SPAM random annoying things

[Lamp]

Use a hair dryer, gets you dry in seconds!

be careful it doesn't turn your sperm into scrambled eggs!

 

[eksdee]

My solution is simpler and much more risk-free: don't wash.

 

[Gwadien]

Scrambled eggs is fine, I don't like fried

 

[Billargh]

Meh, I don't want kids anyway

 

[Gwadien]

You don't like kids? - why did you ask me out then? :S

 

[Billargh]

Cause I don't like to touch the sides

 

[Shagrat]

rubbing deep heat on your legs before a football match, and then forgetting to wash your hands before going for a pee.

worst


pain


ever



boy did I run fast for the first 20 minutes of that game, felt like my entire twinky was on fire.

 

[Punishment]

That shit get's inside the japs eye and it's eye watering stuff

 

[Lamp]

handling chillis then rub your eye...

 

[Sydrik]

Vanessa Phelps.

She has been on Radio 2 all week in place of Jeremy Vine and she is a fucking vile, horrible, sanctimonious excuse for a human.

There are plenty of other things that annoy me, but fucking hell I could happily shoot that woman.

 

[caLLous]

VistaPrint. Again. The cards have showed up (two weeks late I might add) and they have printed them with all the crop marks. What is the point of a fucking crop mark if not to crop to the mark.

Angry eyes.

Im not impressed with the quality either, the card is nice but the logo is aliased and the blacks aren't really... black. And they're not even fucking straight.

Anybody know a good alternative?

 

[Helme]

Buying shoes. Fuck it. I spent 2 hours wandering around in Uppsala today and the amount of women shoes I've seen...christ. I was lucky if the ratio was like 15:1, usually the men got a small corner in a huge store and the little they had there was size boat and up.

I finally settled for some cheap pair of shit shoes, not even close to what I wanted but I had to replace my old ones and £15 is as much as I'm willing to pay for a stopgap.

 

[Lamp]

chuggers (charity muggers)

 

[Lamp]

Accountants. I emailed him a simple question, expecting a straightforward reply. He phones me up and talked non-stop for 15 minutes. So much for clarity, brevity & transparent advice...

 

[Zarjazz]

.NET

vB for forcing the above to lowercase if this text didn't follow.

 

[CorNokZ]

School shit I don't understand, yo..

 

[Lamp]

The nights drawing in. Getting dark earlier & earlier now. Damn, I love those long hot summer days...

 

[old.user4556]

My missus has been getting on my tits the past few days, really starting to get to me to the point i'm going to explode.

She makes the most simple tasks so stupidly difficult. The conversation went thus:

(sitting in a starbucks at 5pm).

Me: "fancy some dinner? I'll buy"

Her: "oOOoo!! Yeah !!"

Me: "great lets go"

Her: "oh ..... well ..... why don't we go for dinner tomorrow night?"

-- INSERT A BIG FUCKING DUMB IDIOT SENSATION HERE --

Me: "it's 5pm now and i'm hungry, it's dinner time, that's why I suggested we get dinner just there?"

Her: "Ok, I just thought you'd prefer to go tomorrow"

-- INSERT DAVID LYNCH STYLE 'WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE' SENSATION --

Me: "Umm - baby, it's dinner time just now - that's why I'm asking you if you want to go just now "

Her: "Why don't you want to go tomorrow?"

Me: "Erm, I've got some things on I think, not sure; plus, it's dinner time just now so I'm asking if you fancy eating something now"

Her: "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Me: "I dunno, just stuff?"

Her: "Why won't you tell me?"

Me: "I think I'm catching Bob for a couple of pints and also to check out a live band - I'm really not fucking sure, why are you making this so hard?!"

Her: "I was only asking"

By this point, we're raising our voices at each other. I don't fucking get WOMEN, I was doing the honourable thing by offering to go for a nice meal because it was dinner time, then I was given the third degree about a completely illogical, hypothetical situation about the following night. Jesus fucking Christ, remind me never to ask a woman for dinner again.

She then burst into tears.

