Problem Child x1

[Gray]

Sadly social services want nothing to do with him now as he has been with us, mum has repeatedly asked them for help but keeps hitting a brick wall.

Seemed police phoned today while i was in work, mum answered. "Mrs Gray, do you know <His mum, and him>". Mum obviously said yes. They said they had recieved a report that he will be threatening suicide. When mum asked him when he got home from school he knew nothing about it. School phoned as well saying that he had done good today.

By the way, no way will i be threatening any sort of violence towards him, for a fact he was abused while he lived at his mums growing up, and also lived a torrid life with his other grandparents, although unsure how serious that was regardless over time.

 

[Gray]

Scratch that, police just arrived. Guess they're just following up on it.

 

[BloodOmen]

Sounds to me like his hoe mother is trying to stir it even more to make you and your mother look bad... honestly mate just cut him free and let him make his own mind up, I can understand you and your mother wanting to see him do well given he's your bothers son but theres only so much you can do for a person until the rest is down to them to change and for as long as he has contact with his mother I think its pretty much guaranteed he will never want to change because shes filling his head with shit all the time.

Its just going to continue getting worse for you and your mum and at the end of it all it'll be you and her thats hurt the most, don't let it get to that stage, act before its to late.

 

[Tom]

Shonestly mate just cut him free and let him make his own mind up,

He's thirteen, he isn't mature enough to make such decisions.

Gray is doing the right thing by trying to be the male guiding influence this lad needs.

 

[BloodOmen]

He's thirteen, he isn't mature enough to make such decisions.

Gray is doing the right thing by trying to be the male guiding influence this lad needs.

At what cost? sometimes you just have to know when to draw the line and I agree that sounds harsh as fuck because he's thirteen but everything Gray is doing is just being undone by the boys meddling mother at every given opportunity.

The situation he's in at the moment is just an impossible one, on the one hand you've got a loving uncle and amazing grandmother and then on the other hand you've got a waste of space mother and grandparents that used to abuse the boy in some way... the only way I can see that working is if the boys mother and grandparents were literally banned (never allowed to even phone let alone have eye to eye contact) from seeing the boy indefinately and we both know courts wont allow that.

 

[Tom]

It isn't an impossible situation, just a difficult one. Children need boundaries to feel safe, all Gray and his mother have to do is ensure those boundaries are applied consistently.

 

[Gray]

I'm pretty much at breaking point now about it all, i couldn't care less now what happens to him. Pretty shocking i feel this considering he is my nephew, mum is being told by everyone to give up on him, and i think she's getting close to possibly doing this.

Social services are shit also.

It carried on from last week, his auntie who is good friends with his mum was the one who "overheard" him saying he was going to commit suicide and then reported it to the police. The police gave one of those courtesy calls to my mum regarding the above "Do you know his mum, we have recieved a report that he will attempt suicide?" Mum was obviously confused about all of this, considering he was at home at the time. He was asked, and didn't know what she was talking about.

So again, it could either be he was lying through his teeth (Not uncommon) or they where trying to give the lad ideas into what to do. Pretty sinister if true. Late in the night, around 8:30-9pm the police came knocking on the door. This felt ominous. Though again, it was just a courtesy call to make sure everything was okay. The police directly asked him if everything was okay - He said there was absolutely no problems. The police agreed with my mum that it would be best if he did not go anywhere near that house of his aunties.

The issue, the serious issue with this? The aunties son goes to school with him. Messages can and do get relayed through the son of hers at will.

My mum posted a letter to the auntie, explaining what had happened (Since the last time they met, she was told to fuckoff) and said the police had been involved, and he was not to get any sort of contact with them anymore. All was quiet.

I noticed a distinct change in him though over the past few nights, while he has always been abrupt with my mum, he's never dared cross the line while i was around (I'd usually be at work) and anything i said to him, he did it without arguement. Usually i'm fairly lenient in regards to bed times with him, usually around 10:30 on a schoolnight, and maybe an extra half hour/hour on a weekend/holiday period. Its suited him fairly well ever since he has been here.

