Problem Child x1

[Scouse]

If you've given up on him it does not matter what he thinks.

Massive troll or selfish bastard tbfh.

 

[Bahumat]

Probably the second. Maybe things will change if I have kids.

 

[Gray]

Woop third update, notice how things are all rosey for a few months before things explode into action?

Has all been kicking off again somewhat recently, for a long period of time mum had been trying to get access to legal aid in an effort to help cover the legal costs to assure that he stays with us, since the other grandparents (Who he previously lived with) had it granted, plus his mum also has it as well as far as i'm aware. So anyway, the legal aid process has been ongling for months and in the end, they who make the decisions actually come back and said "nope sorry, you're not eligable for legal aid".

This means at any point now, if a legal challenge is made, we can't/won't fork out anything considering the many thousands of pounds this can get into, even without the legal aid i think we probably would have a good chance of keeping him, but i don't think we'd be risking it.

A few months ago his mum visited, and my mum welcomed her in, however something ended up happening after she left a few days down the line to which my mum was told never to invite her into the house again, in all honesty i can't remember why it was. So the next time she came down, mum said she couldn't come in, and to instead go McDonalds or wherever was convient.

Didn't hear a peep from her for a while, and things where rosey. Sadly his time in school isn't as rosey. While he has had his differences over time with lads, most of it all stemmed from Facebook, but i cut him off Facebook months ago. While most of the lads are seemingly fine now, there is this one lad he does not get on with at all. Everytime they're in the same room shit happens and it's incredibly volatile.

The lad made up some lie (??) about him being followed home while getting taunted about how his dad lives alone with him because his mum left him, kid stuff as you may know. But holes started to show up in this story, namely the day that it supposedly occured, my nephew would have been at sports practice after school, therefor could not have been following him home. Also, taunting the lad about being a single parent family? Puhleeease. But again, it's one of those where even if you do 100% believe him, you just truely don't know.

But a few weeks ago they where at it in class again, this time my mum was called to go into a meeting with the two headteachers, along with my nephew as well. Some old women. Apparently he said something without being asked (butted in) and the teacher absolutely bollocked him for it, mum said he looked like a ghost and she scared the shit out of mum too. Finally! Discipline maybe.

It was agreed they are far too volatile together, so discussions where made. It was then put forth that they would then have their school timetables completely changed so that they would never ever see each other in school again. Seemed to work. At this beginning of this week he came in completely pissed off saying "I'm having to do everything i've done previously once again!" He was just told to use it to his advantage. Which i would have loved in my school back in the day.

Anyway yesterday he came home and said "I was in the dinner line, and the lad was harrassing me again (I'm confused considering they're supposed to be avoiding each other?) but the teacher caught him. He said i could have my old timetable hours back and i can go back to lessons, and he gets my timetable!" I just rolled my eyes thinking "Sure" but never calling him out on it.

I'll get back to what happened today in a moment, but just to go back to something else before i do...

While he has been home from school things have been going okay, my mum (Coming on 70 next month) hadn't been feeling too well as she had one of those morphine patches on her which was making her ill. He had been content on playing on his xbox or whatever for a while. He gave me money to buy Xbox Live Gold, his money so i bought it for him. A few days ago though i seen he was sporting a new headset which i didn't buy him.

I already had an Xbox headset which i didn't give him, because i didn't want him using voicechat, but he's got it now. Last saturday i came home from work and he was on his xbox, next i hear him scream "Turn the fucking heating on will you! I'm fucking freezing here for fucksake!". I don't think he was aware it was me that came home and expected my mum, my blood boiled a little bit.

I myself wasn't feeling too good that day so i just caught an hours sleep, the phone rang a few times. I was asleep. Next minute he storms out of his bedroom like a lunatic screaming "pickup that fucking phone will you!" mum, who is deaf was in another room upstairs completely shocked, i was still half dazed after being rudely awoken. Blood boiled again. Put 2+2 together figuring that he was just trying to be a smart prick showing how commanding he was in the house, if i had been awake proper i'd have given him a mouthful for the first time for saying the shit he said, i was just completely angry about it.

Anyway mum took him to one of the local game shops a few days ago when he bought his headset. What i was unaware of was this, that he had exchanged games i had bought him. I was sure i brought this up in here before, but looking back i don't think i did. Basically i bought him a new Xbox to replace my dead one, along with a few games. FIFA12, Skyrim, Batman, WWE etc. A few months ago he told my mum they where his games, while i was in work. So she took him to the games shop and he exchanged two of the games (FIFA and WWE) for some other games. I was furious, since those places scam the fuck out of you on pre-owned stuff, which mean't i lost money.

