Shocked and didn't see this coming :(

[Cerb]

Fweddy, yes, that's a good answer and something i don't completely disagree with. Only part being that i'd say you should atleast wait a while before going full-on "it's over".There is no "which option" in this kind of a situation, you start off with seeing if it works out, but don't go overkill with the moving on. Especially after this short a time and this length of a relationship. Then you start moving on when you've talked it over and see it's over, or if the other person(after a reasonable time) doesn't want to talk it over.

I'm not saying that he should wait around by the phone for three months, i'm saying he shouldn't drop it all after three days.

And yes, some people here are saying just that all them b*ches be the same and bringing their experience as a "fact of all".

Big G, no i don't always take the opposing view and i certainly never take it "for the sake of it", but again some people do like to drag any discussion into that.

Can I ask you Toth, have you ever been in this situation?

I think the reason people are advising Amph to "move on right away" and to "act as if it's over" is that, from my experience and what seems like the experience of a lot of the guys in here, the first few days when you still have a little bit of hope that gets smaller and smaller are the worst. The quicker he starts getting on the road the recovery the better. Now this doesn't mean that if she does come crawling on hands he shouldn't at least give it some thought. But if he starts thinking it's over now, hes getting on the road to being OK again that much quicker. At the very least a MAN standing up, dusting himself down and walking away tall and proud is a hell of a lot more attractive than a childish mope, even if he's just pretending to do it.

Just my two cents.

 

[old.Tohtori]

In a short way of putting it; it's the rushing and pushing of it that's annoying. I think that can be understood. Just look at the responses and you see there's a lot of extreme comments towards it.

And yes i have, even a worse(subjective) situation.

 

[Wij]

And yes i have, even a worse(subjective) situation.

Her infant school banned you from hanging round the playground?

 

[Mey]

Qft above!

 

[Mey]

For dem sentimental times

Spoiler

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6XS_3zWfYk&feature=related


View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDv4P-n8uKU


View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ6OrrkeVFo&feature=related


View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=158fwCG27zE&feature=related

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh6Ndbk5wAI

 

[Mey]

I'm abit drunk so therefore reminiscing about my "lost love" (i.e the "break" break up). I bitched and moaned about it for ages absolutely ages, lost a few mates during said phase. It sucked, I felt like shit, I felt like I was worthless. I was waiting for something that would never happen.

The weird thing is, this song;


View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThsPg9UOBkE


and the book 1984 solved my mid-mid life crisis.

 

[Amphrax]

am fucking completely hurt... have no fucking idea what im gonna do

Hi Lee,
I dont want to hurt you, its the last thing i want to do, I want you to be happy but I dont think thats going to be with me.
I do love you and care about you lots but I dont think im in love with you, like i told you on monday.
It feels like there is something missing.
Its been a battle in my mind for a little while, not really knowing what to do, think or say, so i've needed some space to be on my own to try and work it all out in my head.
It hasnt been easy, far from it, but I cant spend the rest of my life with someone im not in love with, all of the time having the feeling of something missing.
It would end up making us both miserable.
I pretty much know how you feel about me, thats why its making this all a whole lot harder for me to do, but I need to do this.
I need to be on my own and sort myself out, we need space from each other.
I know its been hard for you to give me the space ive needed but now your going to have to try even harder. Its breaking my heart just knowing its not going to work. I'll let you know when ive got your stuff all sorted here for you to pick up. I am sorry, truly, deeply sorry. x

........................

As far as I was aware she was my 1 true love and my life has gone from perfect to fucking upside down... Im back with my dad who I dont get on with... awesome....

 

[Raven]

Don't reply, ignore further messages. She is starting the headfuck now.

 

[Punishment]

It's over, move on.

Hairy chin time

 

[Edmond]

Well at least you kinow where you stand now, its over, walk away

Time to move on, good luck

 

[Bahumat]

Sorry to read that buddy. It's what I thought would happen. Don't worry, you get over it. We all did.

