Deebs, is he or isn't he?
- Thread starter Deebs
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The last two days have been pretty hard on me for a number of reasons, firstly, it would have been my Mum's 58th birthday yesterday, and secondly, I attended Guildford Cathedral for a service on Sunday to hear my Mum's name being said in the preaching.
The last 10 months have been pretty hard, sometimes I just break down and cry other times I smile and laugh as I remember Mumma Gucci and all the fun we had together. Yes I know that she is gone but I just cannot fathom the fact deep in my mind that one day I will see and feel her love again (maybe that is Heaven or some other place we will meet).
It is getting close to a year now without feeling her warmth or eating the food she used to cook for me. The person I still feel most sorry for is my loving Father who still suffers today and won't plan anything more than a month in advance. My siblings have all gathered round him and made him feel wanted (he is) and loved but still it hurts us all to know that he lives alone.
Why this post? Well today after almost 3 years I have removed my blue Cancer band from my left arm. The band had the details of my Mum's cancer research department from Guildford Royal Surrey Hospital. I somehow feel guilty but do not want to wear it. Is that a bad thing for me to do?
Why did I do it? I am not entirely sure. Just felt that I wanted to remove it. I was the last in my family to keep wearing it, guess it shows my soft heart.
Not looking forward to August 11th but I have my ever loving and strong family around me, not to mention my dear friends who always seem to say the right things at the right time (Bazza, Richy, Muvva).
Anyway, I was on holiday last week in Corfu and visited a Greek Church where I lit a candle with my children for my Mum (yes we all broke down and cried, especially my little girl).
God this looks like a morbid post, it is not meant to be. I just love my Mum so much and miss her in such a way it pains me.
The last 10 months have been pretty hard, sometimes I just break down and cry other times I smile and laugh as I remember Mumma Gucci and all the fun we had together. Yes I know that she is gone but I just cannot fathom the fact deep in my mind that one day I will see and feel her love again (maybe that is Heaven or some other place we will meet).
It is getting close to a year now without feeling her warmth or eating the food she used to cook for me. The person I still feel most sorry for is my loving Father who still suffers today and won't plan anything more than a month in advance. My siblings have all gathered round him and made him feel wanted (he is) and loved but still it hurts us all to know that he lives alone.
Why this post? Well today after almost 3 years I have removed my blue Cancer band from my left arm. The band had the details of my Mum's cancer research department from Guildford Royal Surrey Hospital. I somehow feel guilty but do not want to wear it. Is that a bad thing for me to do?
Why did I do it? I am not entirely sure. Just felt that I wanted to remove it. I was the last in my family to keep wearing it, guess it shows my soft heart.
Not looking forward to August 11th but I have my ever loving and strong family around me, not to mention my dear friends who always seem to say the right things at the right time (Bazza, Richy, Muvva).
Anyway, I was on holiday last week in Corfu and visited a Greek Church where I lit a candle with my children for my Mum (yes we all broke down and cried, especially my little girl).
God this looks like a morbid post, it is not meant to be. I just love my Mum so much and miss her in such a way it pains me.
TdC
Trem's hunky sex love muffin
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you're a good man Deebsor. if you want to put your band back on, then you will. imo you are doing what is only a natural progression of getting your will to continue back on the front burner. you still care, you still feel, you're not a bad person.
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I have a little snoopy pin broch (sp?) that my mum used to wear, its a 'V' as her name was Valerie, it sits under my moniter, i'm looking at it right now, and i look at it and think of her every day. Even more so of late, as things have been a bit shitty for me. Also sat on my shelf in front of me is a toy Snoopy (sense a theme here?) that Pam bought for me 2 christmas's ago. I had been laid up in bed all over the Xmas and new year period with really bad flu, even when she was not on top of the world, she was always thinking of others. Shit, now i'm cryng, and its supposed to be my birthday
Humph!!!
Humph!!!
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Bazza,
When you say Pam who is that??? Don't cry on your birthday, christ we are two 39 year olds, behave man! Actually fuck it, we both dearly miss our mothers.
ps. To lighten the mood I will say "Squeek Squeek", and Edmond can explain why....
When you say Pam who is that??? Don't cry on your birthday, christ we are two 39 year olds, behave man! Actually fuck it, we both dearly miss our mothers.
ps. To lighten the mood I will say "Squeek Squeek", and Edmond can explain why....
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Bazza,
I never knew that and I guess my family don't as well. Mum always picked up on what we liked/missed/wanted. She obviously tried to bring back the memories of Snoopy on the garage wall!
