Stay out or interfere?

[Thorwyn]

So... there´s this couple living in the flat above me. They´re both very young, maybe in their early twenties or something. And of course they fulfil every cliché... loud music, parties at the weekends, strangers wandering through the house at ungodly hours, slamming the doors, never putting out the bins etc. I don´t really care about all that as long as they´re not bothering me too much. Whenever I see them in on the stairs, we say "hi" and that´s about as close to a conversation as we ever got.

But this couple seems to have a strange way of getting along with each other. Every once in a while, maybe once a month, they´re starting an argument, which then becomes louder and louder and eventually ends up in a fight with both sides screaming and yelling at each other, stuff being thrown through the room. It all sounds pretty rough and violent. He once kicked her out of the flat and they continued their dispute talking through the closed door... at 4 AM in the morning. But the next day (or maybe 3-4 days later), it´s all fine again and they´re walking hand in hand through the park.

So, what would you do in this situation? Call the police at the risk of being a narrow-minded Sherriff and interfering with other people´s lifes? Stay out at the risk of being responsible IF things are going out of hand?

 

[Edmond]

Unfortunatly i wouldn't have thought the police will do anything unless he/she makes a complaint themselves, or someone gets hurt. I suppose you could go down the road of complaining about the noise

 

[Tuthmes]

Aslong as it's just words I wouldnt be bothered about it. You'd have a very unhealthy relation if you didnt argue once in a whiled. The police will tell you that aswell.

The more you love, the more you hate.

However if things get (too) fysical, its time to act.

 

[Thorwyn]

However if things get (too) fysical, its time to act.

Well.. that´s exactly the point. It´s hard to judge by the sound, but it appears that sometimes they´re crossing the line and are getting into a real, physical fight. But what is "too" physical?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Same goes on above this flat, the man screaming like a little girl(iz funny ), and sometimes sounds like they're throwing couches

One day when i was a bit "meh", i almost got so tired of it that i would've went to tell them to knock it off or fuck it off, but decided that it's not harming me and i can't change every persons life. Own choices.

 

[Raven]

When they are arguing open your door and ask them to shut the fuck up. If that doesn't work speak with your land lord (assuming its rented) or call the police and say there is a domestic disturbance and someone is close to taking a kicking, who gives a fuck if its real or not. Nothing stops twats like the police. Dick head neighbours should be treated like trash.

 

[Zenith.UK]

I'd question if she suffers from premenstrual syndrome (PMS).
You said that it happens every month or so, there's a lot of shouting and stuff thrown around. Sounds like classic PMS to me.

 

[megadave]

if they make loads of noise at late hours then just tell them to shut the fuck up

 

[confused]

... Make up Sex....

 

[Ezteq]

I'd question if she suffers from premenstrual syndrome (PMS).
You said that it happens every month or so, there's a lot of shouting and stuff thrown around. Sounds like classic PMS to me.

rofl so you solution would be leave a cup of tea, a mars bar and some evening primrose tablets outside the door?

I'd speak tothe landlord tbh they sound like pretty shocking neighbours, you should move, find somewhere nice to live with lovely neighbours instead


...the flat below HQ is going come and live here matey

 

[Mikah75]

Just call the police next time, it's a public disturbance, you are well within your right to call them and they'll come sort it out. Maybe next time before they start ranting and raving they're think oh shit dont want the police again.. Better than saying something yourself in my opinion, rather that than starting an argument yourself. If it was me and some stranger came out and asked to keep it down I'd probably hold a grudge

 

[Thorwyn]

Thanks for the replies so far. Just to make this clear: I don´t mind the noise at all. That´s why god created headphones and earplugs. They can scream and yell at each other all night long for all I care. I just don´t want to hear the "but why didn´t you react" if this turns into a case of domestic violence that´s going out of hand.

I'd speak tothe landlord tbh they sound like pretty shocking neighbours, you should move, find somewhere nice to live with lovely neighbours instead


...the flat below HQ is going come and live here matey

That´s the house that´s frequently being set on fire and where women are climbing through the windows via ladders all day long, right?

 

[Ezteq]

*cough*

to be fair I am the perp of all dubious shenannigens that go on in this place and most of them are like at least 98...85...82...73% innocent in nature.

 

[Lamp]

You've got what millions of other people have got around the globe: bad neighbours.

Lets say you call the cops. Whats the worst thats going to happen? Verbal warning. Even if they make an arrest, the charges will be dropped. And no matter what the outcome, arrest or no arrest, they'll be at it again some time later.

Either you can live with it or you can't. If you can, continue to be pleasant but keep your distance unless you want them banging on YOUR door at 4am asking for booze or a couch to sleep on. If you can't live with it, move.

At the end of the day, you've got bad neighbours. Unless they're making constant noise, you probably won't get a noise abatement order (do you have them in Germany?). I've had a similar situation when I had my own apartment before I met my wife. I suffered 3 years of it & then moved across to the other side of London. Never been happier.

 

[Ezteq]

yeah but like he said he's not worried about the noise he's wondering whether he should get involved when the fights they have get violent.


Tbh I'd say no, what usually happens is you see a couple fighting you step in to save the one that's gettign battered then they both turn round and batter you. Unless you hear like "OMG Help I'm being murdered and or seriously injured!!!" I'd keep out of it.