I would generally just creek the door open a bit of his room and say "time for bed", and within a few minutes that's that. Recently though, he's been huffing and puffing, and to an extent "ignoring" me. Last night (After what happened yesterday, i'll get to it soon) i was in no mood for fucking around. I said it once, i was ignored. I said it again about 5-10min later, and i heard the first huff "pft not even tired..." with a thought that he will be going bed. No, i was ignored again.

This time, i was starting to get pretty angry about him, gave it another few minutes before i ended up raising my voice. BED NOW! That certainly got his attention, he was still "not even tired!" but i just ignore shit like that. First time i've personally had to raise my point to get across. I was hoping this was not the first of many where he was starting a dissent against me.

Well anyway with this letter my mum posted to his auntie, it seems he went around to the house of hers yesterday afterschool. She went and showed him the letter. He came home and went the worst that he has ever been. Mum said he was like a man possessed. Swearing to high heaven, but he went upstairs and started throwing shit around. The bedding was thrown down the stairs, games where thrown etc etc etc. Basically he was ruining the house.

Mum wouldn't get him leave though, attempting to calm him down. He threatened that if he doesn't get out, he will smash the television up, he was then goading mum into hitting him, things maybe clicking into place with what happened at the previous house. Mum, spectacularly frightened now had to get the police out again. This was the second time in under a week, unreal. The police told him to his face he needs to pack it in, he isn't the owner of the house and he doesn't make the rules over what to do.

When i got home, mum was being somewhat secretive about what happened until he went to school today. Got the full picture when she phoned social services almost in tears about it, making my blood boil that little bit more. My mum has been begging social services to help for weeks, but they aren't interested. They promised to go to a meeting with my mum and the school yesterday, but once again no showed. They keep saying "sorry, can't help. he isn't on our books". Which is a complete and utter lie, he goes out of control and they just stand there with fingers in their ears, just like you always hear about when a new scandal hits about them. They only come into action when its too late.

My mums oldest and closest friends are telling her to get shut of him, my mum is calling him evil. I'm beginning to resent him day by day. He's 12 years old and apparently he's the worst out of any of the kids she has ever taken care of, and she knows that my brothers weren't the easiest to bring up, yet somehow this kid is in a league of his own, i'm fedup with him and his attitude, he's my brothers child but at the same time he isn't. He didn't get the upbringing my brothers other child did, because he never got to meet him, and this is probably why the connection between me and him just is fading fast.

 

[Tom]

Your mum's oldest and closest friends are a bunch of dicks, and a twelve-year-old child is not evil.

Half of what you say is just the lad being a teenager. If you give up on him, what'll that teach him about men? That they're never around when he needs them, that they're not to be trusted, that they can't be relied on.

You're the one that needs to set the rules. Not his mum, not your mum, not his auntie - they're all women, they can't set the examples he needs. That's going to be your job I'm afraid.

 

[BloodOmen]

I'll say it again mate cut him loose, what happens when he comes home one day and hits your mother? or worse? teenagers are very volatile and very unpredictable most of the time. If you are going to neck it out and keep him them sever all contact with his family by any LEGAL means possible (like put him at a different school etc) end of the day its yours and your mams choice but if someone was acting like that towards my mother I wouldnt give a rats arse who it was, they'd be out the door faster than you could click your fingers, you just have to accept that some people can't be saved.

Your mum's oldest and closest friends are a bunch of dicks, and a twelve-year-old child is not evil.

Half of what you say is just the lad being a teenager. If you give up on him, what'll that teach him about men? That they're never around when he needs them, that they're not to be trusted, that they can't be relied on.

You're the one that needs to set the rules. Not his mum, not your mum, not his auntie - they're all women, they can't set the examples he needs. That's going to be your job I'm afraid.

What your saying is all fine and dandy in theory Tom but when they can't stop his mother or aunt interfering in the boys life setting rules and what not won't do a damn thing because his mother and aunt will just keep telling him "Do what you want, dont let them boss you around" and teen being teen he'll listen to them.

 

[TdC]

I've said it before but you and your mum are stars Gray.

