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[Moriath]

I came across this in Seoul:

Did your gf ever get there? Oh seen that on reddit loads

 

[old.Tohtori]

Those Polish chicks are soo frikin hot, was working in a flat and she was pottering around getting ready to go out, figure, face, personality just 10/10, stunning.

So all the dirty muslim terrorists need are boobs and Job is fine with immigration and all that.

 

[Billargh]

I almost shat when I laughed at that

Anyway - squat on your toilet seat. It's fucking epic. I never poo the old way any more.

I used to fucking hate poopin' at work, either the toilets are too small or something, but my body would always give up half way through. I'd never feel empty/fully pooped out. I'd never get the treat of a one wipe and done.

The other week I decided to lift my legs up while doing it (cba squatting) and it worked a treat, just slid straight out. It was fucking glorious.

 

[Scouse]

The other week I decided to lift my legs up while doing it (cba squatting) and it worked a treat, just slid straight out. It was fucking glorious.

Full squat and you feel like you've passed a couple of small grapes in less than half a second.

Then you look in the pan*:

Spoiler

*gwan, click, you know you want to

 

[Tom]

My body is broken. The combined effects of liquorice poisoning, doing a megamiles bike ride and not drinking enough have seen me gain 10lb in weight in a week. Although the 5 litres of fluids I've drank today (and not pissed any out) almost certainly are the cause.

 

[Moriath]

My body is broken. The combined effects of liquorice poisoning, doing a megamiles bike ride and not drinking enough have seen me gain 10lb in weight in a week. Although the 5 litres of fluids I've drank today (and not pissed any out) almost certainly are the cause.

You were really dehydrated or your kidneys are fucked then heh

 

[Billargh]

Full squat and you feel like you've passed a couple of small grapes in less than half a second.

Then you look in the pan*:

Spoiler

*gwan, click, you know you want to

Do you have your feet on the rim of the toilet or..? Maybe I should just take a dump on the floor then shovel it down the loo.

 

[Scouse]

Do you have your feet on the rim of the toilet or..? Maybe I should just take a dump on the floor then shovel it down the loo.

I do indeed crouch on the toilet seat. I found it a little tricky at first but now I find it the easiest most natural thing in the world and wonder why I haven't done it my whole life.

Dead-leg 15 minute shits are a thing of the past. I used to think I enjoyed them, but what I really did was enjoy reading the paper / a book / my phone on the bog. Now I can do that somewhere infinitely more comfortable.

 

[Job]

So all the dirty muslim terrorists need are boobs and Job is fine with immigration and all that.

You know I'm right.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I know you're really good at trolling, i can respect that.

 

[old.Tohtori]

By the by, speaking of crapping and how you do what you doodoo; today i learned that some people stand up to wipe their arse after a poo.

Suffice to say i was a bit "Really?" about that factoid.

 

[Edmond]

By the by, speaking of crapping and how you do what you doodoo; today i learned that some people stand up to wipe their arse after a poo.

Suffice to say i was a bit "Really?" about that factoid.

I do...is that not normal then?

 

[Billargh]

I do indeed crouch on the toilet seat. I found it a little tricky at first but now I find it the easiest most natural thing in the world and wonder why I haven't done it my whole life.

Dead-leg 15 minute shits are a thing of the past. I used to think I enjoyed them, but what I really did was enjoy reading the paper / a book / my phone on the bog. Now I can do that somewhere infinitely more comfortable.

Sounds awkward. I'm worried I'd break my flimsy plastic toilet seat too

 

[old.Tohtori]

I do...is that not normal then?

Apparently it's like 50/50 or some such(i'm a sitter), but the funny thing is that if you bring it up it usually blows everyone away one way or other.

It's like this black hole of poo related discussions where no one ever goes

You'd think it'd come up in say over/under discussion or some such.

 

[Bodhi]

I just wait until I've had my morning smoke, then go. I'm in and out in 3 minutes after a single wipe special.

Maybe 5 after a curry. And if I've had King Prawn Naga then all bets are off.

 

[georgie]

I do...is that not normal then?

If that blows your mind just wait til the 'paper scrunch or fold debate comes up.

FWIW I'm a folder.

 

[Edmond]

If that blows your mind just wait til the 'paper scrunch or fold debate comes up.

FWIW I'm a folder.

Don't start or we'll be back to the 'which way round does the roll go on the holder' debate again

 

[Billargh]

Inb4 do you wipe front to back or back to front.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Front->back, sitting down(both wipe and poo), folded(first one one wipe(2 arcs), second a wipe-fold-wipe(3 arcs) and third grab-wipe if second fold-wipe proves more poo then acceptable) and ofcourse the roll goes over the top.

And under no circumstances do i pee before i sit down for a poo.

Well that's all a lie really, i poo where i want while i swim and hunt for penguins.

 

[Moriath]

Wipe standing up and when you stand up all your cheeks mash together and spread the crapola. Ewwww

 

[CorNokZ]

If you don't wipe front to back there is obviously something wrong with you. Who likes getting shit on their balls?

And if you stand on your toilet seat squatting to drop a dookie, you're a fucking Neanderthal!

 

[Scouse]

And if you stand on your toilet seat squatting to drop a dookie, you're a fucking Neanderthal!

But if you squat rather than use Thomas Crapper's disease and piles-inducing invention as the priceless hitherto genius but now-exposed idiot intended then you'll enjoy years of quick, pain-free shitting, rather than piles and diverticulosis

 

[Moriath]

But if you squat rather than use Thomas Crapper's disease and piles-inducing invention as the priceless hitherto genius but now-exposed idiot intended then you'll enjoy years of quick, pain-free shitting, rather than piles and diverticulosis

Nt had either been sitting for 42 years. Go jump on another band wagon. 8 out of ten cats prefer whiskers. Dont mean i have to eat it. Please give me a facepalm.

 

[Scouse]

You back on the pissy emo butthurt juice tonight @Moriath?

 

[Scouse]

View: https://vimeo.com/131462825

 

[BloodOmen]

 

[fettoken]

But if you squat rather than use Thomas Crapper's disease and piles-inducing invention as the priceless hitherto genius but now-exposed idiot intended then you'll enjoy years of quick, pain-free shitting, rather than piles and diverticulosis

I'm not an expert on the English language, but that is just random words put together with no meaning.

Also, shitting isn't exactly rocket-science. Goal is to get that shit out and get your ass clean. W/e works works.

 

[Billargh]

If you don't wipe front to back there is obviously something wrong with you. Who likes getting shit on their balls?

And if you stand on your toilet seat squatting to drop a dookie, you're a fucking Neanderthal!

You don't just keep the wipe going and smear it all over your balls and up your torso.

 

[Edmond]

You don't just keep the wipe going and smear it all over your balls and up your torso.

Some people pay good money for that...

 

[mooSe_]

I always keep the wipe going