 

[Lamp]

Oh ok, didn't read the OP properly

They're kids. All they're doing is having drunken sisssy fits, throwing furniture around & yelling at each other. The relationship will never last. You know it, I know it. Like I said, if you call the police, whats going to happen? Even if they're arrested, they'll be at it the following weekend. Nothing. And you'll end up being hated by the young couple for grassing on them & that could lead to them damaging your property, making life hell for you, breaking in to your flat when you're out at work. You've just got bad neighbours.

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

I was once faced with a similar situation. I left it a long time. It was an annoyance but I figured I'd not make any waves.

Until one night where they were screaming threats at each other and there were loud sounds of smashing. At this point I decided to call the police. I felt the worst case scenario was that I feel a little foolish. I can live with that easier than not doing anything and someone actually got hurt.

They might not get arrested but it is breach of the peace. The incident gets recorded. In some cases thats enough to stop people misbehaving in future, a wakeup call as it were. This was the case with the neighbours I've described.

 

[kamorrista]

If u don't mind the noise then is not much to do with it, just as Ezteq said if you hear something serious then go ahead call the cops, "Psychological Abuse" is also very awful but while it's words they should be able to manage, nothing so disgusting like trying to help somebody and they feel u crossed privacy line then they turn you daily life into a hell

 

[Genedril]

Take up DIY.

When they start shouting and yelling it's time to mount those new light fittings you've always dreamed of sticking in their feet.

 

[Huntingtons]

cops are the solution. dont interfere personally. Basically what many have said.

 

[Mey]

Unfortunatly i wouldn't have thought the police will do anything unless he/she makes a complaint themselves, or someone gets hurt. I suppose you could go down the road of complaining about the noise

Police these days have a postive action approach to domestic violence so if there is an offence, i.e one of the two has assaulted the other they will remove/arrest the person who has assulated the other.

 

[Lamp]

You lot live in cloud cuckoo land if you think getting arrested once stops domestic violence.

Man beats woman, all her friends say "leave him, he's a monster" or "tell the police, look what he's done to your face", she says "I can't, you don't understand, I just can't". They always go back. A neighbour calls the police, the man's arrested, he comes back to the woman "I'm sorry love, it will never happen again", then after the next drunken session, she's black & blue again. Those type of men never change.

Anyway, the OP didn't make it sound like he was knocking 5 shades of shit out of her. And its not always men. There are a LOT of nutty drunken women out there. A lot.

 

[kamorrista]

seemed to be only verbal violence in this situation, anyway if calling police won't solve it, what do you suggest? going inside instead and kill the man?

 

[Lamp]

if the police can't stop it, stay the hell out of it

why should you interfere? whats it got to do with you?

If someone knocked on my front door while I was having an argument with my wife in my house I'd tell him to fuck off & mind his own business, nosey bastard

 

[Ezteq]

You lot live in cloud cuckoo land if you think getting arrested once stops domestic violence.

Man beats woman, all her friends say "leave him, he's a monster" or "tell the police, look what he's done to your face", she says "I can't, you don't understand, I just can't". They always go back. A neighbour calls the police, the man's arrested, he comes back to the woman "I'm sorry love, it will never happen again", then after the next drunken session, she's black & blue again. Those type of men never change.

Anyway, the OP didn't make it sound like he was knocking 5 shades of shit out of her. And its not always men. There are a LOT of nutty drunken women out there. A lot.

sad but true, though when I had the misfortune to get the snot beaten out of me by my then bf i got him arrested and he went to jail for it, after growing up witnessing the above scenario there was no way in hell i was putting up with that crap and i just cannot comprehend how or why anyone else does.

 

[kamorrista]

if the police can't stop it, stay the hell out of it

why should you interfere? whats it got to do with you?

If someone knocked on my front door while I was having an argument with my wife in my house I'd tell him to fuck off & mind his own business, nosey bastard

true lamp, unless you try to beat down your wife or kill her, then if i am your neighbour i would f$#@ng kick your ass or at least try to, can't stand not interfering when someone needs real help, if it is only argument, then ofc i stay the F#$@ away

and Ezteq, excuse my terrible english but i didn't understand well what you said, but maybe u reffered to the sadly poor protection against this kind of violence, is weak and deficient

 

[Ezteq]

no Kam sweetie, I was referring to the state of mind of the women who put up with it again and again (personally I found the help offered by the police and other agencies to be excellent), I just cannot understand how after being beaten up once anyone would like to go back for more.

anyway that's for another thread.

 

[kamorrista]

Aaah kk, got it, sorry, yes i think is a type of Syndrome, it is not very understable, but my mother had been studying that and helping women against domestic violence, it is like a big dependence of the man like, maybe there at your country you have an excellent help, police here do what they can, but tools here at spain are still deficient, and last year increased number of murdered women by their partners... sad news

thanks for being so kind to explain it (i look like a retarded lol but it's my poor english)

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

You lot live in cloud cuckoo land if you think getting arrested once stops domestic violence.

Of course it doesn't. But it can be a useful shot in the arm to people who perhaps need encouragement to be better neighbours.

The police are there to handle situations like this. Use them. This advice was given to me by a friend & colleague who is also an ex police inspector.

The cycle of abuse is, as Ez says, a subject for a different thread as its a huge topic all on its own.