Your best joke..

[Sharaft]

Ello since there was an awardwinning bad ass joke competition, what about the best?

i know a PRETTY nasty one, and this is not to offend anyone if i do.

Two carpenters were working on a building and the 1st worked at top floor and 2nd worked at the very bottom.

Then suddenly the 1st realized he didnt have a saw so he startet to yell down to the 2nd carpenter but he didnt get any contact and started to wave his hands to him, and the 2nd carpenter looked up.

The 1st showed some moves that he needed his saw with bodylanguage but really looked pretty pervert. The 2nd carpenter nodded and got on his back, flicked up his p*nis and started to work it out.

The first carpenter was stunned and ran down to him.

- "What the f*ck was that! I only needed my saw!"
- "Of course, i knew that, i was just telling back that im coming!"

 

[Lamp]

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, "Sir, did you call for me?"


Bob replies, "No, what do you mean."


She says, "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me."


Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him.


The Huge Man says, "Sir, did you call for me?"


Bob says, "No, what do you mean?"


"You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me."


The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and sodomizes him. Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist. "May I help you?"


Bob says, "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."


"But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities..."


"Listen lady, I am 67 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day."

 

[Sharaft]

3 men were standing with St. Peter at the gates to Heaven, and St. Peter told them the one with the most tragic death lets into paradise.

The first man begins to tell:

- I live in second floor and I was early home from work and found my wife naked in the bed, so i suspected she was cheating on me. I started to look around in the house for the man and i found the door out to the veranda open, i walked out and i saw a man holding on to the edge almost naked. I started to jump on his hands but he wouldnt let go. So i found a hammer and started to beat it on his hands and then he let go and landed in a bush and survived so i got the fridge and throwed it down on him and he died. Then i went in and got a heart attack from the stress and died.

St. Peter: Thats a most tragic death, welcome to paradise.

The second man begins to tell:

- I live in third floor and im a dancing teacher. I was working on the coreography for my next lesson and i just had been in the shower. I got a little close to the edge on my veranda and fell over. Luckily i grabbed a veranda in second floor and then suddenly a man comes out and start jumping on my hands, when i didnt let go he got a hammer and started to hit me, it hurt so much so i let lose and landed in a bush. I survived that but then i got a fridge on my back and died.

St Peter: Thats a tragic death indeed, welcome to Heaven.

Then the third man started:

- Hehe.. this is kinda funny.. picture this.. your naked.. in a fridge..

 

[Maff]

A male patient is laying in bed in the hospital,wearing a oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,
silly heavliy sedated from a 4 hour surgical procerd.
A young female nurse appers to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse" he mumbles from behind the mask"are my testical black?"
Embarrassed,the young nurse replies "i dont know sir i'm only here to give you a upper body and feet wash"
He struggle to ask again "Nurse are my testical black?"
concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and his heart rate from worrying about his testical, she over came her embarrassment and sheepishly she pulled back the covers,
She raised his gown and take hold of his penis in one hand and his testicals in the other.
then she takes a closer look and says "Sir there donst sem to be any thign wrong with them"
At this point the man slowy takes off the mask and says
"Why thanks you that nice of you to say but........................

"Nusre are my test results back ?"

 

[old.Tohtori]

I wonder if i should tell best of MY jokes or best of what i've heard...

 

[Bugz]

What did the policement say to his stomach?

Your under a vest!

 

[tris-]

I wonder if i should tell best of MY jokes or best of what i've heard...

whats so special about yours?

 

[old.Tohtori]

whats so special about yours?

Nothing really, just ones i made up. Just discussing the semantics of the title i guess