Help Live By The Sword.....Die By The Sword

[MYstIC G]

Well Ive done it

I have finished it.

Hard decision but methinks from what I've read it's the right one fella. Onwards and upwards n all that jazz.

 

[Darthshearer]

Hard decision but methinks from what I've read it's the right one fella. Onwards and upwards n all that jazz.

Extremly hard, but with the guilt and with the way Ive been feeling since I saw that girl and was texting her, well, it was the right one.

Thanks all for your advice.

 

[Darthshearer]

Sorry to hear that but its probably for the best in the circumstances you described.

I hope you have a peacefull weekend planned - best to let yourself get over it a bit rather than hitting the clubs straight out?

Good luck anyway.

LOL

Aye, no chance ill be out this weekend. Going to go biking in the dales this weekend, get some miles out and have a clean head for next week.

 

[Edmond]

Only you know whats for the best, hope its not getting you down too much, but well done for making a decision rather than letting it drag on

Good luck fella

 

[Darthshearer]

Only you know whats for the best, hope its not getting you down too much, but well done for making a decision rather than letting it drag on

Good luck fella

Thats one thing that I didnt want. It wouldnt of been fair on her nor me. I do have a slight voice going off in the back of my head saying "Is this right?" but I think thats natural.

I feel awrful today, I need a good soak in the bath, a shave (not done for a week lol) and a few beers with my mates tonight.

 

[russell]

only you know whats for the best, hope its not getting you down too much, but well done for making a decision rather than letting it drag on

good luck fella

4.06 am?????
(You crazy mo fo)

 

[Chilly]

Extremly hard, but with the guilt and with the way Ive been feeling since I saw that girl and was texting her, well, it was the right one.

Thanks all for your advice.

So you gonna smash that bird you started something with?

 

[Darthshearer]

So you gonna smash that bird you started something with?

LOL

No mate, clean break. Still got a lot to sort out at home first, house etc then I think its going to be a fully clean slate. May gan back to the Toon or somewhere like Manchester or even abroad.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well, i'm not gonna say what you should do, who cares really, it's just a relationship, but just as she's coming over her "female rage"(which they ALL get, act cookie, etc, then come down to sensible level)...you dump her?

I think that's a bit shitty.

All women get like this in a problem; irrational, your fault, her fault, discussion in a calm manner, solution.

As men, you have to go through the irrational phase drunk, "your fault" phase "yes dear", her fault stage as "no dear", discussion phase in a discussion phase(now you can use your brain) and then come up with solution.

Just being honest here, impartial and all, and it sounds like you wanted it to end but didn't want to leave when YOU were only to blame.

Somehow i also think this "talk with a mate" did it finally. Which is ironic as..well...wasn't that the problem with her?

I know it's a "nasty" thing to say, but this whole thing reaks of classic "aaah get me out of here!" man behaviour. First cheat(which you did), then make the aftermath of getting caught a "big deal", then get to where she admits fault and then use that as a cop-out to fuck-off.

 

[rynnor]

Thats too harsh IMO - I completely dis-agree.

It would have been easy for him to just fall back into the relationship and remain unhappy. It takes courage to make a clean break especially considering the house etc. that will have to be sorted out.

You make it sound like it was an easy decision which clearly it wasnt.

 

[Darthshearer]

Tohtori

Over the past few days Ive had a good chance on my own to think what I want to do. I had a chat with my mate. He didnt know about the situation thats happend recently and its someone who was impartial. He knows myself and my gfriend as he used to work with both of us.

I cant see what you mean about me talking to me mate and her acting like a 12 year old with all her mates? I have said that I am not bothered her talking to a couple of her mates who are close but acting like she did was a tad OTT?

Youre also implying there is some sort of protocol I should be following? I think everyone is different to be honest mate and I think you know that.

I have been feeling so ill for the past month and a bit because Ive not been happy at all. It was a shockingly hard decision for me to make. She is no longer the girl I fell in love with. I feel over a month ago part of me had already started to look elsewhere and move on.

She mentioned the other night that she knew she was pushing me away months ago. If she did when I sat down and talked to her at the time about stuff what was going on, why didnt she say anything? Why hasnt she put effort in? I think Ive put a damn lot in!

Anyways, I feel shite. Ive lost a stone in weight in less than three weeks and I am already rather skinny due to the mountain & cross biking I do anyways. I feel shite because I feel guilty for what Ive done, I feel shite because her parents have been so good to me and I am letting them down. I feel shite because I have upset her so much, but its about time I am selfish. Its about time I thought of number one rather than bending over backwards for her.

