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TdC

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I'm glad you're such a cool-headed person TdC ;) I would never be able to see it from the womans perspective in such situations.

Thanks Wonk. It's certainly not through lack of practice: for the first two and a half months I spent most of every day trying to work out her side. I wasn't out for a fix, I just wanted to know what the hell had gone wrong. It took me another month to realize that I should also think about me and a couple more weeks to just think about me and let her go. It's over, it's fine. However I do want her to stay the fuck away from me. More midnight encounters will result in mayhem. Trying to get her out of my head doesn't mix well with seeing her, and the knowledge that she merely exchanged me for some other bloke is also heavy on my heart. I mourn the loss of my friend of six years; she's in bed with Mr Newguy. Ho hum.

(yes I know, and I don't care she's shagging some fellow, I just care about the huge lack of respect she shows for the time we had together)
 

old.user4556

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On the one hand, you're absolutely right. However, I think if she actually put Teedles feelings before her own (which given the history she clearly should be doing that now) she'd realise that turning up at his place like that is clearly a very emotionally manipulative thing to do. If she was genuinely thinking of him first, she would fight the urge to blub uncontrollably outside his door.

Plus this is added to the fact that she cheated on him previously. I've absolutely no sympathy for people that do that, absolutely none what-so-fucking-ever. If she was good enough to realise what she'd done was horrible then she could either suck it up and try to be better, or maybe write/phone and explain rationally. What she's done smacks of either just wanting to get back together for her own sake, or apologise to soothe her own conscience. Neither scenario really works in her favour as far as I'm concerned.

Nath, are you reading my mind again? How dare you.

I felt it important to highlight Nath's point of view here, that if she was indeed absolutely serious about it then she may have constructed a much better situation to convey (perhaps) her sincere regret about her previous situation with teeds and telling her current boyfriend it was over - and then talking about it face to face, hammering it all out and what the future might hold. But instead, as Nath says, she employs an emotional manipulation to commit further upset - not wanted by Teeds - at an ungodly time of day fulled by drink.

To quote MI2; women are like monkeys, they don't let go of one branch until having a firm grip on another.

And Yoni, I find your sympathy with cheating as an act when a relationship is going wrong utterly disgusting. Granted, when a relationship starts to turn sour, people may be tempted to drift or they may indulge or be lured into flirting with the opposite sex; but by sympathising you almost blame the other "innocent" party (male or female) for the other person's wrong doing.

It's cowardly, callous, calculating, utterly selfish, utterly uncaring and shows the highest disrespect for another human being.

Yoni said:
It takes two to make or break a relationship in my opinion.

How exactly?

So a man beats his wife up; she leaves - that's her fault how?

A woman has an affair with a bloke at work for the excitement; that's the husband's fault how?
 

old.user4556

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It took me another month to realize that I should also think about me

You're damn right mate; hang in there. At this time, focus on you and staying on that track without her on it.
 

Trem

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I am not a religious nut however I do believe the saying above should be considered before kicking people in the fanny etc etc etc

Made me smile :D

The fanny kicking comment is a sort of in joke with me, teeds, ch3t and Meg I of course would never suggest Teedles kicks anyone in the fanny unless of course its Meg again :eek:
 

DaGaffer

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I've not been on the other side of the fence. I don't mean to offend but I hope I never get there, but simultaneously I realize that I won't understand until the choice comes apon me.


None taken. While I think your ex sounds like an utterly selfish cow tbh, like everything in life I just don't think you can simplisticly say "everyone who has an affair is evil, selfish etc. etc." In the past I've been incredibly judgemental about this kind of thing myself, (to the extent of blanking one of my friends who'd left his wife and kids), without any real understanding on my part of what was actually going on behind closed doors (nothing good as it happens). Now I know what was going on, a part of me still judges him, but I can understand why he did what he did, and frankly, I got divorced for far less "serious" reasons, so who am I to sit in judgement?
 

MYstIC G

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It takes two to make or break a relationship in my opinion.
Not really. Logically it takes two to make & one to break, which is exactly what is happening here, is it not?
The fanny kicking comment is a sort of in joke with me, teeds, ch3t and Meg I of course would never suggest Teedles kicks anyone in the fanny unless of course its Meg again :eek:
One day sir, it shall be you on the receiving end of a fanny kicking, just you wait! :eek:
 

old.user4556

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Trem, you should get some fanny kicking reference tattooed on your other shoulder :)
 

russell

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People obviously feel very strongly about this, which is good as it means we all have morals and we all love Tdc and dont want him to be in pain.

