Gwadien
Uneducated Northern Cretin
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2006
- Messages
- 19,927
Made me smile;
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took
her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'
'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those wankers at Jewsons deliver the fucking bricks on time.'
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took
her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'
'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those wankers at Jewsons deliver the fucking bricks on time.'
soze
I am a FH squatter
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2004
- Messages
- 12,508
That is just like the Kevin Bloody Wilson Song. which is NSFW.
Verse
School holidays were draggin' on
He was gettin' really bored
And his Mum had started poppin' pills
She was climbin' up the walls
So when he asked her could he go across
The buildin' site and play
She just popped another pill 'n' just said
"Don't get in the way"
So he chucked his little toolbox
In his billycart 'n' left
While his Mum knocked up a cuppa
Laced with valium and Bex
She needed all the help she could
To cope with holidays
But the pills and powders weren't enough
When he got home from play ... 'n' said ...
Chorus
I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up ... eh, Mum
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, eh Mum, I don't give a fuck
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Verse
It seemed the sawn-off shit
Had listened to the builders while they worked
And he'd remembered everything --
Word for fuckin' word!
And his shell-shocked Mum just sat there
As he went on to explain
How "some wanker lost the fuckin' plans
Then found the cunts again!"
And how "some dickhead missed the fuckin' nail
And hit his fuckin' thumb!"
And how "they shaved a mickey whisker
Off the door to close the cunt!"
And his voice was so excited
Best fun he'd ever had!
"And can I go back tomorrow, Mum?
Can't wait till I tell Dad, how ...
Chorus
I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, really, I don't give a fuck
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Verse
His Mum was scoffin' scotch and serepax
And propped against the fridge
And when his Dad got home she dribbled
"Tell your father what you said"
So the young bloke give his Dad a serve
The air was turnin' blue
"Fuck the weather, fuck the foreman
'N' fuck the unions, too!"
His old man turned fuckin' purple
'N' his whole body started to twitch
Until finally he exploded
"Go and get a switch!"
But the young bloke shook his head
'N' said, "No way, mate, I've knocked off
Anyway, you c'n go 'n' get rooted
Cause that's a fuckin' electrician's job!"
Chorus
Cause I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, not a sparky, go get fucked
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Yeah, I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, you cranky bastard, go get fucked
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Yeah, I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, you're not me foreman, go get fucked
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Verse
School holidays were draggin' on
He was gettin' really bored
And his Mum had started poppin' pills
She was climbin' up the walls
So when he asked her could he go across
The buildin' site and play
She just popped another pill 'n' just said
"Don't get in the way"
So he chucked his little toolbox
In his billycart 'n' left
While his Mum knocked up a cuppa
Laced with valium and Bex
She needed all the help she could
To cope with holidays
But the pills and powders weren't enough
When he got home from play ... 'n' said ...
Chorus
I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up ... eh, Mum
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, eh Mum, I don't give a fuck
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Verse
It seemed the sawn-off shit
Had listened to the builders while they worked
And he'd remembered everything --
Word for fuckin' word!
And his shell-shocked Mum just sat there
As he went on to explain
How "some wanker lost the fuckin' plans
Then found the cunts again!"
And how "some dickhead missed the fuckin' nail
And hit his fuckin' thumb!"
And how "they shaved a mickey whisker
Off the door to close the cunt!"
And his voice was so excited
Best fun he'd ever had!
"And can I go back tomorrow, Mum?
Can't wait till I tell Dad, how ...
Chorus
I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, really, I don't give a fuck
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Verse
His Mum was scoffin' scotch and serepax
And propped against the fridge
And when his Dad got home she dribbled
"Tell your father what you said"
So the young bloke give his Dad a serve
The air was turnin' blue
"Fuck the weather, fuck the foreman
'N' fuck the unions, too!"
His old man turned fuckin' purple
'N' his whole body started to twitch
Until finally he exploded
"Go and get a switch!"
But the young bloke shook his head
'N' said, "No way, mate, I've knocked off
Anyway, you c'n go 'n' get rooted
Cause that's a fuckin' electrician's job!"
Chorus
Cause I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, not a sparky, go get fucked
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Yeah, I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, you cranky bastard, go get fucked
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Yeah, I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, you're not me foreman, go get fucked
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Lethul
FH is my second home
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2004
- Messages
- 8,433
fettoken
I am a FH squatter
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2004
- Messages
- 9,640
Pickled one even better. Preferably with potatoes to go.
old.Osy
No longer scrounging, still a bastard.
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 2,701
Job
The Carl Pilkington of Freddyshouse
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 21,652
Lakih
Resident Freddy
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2003
- Messages
- 1,637
Fuck. No.
DaGaffer
Down With That Sorta Thing
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 18,517
DaGaffer
Down With That Sorta Thing
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 18,517
Unfortunately yes. In Linköping, God, 26 years ago. Worst thing I'd ever tasted (it was with a kind of bread thing with potatoes and sour cream?). I didn't actually hurl though. The hákarl was at a Scandinavian restaurant in London (up near Edgware Road, I don't know if its there any more), and I gagged, smelt like fishy piss. It was at a corporate thing and my boss had worked in Iceland and got this stuff in specially. I don't think anyone managed to get it down and they served it outside.
Nothing I've eaten anywhere else (scorpions, spiders, witchitty grubs, guinea pigs, French cheese that smells like athlete's foot) has come close to those two.
DaGaffer
Down With That Sorta Thing
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 18,517
its an aquired taste
I don't think I've ever had a good experience with Scandinavian food. I had a bunch of Norwegian mates at Uni and the food parcels they used to get sent by their Mums were full of muck as well.
It ties in with my theory of European food, "don't eat any 'delicacies' from North of where you're from". They'll always be awful. (Proof; Italians are one of the few nationalities who think French food is tragic).
I also have a similar theory about women, but it sort of works in reverse.
Aoami
I am a FH squatter
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 11,223
Hakarl is fucking gross. Whenever any of the Icelanders I used to work with went to Iceland they brought back packs of the shit and ate it like it was a pack of Cheesy Dorites. Wrong 'uns. Having said that most of the food i've eaten in Iceland has been amazing. Their Lamb Soup with the massive chunks of Lamb... fantastic. Reindeer burgers, Lobster on top of everything.
Ormorof
FH is my second home
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 9,888
thats because Norwegian was basically invented by a dyslexic Dane, just write it in danish and throw in some extra J's randomly and exchange some U's for Å and your good
old.Tohtori
FH is my second home
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2004
- Messages
- 45,210
That chat thingy is cool and all, but it's missing some kind of a punchline. Like an empty chat of starwars galaxies etc.
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2003
- Messages
- 9,353
old.Tohtori
FH is my second home
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2004
- Messages
- 45,210
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2003
- Messages
- 9,353
Oh - missed that - it has sunk down the front page a fair bit by today.
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2008
- Messages
- 11,537
Amazing to think its been out there since 1977
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-24026153
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-24026153
Billargh
I am a FH squatter
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2007
- Messages
- 6,481
It makes my head hurt thinking about how they're still able to communicate with it...
