Question Hotel rooms...

[Ch3tan]

Its not trust of the partner, its trust of the 3rd party.

So in essence, you'd tell your woman that she can't spend a night at a hotel with a friend 'cause he'll rape her?

LOL.

He's not really twisting though Raven, it is a question of trust of the partner. It would not matter how hard the 3rd party tried, if your partner was trustworthy and would not cheat.

What you are saying is " I don't trust you to spend the night with someone else, because if they try something you will let them"

 

[old.Tohtori]

Errr. No.

Again you are twisting words. Give it a rest.

Like others said, i'm not. I may have put it in extreme context, but that's what it basically is if you have only mistrust in the "friend".

 

[DaGaffer]

Like others said, i'm not. I may have put it in extreme context, but that's what it basically is if you have only mistrust in the "friend".

Its got nothing to do with what either person will actually do, and everything to do with imagination. Its not fair, but life isn't, generally.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Its got nothing to do with what either person will actually do, and everything to do with imagination. Its not fair, but life isn't, generally.

I don't really care for imagination when talking about real situations.

But even if taken into imagination, you would have to either A: imagine your girl IS untrustworthy or B: imagine the guy she's with FORCES sex.

 

[Bahumat]

So freddies, I am going away with a friend (man one)to see a gig and we plan to stay over in a nice hotel to drink and make an occasion of it. (No its not Ed)

Booking hotel rooms is a shocker as it is the peak of the season. So I want to book a 'twin' to save lots of pennies. I think it will be fine as long as precautions are taken (such as P'js worn and changing takes place in the ensuite etc).

Hubby says fine.

Since you lot are so good with your life advice I just wondered what your thoughts are -should I go for the more (much much more) expensive option of 2 separate rooms being as I am a married laydee?

if you find him attractive I think its best to stay in seperate rooms/beds as it lowers the chance of a drunken shag.

 

[Sparx]

i wouldnt see a problem with it, but me and my friends are weird. My mates wouldnt have any problems getting into the same bed with me, and their partners dont mind at all

 

[DaGaffer]

I don't really care for imagination when talking about real situations.

But even if taken into imagination, you would have to either A: imagine your girl IS untrustworthy or B: imagine the guy she's with FORCES sex.

Then you've got no imagination. There are a million shades of grey in-between. For instance, scenario 1:

Wife spends night in same room as male friend. Husband is cool with it, six months later they're having a row about something completely unrelated, and he throws the episode out. Heat of the moment, probably doesn't even mean it, but its immediately put it out there and there's no taking it back. Neither party actually believes anything went on, but words are powerful (whoever made up the "sticks and stones" rhyme was a moron).

Scenario 2:

Wife spends night in same room as male friend. Husband is cool with it, then wife starts to get pissed off because it shows husband lacks interest. "Why doesn't he care about it?" Poor old hubby is just being Mr politically correct (on the quiet he may well be bothered by it, but he's being all modern and stuff), and then he gets it in the neck for not being a Neanderthal. And don't tell me lot's of women's minds don't work that way.

Life is generally a bit more subtle than "is she a whore, is he a rapist?"

 

[Raven]

Like others said, i'm not. I may have put it in extreme context, but that's what it basically is if you have only mistrust in the "friend".

Ok, so they share a room and he tries it on (he is male ffs, shit faced and on a high from the gig)

He tries it on, she says no and then still shares a room with him, A, would she feel comfortable to share a room with someone that made a drunken pass at her and B, would hubby be happy that he tried it on and they still shared a room? Somehow I doubt it.

The fact that the question even needed asking shows that there is a niggle of thought that something may happen.

The best way to stop something from happening is to remove the possibility of it happening, it would save a lot of red faces and friendship.

 

[old.Tohtori]

DaGaffer, i do have imagination, but those kind of "thoughts" and "arguments" are silly. I just don't bother with those kind of things and this was asked to get peoples opinions.

