Question elephant swaffling

[TdC]

Will and I were discussing swaffling an elephant as a possible next step on the road to awesomejevityness, and currently the idea is for me to do the deed, while he observes and films the event.

Now I have some misgivings, and have put together a poll to help me decide what will happen. Just for those stay at home meek types who have no idea at all what swaffling is, it's touching, tapping, rubbing or slapping a thing or object with one's penis. The current record is the swaffling of the Taj Mahal by a Dutch student. I propose to go one step further.

And now, without further ado, teh pollz!

 

[Uara]

*blinks* *blinks again* *walks out of the room crying into his hands*

 

[TdC]

you will note that I rate our chances of success at somewhere below pretty damn grim

 

[old.Tohtori]

It's missing the "success!" option

I for one have no doubt in TdCs penile powers.

Although, elephants are scared of mice

 

[TdC]

you are saying that mice may infest my bjorn borgs?

 

[old.Tohtori]

you are saying that mice may infest my bjorn borgs?

How nice of you to think of me as being so nice

Actually meant that there resides a particularly floppy mouse in thine bjorn borgs :lol:

 

[TdC]

How nice of you to think of me as being so nice

Actually meant that there resides a particularly floppy mouse in thine bjorn borgs :lol:

Spoiler

 

[taB]

Pol lacks a "TdC's penis looks like a little peanut and will be sucked up the trunk" option.

 

[TdC]

 

[Uara]

ooooh what about, TdC gets gored on one of the tusks whilst attempting to swaffle!

 

[Ch3tan]

The elephant would need sharp eyes indeed to manage that feat Uara. Or a magnifying glass.

 

[TdC]

nonsense, it's perfectly safe


also I note that nobody hates me for making them think of me touching my co>< to an elephant. this means they have already thought of it or do not find it unpleasant. which, between you and me, is simultaneously flattering and disturbing

 

[Uara]

lol well I wasn't actually meaning his penis, but himself in general but I think that should be an option as well!

 

[TdC]

you people are dodging the issue here

 

[Chilly]

so uh...how does this not qualify as bestiality?

dirty fucker!

 

[Chilly]

and how do you propose to find an elephant to schlong-schlap ? Its not as if you can just walk into london zoo in your mankini and ask to be admitted to the elephant enclosure so you can get slapping with your schnitzel!

 

[TdC]

nah, it's only that when there is no danger of death

 

[TdC]

and how do you propose to find an elephant to schlong-schlap ? Its not as if you can just walk into london zoo in your mankini and ask to be admitted to the elephant enclosure so you can get slapping with your schnitzel!

wait! you...can't? hmm, that kind of puts a damper on my plans :/

 

[Uara]

go to india!! They have elephants there which im sure u could swaffle!!

 

[Ch3tan]

You could do it while posting for a pic with one, or going for a ride on top of one.

Careful of tourists with their cameras though!!

 

[TdC]

I shall travel to india my friends!!!11(%^

 

[TdC]

or rather, I would if this wasn't a purely hypothetical discussion!

 

[Chilly]

you had fucking better do, or its bantime tbh! False advertising and all that. Video or stfu!

 

[TdC]

I think something can be arranged!

 

[Ch3tan]

Just to make you teh jealous Andy:

 

[TdC]

my god, Chet you dirty fucker o0

I know you can barely see it but it's practically in the elephant's mouth!

I can't believe you beat me to it

 

[TdC]

oh wait, it's just a crease in your clothes! my mistake

 

[Will]

PHOTOSHOP!!!!!!!


*films*

 

[TdC]

he's almost in a perfect position, but I'm not sure I can get gimp to zoom in that far to draw something that small. iirc it only goes to 800% you know :/

 

[old.Tohtori]

So...basically...without taking the issue to mousepenis, you're going to hug an elephant leg whilst naked?