Sounds like Social Services are being a bunch of dicks tbh, especially when they agree to a meeting and then don't show. I guess best you can do is keep hitting them with phone calls, request a meeting with your local services rep and literally say you need aid in this. Get the school in on it too: request a meeting with the school's head master/guidance councillor, whatever they have and if you need to beg for their help in this matter. In fact, get the police in on it too: go round the station and get a meeting with the coppers or whoever coordinates the coppers who were round your place and let them know you're worried the kid may trash the place when you're not there and especially let them know that the Services people are doing f* all and just basically ask for their help. In fact, contact your MP and tell that person that you and your mum are at your wits end and desperately need assistance.

Keep a record of what you have done, and with who (names, dates, etc), and above all do your best to remain calm and not let your frustration with the system get the better of you. At some point you will get a breakthrough and help will be at hand. Good luck mate.

 

[Scouse]

Agree with Tom. He's 12 years old and seems to be growing up in some incredibly difficult circumstances and getting conflicting advice from people.

At 12, who do you trust? You don't know a thing.

 

[old.Tohtori]

But should it be his job? Gray didn't make a choice on the matter, he didn't stick his weewee in some teenager and get a little larva out of it.

If he wants to distance and ignore the kid, THAT should be his choice and it should be a valid one.

 

[DaGaffer]

I'll say it again mate cut him loose, what happens when he comes home one day and hits your mother? or worse? teenagers are very volatile and very unpredictable most of the time. If you are going to neck it out and keep him them sever all contact with his family by any LEGAL means possible (like put him at a different school etc) end of the day its yours and your mams choice but if someone was acting like that towards my mother I wouldnt give a rats arse who it was, they'd be out the door faster than you could click your fingers, you just have to accept that some people can't be saved.

What your saying is all fine and dandy in theory Tom but when they can't stop his mother or aunt interfering in the boys life setting rules and what not won't do a damn thing because his mother and aunt will just keep telling him "Do what you want, dont let them boss you around" and teen being teen he'll listen to them.

There's a time to give up on kids and that's the day they stop being one, their 18th birthday. Before that, you just don't. "Can't be saved" my arse. He's twelve, for fuck's sake! I don't disagree about things like changing school (although speaking from personal experience 12 is a particularly bad age to do that). As for social services. Scream blue murder and get it kicked up the chain until you do get someone who'll listen. Best way is to get the police to lean on social services on your behalf.

 

[Chilly]

But should it be his job? Gray didn't make a choice on the matter, he didn't stick his weewee in some teenager and get a little larva out of it.

If he wants to distance and ignore the kid, THAT should be his choice and it should be a valid one.

No, his brother did and therefore he has done the correct thing and stepped in. That's precisely what family is for.

 

[BloodOmen]

Right o, I'm done, pointless giving out advice when it just gets bulldozed by people that think its as easy as clicking your fingers and setting down rules. Its far from being that easy because of the influences in his life alone and those influences more or less have unlimited access to that boy and due to shit legal systems cannot be removed thus will be an ongoing problem for the rest of his teen years.

Change his school Gray, all I can say, good luck mate.

 

[old.Tohtori]

No, his brother did and therefore he has done the correct thing and stepped in. That's precisely what family is for.

It is and it is admirable to do so, but it's in no way something that -must- be done. so if Gray decided "F*ck this, can't be bothered", shouldn't be held against him either.

Not that internet opinions of being a "bad person" should be listened to in the first place

 

[Gray]

Indeed TDC, been through all those channels. Been phoning the social services regularly, they say they'll callback as "they're not in the office at the moment" etc, but they never do. The school he's at started off initially being a bit shit, since when he first came here it was a case of bullying, your dads dead, you don't live with your mum, etc etc etc. The school didn't seem to do anything to combat it.

Recently though, they have stepped up incredibly by the sounds of it. Or especially in his case they have. Mum gets into regular conversations with the headteachers over his behaviour in and out of school, and because of how he has been they said they'd vouch for us with the police and social services. The social services may have heard that yesterday had they bothered to show up.

She even had an official letter from her local MP/Houses of Parliment in regards to it all, can't remember what it was but i do remember it was something positive. It's unlikely he'd get a new school in this area, especially if they check reports out about what he's like at his current school. It would be ideal if he COULD get into a new school though, because the issue we have is a big one - His auntie lives a 2minute walk from there, so obviously he can call there anytime afterschool.

