Problem Child x1

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
Oh and just for Gray; it's not meant as judgement(as usually seems the way to go), just a perspective of a different person that you may or may not listen to ;)
 

Gray

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 25, 2003
Messages
3,425
Yeah fuck privacy :<. When i was 13-14 i bought a porno mag from some guy at school, i hid it in my bedroom i thought "hmmm. i know, somewhere where my mum wouldn't find it.. i know! my pillow case, she'll never look there!!!"

.......

Lasted like 2 days :<.

I was expecting to come home today to all hell breaking loose, not a peep was made about it. She did reply to my Facebook message though

Well allen. At the end of the day don't really matter I'm seeking legal advice on where I stand with shane as your all not keeping me in the loop either about shane or what's hapening with school after all Iam still his mum and have full parental responsibility no matter what way you look at it with or without a residency order

I find it funny, she has sweet fuckall to do about it. Social Services are the ones who were on our side through this whole sorry saga anyway, and she kept buying him mobile phones which he always had been losing, so that's not my issue either.

I did laugh at one message she sent to my nephew though when he came home and was talking to her:

Well that's not what allen said shane I've had a right snotty message of him today saying that he's monitoring your facebook from now on

I did as much as i could to make sure it wasn't snotty, i could have gone into full aggro mode but i kept it as civil as i could. Might be fun tomorrow though, apparently she is coming down - Thankfuck i'm in work, she's an absolute battleaxe and my head is probably lined up!
 

opticle

Part of the furniture
Joined
Sep 14, 2011
Messages
1,201
Gray, in case it hasn't been said, I just want to say I really respect you for trying your best to help the kid out, because that's obviously what you're trying to do, and it isn't easy. He might not appreciate or accept it now, but he may well thank you for it - and owe you a lot - when he's grown up. I hope it all works out. There's always going to be all sorts of horrible tension and Chinese whispers with his Mum, I can't really comment as I don't understand the background, other than to do your best to stay honest, respectful, reasonable as is possible and keep the moral highground - don't let the frustration bring you down to their level, and hopefully some day they'll come up to your's.
 

soze

I am a FH squatter
Joined
Jan 22, 2004
Messages
12,508
I am a bit uneasy with the whole reading his Facebook messages that does not sit with me well at all. It is clear you do not trust him on Facebook so block his access at home. This whole it is my house my computer so I have every right to read your messages seem like you wanting to snoop on his life. If it was me and I did not trust him then I would set up web filtering and block him from having access at home. Filtering access from sites you don't want him on seems a better solution than checking what he has been up to every few days. The more he is shown that he has to hide things the more devious he will become. If he knows that he has to do everything behind your back then his default way of operating will be to do everything in secret behind your back.

It is commendable that you are taking such an interest in his life but that part is too far for me.
 

Gray

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 25, 2003
Messages
3,425
His mum been pushing the boundaries again today. She has been over the past few days to be honest.

A few days ago there was an issue at school where a prefect had almost strangled/choked him by tightening/yanking on his school tie. He was upset about this and had to come home early. Mum got on the phone straight away, and the matter was dealt with the next day. However supposedly this prefect warned him that he will instead get him out of school. He told my mum and once again she got on the phone and was assured nothing would happen.

I was a bit uneasy about this whole thing though, it's just that he has such an overactive imagination that i always feel he says it's worse than it actually is, i know i should trust him 100% but as i say i know what he's like. This whole time anyway he was filling his mum with information. She became the worlds best mum when she said she would get social services involved, and then had a dig at my mum saying she should be picking him up from school every day, or giving him busfair because he's "too young to be out on his own when it's getting dark".

Bear in mind, school is only about a mile away and is just a straight walk all the way home.

Today she was coming down to visit, my mum told her well in advance (Mum told him she had to go out today at <such a clock>). This was agreed. No issue. Today comes along and "the bus is late, the roads are icey, the bus broke down". Obviously she was being hours late, and by what their conversation was like my mum was a bit pissed off because she had appointments she had to keep. She was about 2-3 hours late. Obviously someone is going to be pissed off if she has to wait around.

After her visit was concluded she goes onto Facebook:

sick to frigging death of my sons grandmother slagging me off to him cause I'm late getting down well omg I'm sorry I have to rely on public transport I do my best now please stop slagging me off to my son as its upsetting him and don't care who the fuck sees this she's getting told end of x

This obviously got some of your typical Facebook support messages, all the while he still has access to viewing it and seeing the impending storm. I thought, fuck it, i've had enough, i shall write her another long winded message. I haven't sent it yet though although my finger is hanging close to the send button!

