So...no means no?

[Calaen]

Ofcourse there's a difference in the two, but the flipside is that you care about your mates and the problems, with randoms you don't. It IS a bit selfish to do it knowingly. Again, not saying it's wrong, but it's not that simple either.

How can it be considered selfish? She is getting what she wants and you are getting what you want? It really is that simple

 

[old.Tohtori]

How can it be considered selfish? She is getting what she wants and you are getting what you want? It really is that simple

When you do something without thinking of the possible people getting hurt, it's considered selfish no?

Part of not f*cking a friends wife is that, dundunduu, it's your FRIENDS wife and you care if you hurt a friend.

No i'm not high horsing, or judging, or saying don't do it, just want to point out that it's not squeky clean activity and that there are issues that make it less then "nice"

 

[Calaen]

When you do something without thinking of the possible people getting hurt, it's considered selfish no?

Part of not f*cking a friends wife is that, dundunduu, it's your FRIENDS wife and you care if you hurt a friend.

No i'm not high horsing, or judging, or saying don't do it, just want to point out that it's not squeky clean activity and that there are issues that make it less then "nice"

Hurting someone is not being selfish. So no it is not being selfish to have sex with a willing partner (even if she is in a relationship)

And with regards to the friends thing its not about hurting them either, you just do not do things like that to your friends because of trust.

 

[Sparx]

Also, have to say sparx, you saying you do it doesn't change it at all. No matter what way one feels on the matter. Admitting to being a cheater and being one without telling, still makes you(not you sparx) a cheater.

i'm not the cheater tho, i'm a single guy who has been chatted up with a girl, none of my business what her situation is, if she was in a happy relationship she wouldnt be over chatting me up

 

[old.Tohtori]

Hurting someone is not being selfish. So no it is not being selfish to have sex with a willing partner (even if she is in a relationship)

And with regards to the friends thing its not about hurting them either, you just do not do things like that to your friends because of trust.

It's a bit selfish, as is with any activity where you gain and others get hurt. Can't see why it's so hard to admit since it's right there. You do the naughty, someone else gets hurt. But it doesn't matter, 'cause it doesn't effect you. BIT selfish, note.

Regarding friends, it's not about trust alone, part of it is respect and also, no matter how you put it, you don't want them get hurt. This is not a case with strangers, you don't give a f*ck if the girls guy gets hurt.

i'm not the cheater tho, i'm a single guy who has been chatted up with a girl, none of my business what her situation is, if she was in a happy relationship she wouldnt be over chatting me up

Missed the point there, didn't call you a cheater. I meant that it doesn't matter if you admit to something, it doesn't make it better. So you, infact, are no different from someone not saying they are doing it.

Also, in some way you are "naughtier" then the people who get drunk and f*ck a married chick, 'cause you're saying you'd do it clearheaded.

 

[Sparx]

nah i just think i am more honest to myself, i found it harder to cope with things when i done them and wouldnt admit to myself. I got wracked with guilt with things cause i think i was doing something really wrong. When i started admitting to myself that i'm not really doing anything wrong i became happier


Can you see my point tho that the responsibilty for a complete strangers relationship shouldnt fall on me bacause she is trying to get in my pants?

 

[old.Tohtori]

nah i just think i am more honest to myself, i found it harder to cope with things when i done them and wouldnt admit to myself. I got wracked with guilt with things cause i think i was doing something really wrong. When i started admitting to myself that i'm not really doing anything wrong i became happier

Can you see my point tho that the responsibilty for a complete strangers relationship shouldnt fall on me bacause she is trying to get in my pants?

Like i said, i don't judge the behaviour(any behaviour) as long as it's their behaviour and they keep from "convincing" me to their "camp".

I can understand how you would feel that it's not, but then again i can see why it would be considered naughty. It's a slippery slope really, in part you shouldn't be responsible, but when you learn of the situation, you become MORE responsible since it's a concious act.

So, if you odn't know, you don't have a choice. But when you DO know, it becomes a concious act of hurting someone. Even if the hurting is a sidedish of the platter.

Even though this is an issue where you're not in the supreme wrong, i'd be careful in the "convince myself i'm not doing anything wrong" thing, might lead to bigger things.

 

[Sparx]

i'm quite enjoying this discussion, for once we are having a good discussion and there hasnt been any real name calling or personal attacks its nice

Also i think this is one of those that we will never agree on, like going to a football match to have fights with the other fans. We dont understand the point but the ones who do do it would tell a different story

 

[Calaen]

Also your opinions Toh are taking into consideration that the other half actually finds out.

