Problem Child x1

[Aoami]

I real feel for you with the general situation, it sounds shit, but...

You're just as bad as he is for commenting on his facebook status. He is young and doesn't know any better, but you should.

 

[Gray]

Sadly i couldn't do anything else about it since i was in work, else i would have just warned him and also deleted said messages. If i didn't say anything there would have been nothing to stop him making more remarks for the next 2-3 hours that i was working without access to my phone, at the time i didn't want my mum involved in it she shouldn't have to see what he writes on there when he can't get his own way (Hence me warning and deleting messages).

But when i got home and was told what he was like i gave up and actually showed what he wrote about her, truely fed up of the situation and so is she.

 

[Mabs]

how old is he ? and cant you get rid of him ?

 

[Gray]

12. But this is the whole thing, we don't want to get rid of him. Back when he was a baby he was abused beyond belief in and out of hospital and under constant care of social services, but he ended up out of our lives for a good 10 years until last year.

Mum had fought tooth and nail to get him the compensation that he deserved from the death of his father since his other children got their many thousands in payouts, but when she found out that he was being abused again she swooped in and made sure that he had a stable and secure life here with us, it's her grandson and she clearly doesn't want to give up on him, but stunts like this played tonight are not acceptable at all, and it's even making her wonder if she should just give up - But in doing so resigning him to a life of hell.

What i find "hilarious" (Well yeah) is this bitch has 3-4 other kids who're living with his other grandparents (ie, the ones who abused him). One would assume that if she where to "rescue" her kids and what not... That she would actually go for the ones who clearly aren't in a stable life, instead of destroying a young boys life when he was clearly fine until she showed up.

 

[Tom]

He's twelve, I remember what I was like aged twelve - an idiot.

He doesn't understand. Don't be partisan, just be honest. Be a man, someone who he can trust.

 

[ECA]

He's also prob got some severe abandonment issues, have you tried just talking to him about all this in an adult way to him?

Also buy him a pet dog/cat?

w/e Sounds like your nan is made of awesome for trying to help this kid though.

 

[Scouse]

The kid's had a really shit time. It's never going to be easy dealing with him.

It's no surprise that you've had a few good months, then his wanker abusive mother turns up and it all goes to shit. He's twelve. His brain isn't even fully formed yet.

Good on yer mum for doing the right thing. Don't give up on him.

Oh, and get him off facebook. I suggest he needs to sign up to something like the duke of edinburgh at school (or something similar). Physical activities away often help problem kids...


...oh, and counselling. Lots and lots of counselling. He needs external support to be able to get a handle on things.

 

[Gray]

I think it might be for the best i get him off of Facebook, at least maybe for a few weeks. I don't want to take his phone off him as that is his only contact with his mother from there on but also his school friends etc. It seems these things only flare up during the school holidays, it did the last time when my other nephew came to stay for a week or two during those school holidays.

Regarding activities though, this is the thing. He's actually very active for his age, mum even concerns herself thinking he does far too much in terms of activities. He's part of different sports clubs at school, usually two times a week he won't get home until 6-7pm from doing football or whatever, then he gets up at about 7am to get ready for school again. During the school holidays (Like now) they have a local youthclub for extra activities to keep them busy all day.

Counselling he hasn't done yet, one thing i have relised with him is his imagination is in complete overdrive, a fantasist one might say, but i think hes been put off these people since his other grandparents told him he was a headcase and every other demoralising thing you can think of.

 

[Uncle Sick]

12? So he hasn't even hit puberty with all the hormonal change goodness it brings with it?
Counseling and some medication might not be the worst idea.

Before Scouse jumps me for a possible human rights violation... medication as in something
to help him cope with every day life. Not medication as in turning him into a zombie.

Counseling alone is not going to solve this the way you describe it.

My hat off to your mother for trying to do the right thing. And to you for helping her out.

 

[Sar]

Get him a hoodie.

Then hug him.


It's the Cameron way™!






Seriously though, I feel sorry for your mum. Sounds like she's tried her best, but he isn't coping well and his mum sticking her shit into the mix is only making things worse. Tell the mum she isn't allowed to have contact with him any more, and if necessary take out a restraining order.

Obviously that will have limited effect, as there'll still be facebook etc, but it would be a start on setting him on the straight and narrow and if you find out she is at least there's the law to force her to back off.