This is Alan. Yes i am still monitoring stuff that is going on here, but i'm not going to phone you up i have absolutely nothing i need to say to you Lorraine. If you want to talk then you phone my mum and you talk to her, me and Shane will not be the middle men in all this.

Shane even told you last night that my mum had to go out at a certain time, there was absolutely no issue there. I can understand that sometimes circumstances arise where you maybe late - That's fine, things happen which are beyond our control.

My mum might have been sounding off a bit in regards to this, which is only fair as well. She had things to do on a Saturday but she couldn't until you got here, wouldn't you be frustrated as well? Be honest with me as i'm being honest with you.

Shane could have very easily have met you in the neutral location once you arrived, whether it was in a McDonalds or one of the shops or wherever it was you were meeting up. Yes, it's cold outside - But indoors it's always relatively warm.

A few days ago you sent him a message saying it was absolutely unacceptable that Shane had to walk from school to home, which is a mile away. Let me tell you, she takes Shane to school amongst other things and he comes home when he's ready, because he might have sports, detention or whatever.

Shane has voiced no opinion on walking home, infact from what i personally hear it's all positive. I particularly liked the bit where you said Shane is too young to be walking home from school at 3pm (General time) because it's too dark - and yet you think it's acceptable for him to stay home alone today so that my mum could go out?

Sorry Lorraine but it doesn't work like that, and considering the fact that Shane misplaces things very easily (Leaving clothes at school, the mobile phones etc) do you think it would be responsible for a house key to be given to him?

My last point i'm making is Facebook. I let him on here to talk to you in a civilised manner, but i'm not having you taking pot shots at my mum like you have done on your recent status. I told you i am letting Shane access Facebook out of sheer goodwill - But do not assume that i will just let you cause trouble with Shane trying to unsettle him.

He himself has even said that he is happy here, and seeing your Facebook comments just make me think you're trying to cause trouble. All i, and my mum want is for Shane to be happy and stable - Which he is at the moment. You discuss this with Social Services like you say you will do, i have no isue at all with it, but him using Facebook is not a part of the deal - If he or you abuses it to try to score points against me or my mum, or anyone else for that matter, i will turn it off.

Thanks,

Alan

I'm trying to keep it as civil as i can. She keeps harping onto him about seeing Social Services/Solicitors on <pick a day>. Every week it's the same thing. All she does is bark, with no bite - But he is listening to her every word.
 

MYstIC G

Official Licensed Lump of Coal™ Distributor
Staff member
Moderator
FH Subscriber
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
12,381
Don't bother mate, if it's on her facebook status she can delete it.
 

Gray

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 25, 2003
Messages
3,425
Yeah in the end i didn't bother with it, kept it there for safekeeping though. But i am so very angry now, feels like my heart is beating through my chest now.

The other week he was a pain in the arse im school, running around being a prick causing disruption to classes with some of his mates. When he got home he denied everything saying he hurt his arm, and the nurse wouldn't see him. He went on Facebook telling his mum this story which she (obviously, him being a saint) believed him. He was claiming that clearly his nan was just picking on him for the sake of it.

I seen said message, and told him that he better tell his mum the true story - That he was caught on CCTV in the school acting like a prick, it all came flooding back to him at this point and he remembered everything - So i pretty much made sure he told her. There was no issue though.

Things have been fine, he went to school as per usual today. They phoned up near 2pm and said to mum to pick him up, as he has once again been running around like a prick. Apparently the school were less than nice to my mum, pretty much throwing a log at her with all the times he was caught truanting and demanded she take him home. The ride home he apparently gave her a torrent of abuse, effing and blinding at her.

When she pulled up at the house he run off, no idea where. She is upset about this and i am fucking fuming. Took away his access to the PC and the Xbox and will stay that way for a few days, most likely police will be getting involved soon if he doesn't come in, specially with it getting colder now. His fucking mum has warped his mind again with all her promises of a brighter future living with her, i might just send a message to the social services off my own back since i can probably get a good response from them.

But i'm tired of this, i'm just thinking "It will only be 2 more years and he will be 16, he can do what the fuck he wants then" but 90% of the days there is no issue, except for the big blowouts.

Something in the back of my mind is saying though when he's in this sort of mood he could say absolutely anything. I honestly do think he can be quite dangerous with his words and his lies and i feel like i need to record any conversation he has where he is like this.
 

