Help Live By The Sword.....Die By The Sword

[old.Tohtori]

Fair point, are you?

You have to ask yourself one thing and one thing alone, do you want to work it out?

If yes, work it out and take everything that comes, be yourself, etc. Things work out or not.

Probably one of those 12 hour montage of various fights and then make up sex on the couch or "we're really braking up?".

Oh and...ahehem...STOP ACTING LIKE A WOMAN FOR F*CKS SAKE!! You're reading too much into things, assuming, thinking, etc. Work it out.

Jack Sparrow said "The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do."

So, can you work it out with a couple of hits to the jaw or can't you be a man?

Or, to ask it nicely, can you live without her?

 

[rynnor]

Nooo, when I brought up the subject of it why we werent doing anything she said, after we had finished sex she felt violated.

Oh shit... My 100% truthfull advice straight from the heart would be to get the hell out of this unless you want to live a sex free life.

Sex is like a health check on the state of a relationship - not saying everyone should be constantly shagging but if it dries up to this extent you know things are bad.

It sounds like she has serious issues around sex - for some reason women tend to submerge these during the early part of a relationship but they come out in the end.

The only hope for your relationship in the longer term would be getting her to go for counselling/therapy - if she doesnt agree best to walk away - shes very unlikely to change without help from outside the relationship.

 

[MYstIC G]

Seriously, ditch the bitch.

It's not gonna happen this way, clearly the pair of you are both not communicating and just soliciting advice from other groups and getting nowhere.

If you want it to happen, go somewhere neutral where nobody knows either of you, talk and bash things out.

 

[Darthshearer]

Not happy at all. she is now tetxing all the lads who I work with asking if I am in work today etc. I got an email from my old director asking if I was ok as she still works with him.

God, I need a massive break a LONG way away

 

[Chilly]

she needs a slap, then a hump. then a fag.

 

[Darthshearer]

she needs a slap, then a hump. then a fag.

:lol:

She nor I smoke

Well, thats one of the problems she doesnt smoke enough.............



Im sorry

 

[rynnor]

Well, thats one of the problems she doesnt smoke enough.............

Lol - good to see you retain a sense of humour - always your friend in times of trouble

 

[Darthshearer]

Lol - good to see you retain a sense of humour - always your friend in times of trouble

Aye if you cant laugh at yourself in times like this then its bad. I know when my mother died I was at my lowest and I snapped at people on here in on IRC, but I still retained some fun.

 

[ECA]

or a forum! sorry just wanted to point out hes made it public to probably alot more ppl than a hockey team, true we arent going to txt his bird tellin her to back off are we, but i would imagine shed be pretty miffed if she saw this thread.

Nobody here is going to have contact with her or belittle her though there is a HUGE difference.

Frankly it sounds like she's a bit of a psycho.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well, there's one way of getting her back to your good graces. From an old joke:

Get home hammered, or more act like you're totally hammered, wait for her to touch you in any way and go "Hands off woman, i'm spoken for!" and fall down on bed and sleep

 

[Darthshearer]

Well, there's one way of getting her back to your good graces. From an old joke:

Get home hammered, or more act like you're totally hammered, wait for her to touch you in any way and go "Hands off woman, i'm spoken for!" and fall down on bed and sleep

:lol:

I aint touching booze for a while man, I only get depressed with it

 

[Chilly]

Thats cos you dont drink enough. Just beyond the depressed stage is the joyous drunk stage - approx 9 pints 5% lager for a normal sized human male.

 

[Raven]

She sounds a little on the odd side to be honest. Does she have a history of insecurity? Obviously what you did was silly and if you were to put yourself in her shoes you would probably have an issue with it but it sounds as though she is taking it a little too far.

Maybe its time to sit her down and tell her exactly how it is, you cannot have a proper relationship if she is constantly checking up on you.

 

[Darthshearer]

She sounds a little on the odd side to be honest. Does she have a history of insecurity? Obviously what you did was silly and if you were to put yourself in her shoes you would probably have an issue with it but it sounds as though she is taking it a little too far.

Maybe its time to sit her down and tell her exactly how it is, you cannot have a proper relationship if she is constantly checking up on you.

Her previous bfriend left her to work in the states. I once found an email on her laptop from when they were dating. I made a mistake of reading it. She clearly didnt have any sexual issues with him put it that way!!!!

 

[Chilly]

So you are both nosey bastards? Sounds like yo should stop snooping into each other's shit.

 

[Darthshearer]

Well that was years ago and since then I have never ever touched anything of hers.

 

[Darthshearer]

Literally lol

 

[nath]

Literally lol

Yup, that sounds like the more serious problem in your relationship currently

 

[Ch3tan]

Good luck Darth, but I agree with those that have said you have no future with her. Think you need to move on, she seems to have quite a few problems to get through and does not seem to want to share any of them with you. She clearly does not trust you at all. Move on with your life, if she really loves you then you never know what can happen with time.