 

[CorNokZ]

She drops a bomb like that, out of no where, and you have to move out? Had that been my GF, even though we live in her apartment, I wasn't going to just up and move out. I'd tell her if she needed space, she could go somewhere else and sort herself out. In the meantime I'd pack up my stuff and leave so we didn't need that final goodbye moment when picking up stuff etc. I could be out in a day or two with all my shit.

I feel for you bro. Her trying to get your empathy is a load of bollocks. Ignore her message totally

 

[Lakih]

Sorry to hear this Amph, but with the first bombshell and now a "it's not you, it's me" there's no comming back. Drop and move on mate. Best of luck and hope you find your own place and piece of mind quick.

 

[old.Tohtori]

She drops a bomb like that, out of no where, and you have to move out? Had that been my GF, even though we live in her apartment, I wasn't going to just up and move out. I'd tell her if she needed space, she could go somewhere else and sort herself out. In the meantime I'd pack up my stuff and leave so we didn't need that final goodbye moment when picking up stuff etc. I could be out in a day or two with all my shit.

This. If you two have an aaprtment you both rent, or if you pay the rent, or anything else that doesn't make it "her apartment", f*ck no.

Load of nice words, but underline seems to be "i dump you, you leave" and that doesn't flow.

 

[Raven]

Didn't some guy on here pay his ex's rent or some shit? despite the fact she used to fuck other men there and then laugh at him?

 

[Punishment]

That doesn't fit the definition of Rentboy quite right

He was doing it wrong

 

[Calaen]

That's a nice message from her. No doubt you feel like utter garbage, but fair play to her, if she thinks something is missing, she is right. why should she sacrifice the rest of her life for something that isn't as good as she would like.

She can't be anymore clear now, the line has truly been drawn, you now need to try and move on. Time to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and sort yourself out!

 

[Access Denied]

That has got to be one of the most cynical letters I've ever read. I guarantee she shed no tears while writing it. It sucks on a massive scale mate, I know, I've been there but the others are right. Stand tall, hold your head high and completely ignore her, no further contact. Even if you feel all broken up inside, don't let it show to anyone she might know.

 

[old.user4556]

Hi Lee,
I dont want to hurt you, its the last thing i want to do, I want you to be happy but I dont think thats going to be with me.
I do love you and care about you lots but I dont think im in love with you, like i told you on monday.
It feels like there is something missing.
Its been a battle in my mind for a little while, not really knowing what to do, think or say, so i've needed some space to be on my own to try and work it all out in my head.
It hasnt been easy, far from it, but I cant spend the rest of my life with someone im not in love with, all of the time having the feeling of something missing.
It would end up making us both miserable.
I pretty much know how you feel about me, thats why its making this all a whole lot harder for me to do, but I need to do this.
I need to be on my own and sort myself out, we need space from each other.
I know its been hard for you to give me the space ive needed but now your going to have to try even harder. Its breaking my heart just knowing its not going to work. I'll let you know when ive got your stuff all sorted here for you to pick up. I am sorry, truly, deeply sorry. x

I don't get it.

She's bored. That's a long way of saying "I'm bored in this relationship, you're not the one, cheerio".

I've got to know this: how old is she?

 

[MYstIC G]

am fucking completely hurt... have no fucking idea what im gonna do

Hi Lee,
I dont want to hurt you, its the last thing i want to do, I want you to be happy but I dont think thats going to be with me.
I do love you and care about you lots but I dont think im in love with you, like i told you on monday.
It feels like there is something missing.
Its been a battle in my mind for a little while, not really knowing what to do, think or say, so i've needed some space to be on my own to try and work it all out in my head.
It hasnt been easy, far from it, but I cant spend the rest of my life with someone im not in love with, all of the time having the feeling of something missing.
It would end up making us both miserable.
I pretty much know how you feel about me, thats why its making this all a whole lot harder for me to do, but I need to do this.
I need to be on my own and sort myself out, we need space from each other.
I know its been hard for you to give me the space ive needed but now your going to have to try even harder. Its breaking my heart just knowing its not going to work. I'll let you know when ive got your stuff all sorted here for you to pick up. I am sorry, truly, deeply sorry. x

........................