If you're a bloke and throw that innocent sleepover in her face, you've got trust issues or don't have anything real to actually "fight" about.

i'm jsut saying, if you have aproblem with your girl spending a night with another man, you have trust issues with her. Might not be big ones, but still.

Yes, life is more subtle, but silly people make big things out of nothing more times then others. It's all about the person, and i think that can only be known by mr and mrs marriage there.

Raven, yes, that's a possible scenario, but then it's anger towards something that DID happen.

Also, if someone tried that on ol russ there, i think the guy would have a night on the floor/get his own room.

 

[Belgerath]

See now there is a valid point by Raven.

Again do what you feel comfortable with.

Like I said my wife and I done it and had no problems, but everyone is different.

 

[DaGaffer]

DaGaffer, i do have imagination, but those kind of "thoughts" and "arguments" are silly. I just don't bother with those kind of things and this was asked to get peoples opinions.

If you're a bloke and throw that innocent sleepover in her face, you've got trust issues or don't have anything real to actually "fight" about.

i'm jsut saying, if you have aproblem with your girl spending a night with another man, you have trust issues with her. Might not be big ones, but still.

Yes, life is more subtle, but silly people make big things out of nothing more times then others. It's all about the person, and i think that can only be known by mr and mrs marriage there.

Raven, yes, that's a possible scenario, but then it's anger towards something that DID happen.

You've never been married have you...?

 

[Trem]

I'm not the hubby

You bloody well are

You should get seperate rooms though Russ, if it was me going and staying in the same room as a lady friend I would put my balls on your eyes while you sleep just for a bit of a laugh. I would also probably take a picture and put it on here entitled 'Bollock Eye Fun'.

 

[old.Tohtori]

You've never been married have you...?

And that has relevance how exactly?

 

[throdgrain]

You're asking a forum full of geeks, socially inept introverts and the terminally odd for advice on sleeping arrangements? Don't you have, like, humans you can talk to?

Sorry guys, you know I love you all (you bunch of freaks), but don't you think this is an odd question for this forum?

lmfao It's a girly question thats why it's what you get for letting them pointy hat wearers out of DAoC!

 

[DaGaffer]

And that has relevance how exactly?

The fact that you don't know is why its relevant...

 

[old.Tohtori]

The fact that you don't know is why its relevant...

Yes, 'cause marriage magically makes people act different

I couldn't possibly know anything about people, imagination, doubts, jealousy...unless i'm married. That's sarcasm.

Marriage is a piece of paper, the ifs and buts of marriage can exist without it.

Don't try and "win" something by being married/divorced. Either discuss what is presented or f*ck off.

The fact is, if you think there's a chance of something happening, you're jealous and untrusting of your woman. And also try and realise that not everyone is like the great daGaffer. Some of us don't have same issues.

 

[Fweddy]

I wouldn't let any friend, lady, relative or animal share a room with Trem.

Otherwise I think for me it would depend much more on the guy than my other half. I would trust her with any of my friends no problem, but I'd be a lot less likely to with any of her friends I don't know reasonably well.

 

[DaGaffer]

Yes, 'cause marriage magically makes people act different

Yes, yes it does.

I couldn't possibly know anything about people, imagination, doubts, jealousy...unless i'm married. That's sarcasm.

Marriage is a piece of paper, the ifs and buts of marriage can exist without it.

The people who say, "its only a piece of paper", are usually the ones who've never had that piece of paper in the first place. I've lived with people, and I've been married, it is different.

Don't try and "win" something by being married/divorced. Either discuss what is presented or f*ck off.

You don't want a debate, you want a black and white world of right and wrong and it isn't like that. People do the wrong thing, even when they know its wrong. You may be prefect (although I doubt it very much), the rest of us aren't. And frankly, since you've never been married, you can't know what marriage is about, so you fuck off. Child.