He has a terrifyingly explosive temper from what i seen first hand last year, i only ever seen it once, and it seems that it has gotten significantly worse now and i'm not around to witness it first hand, instead it's just my mum on her own. She has warned me off giving him a bollocking or taking stuff off him like Xbox etc, i did take the headset off him before work yesterday, didn't hide it though. Obviously when he came into my room throwing shit around mum inadvertedly give it back to him thinking he chucked it. Hidden it now until i get home mind.

My patience alone has worn thin now though, everytime i come home from work she's always seeming to walk on eggshells around him to make sure he isn't listening into the conversation. One of my mums other friends (Who does like the kid) phoned before, think she's coming around later to talk to him as i think she has her own first hand experience of it all as well, think she's in the camp of few who wants to keep him here.

Unsure if anything like restraining orders can be used to keep him away from his auntie, something needs to be done though. The school said they may try and seperate him and his cousin in school, but don't know how they can possibly do that.

 

[Tom]

Women women women, all women.

Fuck that, he's a twelve-year-old lad without a father figure. I don't care what anyone else says, boys need men.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I don't care what anyone else says, boys need men.

That's what you tell the police when you're caught outside schools?

Gray, if you do get on with it, you could talk to a child psychologist or some such about what is voluntary and involuntary behaviour. If i remember correctly, due to the brain growing in teenagers, their sleeping pattern is off and can't be helped. So forcing someone to bed will cause problems(not to mention that it's an archaic way to teach "responsibility" ).

By talking to some pro, you could map out what you should punish and what not. Usually punishment for a voluntary action goes down without much problem, while punishing something that can't be helped doesn't at all.

 

[Scouse]

He's 12 years old, his dad died, he's getting bullied, he's got a cunt mother and auntie.

From what I've heard he's bound to be fucked up. It's hard enough being a teenager in ideal circumstances...

My dad died when I was 4. Got punched and kicked up and down school because I didn't have a single decent male role model and had a pretty useless mother who punished me every time I tried to stand up for myself. Getting laughed at by other kids because of a dead parent is not a good starting point for a a nice childhood.

The *only* reason I pulled through is that I had a couple of decent relatives who put up with my shit. I expect your brother would hope you can do the right thing by his kid (and you are).

Don't listen to people who've got nothing invested in the situation who would tell you to throw your brother's kid on the scrapheap like he was some valuless commodity. You and your mum are his *only* hope to have anything like a happy life.

If a child can't count on his dad's brother and his grandmother when his father dies then we may as well give up on the human race IMO.

You're doing the right thing. It's ridiculously hard. Keep at it.

 

[Aoami]

Sounds like my brother when he was that age, a proper little shit. He grew out of it, but my mum went to hell and back with him. People are saying get rid of him, or that you need to be the father figure in his life, but it's down to you at the end of the day. He is not your responsibility, and I don't think anyone would blame you for giving him up, but could you live with it on your conscience?

 

[Gray]

Heyyy, how about my tri-monthly update to see what's happening yo'?!

He's still with us for now, we can't get rid. Can't/Won't. Things where all okay, as i've pointed out over the past few months there is always a massive blowout, before it all calms again. Well last month or whenever it was his birthday, and his fucking bitch of a mum opted to buy him a new phone. We didn't want him to have a phone, so that was us undermined pretty much. We just decided that fine, have the phone, but don't expect us to fund it with you wasting it all on shit. So far he's been getting along fine with it though, maybe people just phone him instead.

Which then leads me to this, clearly he has been recieving phonecalls from his mum. Supposedly she has divorced again, must be like the 5th-6th time now the dirty whore, so she clearly wants him back now as she's feeling pent up and lonely. En cue, it all starts again. As i've probably said everytime, he never dared say anything against me, i was like the brick shithouse referee assuring he kept fair play.

Last night i was upstairs, i heard him and my mum downstairs. She wanted to watch something, but he wasn't accepting what she was watching and was moaning. I could hear the passive aggressive attitude creeping in. But at that point i just went for a quick shave, no more than 10-15 minutes if that. I came out, went downstairs and my mum was somewhat upset, not in a crying sense, but more in a "i'm so fucking furious right now" sense.

