A question about the female of the species.

[Deebs]

Originally posted by ~Mobius~
DBs if its not to personal, how come you split up from Polly?

Where do I start?

Basically she doesn't know what she wants and is at a turning point in her life. It seems most 30 year old women are going thru this bollox as I know of several mates who this has happened to also. She is also very depressed with life and hates her job. She takes anti-depressants and to be honest most of my mates say I am a better person without her as she dragged me down.

She says she still loves me dearly, misses me, cares for me, thinks about me everyday but sometimes I don't cause the flutter in her heart all the time. Sad really as that flutter never lasts forever every day of your relationship. Sure, the first 2 years its there all the time but thats the lust and desire, but after that it is the deep love. She even told me that I am her first true love and showed her what love is all about.

I spoke to her yesterday on the phone and she sounded really miserable and pissed off. She is now living back at her parents having gone from a lovely 4 bed house She can't do what she wants and has no real privacy, but let's not forget she was the one that decided she had to do this.

Ironically she is scared, not 100% sure she has done the right thing but had to do it to find out. Hopefully she will find what she wants. Me? I am happy but do miss her now and then but most of the time I am out and about answering to noone but myself which in itself is great.

Who knows what the future holds for us both? Maybe we will be better off away from each other. I am not holding onto any hope that we will get back together and am moving forward at full steam enjoying what life throws at me. I know for a fact that out of the two of us, I am the happier with the situation as I still have my freedom and money whereas she doesn't.

Hope this answers your question.

 

[mank!]

Originally posted by Xtro
Serious question here...

Please tell me why some of you on here find it difficult to strike up conversation with girls?

Is it the situation (ie. you're in a club or pub) or what?

Genuinely interested as I've always been able to walk up to girls and start chatting no problem. This isn't gloating its a genuine query.

I don't understand. I'm fine with blokes, I start chatting to random people at football completely without caring a jot. Perhaps I'm gay.

Weirdly enough, when I was at work I had no trouble at all talking to the girls at work (I worked with pretty much all females) and female customers, soon as I left work I turned into a nervous wreck again. Weird.

This is a very interesting thread and it's given me some tips (shock horror) even though I'm not ready for another relationship as I dread to think what would happen if I fell in love with someone again and they decided "oh hold on, I don't like you anymore" like my ex did and dump me, leaving me to mope about for six months like a twat. I find that girls never come and talk to me, at all. Whether this is because I'm a fat ugly twat, or I have no confidence at all and people detect this I don't know. It's probably both. I've tried making a positive change to my appearance, I'm intent on losing five stone regardless of how long it'll take me so I'll be roughly the ideal weight for my height. I've lost a stone in the past four weeks so it's going well and I'll be joining a gym soon and going as often as I can, all going to plan and I don't slump into a "fuck off, I'm not going out anywhere" depression again. I'm very nervous around girls and I expect that once I've lost weight and I'm happier with my appearance that the confidence will follow. I'm not particularly trendy with what I wear, half of the time I go out in jeans and a band tshirt/football shirt. I've got relatively fashionable slicked back gelled hair (Spike from Buffy style, but not quite so white-blonde and long) but I've decided to get my head shaved. I do, however, looking pretty fucking good in a suit and I feel much more confident wearing one.

Whenever I see a girl who I like the look of, and doesn't look like she listens to So Solid Crew - the only criteria a girl has to fit with me is that she's got decent music taste and isn't a complete thicko - I don't even consider going to talk to her. I see plenty of like minded girls at football who I could talk to, but it always boils down to me telling myself that I've got no right to go over and bother her, why would she want me talking to her? I also imagine they'd laugh at me. Lots. As well as the fact I never have the faintest clue what to say, I might take up smoking so I can ask girls for a light.

What also puts me off women is the fact my previous girlfriend was a complete and utter no holds barred manic depressive. In the time I was with her she tried to kill herself multiple times and ended up in a psychiatric unit for a couple of months. I didn't fall in love with her, quite the opposite - she fell for me completely and we were friends for a little while, started going out and I fell for her. We were together for about six months, then things went a bit mental and it was an on-off relationship for the next six months. By this point I was completely and utterly madly in love with her and she wasn't with me, at all. It eventually ended about six months ago and I'm still in love with her. I've still not got over her either. I don't want another relationship if it's only going to royally fuck up and leave me depressed. I also don't want to date another suicidal person.

This has turned into a rant, sorry if you've actually bothered to read it. I needed to vent and that's what this post has turned into.