One of my closest friends was having sex with one of his closest friends g/f. She is now married to her b/f who she was doing the dirty on and they are happy with 2 children. Sometimes it takes fucking someone else to understand that you have something special in the first place.

My friend does not have any idea of the events either so its win win.

 

[Chronictank]

Also your opinions Toh are taking into consideration that the other half actually finds out.

One of my closest friends was having sex with one of his closest friends g/f. She is now married to her b/f who she was doing the dirty on and they are happy with 2 children. Sometimes it takes fucking someone else to understand that you have something special in the first place.

My friend does not have any idea of the events either so its win win.

surely if he was a close friend he would have told his mate that she fu**ing around?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Also your opinions Toh are taking into consideration that the other half actually finds out.

One of my closest friends was having sex with one of his closest friends g/f. She is now married to her b/f who she was doing the dirty on and they are happy with 2 children. Sometimes it takes fucking someone else to understand that you have something special in the first place.

My friend does not have any idea of the events either so its win win.

Yes, partly my opinions are based(the hurting part atleast) on finding out. which usually at some point comes out say, 2/3s of the time atleast?

Although f*cking around worked for your friend, doesn't remove the fact that the girlfriend did cheat. Which, i think all can agree on, is wrong. Cheating that is.

i'm quite enjoying this discussion, for once we are having a good discussion and there hasnt been any real name calling or personal attacks its nice

Also i think this is one of those that we will never agree on, like going to a football match to have fights with the other fans. We dont understand the point but the ones who do do it would tell a different story

When people don't diss and cuss, they can discuss. Simple as pie. the delicacy, not the squirly thing.

The fun part is, that there's nothing to agree on, as i'm not against the behaviour, simply not a practisioner

 

[Calaen]

Probably because it was him that she was sleeping with.

This is why I would not sleep with a friends partner. When you are that close they are making their decision to sleep with you based on their knowledge of you. i.e. your personality.

This goes beyond the realms of a very slim chance of bumping into her again one night stand while out on the town. I have no secrets in my life, not one of my friends could tell another something about me they do not all know. I am a very open person and I would never allow someone to think that they had something they could use against me.

 

[Sparx]

When people don't diss and cuss, they can discuss.

Thats probably the gayest thing you have ever written

True Cal, with a friends its more based on personality rather than a random leg over

 

[yaruar]

Also your opinions Toh are taking into consideration that the other half actually finds out.

One of my closest friends was having sex with one of his closest friends g/f. She is now married to her b/f who she was doing the dirty on and they are happy with 2 children. Sometimes it takes fucking someone else to understand that you have something special in the first place.

My friend does not have any idea of the events either so its win win.

It's quite clearly not entirely a private matter, so what if one day it comes out that she did the dirty on her now husband with his friend. That's potentially a family completely fucked over for a bit of rumpy.

 

[Calaen]

Yes, partly my opinions are based(the hurting part atleast) on finding out. which usually at some point comes out say, 2/3s of the time atleast?

Although f*cking around worked for your friend, doesn't remove the fact that the girlfriend did cheat. Which, i think all can agree on, is wrong. Cheating that is.

Not to sound like a twat

But they obviously have their reasons for cheating, last thing I want to know is their life story

Cheating is easily justified nowadays, it is not something I consider wrong. If the people in the relationship were honest enough with each other and respected each other the situation would not come about.

 

[Calaen]

It's quite clearly not entirely a private matter, so what if one day it comes out that she did the dirty on her now husband with his friend. That's potentially a family completely fucked over for a bit of rumpy.

Well its been over 7 years now something like that is easily denied.

 

[Sparx]

If the people in the relationship were honest enough with each other and respected each other the situation would not come about.

If the bird was happy then she wouldnt be trying it on with other men in a bar

 

[old.Tohtori]

Not to sound like a twat

But they obviously have their reasons for cheating, last thing I want to know is their life story

Cheating is easily justified nowadays, it is not something I consider wrong. If the people in the relationship were honest enough with each other and respected each other the situation would not come about.

Ah then we move to the point of caring for sex or caring for the partner.(with exceptions)

Which, i think, is one of the reasons on stances towards f*cking a taken or not also.

I personally don't care about sex these days. Been there, done her so to say

Now don't get me wrong, i LIKE it, ofcourse, and if it's on the table(grin) i'll have a slice. But more, in bars and such, my goal is to get to know 'em before i split 'em.

Most the time people don't have a reason for cheating though, it's just f*cking, but those who say they don't judge cheating or cheaters quickly change their stance when they get cheated on.

