J. O. T. D.

[BrassMonkey]

A guy goes to a hospital to get a spermogram. The doctor gives him a glass and asks him to fill it up. He goes home to try it with his left hand, try it with his right hand and nothing. He asks for his wife to help, she tries with her left hand, her right hand, her mouth, and nothing. Then again, he asks for his daughter to help, she tries with her left hand, right hand, mouth and nothing. He asked for his neighbour to help, a real hottie, she tries all that and nothing. Then, he goes back to the hospital and tells the doctor "Give me another glass. Nobody can open this one!"

 

[Jupitus]

Originally posted by BrassMonkey
A guy goes to a hospital to get a spermogram. The doctor gives him a glass and asks him to fill it up. He goes home to try it with his left hand, try it with his right hand and nothing. He asks for his wife to help, she tries with her left hand, her right hand, her mouth, and nothing. Then again, he asks for his daughter to help, she tries with her left hand, right hand, mouth and nothing. He asked for his neighbour to help, a real hottie, she tries all that and nothing. Then, he goes back to the hospital and tells the doctor "Give me another glass. Nobody can open this one!"

And here was me thinking the punchline was when the doctor analyses the sample and says 'your wife has the clap, your daughter's pregnant, and wanking won't cure your tennis elbow'

Yeah, I know... OLD

I'll get my coat.....

 

[xane]

I just found this quite funny

And in Tikrit, about 700 people rallied in the centre, chanting "Saddam is in our hearts, Saddam is in our blood" as US soldiers and Iraqi policemen yelled back "Saddam is in our jail", AP news agency reports.

source

 

[Sharma]

Hahah, poor sods.

 

[Brynn]

Originally posted by Jupitus
And here was me thinking the punchline was when the doctor analyses the sample and says 'your wife has the clap, your daughter's pregnant, and wanking won't cure your tennis elbow'

Yeah, I know... OLD

I'll get my coat.....

I know the one you mean.

And lol to xane

 

[Gef]

Sir Ian McKellen (CHK): "What's the difference between a blow job and quiche?"
Attractive young actor: "I don't know"
Sir Ian: "Let's go and have a picnic, then".

 

[~Lazarus~]

A woman awakens during the night to find her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of the night?".

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?".

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or i'll send you to jail for 20
years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

"I would have gotten out today."