Good luck with it anyway Jonny, just don't try too hard because you'll probably end up looking like a fool

 

[]SK[]

/me tries to not think of sluts in school uniform

 

[Jonny_Darko]

I've just finished with the girl I love, even though she was quite comfortable to stay with me indefinitely, because I knew that although she cares about me, she didn't really love me. It was just comfortable. I hope I haven't made the wrong choice but I decided comfortable isn't right at this age! Being young and in love should be an amazingly powerful experience.

It's so frustrating to live with one of the hottest girls you've ever seen and for her to act like a person who just got her bus-pass.

She basically, like most women, had really silly hangups about stuff that just wasn't true ("I'm fat, I'm ugly") and it affected everything about her and subverted her personality. I tried so hard but couldn't break through that. Hopefully she'll live a bit, get over her hangups and we can reconvene in ten years. Which should give me about enough time to master www.fastseduction.com and get over my very similar hangups \o/.

Let the debauchery commence!

 

[Ch3tan]

This is quite depressing stuff guys. To lighten it up a bit, I survived 6 months travelling with my girlfriend. Its a unique experience, not like living together, but spending 24 hours a day everyday, for 6 months with the same person. Managed to stay together, and sure as hell know how to not piss each other off now.

 

[Any]

Originally posted by Jonny_Darko

From this day forth begins my task of turning from AFC ("Average Frustrated Chump") into a PUA ("Pick-Up Artist").



Thanks Any!

No problem. Let me know how it works out. Ive thought about trying some of the things they suggest before but never bothered.

 

[Deebs]

Originally posted by Ch3tan
This is quite depressing stuff guys. To lighten it up a bit, I survived 6 months travelling with my girlfriend. Its a unique experience, not like living together, but spending 24 hours a day everyday, for 6 months with the same person. Managed to stay together, and sure as hell know how to not piss each other off now.

Who's depressed? Certainly not me. People are posting their experiences which I am finding very interesting. This is one of the best threads I have seen in this cesspit in a long long time.

Also it helps others if they can talk about it more openly and not get slagged/laughed/etc at.

Now I must get back to my Dear Deirdre column, oh wait, aint she dead?

 

[Deebs]

Good read Mank.

It was not a rant and I certainly know where you are coming from when you speak about depression as my ex saw a counsellor for 6 mths and kept on about wishing she was dead as it would be better for all concerned. She still says it now, silly cow.

Your confidence will come back when you lose the weight, try and get a couple of shirts and don't always go out in tshirts which advertise bands or football teams. Birds love a well dressed/groomed man.

Chin up !!

 

[~Mobius~]

Blimey, you could make a tv show out of your lives.
Mank I know what you mean about talking to men, I am like that to but I think its because when your talking to a man you arnt thinking "Does she like me? Am I making a tit of myself?" etc.
When I'm near a girl I am constantly making sure I am standing in a cool pose, not got anything on my shirt, I rub my nose every 10 seconds just to make sure a bogey isnt hanging out. Its pretty silly really.
Oh well I start 6th form on Monday, got some new clothes (wasnt like £30 or something silly like that, just normal clothes) and I am going to try and socialize with people there.

 

[PR.]

Originally posted by ~Mobius~
Blimey, you could make a tv show out of your lives.
Mank I know what you mean about talking to men, I am like that to but I think its because when your talking to a man you arnt thinking "Does she like me? Am I making a tit of myself?" etc.
When I'm near a girl I am constantly making sure I am standing in a cool pose, not got anything on my shirt, I rub my nose every 10 seconds just to make sure a bogey isnt hanging out. Its pretty silly really.

lol, SNAP

 

[Jonny_Darko]

Unlike what some of you have said I can't talk to blokes either! I've got an excellent rapport with the guys in my department, but this has taken me ages to build up. Generally, small talk with blokes tends to start with talking about "the game" and since I couldn't be less interested in football it leaves me with somewhat fewer options!

 

[PR.]

Originally posted by Jonny_Darko
Unlike what some of you have said I can't talk to blokes either! I've got an excellent rapport with the guys in my department, but this has taken me ages to build up. Generally, small talk with blokes tends to start with talking about "the game" and since I couldn't be less interested in football it leaves me with somewhat fewer options!

Again SNAP

Were ay of you bullied at school? and what kind of bullying was it?

Do you think this might have been part of it?

I've always blamed my shyness to be down to bullying and that I never really mixed with kids of my own age when I was growing up unless it was at school.

 

[mank!]

Originally posted by DBs
Good read Mank.