I can see what Yoni meant and I can also see what you boys are going on about.

In the case we are talking about, the ex Mrs Tdc has been WRONG WRONG WRONG . She obviously wasn't happy with him/the relationship (otherwise she wouldnt have put herself in situations where she could cheat and behaved like this). But how awful if you just 'fall out of love with someone' It must be an awful thing to have to face and tell the person -esp if they are as lovely as TdC.

She should have been brave and just told him. She was weak and she didn't do the right thing.

But life is not all black and white. Surely you have all made mistakes and donethings you regret in the cold light of day?
We try to be the best we can and not hurt people. BUT YOU NEVER KNOW what is round the corner.....

....you may think you are with the right person and then your 'one' really arrives and before you realise it stuff happens (my friend -i was really anti -but I have seen what she has gone through) or you have been with your partner for years and you live separate lives but you have kids, and a stable life... you never know.. or you may just feel old, ugly and crap and someone makes you feel beautiful.... loads and loads of reasons. I hear about affairs every day at the moment -it is more common than not.

Cheating happens because of many many reasons, it is an evil thing to do, but it doesnt mean the person is an evil person.
 

Deebs

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One of my favourite quotes,

"Kick her in the **** and wear her like a ski"
 

Scouse

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Cheating happens because of many many reasons, it is an evil thing to do, but it doesnt mean the person is an evil person.

Thieving is a bad thing to do - but I guess it's all OK if you're only doing it because you've got a drug habit then eh?
 

Trem

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:ninja: Am I going on the fanny kicking list for my post now?

teedmeg.jpg
 

TdC

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Made me smile :D

The fanny kicking comment is a sort of in joke with me, teeds, ch3t and Meg I of course would never suggest Teedles kicks anyone in the fanny unless of course its Meg again :eek:
did Will kick me in the fanny? I forget, there's been too much beer between then and now :(

None taken. While I think your ex sounds like an utterly selfish cow tbh, like everything in life I just don't think you can simplisticly say "everyone who has an affair is evil, selfish etc. etc." In the past I've been incredibly judgemental about this kind of thing myself, (to the extent of blanking one of my friends who'd left his wife and kids), without any real understanding on my part of what was actually going on behind closed doors (nothing good as it happens). Now I know what was going on, a part of me still judges him, but I can understand why he did what he did, and frankly, I got divorced for far less "serious" reasons, so who am I to sit in judgement?
yes, and it's because of me wanting my mind open as far as it can go, that I am talking to as many others as I can manage. I need the experiences of others who aren't emotionally involved to help me get my mind straight, and that seems to be working very well. If it were just me I don't think I'd be able to look beyond what she did.

People obviously feel very strongly about this, which is good as it means we all have morals and we all love Tdc and dont want him to be in pain.

I can see what Yoni meant and I can also see what you boys are going on about.

In the case we are talking about, the ex Mrs Tdc has been WRONG WRONG WRONG . She obviously wasn't happy with him/the relationship (otherwise she wouldnt have put herself in situations where she could cheat and behaved like this). But how awful if you just 'fall out of love with someone' It must be an awful thing to have to face and tell the person -esp if they are as lovely as TdC.

She should have been brave and just told him. She was weak and she didn't do the right thing.

But life is not all black and white. Surely you have all made mistakes and donethings you regret in the cold light of day?
We try to be the best we can and not hurt people. BUT YOU NEVER KNOW what is round the corner.....

....you may think you are with the right person and then your 'one' really arrives and before you realise it stuff happens (my friend -i was really anti -but I have seen what she has gone through) or you have been with your partner for years and you live separate lives but you have kids, and a stable life... you never know.. or you may just feel old, ugly and crap and someone makes you feel beautiful.... loads and loads of reasons. I hear about affairs every day at the moment -it is more common than not.