 

[Damini]

If Darth is getting texts lots more texts than normal and/or late at night (and it sounds like it, with the "missing you, goodnight") then perhaps that gave his missus enough of a clue to make her snoop on his phone, rather than just assuming that she's a constant whirl of hormones and madness, drilling boreholes through the walls to study his every move, and stalking him down the streets. Maybe she doesn't trust him, never had, and always acted this way, and if so then that's a different ball game, but it seems to me like she got an inkling something was up and checked it out.

Anyway Darth, as a woman, I think I'd react far worse to a text saying "missing you, goodnight" than discovering condoms in a wallet. To me that would show a level of closeness and affection that would absolutely devestate me, as opposed to a drunken fumble. Also, her friends now are going to be telling her that she's incredibly naive if she believes that you didn't sleep with this girl, quite honestly it's what I'd be saying to a friend, which is probably why she's demanding the truth. I know you have no reason to lie to us, but you have every reason why you'd lie to your missus about it, and that's going to make it more difficult for her to believe you. Also, murdering your phone? Makes it look like you were covering tracks, so you couldn't get caught in the lie.

Her friends phoning the girl was incredibly immature and spiteful, but thats women plus alcohol plus wrath plus tearful friend for you.

The sex thing is a different kettle of fish. The nagging thing probably ties in with it. Sounds like she shifted from feeling like your girlfriend to feeling like a parent. It happens. Sometimes moving in can be a death knell for relationships because people just slip into weird roles that they never wanted to wear, and that nobody asked them to.

I don't know if this relationship is beyond redemption. I don't know if you actually want to save it? What would have happened if you hadn't got caught texting this girl? Do you think it would have, or could have, just stayed at flirty texts with no contact?

What ever happens, I hope you're alright. I know how stressful this must be, especially with the shared house.

 

[old.Tohtori]

If i might add to Daminis post "think from her perspective, how you would've felt about a text from a strange guy saying miss you, goodnight, and how would you react to it."

Makes it easier to understand.

 

[Damini]

I just meant women tend to react more strongly to emotional cheating, and men tend to respond more strongly to physical cheating.

Please note the "tend" before you all batter me to death with your sensitive man fruits.

 

[Darthshearer]

I know fully what youre saying Damini. Thats whats been going through my head, but I have seen a text from a bloke on her phone about wanting sex and her reply was Hahah, thats when she asked me to get a text of her phone when she was in the shower. It was a very bad move and I never said an ything.

The sex thing is the main worrying one for me, yet she doesnt seem to understand it. Ive never ever pressured her into anything not even a "quicky" Ive always left that to her, if things are a little fruity when cuddling Ill go wioth the flow and nothing else. Its how I have always been.

The way I am feeling at the moment if I didnt have the house I would walk. She has phoned most of my family up today and some work colleagues up and told them. Now, they will find out one day but thats not great.

I get home tonight and she has emailed me saying that she has handled last night badly but I have to understand. She has wrote a letter and I will read it but If I am honest I am now starting to feel trhe future is elsewhere.

I have cancelled my holiday in Jan with her and I am cancelling the one in Nov too I just dont want it. I dont want to go all the way to France to sit in a chalet been scorned at by hockey wankers.

 

[Chilly]

why the fuck is she phoning everyone you know? She sounds mental to me mate, gtf outta there!

 

[Ch3tan]

IMO you don't have to understand her acting badly. If you forgive her it gives her license to just act out more. Make it clear that any problems are between the two of you and that involving family and friends is low.

 

[Aph3x]

I'm with Ch3t on that one, these things should be kept between you and her, her mates have nothing to do with it. Your both grown ups and can fight your own battles without the need of mates charging in all guns blazing.

 

[Darthshearer]

Aye she is mental

I went home for some clothes tonight, she wrote me a letter. The letter is basically telling me her thoughts of the last weekend and month. She basically is going over old stuff and that she cant beleive what I have told her.

Now, I have not denied what I have done is wrong etc. Anyways, I was leaving the houise and she broke down again in tears sayingt she loved me etc.

Now, thats all fair but why wont you fucking listen to what I think is wrong and therefore help us?

I think I will ask about counselling tom when I see her, if she doesnt take that, its a new start

 

[Darthshearer]

An update

I went home last night and had a chat with her. She has seemed to of changed her tune and now has realised she has now got to take some blame for the problems the relationship had. Not what I did like but the problems. She has basically taken me for granted and the main thing i.e lack of sex has built up and done me in.

She said broke down several time and said that she knew she was driving me away. S he said I have scared her with what I have done too.

If she knew she was driving me away, well what the fuck did she do to stop it? Last year for our anniversary I paid for us to go away to Alnwick for the weekend. It was in the middle of us doing the house up so I thought nice break, nice bit of nookie. NO chance. I didnt get thanked for taking her up there!!!

I felt so sorry for her when she was crying but at the same time I could of easily walked away.

I am still at a loose end and I dont know what the fuck to do I am meeting a mate tonight to have a chat with him.

 

[Darthshearer]

Well Ive done it

I have finished it.

 

[rynnor]

Sorry to hear that but its probably for the best in the circumstances you described.

I hope you have a peacefull weekend planned - best to let yourself get over it a bit rather than hitting the clubs straight out?

Good luck anyway.