Why do people get married?

[russell]

Never say never tbh. How do you know your feelings won't reverse themselves in the future? I don't plan on getting married, but I don't plan on NOT getting married.

So true.
I actively hated kids in my early 20's and NEVER wanted them.
Now I have 3

 

[Lamp]

Whats wrong with marriage ? These two look happy enough:

 

[Amanita]

Because i know?

So I take it you've checked out your future then?

Edit:

Woah, that girl's teeth! They're taking over her face Oo

 

[old.Tohtori]

So I take it you've checked out your future then?

Regarding things i want, want to do, and such, yes, i know exactly.

Something like "do i want to get married?" doesn't change after a certain age, much like "do you want drugs?". For me atleast.

 

[Amanita]

But can you not accept the possibility that your goals may change depending on the circumstances at the time?

 

[old.Tohtori]

But can you not accept the possibility that your goals may change depending on current circumstances?

Without major and unforseen events? No. I have my goals, or there need not off, and they won't change. Why should they?

Can you accept that someone knows exactly what they want?

 

[Lamp]

Marriage is a personal choice. Like having kids. Or being religious. Or smoking dope. We each make our choices. I'm happily married. If Toto doesn't want to get married his choice and you can't have a go at him if thats what he wants !!

Fate is a game of cards where you make the rules up as you go along.

 

[Amanita]

Well, major and unforseen events is what I had in mind when I typed "circumstances at the time".

Yes I believe you have plans and that marriage certainly ain't in 'em, however I know from personal experience that plans and wants change over time; through gained experiences.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well, major and unforseen events is what I had in mind when I typed "circumstances at the time".

Yes I believe you have plans and that marriage certainly ain't in 'em, however I know from personal experience that plans and wants change over time; through gained experiences.

By major i mean MAJOR and those events will surely not effect me getting married. Don't think the third word war would make me go "hmm, now i want married".

I know, for a 100% fact, that i'm not getting married. I'll live my life with someone, love them, not get kids and adopt instead and essentially be everything that married couples are, but i'm not getting married.

 

[Amanita]

By major i mean MAJOR and those events will surely not effect me getting married. Don't think the third word war would make me go "hmm, now i want married".

I know, for a 100% fact, that i'm not getting married. I'll live my life with someone, love them, not get kids and adopt instead and essentially be everything that married couples are, but i'm not getting married.

I think thats interesting. What made you so dead set against marriage?

 

[old.Tohtori]

I think thats interesting. What made you so dead set against marriage?

The thread kinda gives a clue. I don't see a point in it, other then the financial. And seeing as it's only that, i don't want to bring finance into love.

 

[Amanita]

The thread kinda gives a clue. I don't see a point in it, other then the financial. And seeing as it's only that, i don't want to bring finance into love.

Rather wish it was a more specific and interesting reason.

 

[Ctuchik]

Regarding things i want, want to do, and such, yes, i know exactly.

Something like "do i want to get married?" doesn't change after a certain age, much like "do you want drugs?". For me atleast.

I'll ask you again the day you're about to die. THEN you will know

until then all you can say is "right NOW i don't want to get married"

 

[Ctuchik]

Rather wish it was a more specific and interesting reason.

there are but he doesn't want to see them.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Rather wish it was a more specific and interesting reason.

It's that simple *shrugs* What can i say.

I'll ask you again the day you're about to die. THEN you will know

until then all you can say is "right NOW i don't want to get married"

No, i KNOW i don't....why is it so hard to wrap around your brain that someone knows what they want and will want.

there are but he doesn't want to see them.

Wrong. I've stated many times that i get why people do it, they just aren't reasons for me.

