M
~Mobius~
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- #241
Haha, nice one.
Haha, nice one.
J
Jonny_Darko
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- #242
Originally posted by Bym
Some women don't mind being approached in the street - but you'll probably find in this day and age we are quite wary of being approached by just anybody (hold onto that handbag ladies)! Better off waiting until we actually know you (friend of a friend sort of thing), or we are pissed. Alcohol makes many a lonely mans' life easier!
The thing is, I'm not a stereotype. I'm a reasonably attractive, well-dressed and fit bloke who would, in this situation, obviously be having a great deal of trouble getting the words out. It would clearly not be an everyday "routine", I can't use lines and I can't do a cheeky grin. I can't be insincere and I can't be anything apart from what I am, which is shy, awkward, and maybe stuttering, depending on the situation. I'm hoping that the obvious stress I'll be under will endear me too them. I think that may be the difference between confidence and arrogance. If I stroll up and go "Hey Baby" blah blah, that's obviously someone who does it every day, but if I'm there and clearly finding it tough (but having made an effort nonetheless), that's surely confidence without arrogance?
I get the impression that women will think "he's taking the piss" though, which would really piss me off if I was being sincere.
The other problem is with meeting women in "normal" situations, over the last six months, the five friends I had in this area have all moved away. I didn't grow up here, and the locals are, well, they're not the kind of people I get on with. And the whole reason I started this thread was because I have trouble talking to people...
So going out drinking isn't even an option unless I go out on my own. Which I do occasionally do and My God it's depressing.
G
GDW
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- #243
Without being funny it sounds like (and maybe youve done this already) you should have a chat with your GP. It could be the shyness/anxiety/depression could be overcome with short term medication
J
Jonny_Darko
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- #244
If I am suffering from depression, and my ex-girlfriend recently suggested I was (I never even considered it before), then I've had it for at least the last ten years...
I'm one of those people who...not likes it as such, just is so used to it that it's comfortable?
I'm one of those people who...not likes it as such, just is so used to it that it's comfortable?
B
Bym
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- #245
No chance of a change of scene or anything? Job too important?
Must admit though, I am pretty damn shy and I live about 6 hours drive from my home town, and miss my friends and family like mad. Haven't really got any down here, and I do get fed up at times. Southerners are ok......but they ain't like my old friends up north!
Medication could be a good idea for anxiety (I reckon most of us have tried it, Seroxat is a good one for social anxiety btw), but perhaps you could get out and meet people.
I don't mean just walking into a pub - I noticed you're getting on a bit (teehee) like me, so getting a hobby or something is perfectly acceptable once you get into your mid-twenties I believe! I dunno, join a gym or something (bad example, I know).
Don't follow my example and sit emailing your old friends day and night, dreaming of the 'good old days' when you had all your friends and family around you! Doesn't do you any good.
Hmm, mental note, must get out more....
Must admit though, I am pretty damn shy and I live about 6 hours drive from my home town, and miss my friends and family like mad. Haven't really got any down here, and I do get fed up at times. Southerners are ok......but they ain't like my old friends up north!
Medication could be a good idea for anxiety (I reckon most of us have tried it, Seroxat is a good one for social anxiety btw), but perhaps you could get out and meet people.
I don't mean just walking into a pub - I noticed you're getting on a bit (teehee) like me, so getting a hobby or something is perfectly acceptable once you get into your mid-twenties I believe! I dunno, join a gym or something (bad example, I know).
Don't follow my example and sit emailing your old friends day and night, dreaming of the 'good old days' when you had all your friends and family around you! Doesn't do you any good.
Hmm, mental note, must get out more....
G
GDW
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- #246
In my experience mild depression can be something you refuse to accept for a long period of time, until an event , or a series of events, triggers you to seek help for it. It would do no harm to sit down and chat with your GP as I did. You'll wish you had done it earlier.
Its really nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about and in many cases the medication is a short term event.
Its really nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about and in many cases the medication is a short term event.
D
dysfunction
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- #247
Kind of relevant to this thread:
Negative thoughts/Depressed:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3198935.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1565230.stm
Too shy?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3004490.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1676698.stm
Negative thoughts/Depressed:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3198935.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1565230.stm
Too shy?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3004490.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1676698.stm
J
Jonny_Darko
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- #248
Well on the excercise front, my current routine is, and has been for the last month:
Monday, Wednesday, Friday:
AM: 30 Lengths of the local pool.
PM: 90 minute heavy weights session.
Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday:
AM: 500 Crunches (and my heavens do they shift that gut after a couple of weeks!)
PM: 45 minutes cycling, 45 minutes running at the gym.
It's kind of insane, but I feel great, physically at least. It's not making me think more positively but it is a fantastic way to let off steam and it gets me out of the house!
