Comedy Injuries

[Daffeh]

oooo i got one now

when i was about 4 or 5 i ran into a fridge and dislocated my collarbone

is that ok now Damini?

 

[Munkey-]

i was about 7 or 5 at the time. was riding my bicycle on the pavement, as one does, and was daydreaming. next thing *WOOMPH* rode straight into a bloody lampost. 6 stitches on my head

and then similar to the geese incident. i was 5 and feeding the geese at a nearby loch and i slipped down on the floor. next thing i know i'm been chased by a ton load of geese nipping at my bum.

my dad still laughs about those even today

edit: and whilst on a trip to italy, was walking in the town opposite pompei looking at mount vesuvius. walked into a lampost i had no end of stick about that for the rest of the holiday

 

[throdgrain]

when i was young i chased another kid through a building site.he trod on a bit of wood with a six inch nail sticking through it ,which went straight through his shoe,then foot ,then out the top.
he wernt best pleased,but it didnt hurt me a bit..

 

[caLLous]

mah dad stuck a running chainsaw into his knee once... must've tickled

 

[Damini]

Originally posted by Daf
oooo i got one now

when i was about 4 or 5 i ran into a fridge and dislocated my collarbone

is that ok now Damini?

Lol... Welcome to our ranks!

And I'm glad someone else has had the same experience with geese. Did you have to specify that you were five though? Couldn't you at least have said fifteen?

*mutters about being chased by geese at the age of 22....*

 

[Summo]

When I was about ten I got volunteered to look after the geese which lived in a small orchard behind a fence just past the bottom of our garden. One female, one very protective male.

All I had to do was get them into their shed thing at night. That was it.

I was given a length of cane, about four feet long which I was instructed to wave about with my arms wide and occasionally tap on the ground to signal it was time for them to retreat. I guess the idea was that if the geese got angry and spead their wings to attack I would extend my full 'wingspan', they would be impressed and agree to go to bed.

My first night I approached them from a distance with my arms out, cane in the air and a concerned look on my face. The geese didn't move so I approached a little further. The male swung round, fully extended his wings, ducked his head as if to pounce and let out the most frightning I've ever heard. A cross between a long hiss and a scream.

I tapped the ground as instructed and began to cry.

Eventually I was smaking the ground so hard that the cane snapped in two and the goose began to charge. I legged it and scrambled over the fence while my dad looked on.

And laughed.

I f'king hate geese.

 

[Summo]

I have another story about narcotics, a candle, a greenhouse, a shed and some fire, which I'll tell when I can be arsed to type. :/

 

[Fex]

When i was 2 or 3 i was in the local park with my mam and i wanted to go on the swings. Now these swings were the big heavy wooden ones not like the rubber ones we have today. So instead of waiting for my turn I simply ran infront of the closest swing (the lad on it happened to be going so high he was nearly horizontal to the bar that held the swings) and lo and behold i get a swing right in the face. End reult was I was knocked back about 8 feet and i needed 9 stiches in my forehead.

 

[Munkey-]

wimps. the geese diddnt make me cry! and i got revenge. i never fed them bread again. i hoped the gits died of hunger!!!!!!!

 

[Trem]

whoa aphex, i didnt know the swing thing really happens!!me mum always told me it cud happen.

 

[Damini]

Remember that really neat swing trick, where you lay on the swing on your stomach and watch the ground rush past?

I took of the top layer of my skin in a landing strip style, sand papered my teeth and filled my nostrils with gravel playing that game. Oh, the fun to be had.

According to Darwinian theory, having lived this long, does this make me good breeding stock? Or do the stupid accidents mean my genes shouldnt be passed on? Hmmm....

And damnit, these geese were scary! One of the saxon man helpfully, between fits of giggles, told me they used to be guard dogs. Well, obviously not dogs, but....

 

[Fex]

Yeah Tremor it does really happen and i have the scar to prove it

 

[caLLous]

a gaggle of guard geese Damini?

 

[Wij]

Originally posted by Damini
According to Darwinian theory, having lived this long, does this make me good breeding stock?

In my eyes yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!









(shall I stop now ?)

 

[Trem]

No carry on m8











/cowers in corner:uhoh:

 

[WPKenny]

Yes. Carry on.

*knife sharpening sounds*

 

[Sar]

Wij
Forum Deity
Registered: Nov 1999
Location: Halifax, Yorkshire
Cock: 12 inches of luuuurve
Zip: *ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP*
Likes: Damini

ROFL

Just noticed that

 

[Wij]

Boh !

 

[old.$aw$aLL]

when I was 11, I was riding a bike tandem, just crested a small hill and was picking up speed when a fairly large pickup (haulin type) pulled out from a wall of buildings that edged the sidewalk to see the oncoming traffic. Well I was to busy looking backwards (yes, I was steering), and when I my friend yelled lookout! it was too late. cRunCH. Now... a bike seat and handlebars do big damage when colliding into steel....plus I got 5 stitches near my eye (me thinks from sheer force of landing) and just missed getting run over from road vehicles. Cop'r wouldn't turn his siren on for me. That's all I wanted.