The fact is, if you think there's a chance of something happening, you're jealous and untrusting of your woman. And also try and realise that not everyone is like the great daGaffer. Some of us don't have same issues.

Since the question was asked in the first place, that implies a concern about the appropriateness of sharing a room with a male friend does it not? I was pointing out the potential pitfalls. You may not have issues, but then again, you are very unlikely to form lasting relationships because you're a fucking wierdo.

 

[old.Tohtori]

"A f*cking weirdo", "don't know anything", "child"...just because i've not gotten married at point or other.

Oh yes, you're the adult here for sure. I wanted to discuss it, but was met with "you've never been marriedz!", which is hardly an argument eihter way.

Marriage doesn't change everyone because it changed YOU or your woman.

Marriage doesn't mean you're "grown up", as proven by you just now.

Lasting relationships have nothing to do with marriage either.

I can know plenty well what marriage is about without experiencing it first hand, hell, i know how a gay relationship is like by...here's a shocker for you...talking to people and learning. I don't have to BE in a gay relationship any more then i have to be married to know about it.

I say it's a piece of paper 'cause i can have everything a marriage has, without the marriage(not counting financial aid).

And if you take a look at yourself, i think you'll find you're the one advocating black&white. Jsut because i said "haven't been married/wouldn't mind it", you went off a tangent.

Like i said, trust issues, look into it.

 

[Hawkwind]

Have to agree with DaGaffer marraige and kids etc definitely changes you. Not all for the better either

As for the "it's only a piece of paper" brigade you really do have no idea. There is a huge difference between partners living together and marraige. Having done both for quite a few years I can honestly testify there is a wealth of difference.

 

[DaGaffer]

"A f*cking weirdo", "don't know anything", "child"...just because i've not gotten married at point or other.

Oh yes, you're the adult here for sure. I wanted to discuss it, but was met with "you've never been marriedz!", which is hardly an argument eihter way.

Marriage doesn't change everyone because it changed YOU or your woman.

Marriage doesn't mean you're "grown up", as proven by you just now.

Lasting relationships have nothing to do with marriage either.

I can know plenty well what marriage is about without experiencing it first hand, hell, i know how a gay relationship is like by...here's a shocker for you...talking to people and learning. I don't have to BE in a gay relationship any more then i have to be married to know about it.

I say it's a piece of paper 'cause i can have everything a marriage has, without the marriage(not counting financial aid).

And if you take a look at yourself, i think you'll find you're the one advocating black&white. Jsut because i said "haven't been married/wouldn't mind it", you went off a tangent.

Like i said, trust issues, look into it.

See? Bollocks from beginning to end. If you seriously think talking about or learning about marriage somehow gives you the same insight as actually being married, you are totally, utterly deluded. Just like I could never claim to know what its like having a kid by reading about it.

For your information, the scenario 2 I described actually happened to me. No trust issues involved, quite the reverse actually, and yet still problems.

And you started it with the insults.

 

[old.Tohtori]

See? Bollocks from beginning to end. If you seriously think talking about or learning about marriage somehow gives you the same insight as actually being married, you are totally, utterly deluded. Just like I could never claim to know what its like having a kid by reading about it.

For your information, the scenario 2 I described actually happened to me. No trust issues involved, quite the reverse actually, and yet still problems.

And you started it with the insults.

And what insults might those be? I told you to f*ck off if you're going to pull some cop-out "i'm married" clause into a discussion. That's it. And that was after your insinuation i'm not married, and AFTER you called on me not having any imagination.

I'm saying that marriage isn't magically gonna change people in ALL cases. And that you can have all the marriage things without being married.

Living together != marriage.

You're claiming that just because two people get married, that there's a change in dynamics that NOWHERE else could happen and that i couldn't POSSIBLY have had any experience in problems like you because you've been married. And as such, you're claiming i couldn't possibly know about jealousy and the scenarios you're talking about.