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She still remembered my 'Peanuts' (the cartoon from which snoopy and charlie brown originated from) fixation, and got it for me
As for the garage wall. that got painted over by the bald one, but there is a huge snoopy painted on my lounge floor, under the carpet, ask Moycie...Haa Haa
As for the garage wall. that got painted over by the bald one, but there is a huge snoopy painted on my lounge floor, under the carpet, ask Moycie...Haa Haa
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Now I'm smiling reading this thanks to those daft comments, but being serious Tony, you know I'm here and will always try to support you in whatever you do. You might be a big-nosed see-you-next-choosday but we all love you and care about you.
Taking off the armband is a sign of moving on, but don't for one moment think that moving on means forgetting or any sign of disrespect.... far from it. You having worn it for so long is a clear sign to everybody how much Mumma Gucci meant to you and yours.
My heart's with you.
Taking off the armband is a sign of moving on, but don't for one moment think that moving on means forgetting or any sign of disrespect.... far from it. You having worn it for so long is a clear sign to everybody how much Mumma Gucci meant to you and yours.
My heart's with you.
Bahumat
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Heya Deebs,
Dont worry about taking the arm band off. I think it's a good thing you took it off.
When people die its hugely emotional, but over time the pain does lessen (as im sure you learnt).
The bracelet signifies something she had to fight against. By not wearing the bracelet it kind of removes that reminder (which is not the nicest part to remember).
I hope by not wearing it, and when thinking of your mum you are filled with the happy memories. The little idiosyncrosies which you'll always remember.
I dont know if I made any sense buddy, hope it helped a little.
Yiannis
Dont worry about taking the arm band off. I think it's a good thing you took it off.
When people die its hugely emotional, but over time the pain does lessen (as im sure you learnt).
The bracelet signifies something she had to fight against. By not wearing the bracelet it kind of removes that reminder (which is not the nicest part to remember).
I hope by not wearing it, and when thinking of your mum you are filled with the happy memories. The little idiosyncrosies which you'll always remember.
I dont know if I made any sense buddy, hope it helped a little.
Yiannis
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Well there you have it, you seem to have struck the big metal spikey thing right on its upper region
unfortunatly there is probably a lot of truth on that
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Not sure what you mean but I would never want to go looking for someone to live up to my mum. A mum is something that cannot be replaced by another person especially at my age.
If you are implying that girlfriends chosen are compared to my mum you would so far from the truth.
Still confused.
Munkey
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Deebs, its good to hear you've taken the next step. Taking the armband off won't diminish her memory in anyway, or change anything, but I'm sure she would happy to see you moving on with your life.
And I diddn't realise she was treated at the Royal Surrey. We spent most of last year trying to stop Labour from shutting the place down.
And I diddn't realise she was treated at the Royal Surrey. We spent most of last year trying to stop Labour from shutting the place down.
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I think in terms of love and affection that a mother can give, then yes, you would be looking for that in anyone you feel bonded to, its only natural to crave an emotional attachment, be it a girlfriend, wife or just a very close friend
But its on a totally different level, i think its quite common for us to compare the affection of a mother or father from other close people in your life even though its never going to be the same as you could never replicate that type of bond
But its on a totally different level, i think its quite common for us to compare the affection of a mother or father from other close people in your life even though its never going to be the same as you could never replicate that type of bond
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Don't start me off on Labour. We had a collection and raised a large amount of money specifically for the cancer research lab at the hospital.
sayward
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Didn't mean to imply that. Just think it's a subconscious action.
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With less than a month to go which marks a year since my Mumma Gucci passed away I suffer breakdowns. When Mum died I was offered support but have never taken it up. The only person I can speak to to about Mum and how I feel is my baby sister Michelle. We celebrated Mum's birthday by attending a service at Guildford Cathedral where Nancy (our Vicar who helped Mum and said the last rites) mentioned her name. It was hard work as I never step foot inside a church unless summoned by a wedding or christening invite.
Spent some time talking to Michelle and we both still feel that she is on an extended holiday such is the influence she had and still has on our lives. We both feel so sorry for our Dad who cries most days and cannot believe the blow that fate has dealt him.
Why post again? I am not sure I just know that I miss her so so much and that I would hope that everyone appreciates their parents for what they are. Over the past year there has been several moments when I picked up the phone and dialled my Mum to tell her something exciting only to get my Dad answer the phone.
Then it hits me and I immediately change how I talk so as to not upset my Dad. Call me a softy but so what I have never in my life been ashamed of my feelings or to show them.
