T.L.S.I.T.W.O.T.W. (B.S.) volume 2!

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Testin da Cable

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...do realize what's going on don't you?" "Pay attention and learn something heh" quoth Ford. "LIST INVENTORY" he spoke in a declamatory voice. The disembodied voice...
 
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Sir Frizz

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...unexpectadly because it wasnt cold season, it was obvious there was a carrier in their midst, they thought it may have been...
 
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Summo

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... Arthur. The disembodied voice began to speak, "YOU ARE CARRYING: THE KEY TO A GATE, A TOWEL, BURWHALE THE AVENGER, A SMALL PIECE OF DRIED FRUIT, AN EMPTY BOTTLE, SOME FLUFF, A BOX OF MATCHES, A PIECE OF STRING."

TdC muttered something under his breath and the voice returned "THERE'S NO WAY I CAN DO THAT RIGHT NOW." Ford turned and glared with an impressive authoritative air.

"EXAM ROOM!" shouted Ford into the darkness.

The voice began to describe their surroundings,

"YOU ARE ON THE EDGE OF THE FOREST," the darkness swirled and formed itself into a dense woodland. "TO THE NORTH LIES A PALACE," a huge, impressive Imperial mansion morphed out of the ground in front of them. "TO THE EAST AND WEST SMALL ROADS LEAD INTO THE DISTANCE," and indeed, they did. "TO THE SOUTH IS A PATH. A CHEST LIES HALF-BURIED IN THE SAND."

...
 
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Wij

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"EAT ARTHUR", chuckled Ford expecting an amusing reply from the disembodied voice. Unfortunately though Ford found himself merrily knawing away on Arthur's left thigh.

"Ouch, what the devil !", cried Arthur, understandebly perturbed by his friend's sudden cannibalistic approach to the situation.

"YOU CANNOT OUCH WHAT", came the monotone reply.

"Oh, that's very helpful", said Arthur with all the sarcasm that a man being nibbled on could muster.

Just then Marvin reappeared...
 
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Stazbumpa

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...wearing a pink tu-tu.
He was, needless to say, rather suprised by this...
 
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Summo

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... feeling of surprise, until he realised it was probably an over-heated neural transistor. He shut it down and felt depressed, which was better.

"Hello, Marvin." chirupped Arthur. "Where have you been? We were worried about you."

"Don't pretend I crossed your mind." droned Marvin, as he slumped to the ground. "Don't pretend you even noticed. If there's one thing that depressess me more than people who care," he let his head lol slightly, "it's people who pretend to care."

"Look," interupted Ford, irritably "why, in the name of Zarquon are you wearing a pink tu-tu?"

Marvin raised his eyes towards Ford, who noticed that one seemed to move slightly slower than the other. "I got talking to the computer. Don't know why I bothered, really. It said I seemed depressed. I said what's new. It said maybe it could cheer me up. I said I doubt it. It gave me a tu-tu."

There was a awkward silence.

"So... do you feel better?" ventured Arthur.

"I hate pink." said Marvin.
 
T

Testin da Cable

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...getting miffed, TdC turned away and spied the chest, half buried in the sand. "OPEN CHEST!", he declaimed. "THE CHEST IS LOCKED" came the voice. "Ummm" said TdC, "I always hated it when this stuff happened...".
"Idiot", said Ford, "we havn't got a key to the chest have we?" "I expect we should be wary of chests we can open without keys." said Arthur. "Quite so Arthur," said Ford "I don't think this world is as harmless as it seems to be."
"Right, what are we going to do then?"...
 
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DAN200

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...from tdc. Suddenly all of them had the inexplicable urge to pick each others noses...
 
S

Sir Frizz

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...but instead of some [sic] green stuff, they each got a piece of pie...
 
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mewizard

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...and started to paint using the bits of gravy on each other...
 
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Stazbumpa

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...and they created the Mona Lisa, but with gravy, and they were mightily impressed for all of 5 minutes when...
 
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Stazbumpa

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...it was noticed that nobody has added another line to the story for an entire day, so...
 
T

Testin da Cable

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...all the characters had just settled down for a nice rest when...
 