Sorry if that sounds awrful but I am sick of getting walked all over.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Not saying it's easy, saying you probably wanted to get out, which you posted just now, you wanted out a long time ago.

And lso saying that if you wanted to fix this, you don't dump her AFTER she starts to take blame and explain.

The thing i found ironic is that after yo post that you're gonna talk to a mate, you decided to quit it. And earlier in this thread, you said that "it's none of her friends business and they are probably putting things in her head"

Get it?

Just say "i'm sick of this relationship and dumped her"(or some such direct thing), but don't try to sound like it's some...hell...something.

Saying "I'm leaving 'cause i don't want this" doesn't sound awful, saying "i want to fix this, don't kow what to do, oh my she's like this, oh i guess i MUST leave" does.

 

[Darthshearer]

The thing i found ironic is that after yo post that you're gonna talk to a mate, you decided to quit it. And earlier in this thread, you said that "it's none of her friends business and they are probably putting things in her head"

Get it?
QUOTE]

No

I didnt make myself clear. I spoke to my mate what has gone on, what Ive done, what I am thinking etc and he sat and listend. Thats it. I needed someone who I could speak to and get stuff on my chest.

Totally different than "Lets text this bird Martin has been texting and pretend its him and see what the bitch has been doing"

Isnt it?

 

[old.Tohtori]

No

I didnt make myself clear. I spoke to my mate what has gone on, what Ive done, what I am thinking etc and he sat and listend. Thats it. I needed someone who I could speak to and get stuff on my chest.

Totally different than "Lets text this bird Martin has been texting and pretend its him and see what the bitch has been doing"

Isnt it?

Yes ofcourse, i'm not denying she did wrong in texting the girl etc. Calling your work/family is normal though, paranoia etc, that's the thing you should've taken in the chin as is per punishment for cheating. Like all her "she's mental" behaviour.

What i meant is same is the thing you(could have been other perosn) said about "they're probably filling her head with ideas", when infact it's probably what you did with your friend.

Just some perspective.

Again i want to say that it's your call ofcourse, you do waht you want, but i do want to bring these issues up an be a bit rude as i want to make sure you quit for A: right reasons and B: really want to quit.

 

[Darthshearer]

So I filled my head with ideas?

I think I know what you mean. I think its the right decision anyways.

 

[Calaen]

You have made the right decision mate, Firstly texting someone? wtf?

Generally if a chick aint putting out for four months shes either had a bad sexual experience or shes getting it somewhere else. Since she hangs around with hockey girls I reckon shes probably been sampling it else where.

Its typical female behaviour make you feel really shitty over something so trivial that way their own discrepancies seem justified.

Get out of there and move on with your life, regardless of who is primarily at fault here, her and her friends sound like nut jobs and nothing good will come from your relationship in the long term. Everytime something goes wrong she will use this whole thing as a fall back to why she is pissed off or something.


Just Ignore Toh, he always agrees then disagrees later on

 

[Darthshearer]

Hehe, Toh is cool, pure WUM at times like

I dont feel she has been having it elsewhere but waiting 4 months it was just odd and when I tried to approach the subject she said it was her fault and not me.

 

[Chilly]

Did you get one for the road?

 

[Darthshearer]

Did you get one for the road?

:lol:

If I havent had it for months there is nee chance marra, nee chance!

 

[old.Tohtori]

So I filled my head with ideas?

I think I know what you mean. I think its the right decision anyways.

As long as it is, that's always good. And don't you dare come here and post "i asked my ex back and she said no " thread

I don't think you filld your head with ideas, even if you were a bit too fidgety girly about it, just said that MOST likely, her friends didn't persuade her one way or other either.

Just Ignore Toh, he always agrees then disagrees later on

No no, i evidently disagree on everything just because

I go play by play, when situation was unclear, i gave advice, when situation became break-up, i called it.

I want to push people to think every angle

 

[Darthshearer]

As long as it is, that's always good. And don't you dare come here and post "i asked my ex back and she said no " thread

LOL

Nooooooo

 

[Darthshearer]

Right, a little update.

I finished the bird on Thursday. Fri went out with my mate and didnt feel great, was still thinking, "Is this the right thing". Anyways, Saturday I was thinking most of the day, no its not. If she and I were having regular sex and we both worked on XYZ it would be better. Anyways, I get along with her parents well, so I decided I would meet her Dad on Siunday and have a chat.

