hmmmm i am on the floor!

[bagpuss1]

NEW SLANG DICTIONARY, 2003

GOING FOR A McShit
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a Mcshit with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pi$$ed to remember where you live, how you got there, and where you've come from.

BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first pi$$ in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for 'beers', e. g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".

BRUCE LEE
Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).

DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.

SSSSSSSSSSHHHH1111111111111TTTTTTTTTTTTT
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i. e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fu(k-all in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).

PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there (there's a nasty nip in the air)

PICASSO AR$E
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks.

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

STARFISH TROOPER OR AR$ETRONAUT
A homosexual.

SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.

TART FUEL
Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.

TITANIC
A lady who goes down first time out.

TODGER DODGER
A lesbian.

UP ON BLOCKS
Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks".

WALLACE AND GROMIT
Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.

WYNONA RYDER
Rhyming Slang for 'cider'. e. g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a bottle of tart fuel please Doreen"

 

[L_Plates]

LOL n1


my ribs hurt plus everyone if the office thinks i have lost it :/

 

[Brynn]

Brilliant

 

[throdgrain]

Appallingly cliched and tedious

 

[Louster]

Originally posted by throdgrain
Appallingly cliched and tedious

Seconded.

 

[Jupitus]

Originally posted by throdgrain
Appallingly cliched and tedious

'Old' too, if I am not mistaken

 

[throdgrain]

The kind of thing that office workers used to have on a peice of A4 then photocopy and pass around oh har har etc
Dunno if they still do that, perhaps an office worker here could enlighten us all ? I do work in an office, but on my own so that doesn't count ...
Thinking about it, I imagine David Brent would find this most amusing

 

[ECA]

Bottle of Glenfiddich please.


( ye olde glenn - see what I did there? )

 

[evilmonkeh]

we'll have no trouble here

 

[scooby-doo]

Originally posted by ECA
Bottle of Glenfiddich please.


( ye olde glenn - see what I did there? )

fuck that i want the glenmorangie.

 

[TedTheDog]

Actually, it made me laugh.

 

[scooby-doo]

a couple of them actually did make me chuckle but as i dont work in an office i suppose that's why.

 

[Tenko]

Well the style is certainly bloody old but I've not actually heard most of the jokes before (and some were funny!) so not sure if its old...

... and I work in The Office, where most of the staff had never used the internet until we got it at work a few months ago and recently all I've had in my in tray are all the old email jokes we saw last century

 

[scooby-doo]

if you've only just got the internet at work how the fuck have you got 100 year old emails ?

 

[scooby-doo]

bump.

 

[Mellow-]

Originally posted by throdgrain
The kind of thing that office workers used to have on a peice of A4 then photocopy and pass around oh har har etc
Dunno if they still do that, perhaps an office worker here could enlighten us all ? I do work in an office, but on my own so that doesn't count ...
Thinking about it, I imagine David Brent would find this most amusing

Yes, I did pass this round for a 5 minute bit of humour.


........... a year ago.

 

[xane]

A poor second place to the mighty Rogers Profanisaurus.