As far as I was aware she was my 1 true love and my life has gone from perfect to fucking upside down... Im back with my dad who I dont get on with... awesome....

That is an entirely selfish message. She doesn't say that she can't make you happy, she makes out that everything is your fault even though it is her who has the problem. If the place is yours or jointly yours then you need to slap her down, tell her you're not paying for something that you get no beneficial use from. Additionally if the place she's referring to isn't a family home, it's not for her to go through your stuff and "bag it up" she should fuck off out for a day and let you get your own things in dignity.

She's made a decision, you'll have to adjust to it, now serve her up some consequences imho.

 

[Chosen]

Hey there Amphrax, sorry to hear about your situation there mate.

Mid june this year, my ex-fianceè also broke of with me. She had the same excuse as your own ex! At first I took it quite hard, even though I might've somewhat agreed with her.

The reason this happened, is what have been mentioned in the thread before. I paid to little attention, living in my own bubble getting into the police academy and just living my own life. There was quite the few times that I noticed something was wrong, and asked her about it. As a standard reply it was "no, I am just tired".

What these guys say here in the thread, no matter how harsh it is. I completely agree with them! You will feel pain for quite some time, but the sooner you get back out on the market the better you will be off.

I have started seeing other girls myself, and did this maybe a week after we broke up. It's a easy and good way to start mending, also getting some attention from other girls feels good! The pain is not completely gone for me, there is days I miss back to it but there is also days that I feel really happy.

Whatever you do, don't hang out the same places she usually does when she is drinking. I did this yesterday and met her out on the local bar, pretended I didn't care and just had a quick chat! At the end of the night I spotted her making out with someone else and it ripped up quite some scars I'd say!

But in the end I know that I will once again have the exact same feelings, if not stronger for another girl. And that is what motivates me to not give up and keep looking forward.

I'm gladly willing to have a chat with you, as my break-up is so fresh I might be able to help out a little, with personal experience and feelings I've had throughout the summer


Btw, I thought the same thing you did(the denial part) and was 100% sure that we would end up together again! But after a while you will realize that this is not the case



edit: Watch clips like these, it really helps keep your motivation up!


View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX39J_YyKbs&feature=related

 

[old.user4556]

That is an entirely selfish message. She doesn't say that she can't make you happy, she makes out that everything is your fault even though it is her who has the problem.

Absolutely this.

I would be fucking insulted to get a message like that over a break up; she's shifting the blame, probably to ease her own guilt of putting you through this. Break up messages, when apparently for "no reason", need to be short and sweet - "Hi, sorry for all this, I do not want to be in a relationship with you anymore - we both need to go our separate ways".

 

[old.Tohtori]

Not to mention breaking up with a message.

 

[Ctuchik]

I've got to know this: how old is she?

I'm sorry but why would age be important here? Trying to justify some of your prejudices?

 

[old.user4556]

I'm sorry but why would age be important here? Trying to justify some of your prejudices?

Prejudices? Eh?

Age is very important. If this is a 17 year old saying this, I'd say "they're young, they're immature, if you're their first boyfriend then it explains some of the BS", but if this is a 30 year old who's been through a lot more of life then I would expect a lot more from a grown adult. It would indicate their head is a sack of fuck.

 

[gunner440]

Dunno if it has already been mentioned but is she hot?

 

[Amphrax]

Dunno if it has already been mentioned but is she hot?

yeah because thats going to help...

 

[Gumbo]

yeah because thats going to help...

Well we've been expected to make judgements so far without any pictures to base our advice on. This is the internets you know. There are rules...

Chin up anyway. Things will get better, one way or the other. This is just a part of the journey where you happen to have slipped on the dogcrap and fallen on your face. Soon you'll pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and it won't seem so shit. It won't feel like that now, but in a while, might be a month or two, might be a year, you'll start a thread about a great girl you've met, with a 'I don't know why I made all that fuss' byline.

 

[Wij]

There's always cock you know!

 

[Everz]

In my own smart words after reading that?

Fuck a bitch. Move on, seems like she is utter bilge by that letter alone. Plenty more gash that needs pounding out there.