I've just realised this thread has gone from "Should I approach women in the street?" to "Jonny's a mentalist and needs serious help." I never meant to open up that much! Not that I mind, it's all positive stuff, it's opened my eyes to what my problems might be and I do think I need to see someone about this. It is relevent though, going back to the women thing, I think I put most of them off by looking/feeling so moody all the time. Prolly should tackle that first! Thanks to everyone for their advice etc.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday:
AM: 30 Lengths of the local pool.
PM: 90 minute heavy weights session.
Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday:
AM: 500 Crunches (and my heavens do they shift that gut after a couple of weeks!)
PM: 45 minutes cycling, 45 minutes running at the gym.
It's kind of insane, but I feel great, physically at least. It's not making me think more positively but it is a fantastic way to let off steam and it gets me out of the house!
I've just realised this thread has gone from "Should I approach women in the street?" to "Jonny's a mentalist and needs serious help." I never meant to open up that much! Not that I mind, it's all positive stuff, it's opened my eyes to what my problems might be and I do think I need to see someone about this. It is relevent though, going back to the women thing, I think I put most of them off by looking/feeling so moody all the time. Prolly should tackle that first! Thanks to everyone for their advice etc.
D
Damini
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- #249
My experience is that confidence seems to be a magic button for getting ladies all dewey eyed and loved up. My ex housemate in the first year was a scrawny little bastard, and the last time he'd properly had a wash it was to remove the remnants of placenta from him, but he always had lots of beautiful girlfriends. It's a bastard, because confidence is a damn hard thing to fake.
Overly beefed men are nasty. If you have to dislocate your hips to straddle him, it's never going to work.
The main thing is to be yourself. It's all very well taking on lots of advice, but if you have to change drastically to win someone over, it's going to be exhausting being that person all the time if you get to dating. I had a friend who used to change herself completely with every partner, from skater chick to business bitch to aloof country rich look. It was amusing, but nobody ever dated *her*, which was really bizarre. Be the best of what you are, but its no point acting like someone's spiked Graham Norton's tea if naturally you're quite subdued.
Best bet for meeting people is to go to something thats new. A new fitness club that's opening up, a new evening class, a new dating night, whatever. People will be wanting to talk because they aren't all cliqued up yet.
Oh, and take a cute puppy for a walk. Borrow a neighbours or something. Go to the local pet rescue and volunteer as a pet walker. Trust me...
Overly beefed men are nasty. If you have to dislocate your hips to straddle him, it's never going to work.
The main thing is to be yourself. It's all very well taking on lots of advice, but if you have to change drastically to win someone over, it's going to be exhausting being that person all the time if you get to dating. I had a friend who used to change herself completely with every partner, from skater chick to business bitch to aloof country rich look. It was amusing, but nobody ever dated *her*, which was really bizarre. Be the best of what you are, but its no point acting like someone's spiked Graham Norton's tea if naturally you're quite subdued.
Best bet for meeting people is to go to something thats new. A new fitness club that's opening up, a new evening class, a new dating night, whatever. People will be wanting to talk because they aren't all cliqued up yet.
Oh, and take a cute puppy for a walk. Borrow a neighbours or something. Go to the local pet rescue and volunteer as a pet walker.
Trust me...
J
Jonny_Darko
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- #250
That article about Shyness is saying that people are either shy or extroverted...I'm both!
J
Jonny_Darko
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- #251
What, I can't do what I took to doing last year? That being wearing a long black leather trenchcoat, bleaching my hair blonde and saying things like "I just like them, they make me feel all manly." and "I did a couple of slayers in my time. Don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag!" and trying hard to be this guy: http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/seaQuestDSV2032/Spike2.jpg
I don't swing both ways, but if I did...
D
Damini
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- #252
Hell, ok, I suppose being yourself OR being Spike would work for me.
I
~INCOGNITO~
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- #253
Talking of hot or not this girl will be mine.
M
~Mobius~
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- #254
The quality of that picture is craptastic.
I see boobies though! (Barely.)
I see boobies though! (Barely.)
A
Any
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- #255
I cant belive that noone has mentioned http://www.fastseduction.com/ yet.
How do you manage to do 500 crunches? 100 kills me
How do you manage to do 500 crunches? 100 kills me
J
Jonny_Darko
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- #256
Bear in mind I'm now doing them on a decline board as well...
O
old.Fweddy
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- #257
Your going about it all the wrong way Jonny! You need cunning, trickery and huge man-breasts!
J
Jonny_Darko
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- #258
Sometimes I'm so desperate I think about just getting a hanky covered in chloroform. It always worked in the WWF.
D
Damini
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- #259
:uhoh:
X
Xtro
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- #260
New Virgin gym opening up just down my road. Already enrolled, will be craploads of fit ladies.
The dog walker thing works btw. I do it for the RSPCA here and its like I covered myself in glue and ramraided a boutique.
/edit: waves to Mrs Xtro.
The dog walker thing works btw. I do it for the RSPCA here and its like I covered myself in glue and ramraided a boutique.
/edit: waves to Mrs Xtro.
