Help Live By The Sword.....Die By The Sword

[Trem]

It isn't over but fuck me mate let the girl have a go at you without thinking that.

If it was over you would know 100%, females let you know that sort of thing and also a really bad thing to say to her would be about one of her mates putting ideas into her head, that will start a rage like you have never known before.

Let her give you some shit for a while and take it on the chin, give it time, give it weeks or maybe months before deciding if its over.

 

[Darthshearer]

The problem that is doing me in atm is that what I did was a horrible thing and I shouldnt of done it no matter how things were in the relationship, yet she cant see the issues I can see.

 

[Trem]

The problem that is doing me in atm is that what I did was a horrible thing and I shouldnt of done it no matter how things were in the relationship, yet she cant see the issues I can see.

Mate she doesn't want to see your issues and she bloody well won't until shes ready, you truly have to let her carry on like this for a bit if you want her back, if you don't want her back then sort the house out and leave asap, nothing else, nothing else left right now apart from those 2 things.

If you love someone its important you don't fuck it up. If you don't then why spend your life with them.

 

[russell]

Yes but you are only human... flattery, ego, butterflies and excitement are great but they dont last.

But we all get our heads turned- you are not the first and you wont be the last.



It maybe a symptom that something is not right with you and Mrs Darth that you acted on it, but it can all be rectified. Some of my friends swear that an affair served only to strengthen them. Wierd I know -just sayin you didnt even have the affair, so it can be mended.

That is, if you want to mend it.

 

[Darthshearer]

I know what youre saying I do. But, I just cant see her looking at the issues. We havent had sex for months, when I brought that up after a couple of months of no sex as a little chat I got "yes I know, its my issue ill sort it out" so, three months on and nothing changed and I was starting to think "well, is it my fault?"

 

[russell]

Yup. You have stuff that needs sorting definately.

 

[Trem]

I had a girl after me once, she used to be a model, you know what I did?

I told Samm all about it, I couldn't care less and I can't be arsed with lying. An attractive girl was after me and if I was single I so would of, but I wasn't so why hide it, if Samm had a problem then fuck it.

I just tell the truth usually no matter how harsh it can seem.

I really don't think you think you will spend the rest of your life with this lass Darthy, I don't get that from your posts, now, did you feel you would before all this? If the answer is no then you need to leave chum, you need to be single again. Maybe this is all a blessing in disguise.

 

[MYstIC G]

Having read this thread, my harsh summary would be: Ditch the bitch.

 

[rynnor]

I know what youre saying I do. But, I just cant see her looking at the issues. We havent had sex for months, when I brought that up after a couple of months of no sex as a little chat I got "yes I know, its my issue ill sort it out" so, three months on and nothing changed and I was starting to think "well, is it my fault?"

You could try going to relate if she'll agree (marriage guidance as was) - sounds like you might benefit from a third party to bounce this off who's not bound to one side (like her mates).

If her mates are putting the boot in at this time I think you face a real uphill struggle and tbh if she isnt going to meet you halfway to listen to some of your concerns then it doesnt bode well.

 

[Edmond]

the whole fact that she had her mates calling this other girl up and presumably giving her shit, shows a sign of immaturaty on her behalf, how old is she, 12? She is acting like she is in the school playground

And as rynnor said, if this is how she is going to behave then you really have your work cut out, but only you know your girl, not us, its difficult for anyone to play Devil's addvocate without both sides of the story

Dont be a defeatist, but how much do you really want it at the end of the day, only you know the answer to that one

Good Luck

 

[Darthshearer]

Well

Trem, I did at the start, but not now dude. I did want marrage, kids etc. She doesnt, so thats not a good start I suppose.

 

[Edmond]

The whole marriage thing can change all the time, as people and relationships grow and evolve, peoples attitude change too

Hell even Toht might want kids and marriage one day

*runs and hides b4 the fallout of that one*

 

[Darthshearer]

Hehe

I just dont know what I want at the moment. I am a little muddled. The way her mates acted on Sat night pissed me off.

Then, Sunday, she spoke to one of the girls at hockey and said "Martin and I are going to work it out" Their reply was "Are you really sure thats wise" My Gfriend even told me this! Now, thats puts me under suspicion about whats happend today.

Whilst walking to my mates I was thinking what I wanted now. I just dont know. I would be gutted if she had someone else and the thought of it makes me feel sick. Yet, the thought of her and her mates is doing my head in.

I am supposed to be going on holiday in the new year with her and about 12 hockey people, no chance of that, they think I am shite on their shoes!

 

[Edmond]

Time to look out for number one, me thinks

 

[nath]

I am supposed to be going on holiday in the new year with her and about 12 hockey people, no chance of that, they think I am shite on their shoes!

If they've been calling this girl you were out with and being general bitches to her then really they don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to comparisons to faecal matter. They sound like a bunch of *****. That said, I'm all too aware we're only getting your side of the story here.



As far as the general situation goes - you fucked up, but not nearly as much as you could have. Granted you should feel like shit, you should have spoken to your girlfriend rather than checked out your other options but it sounds to me you should learn from the experience and move on. From what you've explained here it doesn't sound like it's worth salvaging but then again what do I know. We're all only hearing one side and a very limited scope.