She said that his mum came up in conversation and he said that she's finally ready to go to court to take him, because "there is nothing left in widnes for him". Now, possibly for an adult that might ring true, but even i'm nowadays jealous of all the stuff the kids have got, well anyway that was my reasoning which i wanted to impart on him. My mum had a few different choice words though which she actually used herself. Something along the lines of "oh well fuckoff then, i'll wash my hands of you, i've had enough" etc etc.

So disapointed i was, i'd hoped we'd finally moved on from the whole he kicks off, shit ensues. But no. When he was in his bedroom, door open i could hear him silently demanding that his internet not been turned off. So, i followed his every request. Turned off his internet for the night. Woke up this morning, he wasn't in, as he had gone the local Youth Club (Nothings to do in Widnes eh?!). Went to work, came home and i found some MSN messages from him which he left for me (He has no Facebook, nor Twitter, but his MSN is heavily monitored by me).

This was the jist of it, this was directed at me. Bear in mind he has dared say anything in the past.

Spoiler

You can and cut till nout left but i say one thing you wont like it if i started telling u what to do or else you all treat me like im some retarded child i aint 3 i no wot i have to and dont do if me nans saying fucking stuff 2 me mum behind her back well i aint having it i im grateful my nans done lots for me .

I cut off his internet, and "treating him like a retard" is aparently applying discipline. The bit about his mum probably true after he pushed my mum into laying on a few truths (Not lies)

but also were am i ment to pull the money to go cinima and swimming from me fucking ass
This is in response to my "Widnes is a big world, there's a lot of things to do!". NB. He does actually get given a bit of money from my mum everyday. Apparently he was given something like a fiver this week plus spending money. She said he wasted it in seconds when he went the corner shop and bought shite

also your no tperfect are u ur a nob as well so dont come pushin g on my door
I'm a knob :<. Pushing on his door is implying i think because i tell him to go bed when it's past his bedtime.

you cut me of fb and the twitter i made so i whant that bk befor i tell my mum u stoped me on that 2 u carnt tak e me of sn because i made it be4 i came to live with u and its mine so up urs
Indeed i did cut him off Social Media which was infact down to the simple fact that uhhhhm... He was causing massive amounts of shit on them. Although he certainly does have me on the MSN thing, i didn't delete that because i was monitoring it. So again, i respected his wishes and on this occasion didn't delete his MSN. Instead i took the WiFi stick that he needs to get ON to MSN, but he didn't state that so it's fair game!

Anyway i came home as i say, apparently some girls were knocking on the door asking for him. This was about 7pm'ish, he only just got in past 9:15 or so, mum was slightly worried. I wasn't?

Really don't care anymore. Seem's he is phoning his mum now no doubt complaining about how unjust i am. But he can fuckoff with all the extras like Xbox and PC he can do without the internet as royal punishment.

I'm really concerned though, we have a dog, mum says when he's downstairs with the dog alone, he will close the living room door and the dog will bark/yelp. She is concerned that he may be harming the dog. He's also full of cuts, and fresh cuts and some such when he is at home. He's amassed a huge amount of plasters which have been used in <1 week, there is some concern over self harm. But not just that - I truely honestly cannot trust him anymore.

He moved from his other grandparents because "they where abusing him". Over the year my trust in this has been waning more and more. What if it was a complete fabrication? What if, what if he does it again? I feel i'm in dangerous territory with him now.

 

[Bahumat]

Heyyy, how about my tri-monthly update to see what's happening yo'?!

He's still with us for now, we can't get rid. Can't/Won't. Things where all okay, as i've pointed out over the past few months there is always a massive blowout, before it all calms again. Well last month or whenever it was his birthday, and his fucking bitch of a mum opted to buy him a new phone. We didn't want him to have a phone, so that was us undermined pretty much. We just decided that fine, have the phone, but don't expect us to fund it with you wasting it all on shit. So far he's been getting along fine with it though, maybe people just phone him instead.

Which then leads me to this, clearly he has been recieving phonecalls from his mum. Supposedly she has divorced again, must be like the 5th-6th time now the dirty whore, so she clearly wants him back now as she's feeling pent up and lonely. En cue, it all starts again. As i've probably said everytime, he never dared say anything against me, i was like the brick shithouse referee assuring he kept fair play.