T
Teh Krypt
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- #261
Fyi its called WWE, not that I watch it but used to many years ago.
Do the americans actualy find this attractive?
G
GDW
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- #262
Yes, but Ive also hear that 15 year old boys put posters of this up on their walls
T
Teh Krypt
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- #263
Only of The Rock *drool*
O
old.D0LLySh33p
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- #264
O
old.ignus
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- #265
Thats a pretty good site, nice to see that the bastards are working for us for a change.
M
Mellow-
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Jonny_Darko you seriously need to take a chill pill. If you make all this effort trying to pull, it wont work. Just let it happen. No one will ever turn up if you're looking for it.
J
Jonny_Darko
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- #267
Oh
My
Lord
I think I've found my Holy Grail.
I know this thread has to die soon but I had to comment on this. Had a read last night and I couldn't stop...this is brilliant stuff! It all makes so much sense.
From this day forth begins my task of turning from AFC ("Average Frustrated Chump") into a PUA ("Pick-Up Artist").
Thanks Any!
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- Dec 11, 1997
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Time for me to jump in on this thread.
Since the age of 18 I have been in 2 serious relationships. The first I got married at 22 and had my 2 kids by her. Last 3 years of that marriage was awful, no sex, arguing, breaking things in the house in front of my kids.
In the end I decided I had to leave for the kids sake, even tho I had stayed for the kids sakes. During those last 3 years I was a flirt at work having about 30 real girl friends who I chatted too all the time (I was nicknamed The Slut). Slept with a few as you do but that was it.
Then I met Polly. My world felt complete when I met her, we got on so so well, instantly clicked etc. That was 4 years ago. I can honestly say she was my 1st true love, you know that corny thing ppl mention. The feelings I feel for her don't even compare to my ex-wife.
We lived together for 3.5 years and we parted ways on 4th August this year. Like you Jon I had not chatted up a women since I met Polly as I thought she was the one.
I made 2 huge fucking mistakes I will never ever make again in my life
1) I neglected some of my best mates over a bird
2) I neglected lady friends over a bird
Anyway, been single now for a month, absolutely fucking enjoying it, coming and going when I want, answering to noone.
Only downside is that I am moving from Bromley (4 bed semi) to Croydon (2 bed flat) to save money and due to the memories of this place. Plus side of this is that I am closer to many of my mates and walking distance to Croydon so going out and having a good time is so so much easier.
Basically do what others have said, don't go out on the pull, birds will spot that a mile off and walk the other way. The best way of making lots of new friends is thru your existing friends. Ask them to let you know about any functions they are going to or doing and get yourself invited. Swap numbers etc
Me, I am not interested in getting into a serious relationship at the moment. I am quite happy living in my own space but will really shine when I get into my flat and set it up how I want without all the crap that women like to put around the place that are simply pretty dust collectors.
In 6 months time I will review where I am in life and maybe move away completely from the area or look to buy around here, not sure.
Since the age of 18 I have been in 2 serious relationships. The first I got married at 22 and had my 2 kids by her. Last 3 years of that marriage was awful, no sex, arguing, breaking things in the house in front of my kids.
In the end I decided I had to leave for the kids sake, even tho I had stayed for the kids sakes. During those last 3 years I was a flirt at work having about 30 real girl friends who I chatted too all the time (I was nicknamed The Slut). Slept with a few as you do but that was it.
Then I met Polly. My world felt complete when I met her, we got on so so well, instantly clicked etc. That was 4 years ago. I can honestly say she was my 1st true love, you know that corny thing ppl mention. The feelings I feel for her don't even compare to my ex-wife.
We lived together for 3.5 years and we parted ways on 4th August this year. Like you Jon I had not chatted up a women since I met Polly as I thought she was the one.
I made 2 huge fucking mistakes I will never ever make again in my life
1) I neglected some of my best mates over a bird
2) I neglected lady friends over a bird
Anyway, been single now for a month, absolutely fucking enjoying it, coming and going when I want, answering to noone.
Only downside is that I am moving from Bromley (4 bed semi) to Croydon (2 bed flat) to save money and due to the memories of this place. Plus side of this is that I am closer to many of my mates and walking distance to Croydon so going out and having a good time is so so much easier.
Basically do what others have said, don't go out on the pull, birds will spot that a mile off and walk the other way. The best way of making lots of new friends is thru your existing friends. Ask them to let you know about any functions they are going to or doing and get yourself invited. Swap numbers etc
Me, I am not interested in getting into a serious relationship at the moment. I am quite happy living in my own space but will really shine when I get into my flat and set it up how I want without all the crap that women like to put around the place that are simply pretty dust collectors.
In 6 months time I will review where I am in life and maybe move away completely from the area or look to buy around here, not sure.
S
]SK[
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- #269
After 6 years I still love comming home to my GF. I miss her during the day at work, sad but true. Im 24 btw.
M
~Mobius~
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- #270
DBs if its not to personal, how come you split up from Polly?