old.user4556
Has a sexy sister. I am also a Bodhi wannabee.
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 16,163
Disagree.
Weak.
100% correct.
Disagree.
Weak.
I'm glad you're such a cool-headed person TdC I would never be able to see it from the womans perspective in such situations.
On the one hand, you're absolutely right. However, I think if she actually put Teedles feelings before her own (which given the history she clearly should be doing that now) she'd realise that turning up at his place like that is clearly a very emotionally manipulative thing to do. If she was genuinely thinking of him first, she would fight the urge to blub uncontrollably outside his door.
Plus this is added to the fact that she cheated on him previously. I've absolutely no sympathy for people that do that, absolutely none what-so-fucking-ever. If she was good enough to realise what she'd done was horrible then she could either suck it up and try to be better, or maybe write/phone and explain rationally. What she's done smacks of either just wanting to get back together for her own sake, or apologise to soothe her own conscience. Neither scenario really works in her favour as far as I'm concerned.
Yoni said:It takes two to make or break a relationship in my opinion.
It took me another month to realize that I should also think about me
I am not a religious nut however I do believe the saying above should be considered before kicking people in the fanny etc etc etc
I've not been on the other side of the fence. I don't mean to offend but I hope I never get there, but simultaneously I realize that I won't understand until the choice comes apon me.
Not really. Logically it takes two to make & one to break, which is exactly what is happening here, is it not?It takes two to make or break a relationship in my opinion.
One day sir, it shall be you on the receiving end of a fanny kicking, just you wait!The fanny kicking comment is a sort of in joke with me, teeds, ch3t and Meg I of course would never suggest Teedles kicks anyone in the fanny unless of course its Meg again
Cheating happens because of many many reasons, it is an evil thing to do, but it doesnt mean the person is an evil person.
did Will kick me in the fanny? I forget, there's been too much beer between then and nowMade me smile
The fanny kicking comment is a sort of in joke with me, teeds, ch3t and Meg I of course would never suggest Teedles kicks anyone in the fanny unless of course its Meg again
yes, and it's because of me wanting my mind open as far as it can go, that I am talking to as many others as I can manage. I need the experiences of others who aren't emotionally involved to help me get my mind straight, and that seems to be working very well. If it were just me I don't think I'd be able to look beyond what she did.None taken. While I think your ex sounds like an utterly selfish cow tbh, like everything in life I just don't think you can simplisticly say "everyone who has an affair is evil, selfish etc. etc." In the past I've been incredibly judgemental about this kind of thing myself, (to the extent of blanking one of my friends who'd left his wife and kids), without any real understanding on my part of what was actually going on behind closed doors (nothing good as it happens). Now I know what was going on, a part of me still judges him, but I can understand why he did what he did, and frankly, I got divorced for far less "serious" reasons, so who am I to sit in judgement?
Russell I think you're a beautiful person, and I value greatly the feminine view you can present, but there are some things in that view that make me want to tear down trees and kill people I kid you not. She didn't speak to me! She didn't tell me anything! I was her partner and lover and friend and she sold me a barrel of lies!People obviously feel very strongly about this, which is good as it means we all have morals and we all love Tdc and dont want him to be in pain.
I can see what Yoni meant and I can also see what you boys are going on about.
In the case we are talking about, the ex Mrs Tdc has been WRONG WRONG WRONG . She obviously wasn't happy with him/the relationship (otherwise she wouldnt have put herself in situations where she could cheat and behaved like this). But how awful if you just 'fall out of love with someone' It must be an awful thing to have to face and tell the person -esp if they are as lovely as TdC.
She should have been brave and just told him. She was weak and she didn't do the right thing.
But life is not all black and white. Surely you have all made mistakes and donethings you regret in the cold light of day?
We try to be the best we can and not hurt people. BUT YOU NEVER KNOW what is round the corner.....
....you may think you are with the right person and then your 'one' really arrives and before you realise it stuff happens (my friend -i was really anti -but I have seen what she has gone through) or you have been with your partner for years and you live separate lives but you have kids, and a stable life... you never know.. or you may just feel old, ugly and crap and someone makes you feel beautiful.... loads and loads of reasons. I hear about affairs every day at the moment -it is more common than not.
