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[Nate]

Did he have his wife and kids buried with him? I know he had delusions of grandeur, but surely he didn't take it that far?

Yes, and an iPhone and don't call me Shirley.

 

[cHodAX]

Robert Cavuoto: I enjoyed watching your new DVD, British Invasion, as you looked out into the audience the day of filming, what was the most spectacular thing you saw?

Satchel: That’s a really good question because every time we play, I pretty much see a sea of beautiful, hot, young girls that want to have sex with me. There’s always gonna be guys out there too, but I don’t really see them very much because I don’t want to have sex with them. The girls are pretty much staring at my penis the whole time. That’s like the best thing ever. That’s what guys want; for girls to stare at their penis. That happens to me quite a bit and it’s not just because my penis is a little bit smaller than normal. It’s because they want it, which is good.

Robert: It’s always good to be wanted.

Satchel: Absolutely. I have very low self-esteem, so I need that.

Robert: Is there any special moment that sticks out in your mind above everything else from that day of filming?

Satchel: I did have sex with about four girls that day, right before the show. Just as a warm up. And then after the show I had sex with about 12 more. That’s just 1 shy of 17 girls in a row. I’m the guy who wrote “Seventeen Girls in a Row”. That was my personal record.

Robert: You have to maintain good hydration when you do stuff like that?

Satchel: Yes, that actually is very important. You need to load up on water and also, if you can, have Power Bars or something. The extra protein really helps the sperm count.

Robert: I should add a warning here not to try this at home, I’m sure that takes a lot of training. You have to work your way up to that.

Satchel: You could hurt yourself really badly. I think it was Stix that tried to do that one time and he didn’t have enough protein and water and he pulled one of the tendons in his left testicle. He kind of leans to the left now.

Robert: The video is a lot of fun, with great music and jokes, what do you want your fans to take away from this DVD?

Satchel: I want them to show other people out there who we are, bring them to our shows. The more people come to our shows, the greater chance I have of breaking my record of having 17 girls in a row. I have pretty high standards. I won’t just fuck anybody. I try to fuck girls that have all their teeth and usually have some sort of ass on them. They have to shave their vaginas. That’s a very important thing. Occasionally a girl could be a little bit chunky. If she has a shaved vagina, that’s fine. If she’s got a hairy vagina but a killer ass, I could totally do that. If she’s got a cute face but no tits, I could totally fuck that. Or great tits and not so pretty, I could totally fuck that.
There’s give and take in life and when you get to the age of 54 like I am, you learn to compromise some things some of the time. Like I said, the more girls that are at our shows, the better the odds are that you get more hot ones


Robert: In the DVD you talked about your mission of bring heavy metal to the world. Do you feel that you’re fulfilled that mission with the DVD?

Satchel: I think that our trajectory is right on course to becoming the biggest heavy metal band in not only the world, but probably the entire galaxy. I don’t know of any other heavy metal bands in the galaxy that are as good as us. We’ll be, at some point. We’re still working on it. There are still a lot of people who don’t understand how bitchin’ we are. We are getting that word out, but that’s part of the reason we’re unique. Kids are gonna invite their friends over and they’re gonna have family get-togethers and they’re gonna put our DVD on and show their moms, dads, grandmas and uncles and then everybody in the family will love it. Everybody in the family will come to the show.

Robert: What’s the best part of being in Steel Panther with your band mates?

Satchel: The good thing about being in a band with those guys is that I get a lot of chicks.
Everybody in the band has their own qualities. Lexxi is very lovable and a super-nice guy because he’s not very smart. You can’t argue with him. He won’t argue because he doesn’t have an opinion on much.
Michael Starr is kind of difficult to deal with sometimes, but he’s also really changed. A lot of girls want to have sex with lead singers so that’s easy pickins. If a bunch of girls are around Michael backstage and I come out with just a towel on or naked, 70-80 percent of those girls are going to totally make a beeline for me and leave Michael.

Robert: Do you guys have any pre-show rituals? I know that you have sex with all those girls, but do you do any band rituals?

Satchel: Yes, we all huddle together before we put our spandex on. Not totally naked, but maybe in a g-string or a towel and we’ll talk about stuff, like what happened during the day. We’ll just connect with each other and talk about our childhoods and who our favorite grandparents were or what our favorite numbers are. We’ll connect like a cohesive group.