 

[Cemeterygates]

Sounds a fuckin shit situation, after reading some of it I kinda had the feeling of "fuck the lil bastard, lost cause"....but it seems much more like a young lad that is lost and confused with being passed around if you will.

Guess all you and your mother can do is just persist...just try and do the right thing and guide him as best you can.
Basically like being a parent....you just try an do your best.

 

[Cemeterygates]

Fuckin new boards....edits and quotes...how the fuck do you do them! lol

I've got a bit of exp with the parent thing, not due to having any sprogs of my own, but the mrs has a 6 year old lad, that i've known for half his life.
Can be fucking rage inducing hard work at times, but you just gotta do what you think is best. I slapped him once, wasn't hard, was partly out of anger and a lesson if you will.....he seems to struggle with the concept that other people have feelings/get upset/feel pain. he thought it was ok for him to bash me in the face full bore 5 times...so i slapped him....wasnt hard but he got the point.....i think.

I felt like i was gonna be sick shortly after due to feeling really guilty about it. Kinda like Lenox Lewis having a go at a seriously un-fit and drunk as fuck Ricky Hatton.....lol.

 

[Punishment]

I know it's a very straightforward view but it's a case of either let social services look after the boy or take him in from day 1, i know from my family backround that social services would in no way 100% be involved as not a wink of sleep would be had by any of my female relatives knowing a wee cuddly St John baby was in a strangers arms, but everyone is different and we are simple folk.

But merely taking an interest because someone else decided to seems like a very flippant reason to get inviolved and if this is how it came about the kid is bound to be abit messed up, would have been better left to the system if his blood had no interest.

Sounds harsh and im not judging anyone but it's just how i feel at this very early hour

 

[Scouse]

Regarding activities though, this is the thing. He's actually very active for his age, mum even concerns herself thinking he does far too much in terms of activities.

He can't do too many activities. They'll keep his mind in a good place. The reason I suggested D of E is that the activities require him to take responsibilities and it has requirements in terms of light project work etc.

Before Scouse jumps me for a possible human rights violation... medication as in something to help him cope with every day life. Not medication as in turning him into a zombie.

Lol.

Yanks always jump at the medication route. Yank children are the most medicated kids on the planet. I'd leave that decision and recommendation to a healthcare professional but, personally, I'd err on the side of remembering that he's still developing physically so if medication (of any type) can be avoided then so much the better.

Councelling will help with or without. It gives a stable frame of reference for a child and an external contact they feel they can trust.

As for the kids mother - the further away from her he can be, the better. Same goes for his other grandparents - lets face it - they're shit - they brought up that bitch so their parenting skill are obviously wanting.

Bad parenting runs in families.

 

[Scouse]

better left to the system

May as well shoot him in the face and get him buried quickly if that is the case...

 

[mycenae]

Counselling will only help if he agrees to it and wants to do it...and I speak from experience. I was sent to a counsellor aged 12....and sat for the hrs appt with my arms crossed intently studying my feet....the same happehned with every counsellor my parents tried.....whether parents were in the room or not. I ASKED to go to counselling when I was 17, and it was the best thing ever. I would definitly get social services involved though...not in the sense of removing said kid, but in support for your mum and also possibly to help his siblings if they are in abusive environments....will also help get his idiot of a mum away from him too.

 

[Mabs]

might it be worth dangling his feet over the abyss ?
by which i mean explain about how shit it will be if he doesnt sort it out now ? and explain you have finite patience, and hes rapidly running out of goodwill ?

RE: things like "his PC" - who paids for it ? if you gave it to him, take it away. if he doesnt deserve it, and yet is getting stuff.. ?

 

[Scouse]

Counselling will only help if he agrees to it and wants to do it

I don't disagree with that. You have to buy-in or it's going to be a waste of time. It would all depend on how the proposition was handled.

I'd sell it by taking him aside and in private saying "I can see you're having a hard time. You don't know who to trust and are understandably conflicted. My suggestion would be to see a councillor to talk through the shit as at least you'd know there was a trusted third party who only has your interests at heart." etc. etc...

might it be worth dangling his feet over the abyss

I hope you hold off on being a parent for a while, tbfh. There's so many things wrong with that approach given the situation as described.

Kids need safety, security and stability. The approach you advocate is the one his other grandparents and mother would take...

 

[old.Tohtori]

I'm more worried about you trying to be a father here, you'll end up damaging yourself if you keep stressing and worrying about this all the time, dropping your life on the backburner.

