T
Tom
Guest
An early finish from work. A cold evening, with frost on the cars. A light cool breeze seems to gently push my troubles aside. I have my tea, watch a bit of telly, and retire to the front room, coals blazing away, hi-fi pounding out some of Jean Michel Jarre's finest. FHM in hand, it was going to be a lovely night for a bachelor like myself.
This was my outlook, until about 50 minutes ago. After owning a few marines on Natural Selection, I grew tired, and crept downstairs to extinguish the flames, the lights, and turn on the watchful eye of the house alarm. As I was putting the fire out with a big pan of cold water (we're not cultured up here in the North), I heard a slight commotion from outside my front window. I looked out through the blinds, and couldn't see anything. Thinking nothing of it, I carried on with my preparations for sleep.
I heard more noises. Voices. From immediately outside my window. Growing more curious, I took another look (the room lights had been off all this time), and still could see nothing. I turned the lights on, and the noises stopped. I heard what sounded like a car door slamming, and just as I looked out of the window for the last time, I saw two fucking scumbags checking out all the cars on the street.
Well, I was enraged. Furious. My masculine killer instinct stirred in my lungs, crept up the back of my throat, and expelled its rage in a silent cry of 'those fucking c**nts are DEAD'.
I ran upstairs, jumped into some pants (don't ask why I wasn't wearing them, and no its not that
), slipped on my shoes, and legged it outside. There was no sign of them. I looked at my car, and noticed the courtesy light was on. Seeing my driver's door slightly ajar, I locked up the house, legged it around to the driver's side, jumped in, and started the engine.
Ignoring the disarray inside (discarded junk, drinks emptied in the ash tray), I then noticed that the window was iced up.
FUCK.
I ran back inside, locking the car as I went, retrieved the same pan that I had earlier used to such good effect on my fire, and filled it with warm tapwater. After clearing the screen, chucking said pan into the boot, and driving off at breakneck speed, I had a moment to think about what I was doing.
What would I do once I caught them?
What would they do once I caught them?
At this juncture, its probably a good idea to tell you what slowed me down, and caused me to reconsider my intentions. Looking through the rear-view mirror, I noticed the rear parcel shelf had something on it. Well, its always had a layer of felt to make it look nice, after all, a big piece of scruffy wood in a nice car doesn't quite look right. Well, now the felt wasn't attached to the shelf. At least, not in the area where somebody had attacked it with a blade.
Thats right. The dozy fuckers, having got into my car, had tried to hack their way through 1/2 an inch of wooden shelf.
Anyway, I changed my mind about trying to beat 10 tons of shite out of them, and resolved to follow them around, while speaking to the police on my phone (carphone you see, I thought of that one). I didn't find them though. Not a sniff. Not a whisper of the underworld, anywhere.
I did find that they'd been in my neighbour's car, and hammered on his door a few times to wake him up. He actually found some bits and pieces from my car, inside his! They were pretty worthless to anybody outside tv, but hey, those idiots just lost themselves the sale of a Vinten camera plate small-bolt! The fools! They also emptied my car of change, all £1.43 of it. Pity for them they completely overlooked the GPS reciever, and the 8 disc CD changer in the boot.
The police came around, took the details, were very nice about it, and are right now hunting for the little fuckers. I gave them a description (didn't see their faces really), I got a good look at their clothes though.
Anyway, to cut a long story...er....well, now I don't feel so secure in my house. I want to put net curtains up before I go to bed. I want 24-hour security and CCTV on my house.
I feel scared.
This was my outlook, until about 50 minutes ago. After owning a few marines on Natural Selection, I grew tired, and crept downstairs to extinguish the flames, the lights, and turn on the watchful eye of the house alarm. As I was putting the fire out with a big pan of cold water (we're not cultured up here in the North), I heard a slight commotion from outside my front window. I looked out through the blinds, and couldn't see anything. Thinking nothing of it, I carried on with my preparations for sleep.
I heard more noises. Voices. From immediately outside my window. Growing more curious, I took another look (the room lights had been off all this time), and still could see nothing. I turned the lights on, and the noises stopped. I heard what sounded like a car door slamming, and just as I looked out of the window for the last time, I saw two fucking scumbags checking out all the cars on the street.
Well, I was enraged. Furious. My masculine killer instinct stirred in my lungs, crept up the back of my throat, and expelled its rage in a silent cry of 'those fucking c**nts are DEAD'.
I ran upstairs, jumped into some pants (don't ask why I wasn't wearing them, and no its not that
), slipped on my shoes, and legged it outside. There was no sign of them. I looked at my car, and noticed the courtesy light was on. Seeing my driver's door slightly ajar, I locked up the house, legged it around to the driver's side, jumped in, and started the engine.Ignoring the disarray inside (discarded junk, drinks emptied in the ash tray), I then noticed that the window was iced up.
FUCK.
I ran back inside, locking the car as I went, retrieved the same pan that I had earlier used to such good effect on my fire, and filled it with warm tapwater. After clearing the screen, chucking said pan into the boot, and driving off at breakneck speed, I had a moment to think about what I was doing.
What would I do once I caught them?
What would they do once I caught them?
At this juncture, its probably a good idea to tell you what slowed me down, and caused me to reconsider my intentions. Looking through the rear-view mirror, I noticed the rear parcel shelf had something on it. Well, its always had a layer of felt to make it look nice, after all, a big piece of scruffy wood in a nice car doesn't quite look right. Well, now the felt wasn't attached to the shelf. At least, not in the area where somebody had attacked it with a blade.
Thats right. The dozy fuckers, having got into my car, had tried to hack their way through 1/2 an inch of wooden shelf.
Anyway, I changed my mind about trying to beat 10 tons of shite out of them, and resolved to follow them around, while speaking to the police on my phone (carphone you see, I thought of that one). I didn't find them though. Not a sniff. Not a whisper of the underworld, anywhere.
I did find that they'd been in my neighbour's car, and hammered on his door a few times to wake him up. He actually found some bits and pieces from my car, inside his! They were pretty worthless to anybody outside tv, but hey, those idiots just lost themselves the sale of a Vinten camera plate small-bolt! The fools! They also emptied my car of change, all £1.43 of it. Pity for them they completely overlooked the GPS reciever, and the 8 disc CD changer in the boot.
The police came around, took the details, were very nice about it, and are right now hunting for the little fuckers. I gave them a description (didn't see their faces really), I got a good look at their clothes though.
Anyway, to cut a long story...er....well, now I don't feel so secure in my house. I want to put net curtains up before I go to bed. I want 24-hour security and CCTV on my house.
I feel scared.