Then 'bout 10 yrs ago I was riding an 'enlish' racer (type with the skinny tires). just got back from the fastfood place carrying a cup in my hand with my son on a sidestreet. My tired got balled up with the uneven cement which acted like brakes. Now Einstein's theory kicked in and I flew, landed with arms stretched out to break my fall, did a few somersaults. Got the wind knocked outta me and couldn't answer the neighb's yelling to see if I was alright. My son was laughing, he said I looked like super woman for like 4 seconds. That made me laugh, even tho my wrist was broke, shoulder and elbow jammed. Ahhh, the good ol' days.

edit: my friend on the back of the bike just slid off without injury

 

[Gumbo]

I've scored 1 goal in competitive football, having played for 16 years, this is the story of that goal...

It's a cup final and late in the second half the scores are tied 2-2. My side win a corner, and I, a full back, advance forward to take my position in front of the keeper. The ball comes in, our star striker heads it down, but the goalie makes a magnificent save. The ball rolls out somewhere towards me. I am notoriously right footed, I often make massive air shots when i try to kick a ball with my left, but this time there is no option....

I lunge forward, and imagine if you can, my right leg bending under my butt, whilst my left stretches out to reach the ball. Sliding along with my right leg tucked under me, I make a perfect contact, and the ball flys into the back of the net. I hear the roar go up from my teammates, and the assembled crowd of about 50 people, and I know that strike has probably won the game, and the cup! By now I am lying face down on the grass as my teammates start to pick me up....

As I reach my feet, and accept the congratulations from my teammates, I realise that my right thigh is giving me some pain, but it can still suport my weight so it can't be too bad, I begin my trot back to my position for the restart. After a few steps I have to stop as the pain is increasing in my thigh....

I bend at the waist and reach with my right hand to give my thigh a rub to try and work out some of the pain. It's at this point that I look at the little finger on my right hand which is now clutching my thigh.....

At the first knucke away from the hand the top part of my finger is sticking out sideways at an almost perfect ninety degrees. I immediately think to myself, uh oh, that can't be good, and hobble over to the Ref to show him the damage and request the assistance of our coach....

The Ref turns round as i near him and shout, "er Ref!". He takes a look at my outstretched hand with it's finger at an unnatural angle, takes one step towards me and then passes out crashing to the ground in front of me. This causes both coaches and many of the players to run to the referrees assistance leaving me clutching my very painful finger. Having also played rugby for a number of years, where dislocations are common, I know it is important to get dislocations back into place as quickly as possible. So without further delay I grabbed the end of my finger, closed my eyes and slipped it back into place, with suprising ease....

The referee came round shortly, and was helped off as one of the linesmen came on to referee the final 2 minutes of the game, I was substituted as by now my thigh was seizing up and I was having trouble walking.....

I went to the pub after the game, but needed help to move around, and the following morning I went to casualty as I could put no weight on my leg at all. They x rayed my extremely swollen finger and confirmed that, short of some ligament damage that would heal itself over time, and there was no real problems with it. The thigh on the other hand was different. I had torn through the quadriceps, which if I'd had decent private medical insurance, I would have had an immediate operation to repair. However as i was relying on the NHS, I had to have my leg put in a cast for 4 weeks, followed by a further 2 months on crutches, and pain whenever I exercised for the next 2 years or so.....

Still, I did score the winning goal of the cup final, even if it was the last game of footie I've played.

 

[Summo]

j00 TEH TUFF MAN!!!¬!11!

Nice story.

 

[Furr]

heres a comedy injury, didn't happen to me just to someone at my school.

senior girls coming back from their hockey match, and start jumping over poles etc..

one girl tries to jump over her hockey stick, girl doesn't quite make it,

next anyone knows the girl has the hockey stick stuck up her wanny. girl gets carried to school infirmary with hockey stick stuck in her. girl goes to hospital to get hockey stick removed from wanny

ow...

 

[Hashmonster]

excellent story gumbo

 

[Trem]

top story gumbo, very heroic m8, and do u have the girls address furof?

 

[Trem]

There was true story in FHM a while back, it was about a rugby player who dislocated his pelvis, in the process of popping it back in place they*clench*got his testicle lodged between the pelvis bones, so they had 2 dislocate his pelvis again and remove his now crushed nad.



On a side note, during experimentation telling this story, most males felt the twinge in their left plumb(me 2)uke:

 

[caLLous]

haha i read that, and yes... although i didn't think of it at the time, it was definitely the left veg that felt the pain

 

[Nighty-]

Got on my bike, rode out the house, turned round to wave to my mate, caught my arm in the handlebars, they twisted, i fell off and snapped my arm! Wicked

 

[Trem]

Wicked?u da tuff man nighty

 

[bodhi]

Me dad tore his hamstring in 4 places playing hockey when he was 50. He played the rest of the game without knowing what he had done, then proceeded to collapse in agony. 5 days later, I broke two toes.

 

[Trem]

Nice bodhi, me m8 played a 2nd half of rugby with what was later found to be a broken neck!on another note which of golden nuggets did u get a twinge in when reading the FHM story above m8?