well

[Jupitus]

./manly hugs

 

[MYstIC G]

Just tell her, I said "Oi... You... NO!"

99% probability she's crashing and burning with new bloke and is trying to prep you into being a fall back position.

 

[nath]

Just tell her, I said "Oi... You... NO!"

99% probability she's crashing and burning with new bloke and is trying to prep you into being a fall back position.

Sounds like that's what's going on. I just don't understand how people can be so totally and utterly self-centred.

 

[old.user4556]

utterly self-centred.

Those two words epitomise the majority of modern women.

 

[TdC]

tbh I'm just utterly shocked that I just spent six years of my life with this person without seeing a shred of this other, than the usual insanity of a guy and a girl being together. I mean, it's like invasion of the body snatchers ffs. it boggles the mind that she could be one person one day, and a completely different one the next.

oh well, at least I've been trying to move on with my life for the past couple of months. she hasn't done so well it seems.

 

[nath]

Those two words epitomise the majority of modern men & women.

Fixed. Everyone out there is a self centred **** in my experience, men AND women.

 

[TdC]

not everyone Nath. I've met a few who aren't.

*fluffles everyone*

 

[nath]

Granted, but the vast majority are, in my opinion of course.

 

[TdC]

well yeah, there is that, ofc. though there are still a few gems about (m/f) who haven't let themselves be corrupted. too bad the best f's I know aren't single

 

[Trem]

Do me a favour Teedles, kick her in the fanny for me.

 

[Yoni]

depends how serious the relationship was to begin with.....

Do what is right for you TdC.

Having read some of the responses here by the way I am quite horrified. One day any one of you could be in her position, how would you want to be treated?

I don't confess to know the details, however what I do know is the girl is human and there are better ways of dealing with situations like these than some of the answers I have seen here.

 

[russell]

well yeah, there is that, ofc. though there are still a few gems about (m/f) who haven't let themselves be corrupted. too bad the best f's I know aren't single

Yes. We are not all evil! Please don't tar us all with the same brush.

 

[Trem]

.

Having read some of the responses here by the way I am quite horrified. One day any one of you could be in her position, how would you want to be treated?

I do know the details and a swift kick to the fanny will cure all.

 

[TdC]

goodness, all the people I have to kick in the fanny.... I'll have to get in training!

 

[Yoni]

None of you have considered that she has been brave enough to admit that maybe she has made a mistake... even if TdC doesn't want her back. You all judge way to harshly in my opinion but maybe it is my upbringing and the old saying "yet he who is without sin cast the first stone"

I am not a religious nut however I do believe the saying above should be considered before kicking people in the fanny etc etc etc

 

[nath]

None of you have considered that she has been brave enough to admit that maybe she has made a mistake... even if TdC doesn't want her back. You all judge way to harshly in my opinion but maybe it is my upbringing and the old saying "yet he who is without sin cast the first stone"

On the one hand, you're absolutely right. However, I think if she actually put Teedles feelings before her own (which given the history she clearly should be doing that now) she'd realise that turning up at his place like that is clearly a very emotionally manipulative thing to do. If she was genuinely thinking of him first, she would fight the urge to blub uncontrollably outside his door.

Plus this is added to the fact that she cheated on him previously. I've absolutely no sympathy for people that do that, absolutely none what-so-fucking-ever. If she was good enough to realise what she'd done was horrible then she could either suck it up and try to be better, or maybe write/phone and explain rationally. What she's done smacks of either just wanting to get back together for her own sake, or apologise to soothe her own conscience. Neither scenario really works in her favour as far as I'm concerned.

Sorry teeds - this seems a bit shitty talking about this when really it's none of our fucking business, but I did feel that I had to respond to the above point.

 

[Yoni]

It takes two to make or break a relationship in my opinion.

 

[TdC]

depends how serious the relationship was to begin with.....

Do what is right for you TdC.

Having read some of the responses here by the way I am quite horrified. One day any one of you could be in her position, how would you want to be treated?

I don't confess to know the details, however what I do know is the girl is human and there are better ways of dealing with situations like these than some of the answers I have seen here.

oh it was serious enough. I won't go in to details though, sorry.

Yes. We are not all evil! Please don't tar us all with the same brush.

have no fear, I do not.

 

[nath]

It takes two to make or break a relationship in my opinion.

Can you think of any single scenario where one half of a relationship would be in *anyway* responsible for another half cheating? I sure as fuck can't - I can think of plenty of reasons Partner A could be shitty enough to make Partner B want to cheat, but ultimately everyone is in control of themselves, and has only themselves to blame when they do something horrible.

Once again, I've no sympathy for anyone who cheats instead of addressing the problems in the relationship or just breaking up first.

 

[Yoni]

I have sympathy for anyone who cheats before breaking up because they don't know how to tell their partner something is that wrong.

 

[TdC]

None of you have considered that she has been brave enough to admit that maybe she has made a mistake... even if TdC doesn't want her back. You all judge way to harshly in my opinion but maybe it is my upbringing and the old saying "yet he who is without sin cast the first stone"

I am not a religious nut however I do believe the saying above should be considered before kicking people in the fanny etc etc etc

I can't think on that many levels that I can consider her considering me considering her if you know what I mean. In the past few months I've gone to just considering my own actions and the actions of others that impact me. I consider what she did to be extremely low and prove an utter lack of respect towards me. I know things can happen, I know people can make mistakes, I know people can change and relationships can end. Let me just say that she didn't make mistakes only once, and she did try to keep me from knowing.