 

[Ezteq]

i dont know why people get married.

tbh im perfectly happy being engaged to him and wearing a symbol of our relationship on my finger, it makes me smile whenever i see it and when he's away at his parents or something i don't feel so lonely...i know its just a bit of jewellry but it means so much more (we chose it in amsterdam on the last day or a great holiday and laughed so much when he actually gave it to me he did a gag proposal, its just got nice memories).

im an athiest so dont care about the religious bonding but he's catholic so he does, i care that someone loves me enough to actually want to spend the rest of his life with me and that i love him enough that the thought of that doesnt make me turn green and run screaming and puking in to the nearest bolt hole.

i dont care if people think im just doing it for the "dream wedding" (which im not tbh when i was a kid the only example of married life i saw was a violent drunken mess so being married for me looked the same as being executed) or anything like that, i dont think its actually something you can understand unless you love someone enough to feel it for yourself.

its liek when women show you a miniture version of winston churchill but more scwooshed up looking a bit like a used tea bag and screaming from one end and crapping from the other and say "Oh its marvelous, you simply must do it!" i personally can not fathom that at all, in no way does it make sense to me.

 

[Calaen]

The chances of Toh meeting Mrs right that does not want to get married but wants kids is kinda slim. So while he is saying he is never getting married he can never truly say it until he has met someone who he actually loves.

As for Ezteq's post, its spot on. People who have never met someone that they love and feel safe with, will never get why certain people choose to get married, there comments should be taken with a pinch of salt also.

 

[old.Tohtori]

The chances of Toh meeting Mrs right that does not want to get married but wants kids is kinda slim. So while he is saying he is never getting married he can never truly say it until he has met someone who he actually loves.

As for Ezteq's post, its spot on. People who have never met someone that they love and feel safe with, will never get why certain people choose to get married, there comments should be taken with a pinch of salt also.

Yeah 'cause i've never met anyone who i don't truly love. Care to guess more?

Rude, but deserved.

I didn't say i want a woman who wants kids, on the contrary, i want a woman who A: doesn't want to get married and B: wants to adopt instead of bringing more kids to this globe. Plenty of kids in need of home out there.

It just seems to me, that you can't grasp the concept that someone knows exactly what they want.

I'd just like to know why it's so hard for you to accept what i know i want.

 

[Aoami]

Tohtori.

What if you meet you a woman, you fall in love, you're dating for 5 years. She says 'we need to get married or i'm leaving'. What then?

 

[Chronictank]

Y
I'd just like to know why it's so hard for you to accept what i know i want.

Correct me if i am wrong, but aren't you doing exactly the same thing by not accepting their pov?
You dont want to get married (for no real plausible reason in their eyes) the same way they want to get married (for no real plausible reason in your eyes)

Tbh the thread reads like you are trying to justify your lifestyle choice over theirs based on personal opinion, i may be wrong but thats how i understood it

You wanted a logical reason not to, but disregard any real logic in the debate but rather put more weight on personal opinion, feelings and cultural arguments which are just lifestyle choices

If you want to strip away all cultural, religions, personal etc... opinion it comes down to coporeal benefits which is the only consistent measure in this case
In which case it is completely illogical not to get married as you dont get the legal and financial benefits of doing so

 

[old.Tohtori]

Tohtori.

What if you meet you a woman, you fall in love, you're dating for 5 years. She says 'we need to get married or i'm leaving'. What then?

If someone is with me for 5 years, they know i don't and that issue would have broken things up long before.

Correct me if i am wrong, but aren't you doing exactly the same thing by not accepting their pov?
You dont want to get married (for no real plausible reason in their eyes) the same way they want to get married (for no real plausible reason in your eyes)

No i get their POV, i get why people want to get married, i've said it on the thread, i know the basic reasons and this thread has given me mroe reasons too as i asked, what i'm fighting with Calaen is that he doesn't seem to accept that i won't change my mind about marriage.

And i don't disregard the logical reasons, i've stated that before too, financial is a reason i get.

And ofcourse i'm defending MY life choice, but not over theirs. I'm defending it from people saying i'll change my mind or some such, because i know i won't.

 

[Aoami]

If someone is with me for 5 years, they know i don't and that issue would have broken things up long before.

Ah, but you've said your mind won't change, but other peoples might.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Ah, but you've said your mind won't change, but other peoples might.

True enough, and yes, then it would be a problem.

Rude to say perhaps, but i'm selfish enough not to change for others, especially on major things like that.

 

[Calaen]

No what I am saying is that you can never say never.

You can spout out righteous bullshit all night long, but until you have experienced real love and they decide they want a commitment more than you telling them they are special you cannot say what your response will be.