Cheating happens because of many many reasons, it is an evil thing to do, but it doesnt mean the person is an evil person.
Russell I think you're a beautiful person, and I value greatly the feminine view you can present, but there are some things in that view that make me want to tear down trees and kill people I kid you not. She didn't speak to me! She didn't tell me anything! I was her partner and lover and friend and she sold me a barrel of lies!

Thieving is a bad thing to do - but I guess it's all OK if you're only doing it because you've got a drug habit then eh?
one of the Dutch bishops, controversial fellow, once said that all Dutch junkies must be allowed to steal a loaf of bread. while I admire his thought, I guess he doesn't realize that the junkies would then proceed to sell the bread to get money for smack. anyway, I guess the point is that your definition of the good in a deed depends very much on your point of view. In the case of my ex and myself, I sincerely hope that my ex throught she was doing that to gain a better life, and not because she wanted to feel beautiful for an hour at the cost of six years of relationship and ditto friendship.
 

russell

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did Will kick me in the fanny? I forget, there's been too much beer between then and now :(


yes, and it's because of me wanting my mind open as far as it can go, that I am talking to as many others as I can manage. I need the experiences of others who aren't emotionally involved to help me get my mind straight, and that seems to be working very well. If it were just me I don't think I'd be able to look beyond what she did.


Russell I think you're a beautiful person, and I value greatly the feminine view you can present, but there are some things in that view that make me want to tear down trees and kill people I kid you not. She didn't speak to me! She didn't tell me anything! I was her partner and lover and friend and she sold me a barrel of lies!


one of the Dutch bishops, controversial fellow, once said that all Dutch junkies must be allowed to steal a loaf of bread. while I admire his thought, I guess he doesn't realize that the junkies would then proceed to sell the bread to get money for smack. anyway, I guess the point is that your definition of the good in a deed depends very much on your point of view. In the case of my ex and myself, I sincerely hope that my ex throught she was doing that to gain a better life, and not because she wanted to feel beautiful for an hour at the cost of six years of relationship and ditto friendship.


Im sorry Tdc the reference to the 'feeling beautiful' was another situation, a general comment and no reflection on your 6 year relationship. I didnt mean it in that way.

I was just trying to make a point, which reading it all back was probably a bit of a crap thing to do given the situation. In no way do I condone what she has done to you. It is terrible, you know I think that -please dont tear down trees and kill people. Ill shut up
x
 

mycenae

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Tbh, having read this whole thread through, I think I can come to one conclusion. Unless we are actually enlightened as to the mindset of both teedles and ex Mrs TdC at the time of the event, then how is any of us actually qualified to pass judgement on either of them?

I'm so sorry for you Teeds, that she has made you so sad and miserable....and I sincerely hope for your sake she decides to leave you alone from now on. :(

And, for the record, it only takes one person to break a relationship up....I speak from experience!
 

Yoni

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Thank you Lara that is my point.... we don't know why she did it so although on the surface she does appear to have been a complete cowbag we have no idea of the personal torment she may have been going through

I have been on both sides of the fence and I DO and CAN sympathise with anyone who resorts to having an affair rather than facing up to the reality of their situation.

*waits for stone throwing to commence*
 

TdC

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for those who's posts have just disappeared, kindly refrain. MY thread. me me me! mine!

I am well aware some of you don't see eye to eye, and that this particular subject may bring out strong emotions, but no pot shots this day. I aern't in the mood.
 

old.user4556

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for those who's posts have just disappeared, kindly refrain. MY thread. me me me! mine!

I am well aware some of you don't see eye to eye, and that this particular subject may bring out strong emotions, but no pot shots this day. I aern't in the mood.

I may not have posted *about* you, but I was *thinking* about you at that time; and even when I went into the shower naked just 10 minutes ago.

:touch:
 

TdC

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Im sorry Tdc the reference to the 'feeling beautiful' was another situation, a general comment and no reflection on your 6 year relationship. I didnt mean it in that way.

I was just trying to make a point, which reading it all back was probably a bit of a crap thing to do given the situation. In no way do I condone what she has done to you. It is terrible, you know I think that -please dont tear down trees and kill people. Ill shut up
x
don't shut up Russell. I'm not mad at you. I just picked up on what you said because it was similar to something she said, and then failed to make real.

Tbh, having read this whole thread through, I think I can come to one conclusion. Unless we are actually enlightened as to the mindset of both teedles and ex Mrs TdC at the time of the event, then how is any of us actually qualified to pass judgement on either of them?