Funnily enough, i don't mind if my girl cheats, i make it clear from the getgo, as long as they tell it and make sure the partner knows where she's going at the end of the day. So i can, with a clear consience say that i don't mind cheaters, even if i don't cheat in any case myself. Damn i'm odd...

 

[Chronictank]

If the bird was happy then she wouldnt be trying it on with other men in a bar

That wasnt what i was disputing, i was disputing the fact that it is wrong (based on calaens example) for the "close friend" not to tell his mate the missus was fu**ing around

 

[Overdriven]

That wasnt what i was disputing, i was disputing the fact that it is wrong (based on calaens example) for the "close friend" not to tell his mate the missus was fu**ing around

Close friend would get bollocked for it "How did you not tell me sooner, how long they been doing it, how many more questions can I ask you which you don't know the answer of"

Most people prefer living in denial (No Toht, not Denial!) than coming to realise their partner has cheated on them in any form really.

 

[Sparx]

well that depends really, the affair has long gone, would it serve any use to bring it back up?

sometimes its better not knowing, there are rumours that my ex slept with someone else when we were together she says no, that was fine for me. Still dont know if it was true but at the time it was better all round to believe her.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Most people prefer living in denial (No Toht, not Denial!)

A...poo

Yeah, even sh*ttier situation is when you become friends with a couple and then, dun dun duuu...the couple brakes up, in a bad way.

Jesus, mary, josef and all the other supposed characters of the hitseller book "Adventures Of Jesus In Ancient Land", or bible for short...that's one helluva situation to be when both ask questions about both parties and you're supposed to choose a side like a 5 year old kid in a court hearing with crack parents.

 

[Sparx]

yeah i've been there too, i told both parties quite clearly that i am not a middle man, do not bitch to me about each other and i am staying friends with both

Both sides end up closer to you and you will be better in the long run, since this happened to my mates they are have became friends again, but the guys best mate took the birds side, they still dont talk even tho the 2 involved are great friends

 

[old.Tohtori]

Oh i took the girls side too, but not until later. There was a sh*tload of stuff going down that year. Real, proper, daytime soap motherf*cker

Could tell quite a story.

 

[Ctuchik]

I've had women do the dirty on me, i've had my heart destroyed and took me 2 and a half years to stop thinking about her every single fucking day. I guess after stuff like that you realise there are fucking alot more important things to worry about on this planet than is this girl who is chatting you up in a bar with someone, remember the point is she is coming on to you

and now ur doing the exact same thing to other ppl i presume?... and this is going to change my views on selfless pricks how?

so just because she comes on to you its perfectly fine to help ruin a relationship? sure its different if you don't KNOW she's taken. but if you DO know.....

 

[Overdriven]

Not sure what side I'd pick tbh.. I tend to get along with females more (Because most I know actually know more than 10 words that aren't to do with gaming. Suppose it depends who you were closer to.. Also, females tend to give the dirt on the guys xD Which is great for extortion values.

Saying that, I've ended up quite good friends with an ex after not speaking to her for 3 years.

so just because she comes on to you its perfectly fine to help ruin a relationship? sure its different if you don't KNOW she's taken. but if you DO know.....

It's why you never ask

 

[Sparx]

and now ur doing the exact same thing to other ppl i presume?... and this is going to change my views on selfless pricks how?

so just because she comes on to you its perfectly fine to help ruin a relationship? sure its different if you don't KNOW she's taken. but if you DO know.....

i cant be arsed to repeat myself cause you want an arguement let us have our chat please

 

[old.Tohtori]

Ctuchik does have a point there.

If it hurt you so bad, doesn't it occur in your mind that you might be causing the same thing to another guy?

Again i'm not saying you should or shouldn't think, but it's a fair question.

 

[Sparx]

Cause i have been there, tbh i realised i was worked up and messing my own head for so long, it was pointless. got to the point my mates where just saying bloke up and stop being stupid, i wasnt upset anymore about what she done i was just replaying it in my head a different scene.

since then i have had girls do the dirty on my and i havent cared at all. Seeing a girl atm and we are both seeing other people, she sleeps in my bed unless she brings someone home or i do

 

[Calaen]

I have also had a similar situation and took the same stance. One of my wives friends wanted to get with one of my friends. I said fine by me but the second I here anything bad about either of you you can both hit the road. I have to much fun living my own life to ruin it listening to other peoples gripes about people I am close to.

I also had the story about an ex cheating on me, she said no I took that as the answer because I trusted her and that was the end of it. Give me facts and I will react, I never listen to bitching or rumours it just annoys me.