SPAM random annoying things

[Lakih]

Dude, i heard that's illegal.

 

[soze]

Yappy cunt dogs. My sister has gone away and left a yappy little cunt dog here and said little cunt dog just ran under my feet as I was walking up the stairs. Queue me falling I aimed for the banister and hit it ribs first then went over it and landed face first. I either broke the banister or a rib and have fucking carpet burn on the chin. The best part was my own mother running through to pick up the whimpering dog while stepping over me.

 

[TdC]

better than mad carpet burn on your knees. try explaining THAT eh! EH! EEEEHHH!!!

 

[soze]

better than mad carpet burn on your knees. try explaining THAT eh! EH! EEEEHHH!!!

Knees are easier than the chin. Knees I could say I was banging a lady with so much cushin for the pushin I bounced back a few inches every time! On the chin though I am clearly at the bottom of the pile!

 

[TdC]

ah, so you thought about it? I see, I see

 

[TdC]

on topic: being out of Kahlua

 

[CorNokZ]

"How I got this rug burn on my chin? I ate your mum out last night, that dirty slag! Was like a Persian carpet down there! At the end I got on it, flew away and started singing I can show you the world!"

 

[TdC]

you've been putting a lot of thought in to this, Corn. hoooyes you have.

 

[Hawkwind]

Knees are easier than the chin. Knees I could say I was banging a lady with so much cushin for the pushin I bounced back a few inches every time! On the chin though I am clearly at the bottom of the pile!

How about, you were 69ín a lady and got the burns off her lady garden. Also that she has now promised to shave

 

[soze]

As an update I woke up last night lying on the side i fell on and actually started crying in pain*. I have one of the nastiest bruises I have ever seen. My mates Mum is one of the on call community nurses so she came round and told me I have 3 broken ribs. It looks like they take ages to heal and it appears that sleeping me is an arsehole that ignores waking mes pain for his own comfort!

*It makes me sound like a sissy but I have a fairly low pain cut off. So a lot of the time things that are not that painful to other people feel like death to me before a switch goes off and I feel nothing.

How about, you were 69ín a lady and got the burns off her lady garden. Also that she has now promised to shave

I think I will go with "Your Mum/Sister/Daughter* was sat on my face last night but he has not shaved in two weeks and has some wicked stubble!"

*One of the guys in work has a 17 year old daughter and mentioning her is like setting off a firework in a bomb factory.

 

[Olgaline]

I may have missed this. But what are you doing there?

Have you seen Ewan Mcgregor yet?

Or Angelina Jolie browsing?

Officially on well deserved vacation, as for McGregor and Jolie unless they bare a striking resemblance to worthogs and baboons ? And more pics for @TdC

 

[TdC]

OT: shops that have no stock, but simply pass your order on to their supplier after doing their mark-up sums. Grrr.

 

[soze]

OT: shops that have no stock, but simply pass your order on to their supplier after doing their mark-up sums. Grrr.

Only made better when they get really shirty about letting you cancel the order.

 

[old.user4556]

Here's one that occurred to me today: people that only have a great sense of humour when it suits them then give you a patronising lecture when they think something that you find funny isn't funny to them.

 

[Madmaxx]

this gif.

 

[TdC]

Only made better when they get really shirty about letting you cancel the order.

oh, this so better not end up happening. in my current mood I will kill someone!*







*said killing may occur only in my mind

 

[Olgaline]

One more,

The stark, bare and inhospitable looking Moon Landscape has become a favourite with the film industry over recent years who regularly visit the area for location shoots. The group of damara Granites pushed upwards through the earths crust some 500 to 460 million years ago. This previously high mountain range has been eroded through time down to the foundations which over the past 2 million years have experienced further erosion through the actions of the Swakop River changing it into what is known as a ‘Badlands’. The view points are well situated, but take care – there are no safety barriers. A visit to the Moon Landscape and Welwitschia Plains is well worth the effort

 

[Ormorof]

Thats no moon...

 

[Olgaline]

Thats no moon...

Nothing gets by you eh?

 

[Gwadien]

The new dota;

Game over in 15 mins.

 

[fettoken]

Nothing gets by you eh?

Literally..


sorry..

 

[Raven]

Yodel.

Parcel out for delivery yesterday, I get a text to say there was nobody home (my wife was home) when they tried to deliver it. No card left.

Arranged to pick it up from the depot today, its 2 mins walk from work.

Get a text to say a they have tried to delivery it again today and nobody was home (my wife is at home) She checks the doormat and there is a card there, they didn't ring the bell.

Spend 30 minutes pressing random buttons on their retarded automated phone system trying to get the magic password that gives up and puts you through to a person.

As it turns out its still on some sweaty drivers van somewhere in Northamptonshire and I can't collect it.

Now I can't get my parcel until Thursday.

They really are a useless shower of shit and I really hope they go out of business soon.

 

[Gwadien]

Yodel.

Parcel out for delivery yesterday, I get a text to say there was nobody home (my wife was home) when they tried to deliver it. No card left.

Arranged to pick it up from the depot today, its 2 mins walk from work.

Get a text to say a they have tried to delivery it again today and nobody was home (my wife is at home) She checks the doormat and there is a card there, they didn't ring the bell.

Spend 30 minutes pressing random buttons on their retarded automated phone system trying to get the magic password that gives up and puts you through to a person.

As it turns out its still on some sweaty drivers van somewhere in Northamptonshire and I can't collect it.

Now I can't get my parcel until Thursday.

They really are a useless shower of shit and I really hope they go out of business soon.

So they tried to deliver today, failed, and you thought the parcel was at the depot?

lel.

 

[Raven]

Yeah pretty much, I said to leave it at the depot and I would collect. They confirmed they had done this yesterday.

 

[megadave]

just be glad they didn't send it back to asia

 

[caLLous]

Have you got yours yet @megadave?

 

[TdC]

don't get me started on couriers. no really, don't

 

[georgie]

Tell me a tale of woe concerning couriers, teeds.

 

[megadave]

Have you got yours yet @megadave?

No, down to my last resort of posting on Internet forums now

 

[Bodhi]

Here's one that occurred to me today: people that only have a great sense of humour when it suits them then give you a patronising lecture when they think something that you find funny isn't funny to them.

Been talking to OFCOM have we?