I'm so sorry for you Teeds, that she has made you so sad and miserable....and I sincerely hope for your sake she decides to leave you alone from now on. :(

And, for the record, it only takes one person to break a relationship up....I speak from experience!
thanks Mycenae. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone. Yes, like I said, you're only getting my side. I am quite aware that you, Yoni and Russell are spot on when you consider my ex being under immense pressure, I too realise this. Which makes me perhaps even more sad because even after six years, her having told me every aspect of her life (and vice versa), she could not talk to me about this :(

Thank you Lara that is my point.... we don't know why she did it so although on the surface she does appear to have been a complete cowbag we have no idea of the personal torment she may have been going through

I have been on both sides of the fence and I DO and CAN sympathise with anyone who resorts to having an affair rather than facing up to the reality of their situation.

*waits for stone throwing to commence*

aye, Yoni, I know this, but like I said above to Mycenae, it perhaps makes me even more sad for her and our break-up. However, I fear there will be no amicable meetings between her and myself. Even though I can work out what she must have felt and gone through doesn't mean I have to forgive her :(
 

MYstIC G

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Right people, for the record, it's perfectly reasonable for people to draw conclusions from the information in front of them. Humans do that you know.

This thread is not (and should not be) about anything other than comforting and supporting Teedles. He is our friend and he needs our help and support. I'm sure his ex has her friends who are there for her.

The fact that TdC has actually had to clean this thread up speaks volumes to me and I hope those people who's posts are now missing feel suitably ashamed.
 

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Dont give me that ashamed bullshit. I was trying to bring some humour into the thread with my one that got nuked. I'll just stay out in the future. TdC knows the score anyway, he just needs some peoples to say it: move on, tell her to fuck right off.
 

mycenae

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I never said people can't draw conclusions from the information put in front of them, after all, isn't that what a judge and jury does every day? All I was trying to say was that its wrong to judge people on face value....the whole 'don't judge a book by its cover,' thing.

I too think its a bit shameful that teedles has had to clean the thread up.....as I said before matey....I'm so, SO sorry you've had to go through this. I don't pretend to know you, but I do empathise with your situation, and both myself and Vae feel for you. :(
 

TdC

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I failed miserably to laugh though, Chilly. Or even chuckle. Though I appreciate your bluntness, perhaps others do not.

on topic: yeah, I know. I am moving on. Currently I entertain the notion that perhaps what happened saturday morning was a blessing in disguise. It's really over, I don't want her back, things will work out just fine.
 

nath

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I never said people can't draw conclusions from the information put in front of them, after all, isn't that what a judge and jury does every day? All I was trying to say was that its wrong to judge people on face value....the whole 'don't judge a book by its cover,' thing.

That's all well and good but there's got to be a limit to that. If some guy is physically abusive to his girlfriend, would you say we can't judge him? That there's possibly reasons that justify it somewhat? No, of course not - physical abuse is totally unacceptable and everyone would be right to call that person a total ****.

It's simply about where you draw the line. Obviously some of you think there's more to it (infidelity that is) and that it's understandable or whatever. I think it simply confirms what I already thought about people in general. People (by and large) are self-centred tossers who think more about their own happiness without considering how it's going to effect others. Even to the point where it's going to cause devastating emotional pain and suffering.
 

Himse

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Shag her and throw her back out on the street.
 

Bahumat

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Sounds like her new fella is no where near as good as you thus she misses lots of things. I think you made the right choice. I can only assume, but it seems like if you'd let her back in, she'd get her "fix"* of TdC and then go back to the other guy.

*by fix I dont mean sexually, more the things you did/said/do that makes her happy/laugh etc etc.
 

TdC

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Shag her and throw her back out on the street.

get bent, Himse

Sounds like her new fella is no where near as good as you thus she misses lots of things. I think you made the right choice. I can only assume, but it seems like if you'd let her back in, she'd get her "fix"* of TdC and then go back to the other guy.

*by fix I dont mean sexually, more the things you did/said/do that makes her happy/laugh etc etc.

yeah Bahu, I know what you mean and agree. It's hard to keep at it though. I just want to be left alone (by her). I hate having to second guess myself every time I remember something :/
 
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