SPAM random annoying things

[Lamp]

random scratches / cuts

just found a 4 inch scratch on my knee. How the feck did it get there? Don't remember doing it....

 

[Chilly]

random scratches / cuts

just found a 4 inch scratch on my knee. How the feck did it get there? Don't remember doing it....

giving blowies in pub toilets?

 

[Lamp]

No. Haven't been to a pub in ages.

 

[TdC]

random scratches / cuts

just found a 4 inch scratch on my knee. How the feck did it get there? Don't remember doing it....

I read that as random scrotum scratches, had a 4" scratch on my scrotum...and was all 0o

 

[Lamp]

You'd know if you got a 4 inch paper cut on one of your scrotes...

how you got a paper cut on your bag is another question...

unless ofc you like to give yourself papercuts down there...

 

[Punishment]

I got the mother of all papercuts on the inside of one of my fingers last week on the inside of the 1st joint of my finger from a big cardboard box with a locker in it.

Manual labour

 

[Ormorof]

i sliced my finger open on my toaster at the weekend... i had been cleaning and washing up, knives forks etc no problem, my plastic toaster with NO SHARP EDGES! and i slice my finger open bleeding like crazy, looked like i had chopped my finger off

so to add to this grand list: cuts that bleed like crazy but once cleaned are tiny and pathetic looking (and barely require a plaster)

 

[old.Tohtori]

You wash your toaster?

 

[Ormorof]

due to my cooking style (described by a friend as a culinary tornado) everything in my kitchen ends up with a splatter of tomato sauce when spaghetti bolognese is on the menu - thus everything requires cleaning (including the walls and the bottom parts of the cupboards )

 

[Punishment]

Toasters should be cleaned regularly, they are one of the main fire risks in a modern home tbh

 

[Lamp]

Accountants.

Me: so why exactly is my tax return higher?
Him: *paraphrasing* we basically made up the first set of figures we sent to the Revenue
Me: I thought the set you submitted were final figures
Him: [shrug]

*phones round for a new accountant*

 

[Cerb]

Job Hunting

 

[Raven]

The BBC news team and their inability to spell or run a spell check on their gibberish.

 

[DaGaffer]

Job Hunting

Sorry to hear that.

 

[megadave]

Killing a mosquito, seeing your own blood and being super itchy.

 

[Raven]

It might be someone else's and you might now have the aids.

I heard if you pull your skin tight the mosquito can't remove his needle and also can't stop sucking the blood up, eventually it pops.

Not tried it myself but I imagine it is quite satisfying.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I just grab a hold of their wings, look at them and tell them not to do it again before letting them go. 1 bite this year, guess they listened.

 

[- English -]

Killing a mosquito, seeing your own blood and being super itchy.

I was eaten alive last night :|

When i moved to denmark, the first summer was a nightmare. I used to come out in all big red spots, but the next year wasnt so bad, so I assume my body has produced some antibodies or something..

still they itch like fk ;|

 

[DaGaffer]

I was eaten alive last night :|

When i moved to denmark, the first summer was a nightmare. I used to come out in all big red spots, but the next year wasnt so bad, so I assume my body has produced some antibodies or something..

still they itch like fk ;|

Simple answer to mosquito bites at night; always sleep with a woman next to you. Of course you'll have to put up with them moaning about all their bites the next day, but its a small price to play for no bites yourself.

 

[megadave]

I actually got woken up by It's squeaky buzzing sound, was quite a big fucker.

 

[- English -]

Simple answer to mosquito bites at night; always sleep with a woman next to you. Of course you'll have to put up with them moaning about all their bites the next day, but its a small price to play for no bites yourself.

that doesn't work then! they always go for me

 

[DaGaffer]

that doesn't work then! they always go for me

Maybe....you're a woman!

 

[Wazzerphuk]

It's fact that they target women first, then fat men. I never get bitten.

 

[Lethul]

It's fact that they target women first, then fat men. I never get bitten.

There is always an exception to the rule

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Do you want to inspect my skin or something?

 

[dysfunction]

Do you want to inspect my skin or something?

He wants to grope your moobs

 

[old.Tohtori]

Don't use such derogative terms, it's mreasts.

 

[cHodAX]

Apple patent the dual shock controller!

http://www.gamerevolution.com/news/apple-patents-dualshock-style-game-controller-14241

 

[Raven]

I hope Apple stop existing soon.

 

[megadave]

Posting in the wrong thread