Still, I do not hate her, just pity her. She used certain arguments in our parting conversation that she instantly nullified by doing certain actions. I don't hate her, but this doesn't stop me thinking of her in a certain light. Imo she messed up and handled the situation very badly. Which she continued to do by turning up at my door drunk and uninvited. You see, she left as soon as it became clear that I wasn't letting her in and just wanted her to go home. You see, I know what she was doing in the pub before she chose to drop by. And with whom she was doing it, eh.

Sorry teeds - this seems a bit shitty talking about this when really it's none of our fucking business, but I did feel that I had to respond to the above point.

no offence taken Nath. I must say, I'm a little taken aback that I actually posted such information in the first place. I was well shaken indeed. Anyway, it's here now, and I shan't remove it. I'm very interested in what others have to say, especially the ladies of the forums. Ofc, I realize that the info you get from me is completely biased, as it's my interpretation of what is happening to me. Naturally so. Anyway fwiw I considered my ex very evil up to saturday morning. Now I just pity her.

It takes two to make or break a relationship in my opinion.

It only takes one to break it up Yoni

 

[nath]

I have sympathy for anyone who cheats before breaking up because they don't know how to tell their partner something is that wrong.

Even in that situation - I'd say don't do anything until you work out how to tell their partner something's wrong. Why would they feel it's OK to destroy that trust so violently by cheating? If they simply wait until they can find a way out of the relationship things are still going to be painful but not to the same extent. Cheating as a way out seems very childish and completely lacking in empathy. It shows a fundamental lack of compassion and understanding that other people have feelings too, and things that you do can affect people. It basically further enforces my opinion that the vast majority of people on this planet are simply self-centred bastards.

Ofc, I realize that the info you get from me is completely biased,

I did have that in mind actually, but though obviously I'd take your side anyway my position is taken from the points that I assume to be facts - i.e. she cheated on you, you didn't cheat on her. Short of you being abusive, nothing would change my position, and I really can't see you being abusive.

 

[Yoni]

Sorry TdC i didnt mean to offend *hugs*

 

[TdC]

you didn't offend me Yoni-tjan

 

[Wazzerphuk]

I'm not too keen on the way Yoni tried to defend the women bashing. I for one would have said exactly the same if it was happening to TdC+boobies. (now THERE'S a thought)

Just because some reactions were angry does not mean that it has anything to do with the sex of that person. It is their actions that have been commented on.

 

[DaGaffer]

Even in that situation - I'd say don't do anything until you work out how to tell their partner something's wrong. Why would they feel it's OK to destroy that trust so violently by cheating? If they simply wait until they can find a way out of the relationship things are still going to be painful but not to the same extent. Cheating as a way out seems very childish and completely lacking in empathy. It shows a fundamental lack of compassion and understanding that other people have feelings too, and things that you do can affect people. It basically further enforces my opinion that the vast majority of people on this planet are simply self-centred bastards.

Sadly, having seen this from both sides of the fence, I think you're being overly-simplistic. Cheating isn't always seen as a "way out". Sometimes life is just about bad timing.

 

[nath]

I'm not too keen on the way Yoni tried to defend the women bashing. I for one would have said exactly the same if it was happening to TdC+boobies. (now THERE'S a thought)

Just because some reactions were angry does not mean that it has anything to do with the sex of that person. It is their actions that have been commented on.

I think it's easy to project ideas of women-hating in situations like this, but you're right if the genders were reversed certainly my opinions would be exactly the same.

Sadly, having seen this from both sides of the fence, I think you're being overly-simplistic. Cheating isn't always seen as a "way out". Sometimes life is just about bad timing.

I know what you're saying, but I really don't agree. I think it comes down to how much you consider other peoples feelings. I know that sounds very holier than thou, but that's really not my perspective. I guess I just have a very low opinion of human beings in general.

 

[TdC]

I'm not too keen on the way Yoni tried to defend the women bashing. I for one would have said exactly the same if it was happening to TdC+boobies. (now THERE'S a thought)

Just because some reactions were angry does not mean that it has anything to do with the sex of that person. It is their actions that have been commented on.

Yoni is able to see both sides and this helps her to make such comments. Tbh I welcome them, and I don't want this to be about bashing my ex (pleasant as that would be).
for myself, I am tired to death of trying to work out what my ex wants/wanted/meant. don't think I didn't give it my best shot, but her reasons and motivation are completely alien to me (though obviously enough for her to act on).

Sadly, having seen this from both sides of the fence, I think you're being overly-simplistic. Cheating isn't always seen as a "way out". Sometimes life is just about bad timing.

I've not been on the other side of the fence. I don't mean to offend but I hope I never get there, but simultaneously I realize that I won't understand until the choice comes apon me.

I think it's easy to project ideas of women-hating in situations like this, but you're right if the genders were reversed certainly my opinions would be exactly the same.

if I were a girl I certainly think my opinions and reactions would be exactly the same. probably more empathic and more able to see both sides, but there you go. be that as it may, my male ego is colouring much of the thoughts I have, like duh

 

[Scouse]

It takes two to make or break a relationship in my opinion.

Disagree.

I have sympathy for anyone who cheats before breaking up because they don't know how to tell their partner something is that wrong.

Weak.

 

[Wonk]

I'm glad you're such a cool-headed person TdC I would never be able to see it from the womans perspective in such situations.