Robert: I see that you are playing the new Kramer Pacers. Can you tell me a little bit about that?

Satchel: Those are made in America by Kramer for me. They have Seymour Duncan pickups. They play really good and they’re solid guitars. I’ve been playing them for two years now and I used them on the Balls Out record.

Robert: Tell me what’s the best city in the US for groupies?

Satchel: That’s a good question. There are groupies in every city and it’s very difficult to pick one, but I’d say probably pound for pound, the hottest chicks and the most slutty girls…I’m gonna have to go with Ohio.

Robert: Finish this sentence for me: Sex, drugs and _________.

Satchel: Hot, fuckin’, awesome bitches? But that kind of goes with sex, right? If you don’t really make sure that the hot, awesome bitches are in there, the sex could be with like a dude, and you don’t know if you really want that. Sex, drugs and rock and roll, that’s one thing. But sex, drugs, hot, awesome bitches, if you put that in there, there’s always a good chance you’re gonna have sex with a hot, awesome bitch.

Robert: You guys all seem pretty wild and crazy on tour. Who’s got the dirtiest habits? Who’s the guy you want to kick off the tour bus?

Satchel: That’s tough but I would have to say Michael Starr. He’s the singer so he’s very inconsiderate. He burps and farts. He takes shits on the tour bus. It’s not funny. One time he put a dead fish underneath my pillow. I don’t know why he did that. He thought it was funny. He farts all the time. He’s very gassy. I don’t know what it is. He has irritable bowel syndrome or something so he’s shitting and farting constantly. That can get very, very disturbing, especially when you’re on a tour bus. We don’t really have a tour bus yet. We have an old Windstar. We’ve got four guys and seven crew members in a Ford Windstar. Michael’s like taking a shit in the back seat. It’s horrible.

Robert: You guys have toured with a lot of different bands. Who’s the best band to go out on tour with?

Satchel: We toured with Def Leppard and Motley Crue. Def Leppard is awesome. I would tour with them in a second. Motley Crue was very difficult, mainly because Tommy Lee got really mad at me because I fucked his girlfriend on accident. [Robert laughing] And he’s still mad at me. I’m like, “Dude, it was an accident.” She wanted to fuck me so I was fucking her and he walked in on us and he got pissed.

Robert: Any band that you would not like to go on tour with?



Satchel: I think it would be very hard to tour with Britney Spears. You’d want to punch her all the time and fuck her. And then fuck her and punch her while you’re fucking her.

Robert: What’s the touring plan for Steel Panther?

Satchel: We’re leaving today to go to Europe for a month. We’re doing Finland, Sweden, Germany, Austria. I think we’re gonna do Spain, Italy, all kinds of European countries, and we’re finishing off in the U.K. We’re getting to play Hammerson Oden. Then we’re coming back and doing a bunch of US dates too.

It's a fucking brilliant DVD set!

 

[Aoami]

 

[Scouse]

Hardly a waste of money if you're a billionaire. What else are you going to spend your money on? Personally if I had big money I'd love a yacht; I'd want an explorer type with long trans-ocean range and I'd probably live on it most of the time.

I'd want one too.

But I should spend my money on, oh, I dunno, hospitals? Or maybe spend a billion quid on sustainable projects in Africa that would bring hundreds of thousands out of poverty and give them a better life?

I can think of a shitload of things that the money should be spent on.


But we live in a capitalist society - so I'll have a yacht please bob

 

[Gwadien]

I'd want one too.

But I should spend my money on, oh, I dunno, hospitals? Or maybe spend a billion quid on sustainable projects in Africa that would bring hundreds of thousands out of poverty and give them a better life?

I can think of a shitload of things that the money should be spent on.

But we live in a capitalist society - so I'll have a yacht please bob

Lead by example, sell your 42" TV plz, give the money to charity, plz.

NO I DIDN'T THINK SO.

 

[Scouse]

Lead by example

The way our world is structured, that's a fool's game for someone of my means.

But if I had a couple of billion quid I'd give all but 50 million away.

Nobody needs more than 50 million quid. NOBODY.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Now that's the kind of attitude i was asking about regarding "what i like don't pay" comment. I think there are jobs that pay for what you like, or there are ways to become a bazillionaire, but you're just given up on them

 

[DaGaffer]

I'd want one too.

But I should spend my money on, oh, I dunno, hospitals? Or maybe spend a billion quid on sustainable projects in Africa that would bring hundreds of thousands out of poverty and give them a better life?