Cheating happens because of many many reasons, it is an evil thing to do, but it doesnt mean the person is an evil person.
one of the Dutch bishops, controversial fellow, once said that all Dutch junkies must be allowed to steal a loaf of bread. while I admire his thought, I guess he doesn't realize that the junkies would then proceed to sell the bread to get money for smack. anyway, I guess the point is that your definition of the good in a deed depends very much on your point of view. In the case of my ex and myself, I sincerely hope that my ex throught she was doing that to gain a better life, and not because she wanted to feel beautiful for an hour at the cost of six years of relationship and ditto friendship.Thieving is a bad thing to do - but I guess it's all OK if you're only doing it because you've got a drug habit then eh?
did Will kick me in the fanny? I forget, there's been too much beer between then and now
yes, and it's because of me wanting my mind open as far as it can go, that I am talking to as many others as I can manage. I need the experiences of others who aren't emotionally involved to help me get my mind straight, and that seems to be working very well. If it were just me I don't think I'd be able to look beyond what she did.
Russell I think you're a beautiful person, and I value greatly the feminine view you can present, but there are some things in that view that make me want to tear down trees and kill people I kid you not. She didn't speak to me! She didn't tell me anything! I was her partner and lover and friend and she sold me a barrel of lies!
one of the Dutch bishops, controversial fellow, once said that all Dutch junkies must be allowed to steal a loaf of bread. while I admire his thought, I guess he doesn't realize that the junkies would then proceed to sell the bread to get money for smack. anyway, I guess the point is that your definition of the good in a deed depends very much on your point of view. In the case of my ex and myself, I sincerely hope that my ex throught she was doing that to gain a better life, and not because she wanted to feel beautiful for an hour at the cost of six years of relationship and ditto friendship.
for those who's posts have just disappeared, kindly refrain. MY thread. me me me! mine!
I am well aware some of you don't see eye to eye, and that this particular subject may bring out strong emotions, but no pot shots this day. I aern't in the mood.
don't shut up Russell. I'm not mad at you. I just picked up on what you said because it was similar to something she said, and then failed to make real.Im sorry Tdc the reference to the 'feeling beautiful' was another situation, a general comment and no reflection on your 6 year relationship. I didnt mean it in that way.
I was just trying to make a point, which reading it all back was probably a bit of a crap thing to do given the situation. In no way do I condone what she has done to you. It is terrible, you know I think that -please dont tear down trees and kill people. Ill shut up
x
thanks Mycenae. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone. Yes, like I said, you're only getting my side. I am quite aware that you, Yoni and Russell are spot on when you consider my ex being under immense pressure, I too realise this. Which makes me perhaps even more sad because even after six years, her having told me every aspect of her life (and vice versa), she could not talk to me about thisTbh, having read this whole thread through, I think I can come to one conclusion. Unless we are actually enlightened as to the mindset of both teedles and ex Mrs TdC at the time of the event, then how is any of us actually qualified to pass judgement on either of them?
I'm so sorry for you Teeds, that she has made you so sad and miserable....and I sincerely hope for your sake she decides to leave you alone from now on.
And, for the record, it only takes one person to break a relationship up....I speak from experience!
Thank you Lara that is my point.... we don't know why she did it so although on the surface she does appear to have been a complete cowbag we have no idea of the personal torment she may have been going through
I have been on both sides of the fence and I DO and CAN sympathise with anyone who resorts to having an affair rather than facing up to the reality of their situation.
*waits for stone throwing to commence*
I never said people can't draw conclusions from the information put in front of them, after all, isn't that what a judge and jury does every day? All I was trying to say was that its wrong to judge people on face value....the whole 'don't judge a book by its cover,' thing.
no offence, but that's just fucking stupid no matter how much you try to sugar-coat itShag her and throw her back out on the street.
Shag her and throw her back out on the street.
Sounds like her new fella is no where near as good as you thus she misses lots of things. I think you made the right choice. I can only assume, but it seems like if you'd let her back in, she'd get her "fix"* of TdC and then go back to the other guy.
*by fix I dont mean sexually, more the things you did/said/do that makes her happy/laugh etc etc.