Guess having the HRM Custom's and Excise write to me again has triggered this. The bastards know she died last year and that 3 years ago I repaid all the tax credits my parents ever received and told them I do not want them to be paid any more yet still they write to us. fuck off. Leave us in peace.
ps. If there is any humour in this post it is because I am trying to make myself happy.
Talking of happy, many many years ago picture the following:
Ah fuck, I just want her back in my life.
Spent some time talking to Michelle and we both still feel that she is on an extended holiday such is the influence she had and still has on our lives. We both feel so sorry for our Dad who cries most days and cannot believe the blow that fate has dealt him.
Why post again? I am not sure I just know that I miss her so so much and that I would hope that everyone appreciates their parents for what they are. Over the past year there has been several moments when I picked up the phone and dialled my Mum to tell her something exciting only to get my Dad answer the phone.
Then it hits me and I immediately change how I talk so as to not upset my Dad. Call me a softy but so what I have never in my life been ashamed of my feelings or to show them.
Guess having the HRM Custom's and Excise write to me again has triggered this. The bastards know she died last year and that 3 years ago I repaid all the tax credits my parents ever received and told them I do not want them to be paid any more yet still they write to us. fuck off. Leave us in peace.
ps. If there is any humour in this post it is because I am trying to make myself happy.
Talking of happy, many many years ago picture the following:
- A Fiat 126
- 1 Mum
- 4 children of her own
- 2 children who she thought of as her own
- All of the above hurtling (well not quite) down the A3 to the coas
Ah fuck, I just want her back in my life.
tris-
Failed Geordie and Parmothief
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i guess this is how we will all feel once our mother is gone. ive started taking more care of my parents and im only 22 as it is. but i know theyve looked after me and now i need to return the favour. doing a bit of cleaning or buying some milk or what ever is appreciated.
while you may not want honesty, its not possible for your mother to come back. she is the best person you will ever meet or know, and i think personally, that is something you should appreciate and focus on. the fact you had a chance to know someone such as your mother should be what youre thinking about. billions havent had the chance but you have.
i obviously cannot know what youre going through but that is how i would want to think about it.
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Your last comment about hurtling towards the coast in a 126 is sort of funny thinking about it. Not "haha" funny, but I get very very similar feelings about my own past. Slightly similar circumstances, I haven't lost either of my parents through bereavement but just because it's something from childhood that I hold onto in my memory. And of course in those memories it brings back the thoughts of how it used to be, my mum and dad together, my granddad being there (passed away in 1991) and also my aunt who died a year later from leukaemia. Last week I was given a job to do from my mum - she'd been up in the attic and pulled out all of the photograph albums she had. "Nick, would you mind scanning all these for me? I'll put a few quid your way for the trouble". Quickly told her not to be daft, I'd not gone through those albums since I was a kid myself.
4 full albums, full of the holidays, day trips to the coast, all with the aforementioned people & other extended family members, full of smiles, full of memories. Was a joy going through them all again and scanning them all in. She only wanted them on a CD for her to copy to her laptop, but just out of the fondness of it, burned to a CD, then all as a video slide show for the DVD player, spending rather a lot of time giving me more excuse to mull over the photos
Point being, it doesn't take much to think back to the old days and it's incidental that doing so makes you remember most the people who made them possible. I've still been known to have a random flashback to when we went somewhere with my granddad or aunt and shed a tear for them. It's not something that'll ever go away, and I find now the best way to "get over it" is exactly the opposite: making sure they're never forgotten. Those anniversaries are the ideal time to bring the family together and remember the good times, remember the good people they were. They're still with you in heart and their soul is still watching over you, just make sure you don't forget it. Might not even believe in any of that religious stuff (I don't) but a little faith goes a long way regarding people you love.
4 full albums, full of the holidays, day trips to the coast, all with the aforementioned people & other extended family members, full of smiles, full of memories. Was a joy going through them all again and scanning them all in. She only wanted them on a CD for her to copy to her laptop, but just out of the fondness of it, burned to a CD, then all as a video slide show for the DVD player, spending rather a lot of time giving me more excuse to mull over the photos
Point being, it doesn't take much to think back to the old days and it's incidental that doing so makes you remember most the people who made them possible. I've still been known to have a random flashback to when we went somewhere with my granddad or aunt and shed a tear for them. It's not something that'll ever go away, and I find now the best way to "get over it" is exactly the opposite: making sure they're never forgotten. Those anniversaries are the ideal time to bring the family together and remember the good times, remember the good people they were. They're still with you in heart and their soul is still watching over you, just make sure you don't forget it. Might not even believe in any of that religious stuff (I don't) but a little faith goes a long way regarding people you love.