That's a bunch of bull. You're just saying because YOU had some issues/problems/etc, and because i haven't lived your life, i couldn't possibly know anything about the issue at hand.

Also i didn't claim to have "same insight" as married people, but i well enough know that marriage isn't necessary.

By the way, saying "that's bollocks" still isn't discussion Mr "Adult".

 

[Raven]

Detracting from the point a little though aren't we

I agree, marriage does change things. I don't think I would be with my wife now if we weren't married, we are happier now than we have ever been, though a couple of years ago we came very close to calling it a day but decided to work on it because we were married.

I guess it depends how you see marriage, those like that bottom feeder "I am famous for no reason" Twatface Potato Geldoff says she will be married for a year or something, this was a day or so after the wedding, what's the point?
For me its a declaration of your love and commitment to someone, and theirs to you. Sure you may well say its not needed but thats your opinion. To say it does not change you shows that you have never been married

 

[old.Tohtori]

Yes, off the point, but it's just a simlple point which i felt needed defending from DaGaffers cop-out.

If someone can give me a reason for marriage, other then financial or peen waving(my wife damnit!) that i can't have with a woman without marriage, i'm all ears.

Together 'till death, can have.
Kids, can have.
Love, can have.
Deep meaningful relationship, can have.
Live together, can have.
etc...

So far, for n-ty years, noone has been able to give ONE reason.

I've never been married, that's true, but i don't need to get married either.

Those who are/do get married, it's their choice, good for them, but calling me a child/ignorant/"not knowing what the hell i'm taking about"/etc just because i don't share your choice of life, doesn't make it true.

Guess i should add: Positive stuff about marriage that i can't have without. We all know you men are grumpy just 'cause you ain't getting any

 

[MYstIC G]

Meh, boil it down to: If you were both single would you fuck this guy? If yes, separate rooms.

 

[DaGaffer]

Those who are/do get married, it's their choice, good for them, but calling me a child/ignorant/"not knowing what the hell i'm taking about"/etc just because i don't share your choice of life, doesn't make it true.

Yes it does you ignorant child. You don't know what the Hell you're talking about. Etc.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Yes it does you ignorant child. You don't know what the Hell you're talking about. Etc.

So answer it then, what does marriage bring that i can't have with a lady without?

How has marriage changed you?

Is it impossible to have everything you have in marriage without getting married? If so, what?

What are the magical secrets of marriage i couldn't possibly know?

How does marriage make you more adult?

Fact up your insults if you must insist on using them.

You, by the way, brought the marriage thing into a discussion about trust and jealousy, and you can't seriously claim thats the only way to find out.

 

[Calaen]

ah Typical Toh response


Just wait for him to spin his whole thoughts around and disagree with what he said first!!!!

Being married and making this decision is totally different from just being in a relationship.

Having separate rooms would not matter if you are drinking and buzzing off the gig, it is not going to stop something happening.

The question you need to ask yourself is do you find this guy attractive in anyway, I mean clearly you are close, you are going to a gig together which suggests you have things in common. I think if people are being honest being in a town with a friend of the opposite sex, drinking and having a great time has a very high chance of something going on.

 

[old.Tohtori]

ah Typical Toh response


Just wait for him to spin his whole thoughts around and disagree with what he said first!!!!

Being married and making this decision is totally different from just being in a relationship.

I'm not disagreeing with anything i said first, even if you do say it with some jest.

I would like to ask you too, how does marriage change it?

I've heard it enough times on this thread, yet i'm lacking the why?

 

[Calaen]

Is it impossible to have everything you have in marriage without getting married? If so, what?

Yes the knowledge that your partner wants to spend the rest of their lives with you. If only for that moment you have made the biggest commitment of all time.

What are the magical secrets of marriage i couldn't possibly know?

What it takes to be married. How to make a commitment.

How does marriage make you more adult?

I would not say it does, however just being in a relationship and considering shagging some bird is nothing compared to being in a marriage and being in the same circumstances.