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DAN200

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...a door opened to there left, and who should enter but a very old bearded man, "Greetings" said the man, "My name is Nigel, Nigel is a headbanger, and when it comes to buying and selling cars, im fucking brilliant! I once sold a mini to an elephant" He paused for effect while arthur and ford looked at each other confused, "Of cource" he said, "That was the way it used to, way back then in September 2000, now i am older than universe itself, and in my time i have witnessed many a great event"
Ford interrupted "Does that mean your..."
"Oh yes" he said, "I was the very begginings of this epic tale, which, in a far of dimension, they call... The Longest Story, In the world of the Web"
Arthur stared in awe at his wonderous presence, The ancient, the great the fantastical Nigel then...

(We ARE on page 100 people :) )
 
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Summo

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... Ford blurted, "Wait a minute. The world of the web? What the hell is that?"

Nigel looked dismayed.

"Well, I used to know the 'Nigel' from the 'Whole of the World' but then..."

"Never heard of you," interupted Ford. "Now zark off."

Nigel sighed slightly to himself and disappeared, cursing his reliance on belief.

"Right, then!" exlaimed Ford as he wheeled round and clapped his hands...
 
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Testin da Cable

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..."now that we're all awake again..." training off, Ford nudged TdC with his foot. "Ah, yes as I was saying, now that we're all awake again let's...
 
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PR.

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... he was interupted again as the ground below them shuddered.

Ford ran (as best as he could with the injuries sustained from riping the devices from his body back on page 99) he pulled back the curtains to reveal nothing but stars flashing past the window!

"My God! Were on a space ship" Ford exclaimed

"Great, the pubs gonna be closing soon" said Eric disapointed

"So whats the name of the ship" asked TdC

"The... Von Bra..." said Ford as he tried to read the sign on the side of the ship

"Cool, a sex ship?" said Eric

"Nah theres a ..un on the end of it" added TdC

"Geez, a ship that make nasal hair pickers and shavers" said Eric now totally disapointed


Suddenly a long robotic cackle echoed through the ship...
 
T

Testin da Cable

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..."Marvin," said Ford, "please stop that this instant!"
Marvin was having other ideas however, and he...
 
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DAN200

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...and some more and some more until it reached a point so irritatingly deafening that the window beside them smashed into a million pieces, sucking Arthur, Ford and tdc out into the endless vacumm of space. ". . . . . ." said Arthur, before realizing that in space no-one can here you scream, he wondered why, something to do with no oxygen particles or something, Arthur never really listened to his science lessons in school. However, he did know some basic facts, which is why he then realized the other major disadvantage of not having any oxygen particles, before passing out. Tdc and Ford, however, managed to remain consious by...
 
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Sir Frizz

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...giving eachother the kiss of life, it just so happened that Ford breathed carbon dioxide which is what tdc exhales and Ford inhales, so together they went through the vastness of space, joined together like a...
 
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DAN200

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...couple of jelly babies left out in the sun, that was until they smashed head first into the Mir space station, at which point they looked like a couple of jelly babies left out in the sun, on the pavement, that had stuck to somebodys shoe...
 
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DAN200

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... . Anyhow, now that they'd hit the worn out Space Station, they did their best to enter it by...
 
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PR.

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Climbing off of it into a top secret american base were it had been salvaged after re-entering our atmosphere several month earlier....


"Phew, lucky this station wern't still in space or we'd be stuck" said TdC

"Yer, instead we got to escape from this top secret base without being killed, and TdC, for goodness sake take that checkered hankerchief off ya head or you'll get us shot on the spot."

They looked around the hanger filled with crates and what looked like alien technology...
 
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Stazbumpa

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..but instead turned out to be the remains of a pizza left by some not-hungry-anymore Russian Cosmonauts...
 
T

Testin da Cable

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...after their mission had ended many moons ago. "Hmmm" wondered TdC aloud, "I hope they have a coffee machine...
 
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Stazbumpa

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...which they did, but there was a small problem in that the coffee had long since turned into Creosote. This messed things up slightly...
 
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