 

[Darthshearer]

Of course youre only getting my side of the story.

Its the fact that she has told me all about this without hiding it as if its going to scare me into confessing something, yet Ive told her everything!

 

[nath]

Not wanting to take away from what you've done, but clearly she needs to accept that she's fucked up a bit too. No sex for months? You're not a fucking monk. It's not an excuse for fucking around (which you didn't) but clearly shit needs to be dealt with. Writing this I'm painfully aware all of this has been said already

 

[ECA]

Seriously if someone was airing a relationship with their friends you have a total right to be pissed off.

1-2 close friends sure, but the hockey club? Why not print it in the paper?

 

[chipper]

Seriously if someone was airing a relationship with their friends you have a total right to be pissed off.

1-2 close friends sure, but the hockey club? Why not print it in the paper?

or a forum! sorry just wanted to point out hes made it public to probably alot more ppl than a hockey team, true we arent going to txt his bird tellin her to back off are we, but i would imagine shed be pretty miffed if she saw this thread.

 

[Edmond]

or a forum! sorry just wanted to point out hes made it public to probably alot more ppl than a hockey team, true we arent going to txt his bird tellin her to back off are we, but i would imagine shed be pretty miffed if she saw this thread.

I dont know, i would like to think most of the posts have been very constructive, and if she were to read this there would be points that they could both learn from

Its not like we have turned it into a witch hunt, is it?

 

[DaGaffer]

Got to say, the whole "we want different things" bit (e.g. kids), sets some alarm bells ringing; been there, done that, got the divorce papers. Its pretty fundamental, and if she's come to that realisation, maybe this the excuse she needs to get out of the relationship? Don't want to be the voice of doom, but blokes aren't the only ones who put their partners into intolerable situations so they make the first move and that person can then feel justified about ending things. No sex for months for a normal 28 year old is enough to make them do all kinds of unwise things.

(And is it just me, or does the phrase "Hockey Team" resonate with "Man-hating-sensible shoe-wearers"?)

 

[old.Tohtori]

Hell even Toht might want kids and marriage one day

*runs and hides b4 the fallout of that one*

You better post some quality boobs to make up for that.

Darth i was thinking about this, and would love to hear her side of th story. Then again, that won't happen unless this thread is shown and it IS a bad idea.

By the way, not haivng sex isn't the womans "issue", it's both of yours as women so conviniently forget that you're PROMISED not to f*ck about in the premise that you'll be getting the one and only poon you want

"Mmmyes, i have now made zure you zhall not have sex wizh other women! Now, I shall rule over ze penis and set szchezules!"

Bull. Sh*t.

 

[Hawkwind]

Sorry for your troubles. Having had some similar problems a few years back I can offer some advice.

Firstly, be totally honest with yourself. She also has be honest with herself and you. She also needs to stop talking it through with the entire hockey club. Only one person knows what she wants.

Organise a neutral quiet place where you can sit down and talk. You need to address the basic questions:

1. Can she ever trust you again?
2. Do you both want this to work or not?

You have to explain, clearly and without too much emotion what your problems are and talk through all the issues. Write them out and discuss everything.

Talking through this will not be easy and seeing a councellor may help if you both want to work it out. She also has to explain the lack sexual contact in the months leading up to this breakdown. It's a fundamental part in any relationship and if she can't address that truthfully then you may as well walk away.

If either of you cannot do this for whatever reason then your probably doomed to fail. Still it's better to know where you stand and if the issues can be fixed.

Good luck.

 

[Darthshearer]

Well, about 4 months ago when I did approach the none sex part her reply was "I feel violated" now that made me feel bad, like I had forced her, but I never ever have.

The Hockey Club Term actuallt means "Bunch of a lot of single women who need to grow up and get a good cock in them"

 

[old.Tohtori]

Ok, there's clearly issues both ways if she feels violated for asking for sex

 

[Darthshearer]

Ok, there's clearly issues both ways if she feels violated for asking for sex

Nooo, when I brought up the subject of it why we werent doing anything she said, after we had finished sex she felt violated.

 

[russell]

What did you do to her!!!???

Or is it harsh to be humourous. Does she have previous scary sex issues?

Also -do you have cuddles, kisses and closeness just no sex?

 

[Darthshearer]

What did you do to her!!!???

Or is it harsh to be humourous. Does she have previous scary sex issues?

No Russell, please try and make it a little more cheery.

Ive tried speaking to her and she said she hasnt. Its not the main issue thought tbh.

Ive cancelled my snowboarding trip in Jan with her as it was all her mates all whom are of the hockey club variety.

 

[russell]

Sex is never the main issue but it is a good litmus test.

Love is always the biggy.

(tho I have to say after watching Dawn Porter's Polygomy program last week, I definately think that is the way to go)

 

[Darthshearer]

Sex is never the main issue but it is a good litmus test.

Love is always the biggy.

(tho I have to say after watching Dawn Porter's Polygomy program last week, I definately think that is the way to go)

A good litmus test, I like that, I do.

Well, when I told her I was off and she collapsed in tears and we talked etc she was pleading I didnt leave her, then last night the total opposite.

Its the way one of her mates said "Are you sure thats right, if thats what you want" about us working things out.

Now, fair enough she is looking out for her mate, but ffs I am not in a relationship with both!