Stop trying to tell the whole world that a decision you made when you were 14 cause Jenny* dumped you, means that it is not possible for your mind to grow accustomed to a potential change if you meet the so called woman of your dreams.

Do not worry though I am sure you'll live out the rest of your days in your own little world, without love, children, a partner and quite possibly a job. Just remember you'll always have FH..

*Toh may not have been dumped by Jenny.

 

[Amanita]

Thats a little harsh Calaen. Why don't we all just silently smile and wish that we could see what Toh's life is like in ten years? Thats the route I took. Admittedly less flashy and satisfying that a degoratory rant but fun in its own way.

And yes, I do the same when my friends or sisters go "I'm never having kids ever"...

 

[Chronictank]

He didnt say he was never going to have kids, he said he was going to adopt

He also didn't say he wasn't going to have a partner, he said he would find someone who thought like him (quite rightly), whether such a person exists or not is a mute point as you cant categorically prove that they don't

Why not just respect his decision? after all its his to make for better or for worse the same way you have made yours

 

[old.Tohtori]

He didnt say he was never going to have kids, he said he was going to adopt

He also didn't say he wasn't going to have a partner, he said he would find someone who thought like him (quite rightly), whether such a person exists or not is a mute point as you cant categorically prove that they don't

Why not just respect his decision? after all its his to make for better or for worse the same way you have made yours

Thanks, and this Chronic, is why i don't understand why Calaen is so hellbent on saying my mind will change or that i'm a loser, will live alone, never have loved, was dumped made decicion at 14(and other assorted bull) just because i say i know i won't get married.

Because Calaen, if i said i'll never take drugs, you'd accept it right? And what's righteous in saying "I'm not gonna get married."

You went way over the line with that by the way. Or is there some point i missed in Calaens posts? Does he think i'm saying "noone should get married!" or something?

 

[Ezteq]

It just seems to me, that you can't grasp the concept that someone knows exactly what they want.

I'd just like to know why it's so hard for you to accept what i know i want.

i get this all the time when i say i dont want kids, people are really surprised (because i like them and for some reason they seem to like me) people think that i must want them, when in all honesty i'd rather have the plague (groin ulcers and all!).

they say things like
- your just scared (damn friggin right i am!)
- you'll change your mind (damn frigging straight i wont!)
- your young, youll feel differently when your older (want anal sex with a procupine?... youll change your mind)

they can't seem to comprehend that i really really do not want and will never have (or at least never happily have) children, if i did get up the spout and there was nothing i could do about it i think i'd probably have it then run away (see? i'd be a terrible mother!) im far too selfish and i enjoy being selfish, i enjoy being a kid i dont want to have to be the grown up....but they still get that smug knowing look on their face (seen briget jones? the dinner party scene is spot on) and say "ahhh you wait"


wait for what???? them to develop a way you could make kids from a packet mix and not have to destroy your body shoving them out, and then freeze dry them till they were old enough to be self reliant and not want anything from me then maybe i'd consider it.


nope, just acept, diferent people want different things, some people know theyre gay some people know theyre not destined to have kids and some people know they dont want to get married.


i just hope the girl of your dreams feels the same way (but then if she didnt, would she still be the right dame for you?)

 

[Huntingtons]

its just, never say never - even if you're 100% completly and unchangable sure.

oh yeah toh - what is it that makes you not want to get married?

 

[old.Tohtori]

its just, never say never - even if you're 100% completly and unchangable sure.

oh yeah toh - what is it that makes you not want to get married?

I do say never about these things as the only thing changing them would be me, which would mean changing who i am.

I've never seen a point in marriage, as i said earlier, without the financial, and i don't consider "financial" to have any business in two people loving eachother. I can manage without the financial, there's ways around it and as such, marriage has no point in my life. It's hard to explain, also said it earlier.

I have nothing against marriage, don't get me wrong.

Much like kids, i don't need to have "my blood" in someone, if i want a kid, i'd very much 100% rather adopt someone and give them the home they need. Some say it's silly, some say "but it's not your kid!", i don't find bloodline to be the most important thing there. For me.