Otherwise, kids a kid that was brought up in the "facebook era" and it shows, anonymous bullcrap etc. Regular kid behaviour, stick with it, keep his boundaries, punish as appropriate and so forth. He'll grow out of it and nothing you can do really except give some guiding slaps

 

[Uncle Sick]

He can't do too many activities. They'll keep his mind in a good place. The reason I suggested D of E is that the activities require him to take responsibilities and it has requirements in terms of light project work etc.



Lol.

Yanks always jump at the medication route. Yank children are the most medicated kids on the planet. I'd leave that decision and recommendation to a healthcare professional but, personally, I'd err on the side of remembering that he's still developing physically so if medication (of any type) can be avoided then so much the better.

Councelling will help with or without. It gives a stable frame of reference for a child and an external contact they feel they can trust.

As for the kids mother - the further away from her he can be, the better. Same goes for his other grandparents - lets face it - they're shit - they brought up that bitch so their parenting skill are obviously wanting.

Bad parenting runs in families.

Just for the record: I'm not a yank. I just live here - the missus is the yank.

I could go into great detail why low dose medication can help 'problem children' cope with their overwhelming situations.
Once you have achieved that 'calm state', you can begin counseling with actual results.

But I'm tired after working all day, so I'll give you a chance to elaborate why helping children, even with the help of
medication is evil and why the USA are the antichrist anyways. I'll do the rebuttal thing that you'll ignore tomorrow.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I'd agree with that, medication sure can help, but should be considered only when all else fails. At the end of the day it's still a kid and medication might cause a lifelong dependancy on such.

Councelling on the other hand, to a kid this age, would probably be met with a thought of "extra school bullsh*t".

Both valid ways to go about it, but first should get an outside person(social worker/whatnot) to access if the situation is either a problem, or a growing kid in the internet era.

 

[Amphrax]

Jeremy kyle will sort this out

 

[rynnor]

I think unless you can get a court order banning contact with the mother she will screw up any chance of sorting the kid out.

Kids need stability and a tug of war between family members is not stability.

 

[Olgaline]

I have to admit I have trouble following half of whats being said, Bearing in mind that all we have is a one sided view of things,
I'd say it sounds more like the mom is the one thats in need of medication.

 

[Gray]

Well things have been okay the past week, i checked his mobile phone since he left it lying around, usually he deletes any text messages which he recieves but on this occasion he didn't. He was texting back and forth to his mum a day or two ago, once everything had settled down.

She sent messages to him saying she's awaiting contact from the social services and asked him directly if he wants to still live with her, to which he responded he absolutely does. Then i seen messages where she was attempting to bribe or bargain even more with him, saying she has a new touchscreen phone waiting for him, along with a new bed and asking what colour he wants his bedroom.

Honestly can't see him staying here much longer, but when my mum has been speaking to my brothers in regards to the situation (She doesn't yet know about the conversation my nephew and his mum had just yet) they pretty much said it - That a child shouldn't be away from his mother, mum agrees in a sense - But begrudgingly because she knows the type of life that he will end up with. With the help of Google Maps i managed to see where abouts approximately he will be living should he choose to go, he will end up in such a bad place, but he can't see it.

 

[Scouse]

That sucks tbfh. All you can be is honest with him and try to keep in touch.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Preparing to that, you should try and befriend him as much as possible and then jsut keep contact when he moves. In other words; keep him out of the sh*thole as much as possible.

Though, remember to live your life first, while doing what you can without too much stress.

 

[Bahumat]

Sorry mate but he sounded a lost cause from the start. If he wants to throw his life away with his mum then so be it.

If he has issues from how he was brought up, but is thrown an olive branch from a loving family, and throws that in your face...why bother.

 

[Scouse]

If he has issues from how he was brought up, but is thrown an olive branch from a loving family, and throws that in your face...why bother.

Because he's twelve and doesn't know what he's doing.

Do you expect helping a child to be easy? Do you expect them to be rational? Adults aren't - so why would you think a 12-year old would be?

It's his mum for fucks sake. Do you really expect a kid to understand what a fuckhead she is when he's zero life experience of his own and nothing to compare it to?

If you give up on a child you teach him only that you couldn't be arsed with him - and when he's older he won't be arsed either...

 

[Bahumat]

If you've given up on him it does not matter what he thinks.