The longest story in the whole of the world (Barrysworld stylee)

[Testin da Cable]

...a pile of refuse looked out into the room and thought it's own unimaginable thoughts. A cleaner, coming in to tidy up a bit, looked round the room and saw Rolf, something that bore a vague resemblance to Michael Caine, several puddles of vomit and a pile of rubbish that looked remarkably intelligent. Fazed by the latter the man looked down at his trusty mop that once had been clean, fluffy and white and thought...

 

[old.Sokem]

...AISHA!!! I'M VIBRATING!!!!...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...but he wasn't. He only _thought_ he was. Or maybe he imagined he thought he was vibrating. Or perhaps he realy wasn't vibrating at all but that the room was shaking. Or it could be that he really was vibrating because the room was shaking and he was in it. Actually it's quite posible he wasn't in the room to begin with. What if we all just thought he was there but he really was somewhere else? What if we thought he was there but _we_ were shaking. Would that make HIM vibrate? What if my fingers were shaking from my usuall coffee dose while I was typing this and YOU were all vibrating?? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!!!

Anyway the young apprentice raised his arms to the heavens and cried :"...

 

[old.ignus]

...To infinity and beyond." At which point....

 

[old.[20FTS]Luap]

...he stepped forward and reached the edge of infinity. He peered over the edge and saw that beyond infinity was...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...a rather comfortable looking chair. Rather nervously he walked around the large chair thinking...

 

[old.ignus]

..."hmmm does it vibrate?" He leapt onto the chair to discover...

 

[old.TUG]

..it didn't, but an object next to the chair did! This object was a...

 

[Stazbumpa]

....rather suprised looking turnip which said "hello", but in turnip language, which nobody can understand, so we all thought it said....

 

[old.Sokem]

..."why are you sticking your nob in my ear". The apprentice looked at the turnip and decided that it was just "confused". He picked up the turnip and kicked it into the air and walked on his merry way, past the oompa lumpa village until he came to...

 

[Panda On Smack]

..Mr Wonkas Chocolate factory where some Oompa Loompas were using kangaroos for spare parts, they were singing the Panda song which goes like this "...

 

[old.TUG]

... I'm a Panda on smack, I'm on mucho crack, princess fergie's cunt is slack and I eat hamsters every daaaaaaay...

[Edited by TUG on 05-10-00 at 15:45]

 

[old.[20FTS]Luap]

...Fergies ex slapped her around the face with a large twout. He looked down at one of his mummies footmen at his feet and suggested that while he was down there he could...

 

[old.Sokem]

...clean the cheese off his helmet.






He went to the shed and got his helmet then all of a sudden...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...a turnip mysteriously fell from the sky into the courtyard and rolled to a halt near the center. As the apprentice stooped to get the turnip he clearly heard:" 'ere, yous that smarmy git who stuck his nob in me earhole! bastard!" Not realising the sound came from the vegetable, he turned to the prince and said :"...

[Edited by testin_da_cable on 05-10-00 at 20:32]

 

[vuz]

.. i'm not a dentist but i chew ..

 

[old.[20FTS]Luap]

...like this". He took his false teeth out and held them in his hand, squeezing them together, pretending to bite off a something and chewin it. A flash of lightning hit the teeth and they became sentient. At once they jumped out of his hand and went straight for his...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...righthand rear trowsers pocket. A telltale bulge told the world that something rather large had been stuffed down there. The teeth promptly...

 

[Stazbumpa]

.....jumped out of his pocket because the last time they went near a bulge that size, they were arrested for lewd conduct. The teeth grinned at their lucky escape from the bulge, which was....

 

[old.Shaun]

...me jacking off...

 

[Panda On Smack]

..for 13th time in succession. meanwhile back at the ranch John Wayne was teaching President Kennedy how to play scrabble. after a grooling induction they started a match which lasted the best part of 3 days, Kenndy was owning John bigtime which really pissed off john coz he was scrabble champion for 5 years running and now he was about to beaten by a beginner. Just as kennedy put down his killer word, PENIS which got him 100 points and put the match beyond Johns reach, John pulled out a McFlury spoon and...

 

[old.Shaun]

...put it down on the floor. He then pulled out his toothbrush, and put that on the floor. Then, he reached into his pants, and pulled out his great big whopper of a cock, and slapped it in kennedy's face *SLAP SLAP SLAP*... Kennedy had enough of it, and decided to pull his whopper out to, and they had a little duel, and it took them all the way to Hull, East Yorkshire, England (Where i live) and then, they noticed something, they stopped right there in the middle of the road, turned around, and their jaws just dropped (tears ran down their cheeks, piss rolled down their legs) and in front of them was...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...the apprentice AND the turnip, who promptly said:"...

 

[xenon2000]

I'm not a dentist, and I never will be, so go fuck off and find another. This upset Kennedy even more, and there was a general feeling of deppression in the air, until a monkey arrived, the monkey then said:

"Don't worry, I know someone who specialises in giving psycological help for men with stupidly long cocks. You'll find him at no. 20 down the 3rd road on the right, in a small branch of...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...Zak The Mad Chemist's. 'ol Mad Zak will prolly have a little something for your extreme size prob there m8, said the monkey. Feeling slightly attracted to the monkey, Kennedy developed an exection draining the blood from his upper body. Noticing the paleness of K. the apprentice shouted:"Oh Gawd, he's turned into a zombie!" and...

 

[old.[20FTS]Luap]

...pulled his brain out through his ear to check for nibble marks. There weren't any. Pushing his brain back in he noticed...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...a singularity had appeared inside Kennedy's head. Dropping the brain and stepping into K's head through the earhole the Apprentice [decided to actually name him 'apprentice' sted of bothering to try to come up wiv somthing more imaginative] viewed the hole in spacetime with some apprehension before jumping into the singularity.
After falling out of Kennedy's head the Apprentice looked around. "Nothing's changed" he muttered to himself. Just then...

 

[Stazbumpa]

....a family of designer radiators walked past and said....

 

[Testin da Cable]

..."Oogerpur dowairt gongledong waddurdoop?" Shocked, the Apprentice slowly climbed to his feet. "Oogerpur dowairt gongledong waddurdoop huwdung tepunnog durronnog?" the large designer radiator spoke. "ummmm...I'm the Apprentice" said the Apprentice. "Ahhhh! pleased ta meetcha m8!" said the largest radiator. "Why didn't you say you could speak english straight away then you silly bugger?". Our hero shrugged and...

 

[old.[20FTS]Luap]

...His shoulders fell off. "Stupid Leprosy" he mumbled. The radiators thought we swore and aimed their valves at him and sprayed him with...