 

[TdC]

that's just being a woman dude. forgive her by making go out to get you some take-away

 

[old.user4556]

Teeds, I'm absolutely raging; it was a simple yes / no answer. She used it as a vehicle to get all bent out of shape just to be a deliberately awkward bitch - arguing for the sake of arguing. Now, our whole night is a fucking mess and it's 100% her fault.

 

[Lamp]

She then burst into tears.

icing on the cake

aye, impossible creatures women. Thank the lord for nights out with the lads: some sanity in an otherwise unbearably feminine world of emotions, 2nd guessing, and prognostication

 

[Lamp]

not being able to get £5 notes from cash machines.

 

[TdC]

wait till you have calmed down, and then tell her gently that you didn't appreciate her being a whiny b*tch. tell her you're disappointed, because you expected more from a woman of her caliber. this way you compliment her twice, and reverse compliment her twice. gives them something to think about, eh

 

[Job]

Teeds, I'm absolutely raging; it was a simple yes / no answer. She used it as a vehicle to get all bent out of shape just to be a deliberately awkward bitch - arguing for the sake of arguing. Now, our whole night is a fucking mess and it's 100% her fault.

It's a disease, were on holiday and ordering food at the bar a bit late in a trendy pub, we decide what to eat and I'm freaking starving..then she asks, what time is last orders?
So the guy looks at us a bit WTF and says 9,30, the place is filling up with drinkers and the waitresses are clearing up and the chef is talking to the barmaid..you get the picture.
So she announces we'll come back to the bar at 9.30 to order.
The guy is like..'er..ok, we both look at each other in that 'save us from frickin women look'
She spots this and storms out, we don't talk for two days.

 

[dysfunction]

I'm so glad my wife isnt like that!
She is perfectly reasonable and doesnt do that annoying stuff to me.

 

[Calaen]

I feel your pain G, It can go from fine to massively shit in about 2 minutes.

 

[Aoami]

your club not signing anyone on deadline day

 

[gohan]

your club not signing anyone on deadline day

It's ok you sold puncheon \0/

 

[Uncle Sick]

wait till you have calmed down, and then tell her gently that you didn't appreciate her being a whiny b*tch. tell her you're disappointed, because you expected more from a woman of her caliber. this way you compliment her twice, and reverse compliment her twice. gives them something to think about, eh

Holy shit, you're one hell of a mind fucker.

- and today's random thing that annoys me:
other drivers trying to 'educate' me by deliberately fucking with me when I'm in a hurry.
Sooo, you need to match the speed of the car in the right lane because you can tell I have to
go places? -I- can tell because you keep smirking into your rear view mirror, you assfuck.
I fucking hate people.

 

[pez]

My missus has been getting on my tits the past few days, really starting to get to me to the point i'm going to explode.

She makes the most simple tasks so stupidly difficult. The conversation went thus:

(sitting in a starbucks at 5pm).

Me: "fancy some dinner? I'll buy"

Her: "oOOoo!! Yeah !!"

Me: "great lets go"

Her: "oh ..... well ..... why don't we go for dinner tomorrow night?"

-- INSERT A BIG FUCKING DUMB IDIOT SENSATION HERE --

Me: "it's 5pm now and i'm hungry, it's dinner time, that's why I suggested we get dinner just there?"

Her: "Ok, I just thought you'd prefer to go tomorrow"

-- INSERT DAVID LYNCH STYLE 'WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE' SENSATION --

Me: "Umm - baby, it's dinner time just now - that's why I'm asking you if you want to go just now "

Her: "Why don't you want to go tomorrow?"

Me: "Erm, I've got some things on I think, not sure; plus, it's dinner time just now so I'm asking if you fancy eating something now"

Her: "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Me: "I dunno, just stuff?"

Her: "Why won't you tell me?"

Me: "I think I'm catching Bob for a couple of pints and also to check out a live band - I'm really not fucking sure, why are you making this so hard?!"

Her: "I was only asking"

By this point, we're raising our voices at each other. I don't fucking get WOMEN, I was doing the honourable thing by offering to go for a nice meal because it was dinner time, then I was given the third degree about a completely illogical, hypothetical situation about the following night. Jesus fucking Christ, remind me never to ask a woman for dinner again.

She then burst into tears.

Sounds like you forgot that its some sort of special occasion 'tomorrow'