MYstIC G

Official Licensed Lump of Coal™ Distributor
Staff member
Moderator
FH Subscriber
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
12,381
Sucks that it's getting to you again mate. Maybe keep a diary of all his bullshit, just so you can keep track of things and know in your own mind for certain what happened, when and if possible attribute it to a cause (a why as it were). If you can pick up on the causes you might be able to curtail some of his bullshit.

Chin up anyway mate.
 

Poag

m00?
Joined
Mar 11, 2004
Messages
2,411
Write a book.

Honestly write a book, this stuff is fairly interesting to the outside viewer. Change names, places etc.


Call it the "Diary of a Foster home" or "The entitled Foster shit" :p
 

Gray

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 25, 2003
Messages
3,425
Who needs a diary when i have Freddyshouse.

Trouble is there doesn't seem to be any pattern at all emerging from it. All i know is the daily routine would be:

Him waking up no issue for school.
Him getting into school early.
<Blur> <Early afternoon before school finishes> School phones about him being disruptive.
Home. Kickoffs.

He's home now anyway, mum found him at his cousins (his mums side). He is saying "blah blah, reason i'm doing this is because i don't like this new class i'm in!" Soon as i heard that i sighed and thought "bullshit dude".

Apparently he was moved from his old class into this new class a few months ago because there was issues, but you know what these lower classes are like. But once again there is a meeting tomorrow morning to see if he can go back into his original class.

Personally i'm waiting for it to blow up again, give it a month or two and he will find a new excuse, something along the lines of the pupils in the class are skitting him etc etc etc.
 

Poag

m00?
Joined
Mar 11, 2004
Messages
2,411
Personally i'm waiting for it to blow up again, give it a month or two and he will find a new excuse, something along the lines of the pupils in the class are skitting him etc etc etc.
WTF is skitting?
 

Aoami

I am a FH squatter
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
11,223
I think you've done admirably to put up with the situation for so long. I think most people in your position would've been on the blower to social services to drag him away months ago.
 

Gray

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 25, 2003
Messages
3,425
Just thought i'd give an update in regards to all this, the bi-annual update and all that...

There has been zero issues with my nephew the past few months, infact it's been excellent. His school work has been amazing, constantly gaining certificates and commendations. There hasn't been any (major) arguements and things literally have been great.

However his mum has been constantly on the scene, there has been several court cases between my mum and his mum over the custody of him. The first one was just before i was going away on holiday back in June/July, we were given the assumption that it was likely he would end up going back to his mothers, but in the end nothing happened and it was postponed for a couple of weeks.

Few weeks came by, and the next court appearance happened. The judge in this one had sense and favoured him staying with us, however once again the case was adjourned until another time - Mum goes to this one only to be told "nope sorry, paperwork hasn't been completed - come back in a few weeks". It was obviously dragging on, and one way or another we needed it resolving since it wasn't doing anyone any good.

It was not long after that my mum recieved a written statement from his mum, via her solicitor. My mum became infuriated instantly, reading through the pages were continual lies about events that "supposedly" took place. One in particular was that when my nephew went to the meeting point (Asda) to see his mum, they went shopping. But it just so happened that my mum and my aunty then went shopping too - And were yelling obscenities like "child abuser, terrible mum" etc at her around the store. This angered my mum greatly for the fact she made such a bold lie.

The statement also brought me into the equation. What happened was a few months ago my nephew had a slight arguement with my mum, to which he said "You know, my mum told me that i would stab you... according to my step dad" this put the fear of Jesus into her, and she ended up hiding all the sharp objects. When i caught wind of it, i hit the roof obviously. I had been fairly silent in the whole affair, and the fact that he had made an idle threat mean't i had to give his mum a piece of my mind, and be no longer silent.

We ended up having a monster arguement (Over Facebook obviously) with me telling her how much of a thick twat she was giving him ideas like that. It turned out though that she didn't tell him - He fabricated it saying she did, and it opened a can of worms. But in the arguement i gave her some truths regardless from when he was a baby. She didn't like this, and infact didn't say anything else to me. Probably for the best.

But yes, with that arguement she highlighted a fact i made,so thus i was "involved".

Onto present day. The social services come back and said they're supporting his mum in this. And if/when she gains custody she will have to move into a bigger house. Oh i didn't mention? Yeah she currently lives in a 1 bedroom flat. Which means if she got custody, what would the sleeping arrangement be. Very touchy subject.

