J. O. T. D.

C

Crashtje

Guest
The SAS decided they needed to recruit some members, and put up a post in a paper , stating *Join the SAS , Trials Tonite - Bring your Wife* , First couple go in, John and his missus , The officer in charge says *Here is a gun, go around the back and shoot your wife* John replies *no no , i cant do that im sorry* and leaves the room quietly , another couple come in, same old , and leaves 2minutes later . Paddy enters the room with his wife, Officer says *Heres a gun, go around the back and shoot your wife* paddy replies *Sure thing* and disappears off around the back, 10 minutes pass and he returns and says *Sorry Officer, the gun didnt work - so i strangled the bitch!*
 
L

L_Plates

Guest
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a
pleasant view of her under wear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and take me. "I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top
she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little
test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

"The moral" of this story is: ..................


























"Always keep your condoms in your car."
 
A

Addlcove

Guest
Originally posted by L_Plates
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a
pleasant view of her under wear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and take me. "I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top
she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little
test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

"The moral" of this story is: ..................


"Always keep your condoms in your car."
Click to expand...

actually think that´s the 3rd time it´s been posted

(yes I just read this whole thread)
 
G

Gumbo

Guest
Possibly not suitable for work, but only if you work in quite a stuck up place.

hehe

Thanks to [TF] Manta and Caligula.
 
S

SilverHood

Guest
lol gumbo :D


anyway


dont think its been told yet

and I'm bored


Whats the difference between a piano and a fish? :D

You can tune a piano, but you cannot tune a fish!

:D


I'll get my coat
 
B

Big G

Guest
Walk into a bar and say to a woman:

"the name's bond..."

she says: "oh.. james bond?"

you say: "nah, unibond; and i'm here to fill your crack"







;)
 
S

Sharma

Guest
Originally posted by Gumbo
Possibly not suitable for work, but only if you work in quite a stuck up place.

hehe

Thanks to [TF] Manta and Caligula.
Click to expand...

The question "Is this a man's or a woman's arse?" seems to scream at me. :p
 
M

Munkey-

Guest
If thats what you're thinking then i seriously suggest you go look at girlies arses immediatly. Of course its a female.
 
O

old.Dillinja

Guest
Funneh joke in my sig if it ain't already been said. :p (I found it quite funny anyway)
 
B

Big G

Guest
Carmina Burana.

It was used in the old spice advert and sounds a bit like music from the omen.

G
 
A

adams901

Guest
This bloke walks into a public toilet where he finds two cubicles but one already occupied. He enters the other one, closes the door, drops 'em and sits down. A voice then comes from the cubicle next to him

"G'day mate, how are you going?"

Thinking this a bit strange but not wanting to be rude the guy replies..
"Yeh, not too bad thanks" After a short pause, he hears the voice again.

"So, what are you up to mate?

Again, answering reluctantly but unsure what to say, replies

"Ahh, er, just having a quick poo. Yourself?"

He then hears the voice for the 3rd time.....

"Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back, I've got some dickhead next to me answering all my questions"
 
A

adams901

Guest
dunno, didnt have the time to read through 34 posts pages of jokes lol.
 
S

Sleet

Guest
nothing quite like a good joke thread to brighten up a day!

encore! encore!
 
D

dysfunction

Guest
Sophie Ellis Bextor's body has been found on the floor of a French International footballer's hotel bedroom...































Police are treating it as Murder on Zidane's floor
 
S

SilverHood

Guest
AN ESSEX girl is in a bad car accident, and she's been cut and bruised.
An ambulance arrives at the scene of the crash, and a paramedic makes his way to the girl.

'Where you bleeding from luv?' he asks her,
To which she replies,
'Romford mate, Romford'.
 
M

Maljonic

Guest
"Zen Sausage," Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."
 
L

~Lazarus~

Guest
An old man goes to his doctor for a yearly physical taking his wife along

The doctor tells him "I need a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample"

The old man being hard of hearing turns to his wife and yells..

"WHAT DID HE SAY?"

His wife yells back..

"He needs your underpants!"
 
L

~Lazarus~

Guest
Top Ten: Questions that Make You Go, "Huh?"

1) How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
2) What happens if you get scared to death twice?
3) If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
4) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
5) If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success?
6) If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7) If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
8) If Superman is so smart, why does he wear underpants over his trousers?
9) If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
19) Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
 
M

Munkey-

Guest
Originally posted by Maljonic
"Zen Sausage," Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."
Click to expand...

Talk about ruining a joke. Its actually 'a buddhist goes up to a hot dog vendor and asks "make me one with everything"'
 
M

Maljonic

Guest
Originally posted by Munkey-
Talk about ruining a joke. Its actually 'a buddhist goes up to a hot dog vendor and asks "make me one with everything"'
Click to expand...
It's just a joke, it's not 'actually' anything. Don't see what difference it makes either way you say it...
 
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