Sunday came, went to the pub and I have him my side of the story. He didnt know about the bedroom dept and said that its not healthy in a relationship to have no sex like that. I told him other issues he said we needed to talk. Ive basically told him Ive talked until were blue in the face.

So, Sunday afternoon, I texted her and asked if we could meet. I told her I was having second thoughts and if she is willing to give me another chance then ill give her another. Anyhow, we had a good night, went for a drive, some pizza and even had a kiss and cuddle

Monday, I went back home (been staying at my mates) We had a good night and had a session I went to sleep well and its the best sleep ive had in weeks.

Anyhow, goes to work, all good, we email each othera couple of times. I then got an email this afternoon "How about next weekend we goto the Lakes" Thats all fair but Ive already organised a night out with my mate. Now, before anyone jumps on me and says "A relationship on the line is more important" She knew about this and it was a re-arranged one because I originally was meant to be going to Manchester on my mates Bday and she didnt want me to go!! So I basically said, its X's Bday, Ive re-arranged it already what am I supposed to do?

Anyhow, got an email back "Will discuss tonight" So basically she was pissed off. So, gets home tonight, waiting for her to come home. Then gets a text off her old man. "You two need to urgently come round to ours,your going to send X and I to an early grave"

So I called her and asked wtf was going on. She replied with "Im still worried about a few things"

Anyways, goto her parents, shes not there yet, we talk about what theyve done etc then she comes in. Her old man says along the lines of "RIght. you two need to organise yourselves, were sick of it and you either work it out or if you wanna be single, to put it bluntyly fuck off"

So then she says "I feel Ive got to arrange my weeeknds etc around your mates" Shes know this for 3 - 4 weeks now! So I explained that Ive re-arranged my weekends for hockey for 3 fucking years. Her mother said "Well when you first started going out with her you knew about this" Yes, and have I moaned once? NO have I fuck!

So we gets home, my piss is boiling and she says she is insecure at the moment. What the fuck do I do? She has NEVER re-arranged one of her do's for us, I know these circumstances are a little different but ive already cancelled a full weekend away for her.

I feel like Im going out with a 11 year old who keeps crying to her parents for fuck sake. Anyways, she is out now with her SINGLE mate at the pub on a mountaineering club night so she can "Meet like minded people, weve been meaning to do this for years" Well, if you join that, Ill never fucking see you will I? I suppose thats my fucking fault?

Sorry to bore you all but what the fuck can I do? Can I fucking win? She says she loves me and we can work it out but can we?

 

[Tom]

Just fuck her off and be done with it.

 

[Uara]

It sounds like she doesn't want to accept any form of compromise. I mean you've been having to re-arrange things for her hockey do and you've already had to put things off for her already. I don't think its fair on you that you've got to always have things her way. You need time to go visit your mates etc and not have it dictated to by her. Especially if she knows that you've got things planned already.

 

[taB]

Stop dithering, you'll just hurt yourself.

 

[Darthshearer]

It sounds like she doesn't want to accept any form of compromise. I mean you've been having to re-arrange things for her hockey do and you've already had to put things off for her already. I don't think its fair on you that you've got to always have things her way. You need time to go visit your mates etc and not have it dictated to by her. Especially if she knows that you've got things planned already.

Aye what annoys me is the fact that her father was "Concerned" On Sunday when I said I wasnt going to move back in Sunday night with her. Then Shes phoned him up today and asked if she is in the wrong about moaning about me going for on night out.

Then, when I goes round tonight we (well I think it was aimed at me) get the "If you wanna lead a single life then fuck off" thing. Its like she has said "He wants to go out as if he is single" shite

 

[nath]

Well it's her dad not yours, it's probably not worth thinking about whose side he's on.

Anyway, sounds like it's time to give up on the relationship mate :\

 

[Uara]

if I was in your position I'd cut my losses and just get out of it. She doesnt have the right to go on nights out with her hockey friends or nights out with other people and then complain when you try and do the same. its hypocritical and thats not really what you want in a relationship.

 

[TdC]

what he said tbh ^^

while I have my own thoughts about you being firm while also trying to work out a relationship crisis, from this single post of yours, and certainly not having read the whole thread I think you should call it off for your own sanity.

I also think you should tell her exactly why you are calling it off, otherwise she (and you) will never be clear on things. Anyway I'm off to bed. Hope you work things out.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I think her father meant "either get together or get the f*ck off our face about it". Not that, "YOU go get single and f*ck off".

I won't point back to the "i asked my ex back" comment

Come on...it's funny