I can think of a shitload of things that the money should be spent on.


But we live in a capitalist society - so I'll have a yacht please bob

I daresay if you're a billionaire you can do yachts and good works. And while you're right that no one needs more than 50m, that's a pretty arbitrary way of thinking about things (you actually need a lot less; you can be comfortably off and never need to work again with about £5m). I think you just have to judge each plutocrat on their individual merits; Bill Gates seems to be doing a righteous job, whereas does Phil Knight's philanthropy offset Nike's labour relations record?

 

[old.Tohtori]

1mil will get you 30k/year in interest, which is pretty much everything you need and more.

 

[Scouse]

that's a pretty arbitrary way of thinking about things (you actually need a lot less; you can be comfortably off and never need to work again with about £5m).

I agree. However, just because it's arbitrary doesn't mean in principle it's not a good idea.

I know capitalism's not getting shelved any time soon. I think a 50m cap on personal wealth would be a good thing.

 

[DaGaffer]

1mil will get you 30k/year in interest, which is pretty much everything you need and more.

LOL. Not even remotely close.

 

[Lamp]

Going out for beers this Friday with a friend who's having a shitty time right now. His Mum died two weeks ago and he got nicked by the old bill for whacking his car into a van at Parliament Square....the conversation's going to be rivetting... Poor sod.

 

[old.Tohtori]

How do you think those african schools and waterholes would be doing today if the cap was 50 mil Scouse?

LOL. Not even remotely close.

Which one? The interest, or living with it? Because both are true.

 

[DaGaffer]

How do you think those african schools and waterholes would be doing today if the cap was 50 mil Scouse?




Which one? The interest, or living with it? Because both are true.

Actually you can get about 4% on the interest (bonds) but don't forget that's taxable so your net would be less, and as for it being "enough", no, its not remotely fucking true. Maybe for a hermit like you who lives in a hole eating juniper berries, but for us humans? Uh huh.

 

[old.Tohtori]

30k year covers rent and food, even some lluxuries.

Depends on what you think is "enough" ofcourse, if you're used to fine cheese and roast on every sunday table then no, it won't be enough, but that's not what you need.

From a quick search on UK annual wages;

"the minimum wage for an adult (over 22) is £5.80 per hour this equates to £12064 per annum for a 40 hour week, 15K a year would work out to £7.21 per hour."

Nice of you to call anyone at minimum wage a hermit

 

[Scouse]

How do you think those african schools and waterholes would be doing today if the cap was 50 mil Scouse?

A lot better. I don't think a 50m cap on the super-rich affects people who have less than a pound a month to play with and the excess wealth could be used to help them.

Margaret Thatcher said her biggest regret, after introducing the economic reforms of the 80's, was that philanthropism never really took off. The super-rich rarely give their money away.

It was a cornerstone of her economing thinking. And it demonstrably doesn't work.

 

[Lamp]

View: http://youtu.be/BjaTCMJ8YKg

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well we'd need some statistics on charity and see where the majority of money comes from. People like Bill Gates sure couldn't do what they do with a cap like that.

 

[Scouse]

Interesting...

 

[Cyradix]

 

[Scouse]

Could she look at her own tits more?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Could she look at her own tits more?

I know i couldn't.

Woap, there i go again, nevermind.

 

[dysfunction]

Best yacht ever was that lovely dark grey concept (I think) one on that website of stupidly expensive things.

You talking about this website
http://www.jameslist.com

 

[caLLous]

Yup but the yacht I'm thinking of isn't listed there anymore. It looks very concept-y, either that or some cunt has bought it.

 

[DaGaffer]

You talking about this website
http://www.jameslist.com

and this boat (Strandcraft is the company):

 

[Gwadien]

Bought some chocolate tonight for the trick-or-treat ors, got some bombay mix for the ethnic minority trick-or-treat ors.

 

[ileks]

You talking about this website
http://www.jameslist.com

Whenever I am reminded of that website I waste an hour looking at stuff i will never have

 

[caLLous]

and this boat (Strandcraft is the company):

My unfeasibly expensive dream-boat could 'av your unfeasibly expensive dream-boat.

 

[megadave]

Anyone had any trick or treaters yet? I've got my Jimmy Saville costume ready to answer the door..

 

[Edmond]

Hiding upstairs with the lights off