I told him not to do it again.

Roll on last week, he did it again. This time mum even said "They're not his games are they?" to which he said no, they where his. He went and exchanged Skyrim and Batman for two shoddy games which are worth pittance, i was furious, and from then i said i wouldn't buy him anything like that again.

So while he was playing with his friends from school, his language at times had been pretty French, kids do it even if you don't want them too, but today he goes to school on his "supposed" old/new timetable. At about 11am school phoned "Mrs Gray, he is refusing to go to his lessons and told a member of staff to fuckoff, please come down to collect him".

When she went to school to pick him up, he went complete apeshit, telling teachers to fuckoff, and also telling mum to fuckoff too for stopping him from seeing his mum. One of his friends at school is his cousin, who's mum/family is very close to his own mum. About two weeks ago his mum phoned our house and lay down a series of demands, my mum, completely taken aback by her demands said no, bugger off basically, demands being things like taking him where she wants and for how long she wants. Mum wasn't happy with that, therefor refused well within her rights as his carer.

He didn't know much about it from what i understand, but it seems the lad at school told him and set him off. When i went to work he was still sulking at home, but he went out a few hours later saying he was going around the corner. It however was the case that he was at his other families house, i came home at 8pm and he still wasn't home, then my brother seen him as the family he was at lives a few seconds away. Mum got in the car and went around, to which the woman who lived there told her told her to fuckoff too.

He was seen shortly after mum left on his bike, about 9pm he finally got home.

She doesn't know how much more she can take. I don't know how much more i can take. I'm just keeping it bottled up away from everyone not talking about it, last time that happened i ended up in panic attack mode a few years ago. But he's taking his toll on this family thats for sure, even some of my brothers won't bother with him, mum is even saying he's acting nothing like any of her other kids.

Sigh.


Long rant over for another few month maybe!

 

[cHodAX]

"Turn the fucking heating on will you! I'm fucking freezing here for fucksake!". I don't think he was aware it was me that came home and expected my mum, my blood boiled a little bit.

That alone is reason for him to go mate. Your mum is getting on, she should not be suffering abuse like that no matter the situation, if you don't defend her then no one will and it is long overdue that you took the little fucker to task. A bad upbringing does not excuse bad behaviour or abusing women, if you let him off with it now it is something he will do for the rest of his life.

 

[Punishment]

Let his mum take him tbh, your mother is too old to deal with that much hassle imo.

 

[BloodOmen]

Indeed, let his mother take him.. harsh situation but if he's acting like that towards your mother he has no place in that house, it'll just keep getting worse.

 

[SilverHood]

Sounds like he needs to learn to respect others, and their property. But it's nearly impossible to discipline a kid like that when he can escape to the land of milk and cookies of his real mum whenever the hammer goes down. Ask social services for what it would take to get a court order preventing him seeing his mother outside scheduled visiting hours. Then he will have to learn to live with the consequences of his actions, which should include the removal of xBox privileges for bad behavior!

 

[Gray]

The thing with that specific outburst is, that's the first time it ever happened, he has never gone and been so arrogant about it. I indirectly linked that to him trying to be macho so his friends can hear him over voicecomms on the Xbox, the same with later that same day when the phone rang and he had an outburst there. Never seen it before in him hence why i, and mum was taken by suprise by it.

Don't think i mentioned it though, but i was planning on taking the headset off him last night after the language with his friends over voicecomm, let it slip with kids been kids. But as soon as school phoned saying he had being the way he was, i immediately took the headset away from him.

While my mum is indeed 70, she doesn't seem to feel it, still very young and active in a sense, but this is definately mentally draining her after all the years of stuff that has been going on with the family, she was close to phoning the police tonight when he didn't come home as promised, but she felt if they got involved he would have been taken from her and placed back into social services care.

His mum doesn't get it, nor do her family. If my mum gives up on him, she isn't the guiding light she is making herself out to be talking the talk saying she will get custody, she has enough shit in her life to make me assume she will never get them kids back (Considering she tried to get her other kids back against her own mum, and failed as they're still in the other grandparents custody) but she is ruining this boys life giving him hope where there really isn't any.

The worrying thing is, i think he's trying to get to me now as well, my hearing is very good unlike my mums, so i can hear his grumbles and whines. Last night, a Virgin Media server decided to blow which ended up knocking out internet access for half the town at about 8pm while he was playing with his friends on xbox. My net went down, yet i could hear him making grumbles in his room. I didn't bother to clarify the issue as he was just in a sulk, but i tell him to get to bed about 10:30-11pm and he seems to ignore what i'm saying. While its easy to cut off the internet connection should i want too, it's a bit harder to do that with televisions!

