna be fucking gagging for it, and I don't think she's gonna make me wear a rubber. I can't fucking wait."

"Erm, ok, well, erm..." Phil stammered, slowly beginning to back away. "Well, enjoy your date. I'm sure my daughter will be down in a minute."

 

[cHodAX]

I gotta be honest, I can't stand RCB. I wouldn't go watch him if they were giving out free tickets wrapped in a £50 note.

Sorry, Blood.

£50 is £50 tbfh!

 

[Lamp]

This isn't bad taste. Its sick. And not funny. Don't click. Don't read.

Spoiler

- "I'm going to peel your clothes off with my teeth and lick every inch of your body, you dirty bitch"

- "Dave! I can hear you on the baby monitor"

 

[Kryten]

Save time. Wipe the thread and sticky Sickipedia.

 

[SilverHood]

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate.
The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

 

[rynnor]

From 'Have I got News for You' - Allegedly

Out-take 3: 09'36
During the headline round:
DEAYTON You used to be a wrestler didn't you?
SAVILLE I still am.
DEAYTON Are you?
SAVILLE I'm feared in every girls' school in the country.
(Audience laugh)
[DEAYTON Yeah, I've heard about that.
SAVILLE What have you heard?
DEAYTON I've...
MERTON Something about a cunt with a rancid, pus-filled cock.
(Huge audience laugh; Awkward pause)
SAVILLE I advise you to wash your mouth out, my friend...
MERTON That's what she had to do!
(Audience laughs)
HISLOP Weren't you leaving money in phone boxes or something?
(Saville glares at him)

 

[MYstIC G]

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/...er_sir_jimmy_savile_under_age_sex_allegations

 

[old.Tohtori]

Jimmy Savile and a kid are walking through the woods. Kid says "It's scary here", and Savile replies "You're scared?! I've gotta come back this way on my own."

 

[Bahumat]

JD Sports are doing Jimmy Saville memorial tracksuits.

They have an adult size top, but you have to squeeze into the kids bottoms.

 

[CorNokZ]

A man has been charged in the UK for posting the following joke on Facebook

Spoiler

What's the difference between Santa Claus & Mark Bridger?

Spoiler

Mark Bridger comes in April..

 

[Chilly]

Good joke.

 

[old.user4556]

Too soon?

I did feel a bit like this when I read it:

 

[Fast]

Got my Halloween costume sorted, I'm gonna wear a blonde wig, tracksuit, Gold chains & a cigar, that should scare the little fu*kers!

 

[BloodOmen]

Jimmy Savile's family have had the gravestone removed along with the flowers as a mark of respect. It just leaves a small hole and no bush around it.

Just what he would have wanted.

 

[old.user4556]

My wife walked into the living room last night and caught me wanking with the laptop on my knees.

She quickly looked at the screen and saw a photograph of an old lady."You're disgusting!" she shouted.

I said, "It's not what it looks like."

"What is it then?" she screamed.

"An optical illusion," I said, "If you keep staring at her chin then you'll see a naked baby."

 

[Wazzerphuk]

"What's that beeping?" asked the wife.

"That's my seat belt alarm." I replied.

Wife, "How can you ignore something so annoying?"

Me, "Huh?"

 

[Aoami]

Lance Armstrong has stepped down as the chairman of livestrong. That mustve taken some ball.

 

[Lamp]

They have just found Jimmy Savile's diary.

His last entry was about 10 years old.

 

[CorNokZ]

My jimmy savile outfit for Halloween arrived yesterday, but its way too small

it looks like it's for fucking kids