It was not a rant and I certainly know where you are coming from when you speak about depression as my ex saw a counsellor for 6 mths and kept on about wishing she was dead as it would be better for all concerned. She still says it now, silly cow.

It was the constant worrying about her, which I still do now, that got to me. I never knew whether or not she hadn't called because she was busy or because she was dead.

Originally posted by DBs
Your confidence will come back when you lose the weight, try and get a couple of shirts and don't always go out in tshirts which advertise bands or football teams. Birds love a well dressed/groomed man.

Chin up !!

I'd go out and buy some new clothes but it'd be a bit pointless as they'll be too big for me eventually. Cheers for the advice though DBs, appreciated bud.

 

[mank!]

Originally posted by PR.
Again SNAP

Were ay of you bullied at school? and what kind of bullying was it?

Do you think this might have been part of it?

I've always blamed my shyness to be down to bullying and that I never really mixed with kids of my own age when I was growing up unless it was at school.

I was bullied for years at school, mostly verbal but I got beat up a lot. I eventually decided to stand upto them and started beating them up, and it all died off really. I used to get verbal snipes about my weight right up until I quit school. Like you, I put a lot of my shyness don't to this as I didn't really socialize/go out as much as most kids and I never have. I prefer my own company to anyone elses and I'm a self-declared loner. To an extent, I like this because of the freedom it gives me and the amount of time I have but it's lonely as hell.

When I was at work I used to go out with them occasionally, and we had some great nights out in Oxford. I got on well with everyone there (well, except my boss ) and there was a girl who was interested in me and vice versa but nothing happened, because I was still in love with my 'girlfriend'. We'd split up at this point, but were still friends and it was just a shit thing. We'd act like a couple but we weren't although we were. Confused me :/ Anyway, this girl at work was gorgeous and just very nice and was actually interested in me. I fucked it up, for whatever reason and that knocked me right back again. The thing is that at work all my social inhibitions went away, I could talk to anybody and I wasn't nervous. I never understood why, unless it was something to do with my medication which I stopped taking not long after I left work.

I think if you've been bullied to a relatively severe extent at some point in your life then you're bound to be shy. You've just got to overcome it, I suppose.

 

[doh_boy]

heh I'm kinda opposite to everyone here but still kinda in the same boat :/

I can talk to most people, even if I've only just met them and not suffer any nerves at all unless I'm attracted. On the odd occasion that I have got chatting to a girl in a club I've talked too much :/

But there's a girl where I'm working now and she's amazing but for some reason I'm doing the same as you lot. She's in the room now (I'm installing a pc in the room) and all I've said so far is a comment about the loudness of the photocopier (its fucking way too loud ) and a comment about the fact that she's not temporary anymore.

fs

also as an added random musing...there's another photocopier in the room and its HUGE..I mean at least 5-6 meters long...

 

[mank!]

Originally posted by doh_boy
also as an added random musing...there's another photocopier in the room and its HUGE..I mean at least 5-6 meters long...

Photocopy your arse and send her your number written on it.

sorry

 

[~Mobius~]

Was about to say something clever about the printer but Mank did it before me!

Anyway I was bullied at school...but I dont think thats why I'm so crap around girls....I went to a boys school and my parents never told me anything about sex etc. Also I am a loner also, much prefer to just be my own company.

 

[Xtro]

Sorry to hear you got bullied.

I had a bit of verbal until I got suspended for battering a kid with a bunsen burner in my first year. After this and taking up boxing I got left alone.

Btw I met a guy recently who I used to go to school with and cracked me before the above incident. He didn't remember me, I had to be asked to leave by a bouncer as I still wanted to kick the shit out of him lol.

Move on

 

[doh_boy]

Originally posted by mank!
Photocopy your arse and send her your number written on it.

sorry

lol its a BIG photocopier so I'm sure I could get a whole load more copied

anyway she started talking to me so its all good. Well I have to get off now so that sucks but hey also she has the BEST legs, you know when some women wear sheer tights it makes their legs look amazing well he legs look like that sans tights...not that I was looking :uhoh:

 

[SilverHood]

Originally posted by Xtro
Serious question here...

Please tell me why some of you on here find it difficult to strike up conversation with girls?

Is it the situation (ie. you're in a club or pub) or what?

Genuinely interested as I've always been able to walk up to girls and start chatting no problem. This isn't gloating its a genuine query.

Hmm, might chip in here, as this sort of applies to me too

I started swimming when I was about 5 yeards old... went to the local swimming club once a week, did my lessons etc... knew pretty much every kid my age in my area (was a couple of hundred).