I was also going to take him cinema to watch the Avengers, but i found out he sold my games by lying again, so i went on my own in the end. I had intended to maybe take him at the weekend but he can whistle for it as far as i'm concerned now.

 

[cHodAX]

No mate, you are making far too many allowances, I know it is not intentional and you are just trying to do the right thing but sooner or later both you and your mum are going to get burnt by this kid. My perspective is simple, your mum gave birth to you and for the first 18 years of your life she looked after you, now she is getting on and it is your job to look after her, no if's or but's. This kid is exploiting your mother, when my nephew did the same I went to war with both him and his mother, it was made quite clear that should it happen again there would be massive consequenses for them. So far he hasn't taken the piss once and hopefully now that we are a few years on he is 18 and working it won't happen again. If it does he will get a fat lip and will be done with this family.

 

[Everz]

You have the patience of a saint Gray, I'd have kicked the cretin out after he blew his chances, but then I am far from a remorseful character.

 

[cHodAX]

You have the patience of a saint Gray, I'd have kicked the cretin out after he blew his chances, but then I am far from a remorseful character which is why I am a Wolves fan!

Reads better now!

 

[Everz]

Reads better now!

Fo with your ABW attitude.

/on topic

 

[Shagrat]

Gotta agree with cho, laudable that yur trying to do. the right thing but you need to start factoring yours/your mums wellbeing and state of mind into the equation as well. He doesn't seem to be changing his behaviour and i think maybe Ta time he moved on.

 

[BloodOmen]

Have to agree with cHodAX on this one, sooner or later its going to come back and bite you hard because of how much he's getting away with. Without discipline he's just going to continue to take the piss until either he ends up back with his mother or worse case your mother gets even more ill due to stress.

If I was in your position I would honestly just let him go back to his mother because if shes anything like you say she is it wont be long before he comes running back to you and your mother, maybe then he'll realise just how good he's got it compared to others.

 

[Corran]

I would have kicked him out long ago... but then this is me. I have a sister in law that is a waste of space and keeps threatening to commit suicide. My mother was always "oh but what about your son" shit with her etc. After a talk with her, with my brother, with my mother it was clear it is another bullshit lie (like the 5 rape attempts etc that an unwashed dirty looking bitch wouldnt be on end off <yus my brother idiot marrying someone like that) and discussed it with my mother. Couple weeks pass and she played the card again and mother finally listened to me and gave the response "Well stop saying it and just go do it as it be better for all us instead of dealing with this every few months." .... not a peep about that since.

Sometimes the only way to sort things out is to be harsh . . . hell I even offered to give her a helping hand incase she changed her mind at last second.

Hope you sort him out though if you gonna keep him, but me. I would simply tell him to grow up as you took care of him when no one else would and if he really wanted to go to his mum then he could but he could not take any of the stuff you have purchased for him with a few exceptions. If you had purchased everything he owns then he could leave with his school stuff, school uniforms and say 3-5days of clothes!
That would mean this amazing mum he wants to go to would have to actually spend her own money on her son instead of hiding in shadows paying for nothing but trying to act all big

 

[Bigmac]

Sounds like this little punk needs some discipline and when I say discipline I mean some hard slaps round the ringer. Back in the day whenever I told my parents to fuck off etc I got a good few slaps round the arse and the fear of god put in to me, especially by my father. I can say I never crossed them ever again.

If that fails then you should just get rid as like Chodax has said your mum is old now and shouldn't have to take this bullshit from anyone.

 

[Raven]

It sounds as though he has some serious anger issues, trying to work around them will not work. Have you tried to get professional help for him? Your mother should not have to put up with it and if his mother can't/won't then there maybe no option but to place him with someone with a lot more experience.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Sounds like rasberry jam.

Now i could go round about it all day long, but i'll try and keep it short; you're making excuses, letting him act this way and enabling this behaviour. No, you're not harsh enough, if he does something with games, take away the game system, lock it up, or lock him up ffs. Then when it suits you, you give up. So either commit, or give up. Big balls, no balls.

Before you realise and accept that you need to turn into a dad from hell to correct the kid, which will ofcourse ruin any young years of your life, you'll only push back the enavitable.

If being uberfuhrerdad doesn't work, send the f*cker to a "camp".

 

[Tilda]

I agree with Raven, he needs help.
Is there any way you could move him away from his mother - ie different town/school etc?

Can you sign him up to the army? They would sort him out.

 

[Chilly]

Can you sign him up to the army? They would sort him out.

Or just train up an unstable kid and teach him the skills of war? Great fuckin idea.

