J. O. T. D.

G

Gef

Guest
Dunno if this has been posted before but to hell with it...

fridge3.jpg
 
R

ReActor

Guest
OK don't have time to check the whole thread in case this has already been posted:

Q. What do you call a cunt on top of a cunt on top of a cunt on top of a cunt on top of a cunt?



A. A block of flaps. ;)
 
M

Maljonic

Guest
At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."
 
W

wickedragon

Guest
bunny and bear

A bear is chasing a tasty little rabbit through the forest. They run and they run and then the rabbit sees something gleaming in some bushes. Knowing that the bear will get him soon he takes it as a last resort and holds it up in front of him. Its an old magical lamp. As the bear comes closer he yells "Stop stop. I'll share this magical lamp with you if you spare me." The bear stops and looks on the lamp and says "Well, rub it then."
The rabbit rubs the lamp and out comes a genie. "Since you two are mortal enemies I will in all fairness give you three wishes each."
The bear scowls at the little rabit and says that It'll go first. THe rabbit just nods.
"Well," the bear says with its mighty baryton "I wish that every bear in this forest, except me, was a female bear." The genie smiles and proclaims that it is so.
"I," says the rabit "want a good helmet to ride my motorcycle."
The genie cocks an eyebrow but hands the little rabit a fine helmet.
The bear brushes the little critter to one side and says "I wish that every bear in the COUNTRY except me was a female bear."
Again the genie proclaims it to be so.
"Now I want a motorcycle." Says the rabbit. "Harley davidson, all terrain." The genie looks at the little furry and with a poof there is a motorcycle there. The rabbit jumps up on his hog and gives the engin a good running.
"I wish that every bear in the ENTIRE WORLD, except me, would be female bears."
"And I," said the rabbit while pointing at the bear and giving the wheels a spin, "whish that this bear was gay."
 
G

Gef

Guest
The other night I walked into a bar, got a beer and sat down in front of the window next to a guy who was crying. I figured I would try to cheer him up a little, so I asked him why he was crying.

He said, "Look out that window. Do you see all of those streets out there? I built them, all of them, with my bare hands. But do they call me 'BOB - The Street Builder?' no..."

"Now, look out that window. Do you see those docks, down on the river? I built them, all of them, with my bare hands. But do they call me 'BOB - The Dock Builder?' no..."

"And over there. Do you see that beautiful neighborhood? All those wonderful houses? I built those too. All of them, with my bare hands. But do they call me 'BOB - The Home Builder?' no... "

"BUT YOU FUCK ONE GOAT!!!.."
 
P

PR.

Guest
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is:
always keep your condoms in your car.
Click to expand...

:clap:
 
O

old.Fweddy

Guest
A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that juts out into the Pacific.

It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the ocean.

Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick.

Recently he went to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer.

However, before he hit it, a powerful voice from above said, "WAIT...REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND-NEW BALL."

He complied, with some slight misgiving about risking a new ball, despite the fact that the some force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "WAIT...STEP BACK... TAKE A PRACTICE SWING."

So he stepped back and took a practice swing.

The voice boomed out again, "TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING."

He did. Silence followed.

Then the voice spoke out again. "PUT BACK THE OLD BALL."
 
C

caLLous

Guest
A woman is invited to a fancy dress party but she doesn't know what to go as. She thinks long and hard about all her options, then takes all her clothes off, pulls her flaps over her head and goes as a sugarpuff.

Usual disclaimer if it's old, I couldn't be arsed to read the previous 666 (spooky) posts so... meh. :)
 
C

Clowneh!

Guest
what did i miss? can you remove some of the lines in that post? :)
 
A

Arnor

Guest
just my mate did a joke that was kinda racist, he's prolly the most anti-racist person I know, but hey...if its a naughty attitude, its a naughty attitude :rolleyes:



or well, the joke was racist, no kinda there tbh :p
 
D

Damini

Guest
Sure you beat women. Probably with your massive penis, which can also break through walls and tear women in two. It drags along the floor when you walk, and you have to wear a skirt, not because you're a faggot, but because there's no way to fit your masculinity in trousers.

Wow. I think I'm in love.
 
C

cjravey

Guest
A Friendly Comment

Hello everybody:)

Just a friendly reminder that racism is out. There's also a level of homophobia (and no - I'm not misunderstanding Damini's thread, in fact I salute it; I mean elsewhere) along with a nice dash of sexism and general unpleasantness. They are out too.

Now, this is Bigfoot's beat - and I don't envy it - but as a GAME fella I don't like to see it and will respond / delete / close threads where approporiate.

If you come here for all that stuff, then I'm sorry - but we're not for that, as Ted, Biff and all sorts of legalese has said many times and in many ways.

If it was up to me, there'd be a heavy amount of moderation on some threads - like 'the shaggable babes thread, nudity allowed'. Allowed by who, I wonder? Certainly not our Ts and Cs, condition of use or even - as a sensible high profile company - common sense.

It *isn't* up to me, so be glad, be thankful, and please - for the hard working mods - behave...:)
 
C

cjravey

Guest
...and I hope you're wearing clean underwear. You could get run over, and what then?
 
X

Xtro

Guest
I'm suprised half the DAOC Off Topic users haven't been banned tbh.
 
D

dysfunction

Guest
So you cant be sexist even in a :rolleyes: kind of way


And is there something wrong with the Shaggable babes thread other than the title?
 
J

Jonny_Darko

Guest
Originally posted by dysfunction
So you cant be sexist even in a :rolleyes: kind of way


And is there something wrong with the Shaggable babes thread other than the title?
Click to expand...

We should start a "Shaggable Blokes" thread just to even it out.

Starting of course with Mr Jonny Darko (nudity allowed).
 
D

Deadmanwalking

Guest
Originally posted by Jonny_Darko
We should start a "Shaggable Blokes" thread just to even it out.

Starting of course with Mr Jonny Darko (nudity allowed).
Click to expand...

Isn't it the mods job to encourage people to read these forums and contribute. :D
 
D

dysfunction

Guest
Originally posted by Jonny_Darko
We should start a "Shaggable Blokes" thread just to even it out.

Starting of course with Mr Jonny Darko (nudity allowed).
Click to expand...

Somebody did something similar with blokes but they didnt last long.

And the thread was shredded which was a good thing!
 
C

cjravey

Guest
Originally posted by mank!
In other words, be P.C. or you're out?
Click to expand...

I'm not your school teacher, or your mum. This is more of a pub / landlord situation if any.

'Oi behave' is perfectly acceptable and doesn't really call for 'awww - can't we even say...?' or 'ah, so what you're saying IS...' responses.

If what you suggested was right, mank, half of the general forum would disappear:)
 
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