Started school, narrowed down the number of kids I played with to the ones I saw at school, and the ones I knew closely from before school

I was still swimming, and getting into it seriously... think I was 7 or 8 when I took part in a swimming gala representing my school... I won for my age group, and the swimming club offered me free 3 months training at competitive level... I accepted, and I while the training was hard, it was only twice a week... that following season, I signed up for the competition team.. now, this was all in Denmark, was one of the biggest swimming clubs in the country (over 900 members) and I'd been a member on and off since I was 5.... met loads of people on the way, but none we're really into swimming competitvely, so I drifted of from my early swimming friends
I started taking part in real competitions when I was 9... I was the youngest competition swimmer in the club, my age group (85 and younger) was the lowest, so I won a few events and stuff.... then I started really swimming *a lot*.... training 2 hours 3 times a week, with a swiming gala every weekend.... which left virtually no time for scoialsing out of school... by the time I was 13, I had a few close friends, some from swimming (were 2 others my age), and about 5 in school... I was just started to get interested in girls when my parrents told me we were moving.... to England....

I didn't know *anyone* at my school, my english was, well, baaaaaaaaaad.... I could understand most things (thank fucking god it was surrey and a clear accent.... I would have died if it was somewhere up north), ... the other boys were laughing at my bad english at school, so I kept my mouth shut most of the time... constantly taking the piss if I pronounced something wrong... one slip of the tongue and it would be called out whenever they saw me.

people were setting me up for practical jokes, without me realising it, so more laughs from all round

one thing I did manage, was to start swimming again... bloody expensive (like 4 times more than in denmark), but it didn't require me to use my english, so I just went on my business swimming.... 6 times a week (3-4 hours away from home each night), and a swimming event at the weekend (usually all day events)... I made some really good friends there, who didn't seem to care about my english at all, so I thought things weren't too bad. Was getting on to year 11 at school, my english was improving rapidly and I had made some good friends there.... sorry to ramble by the time I was 16, and had done my GCSE's the entire "talk to girls" stage sorta passed by me, everyone else seems to know how to talk to a girl better than me, and when talking to them, I'm quite shy, not sure what to say, and I usually end up making a fool of myself, so I ended up thinking "why bother", and other incredibly negative thoughts.

Again, sorry to ramble, but it felt good getting it out

 

[Jonny_Darko]

I was bullied at secondary school but in retrospect it wasn't that bad. I totally over-reacted to it and went really into my shell, when it was really only what would be classed as banter I guess.

I later found out when we got to about 15 that the guys that had picked on me actually liked me. They'd come up and start chatting as if there'd never been any animosity.

We ended up getting on ok but a lot of the damage had been done. Looking back I was such an idiot. It wasn't hatred, or violent, I never got beaten up (probably cos I was the tallest in the class and people often regret getting the big silent ones to snap!). I should have just bantered back, got into the group and spent my years at teenage house parties with the rest of em!

 

[old.D0LLySh33p]

Damn it all.

Don't think of them as girls, the enemy, prospective bed partners...

Think of them as just people!

It works damn it, damn it all to hell it works!

 

[Any]

Jonny(sp? o cant evne see probalby let ralone tyoe_

You osounf jsts lie me.

I can c5alk yo womrn as long as i dont fancy thrm. Then i just go to peices.

 

[old.D0LLySh33p]

Hmmmkay

 

[Fex]

Girls/Ladies are all snakes with tits

Bitter, me... never !

 

[AniDante]

It's nice to see a good topic, without it getting flammed (opening it that's what I expected to see after the 3rd post).

Jonny_Darko and the others, I see alot of similiarities with myself as well, bullied at school, shy person in general, and around girls it's like my voice box is switched off or my mind erased as I can't think of ANYTHING to say.

Although, I'm like that any sort of gathering I'm not used to, usually someone says "Let us get a word in Andy", although normally it was a school mate/work colleaque joking.

Trouble is, like Jonny_Darko, I don't care for football, so that immediately classes you as some kind of nut infront of everyone. Both the guys and gals think your batting for the other team, so the guys don't go out of their way to include you in the convosation and the gals filter you out of any possible romance lists, or again to event chat to. All very damaging to the self-confidence.

Anyway, floating through school, college, swimming club (I got as far as Gold), various work, and now a part-time while doing a training course I never had any luck "bumping into" any nice girls by chance, so I eventually gave into the spam in my email box and entered my details on a few online date things. Not so bad these days, but a while back you wouldn't dare mention doing it.