 

[Sar]

Who's more important to you? Your mum who raised you and is now into her twilight years (and deserves to be able to relax and enjoy herself), or some arrogant, spoilt little cunt who is determined to fuck up everyone around him and doesn't give a shit about you or your mum?

Fuck him off to his own mum m8, you've tried and there's no shame in admitting defeat - you have your mum to worry about and she should be your primary concern, not this ungrateful little gobshite.

 

[DaGaffer]

Right, I'm going to take a contrary view here; you lot sound like you belong in the 1950s; "bring back National Service, corporal punishment, hanging's too good for 'em, never had it so good". The kid is 13 (right?). Most of his behaviour in that last post sounds like typical 13 year old behaviour. He's not being a uniquely awful problem child, he's being exactly the pain in the hole that most 13 year olds are.

Case in point, he trades in good games for shit ones. As I understand it, they are his games right? (I think some were Gray's but later ones were his if I'm reading that properly), well they're also his to trade and fuck up. Now he's stuck with some shite games, his problem. So long as you don't get him off the hook by getting him replacements, he's had a valuable learning experience. At thirteen, especially for someone with a fairly dysfunctional background like his, the last thing you want to do is take away the security of ownership he has by having his own "stuff". Saying "well I paid for that, so I decide what you do with it" is bad enough for a teenage boy in a "normal" family, but this kid lives in a sea of insecurity.

In the case of the swearing thing; once again, its not unusual, he's a teenager and they try it on. In that case, you jump on it hard (and you should have done it immediately the first time it happened, tired or not), but once again, not with any "my house, my rules" stuff, but with "you don't talk to anyone like that". Its bad manners, plain and simple, and so long as you keep it on that level, you take away the insecurity.

As for your mother, don't fall in to the trap of being overprotective because she's pushing 70, she's not a child. Of course you keep an eye for her health, but she's raised kids of her own. This kid is the connection to her lost son, so glib "hand him back" attitudes aren't going to fly.

In short, tough it out, its probably going to get worse, but probably not much worse than every other parent has it.

 

[MYstIC G]

there's no shame in admitting defeat

Frankly it's not even defeat. The kid is clearly a miniature version of his mother, he's got no boundaries if he's prepared to take your stuff with no regard, I don't believe for a second that he's dumb enough not to know exactly what he did.

Much respect to you and your Mum for doing all of this but frankly at her time in life she shouldn't have to put up with it.

 

[MYstIC G]

(I think some were Gray's but later ones were his if I'm reading that properly)

Not sure that's right mate, I read it that he did it, got in the shit, did it again and lied the second time because he was flat out asked if they were his games to trade by Grey's mum (because of the first incident).

 

[Chilly]

The kid is 13 (right?). Most of his behaviour in that last post sounds like typical 13 year old behaviour. He's not being a uniquely awful problem child, he's being exactly the pain in the hole that most 13 year olds are.

I think he's acting a lot worse than most 13 year olds, frankly. If that's how the 13 year olds you know/knew/were act then you're unlucky and surrounded by cunts. I agree, there's a certain amount of suck it up to take but he's clearly got problems caused by a very poor environment where his family are all over the place. Best for him would be to leave town, keep him away from the "problem" bits of the family and get on with it.

Also, at 13 his behaviour is almost entirely based on examples around him, he will only just be starting to become truely independent at that age. His behaviour is probably 90% the fault of those around him.

 

[DaGaffer]

If that's how the 13 year olds you know/knew/were act then you're unlucky and surrounded by cunts. .

I was at boarding school. It made Lord of The Flies look like The Waltons.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Age isn't an excuse though, i've never understood that. Any age that you understand that stuff is wrong to do is the age you are held completely responsible for those actions. 10+ is definetaly that age.

Boys will be boys, but punishments will be punishments.

 

[Mabs]

just feel really sorry for your mum gray, seems really shit, but end of the day, if its not stamped on it will get worse. good luck with whatever you decide to (keep) do(ing)

I was at boarding school. It made Lord of The Flies look like The Waltons.

lol, been there, done that :/ (english public school... )

 

[itcheh]

It looks to me like you and your mum are doing everything with his best interests at heart ... but you are going about it all wrong.

You are trying to deal with this stuff on your own ... when you clearly need guidance and assistance from Social Services / Psychologists. It's not your job to shoulder this responsibility on your own.

Classic case of 'working hard' instead of 'working smart'.

Start asking for help ... or let him go.

 

[rynnor]

Give him to social services to foster him out somewhere far away from the Mum is his best chance I think. Having the Mum offering him fantasies of a better life will completely overshadow your efforts and poison him against you.

Then you can visit him and still take a positive interest but on better terms.