Last night i was upstairs, i heard him and my mum downstairs. She wanted to watch something, but he wasn't accepting what she was watching and was moaning. I could hear the passive aggressive attitude creeping in. But at that point i just went for a quick shave, no more than 10-15 minutes if that. I came out, went downstairs and my mum was somewhat upset, not in a crying sense, but more in a "i'm so fucking furious right now" sense.

She said that his mum came up in conversation and he said that she's finally ready to go to court to take him, because "there is nothing left in widnes for him". Now, possibly for an adult that might ring true, but even i'm nowadays jealous of all the stuff the kids have got, well anyway that was my reasoning which i wanted to impart on him. My mum had a few different choice words though which she actually used herself. Something along the lines of "oh well fuckoff then, i'll wash my hands of you, i've had enough" etc etc.

So disapointed i was, i'd hoped we'd finally moved on from the whole he kicks off, shit ensues. But no. When he was in his bedroom, door open i could hear him silently demanding that his internet not been turned off. So, i followed his every request. Turned off his internet for the night. Woke up this morning, he wasn't in, as he had gone the local Youth Club (Nothings to do in Widnes eh?!). Went to work, came home and i found some MSN messages from him which he left for me (He has no Facebook, nor Twitter, but his MSN is heavily monitored by me).

This was the jist of it, this was directed at me. Bear in mind he has dared say anything in the past.

* SPOILER *

Anyway i came home as i say, apparently some girls were knocking on the door asking for him. This was about 7pm'ish, he only just got in past 9:15 or so, mum was slightly worried. I wasn't?

Really don't care anymore. Seem's he is phoning his mum now no doubt complaining about how unjust i am. But he can fuckoff with all the extras like Xbox and PC he can do without the internet as royal punishment.

I'm really concerned though, we have a dog, mum says when he's downstairs with the dog alone, he will close the living room door and the dog will bark/yelp. She is concerned that he may be harming the dog. He's also full of cuts, and fresh cuts and some such when he is at home. He's amassed a huge amount of plasters which have been used in <1 week, there is some concern over self harm. But not just that - I truely honestly cannot trust him anymore.

He moved from his other grandparents because "they where abusing him". Over the year my trust in this has been waning more and more. What if it was a complete fabrication? What if, what if he does it again? I feel i'm in dangerous territory with him now.

Every time I read your updates I wanna bang you and your mums heads together until you get rid of him. Let him live with his stupid mum and maybe then he will realise you're nice people.
Even then I would tell him to fck off

 

[MYstIC G]

Wow. Deep dude.

Have you said anything to the social etc? Have they given you any advice / reassurance?

 

[Gray]

Social aren't interested, they lost interest months ago.

Mum wants me to write to the head office or whatever to get this looked into, because it's clearly not going anywhere frontline.

His attitude sadly won't change. The way he's going he'll probably be on drugs by 16 and banged up for being abusive by 20.

 

[cHodAX]

Go to Citizen's Advice and get some help, you need proper advice on your legal obligations but also on what social services should be doing for you. Seriously mate, you cannot keep fucking around with this anymore, one allegation of child abuse and your life is turned upside down.

 

[Mey]

Pack his bag, leave it by the door, next time he kicks off point to the door and say goodbye.

 

[Shagrat]

im really surprised at the attitude of social services. someone with his background, and with some of the goings on youve mentioned, should have popped up on their radar by now (well thats would have been the cause if its was in my "manor" anyway.)

Sounds like you just need to play it very carefully and not make or be goaded into any snap judgements.

keep your head up

 

[cHodAX]

im really surprised at the attitude of social services. someone with his background, and with some of the goings on youve mentioned, should have popped up on their radar by now (well thats would have been the cause if its was in my "manor" anyway.)

Sounds like you just need to play it very carefully and not make or be goaded into any snap judgements.

keep your head up

Social Services are utterly useless until you start writing letters. Baby P is the classic case of them neglecting their duty, it wasn't the first, it wasn't even the first that week. They need a good fucking kick in the arse.

 

[TdC]

grr I can't believe the services doesn't care. it's their purpose to care. they get paid to care. I don't understand