I have to admit, I am a bit picky, had a sheltered life and firm upbringing, so... she can't smoke (tobacco and the other stuff gah!) be a boozer, or very outspoken. At school, there was a girl Caron, and she didn't so much talk as shout everything everywhere, which is really offputing for me. Anyway, this really limits possibilities in this area as the girls as bad, if not worse than the guys for drinking, smoking, yelling and causing all sorts of havoc at 3 am :/

However, I had a bit of good fortune (least I thought so at the time) and out of nowhere, I got an email from a girl, she was in Nottingham (a nice area, quite classy I thought) and indeed, she was the quiet, shy, polite 19 yr old girl of my dreams (I'm 21). Jackpot you may think, forgetting the distance for a moment. Unfortunately, there's a flaw in my ideal girl, and while being the shy, nice type, she's also not likely to go out of her way for you (although she makes it sound like she does).

Now, I had the understanding, she was coming to London (very close to me) for University (bright girl too, did I mention?) and we would have visits to each other before then (with her parents knowledge of course).

However, she never visited me, I visited her once, and she told her parents I move between living up there and down here. Anyway, I was getting more and more annoyed about this as the months dragged on, until finally, recently she got offered a full scholarship at leeds uni instead and she took it.

Which, good for her, nice opportunity and she probably desearves it, but her parents are well off, so the year money isn't much and on a cv she could still put she was offered a scholarship. I mean, could have checked the leeds one was as good as the london one... *sigh*

Anyway, by this point I heard hardly anything from her in the last 6 weeks since she got a 4 day shift job, so uni up in leeds I'd probably never hear from again, so I just ended it. Figured she'd meet someone there anyway and we'd felt rather detached for the last 6 weeks. Surprisingly she txt'd me I meant everything to her, if that was true she could have at least come down for the weekend, wouldn't have to pay for bed and breakfast like I had to.

So, not much cope really was it after all this time? Felt like a waste of time and alot of aggro for nothing, put me off the internet as a means to find anyone for a bit I think.

Suppose I better bite the bullet and start forcing myself back into pubs and clubs again, not really places I like to go, to be honest.

I want a sensitive, quiet, intelligent, polite girl, interests isn't a biggy, long as she can put up with mine, I'm willing to indulge in hers if she wishes (within reason, not watching ballet, lol), no smokers, boozers, or head bangers :/

I sometimes wonder if I should have been born in the renaissance (sp?), where it was all about charm, grace, wooing, dinning, picnicing and being a gentleman. Sensitive types either died out or the few left are unwanted :/

Oh, last thing, I think it was Jonny_Darko, who said about not wanting to just walk up and say hi to a girl.

I totally agree with your view/feelings there. Often walking to my car from work, a pair of girls walk past (I go past two clubs on the walk to the car sometimes, depending where I had to park) and say something along the lines of "Ello darling" or something worse, now I don't find that attractive or worthy of a responce at all. I'm pretty sure any girl/woman of breading who is not enebriated (sp?) will feel the same way at having someone just come up, invade your personal space and start courting you on the pavement/shop/counter/whatnot.

That situation is also rather arkward because you're talking to them because: A. There's no one else. B. You feel some phycical attraction to her

On that grounds, would you want to talk to them? Personally I'd rather connect on a topic, guess I should look for some clubs/events to attend. Not a great deal on offer around here, and certainly didn't see any nice girls not 10 years older than me (or standbabes) at ECTS, only event I've been to recently.

Where are all the shy/quiet/sweet girls? That's what I want to know. (nothing wrong with the others, just as I said, I get really intimidated by the... urm.. shall we say louder ones?)

*Notices he's written a column now and decides now's a good time to click the post button*

 

[Flamin_Squirrel]

Couldnt agree more.

 

[SoWat]

Reading some of the threads here is almost like reading adverts for a pet!

If you start out with a list of things you don't want in a partner, you've started out on the wrong track.

Who's to say that the loud girl with a ciggie in her mouth isn't your perfect soulmate? Trouble is, you'll never know as you've already dismissed her because she violates one of your 'rules'.

Why not start out with a list of desirable traits, and deal with any of the so called negatives.

You have to remember that the opposite sex are people in their own right, and not goods on display for you to choose the one that best fits your lifestyle.

 

[Arnor]

Originally posted by Jonny_Darko
http://pix2.hotornot.com/pics/HQ/HE/NR/HU/GYKYBQRYXGNF.jpg

I hope you don't all go and rate me 1. Remember, self-abuse and pity!

you look gay tbh


nothing further

 

[Deadmanwalking]

Your an unhelpfull uber-wannabe fool

That is all