But... onto today, the court case happened at a different court than previous, where the previous judge had supported mums cause... Today, we got a judge who didn't. My nephews barrister crucified my mum and she didn't know how to handle it. The barrister made points like "Why don't you have any pictures of his mum in your house?" and other ridiculous statements - Which when my mum asked to repeat/explain they got even more aggressive.

The whole thing devastated my mum who was there with her friend for support. Nephews mum made up lies, and when my mum tried to rememedy the situation it fell on deaf ears, so in the end... The court awarded his mum custody, effective from Monday. I was in work when i heard, but it was bad. My mum has sadly turned bitter towards him, and has washed her hands of the situation - She no longer wants anything to do with him ever again since she fought tooth and nail for him for 2 years.

But the loser in all of this is my nephew... Firstly he's now effectively left school to go to this new place (to be setup) which means he's going to be 14 years old settling into a new school, but then he could end up moving schools again should a new house be found. His hard work over the past few years will be for nothing. The courts/barrister told my mum "Don't worry, you can have him during weekends and school holidays" -Which my mum kindly told them to get fucked, that would have made it easy for his mum to have a nice life of luxury...

So yes... The story is pretty much complete now. I'd rather have had him here for a further 2 years to get school out the way... But sadly not....
 

Chilly

Balls of steel
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
9,046
Poor kid :( Bouncing around, unstable family life and an insane mother. Let's face it, he's not going to be a doctor, is he?
 

caLLous

I am a FH squatter
FH Subscriber
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
18,435
Shitty end to the story for the boy. :(

Sounds like it would all have been just fine if his mother had just stopped, thought about it and taken his best interests (realising well he was doing at school and how that would be affected by this kind of upheaval etc) on board and just stayed away.
 

ECA

I am a FH squatter
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
9,439
It's a real shame after the effort you've both put in.
 

rynnor

Rockhound
Moderator
Joined
Dec 26, 2003
Messages
9,353
She will soon tire of having a teen around - that's the sad bit.
 

BloodOmen

I am a FH squatter
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
17,967
He'll come crawling back when he realises his mother can't provide a cushy lifestyle, when he does your mother wants to say no to him and tell him to stay with his mother because the moment he realises he can get to your mother from pulling on her heart strings over such a matter he'll play on it even more. As for his mother I'd personally take her to court for slander, I know your mother prob can't be doing with the extra bother but if someone has basically sat there and lied their arse off about me with zero physical proof to back it up I'll get them for slander if they can't prove it.
 

Mabs

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
6,869
He'll come crawling back when he realises his mother can't provide a cushy lifestyle, when he does your mother wants to say no to him and tell him to stay with his mother because the moment he realises he can get to your mother from pulling on her heart strings over such a matter he'll play on it even more. As for his mother I'd personally take her to court for slander, I know your mother prob can't be doing with the extra bother but if someone has basically sat there and lied their arse off about me with zero physical proof to back it up I'll get them for slander if they can't prove it.


if you got written records ,even police notes, id do this , just to drive the point home

other than that, sad but not surprising, court favours mother over all else
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
Well i'll be honest here, you didn't make life any easier for the kid and your mother telling the courts "F*ck off" to weekend visits etc will sound to him like you lot don't even want him around.

Only way for the kid to actually have some epace is to be left in place, whatever that place is. I'd rather he'd been with her mother for the past two years then in this hellhole.

(And yeah i know you'll *points at random person* disagree and you'll *point another* facepalm, this is just an honest opinion, you don't have to agree with it ;))
 

caLLous

I am a FH squatter
FH Subscriber
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
18,435
The hellhole being living with Gray and his mum? What the fuck?
 

caLLous

I am a FH squatter
FH Subscriber
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
18,435
Oh, well, quick English lesson then. Hellhole is used to refer to a place, not an episode or a point in time. :)
 

rynnor

Rockhound
Moderator
Joined
Dec 26, 2003
Messages
9,353
old.Tohtori said:
Well i'll be honest here, you didn't make life any easier for the kid and your mother telling the courts "F*ck off" to weekend visits etc will sound to him like you lot don't even want him around.

Toht has a point here - the kids being manipulated by his mum.

I agree you should't be unpaid weekend/holiday carers but try to show the child you arent just washing your hands of him - keep some lines of communication open.
 

TdC

Trem's hunky sex love muffin
Joined
Dec 20, 2003
Messages
30,804
sad to hear, Gray. let me just say you and your mum are absolute gems fighting so long and hard for the kid.
 

Tom

I am a FH squatter
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
17,214
All you can do is be there for him, be someone he can always trust.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom