Ways to turn men down

[eggy]

I'm pretty sure spiking a drink costs less than that

You're not even old enough to drink yet Oo

PS: I have a question: You live in Thanet? Planet Thanet?! I feel truly sorry for you. Is it Ramsgate?

Edit: removed other question, read it again and it sounded really bad

 

[TheBinarySurfer]

Gotta say that anyone who doesn't keep their assets seperate is slightly crazy. Something goes wrong you can lose everything. I care about and trust my partner a LOT but theres no way i'd give her access to my savings and bank account, and v.v from her to me im sure. Seen this happen in three sets of close friends who've gone through messy breakups/divorce etc - once the bad times hit people will generally take whatever they can grab.

Take my ex for example - we did a joint account for 2 years, she cleaned it out less than 5 days after we broke up. Thankfully i'd pre-empted the breakup and moved most of my floating money to another account that was in my name only. But still coudl have been nasty...

A little bit of common sense and enough of a memory to remember who's turn it is to buy drinks/film/meal out is all it requires. As someone just pointed out seperate finances also mean its easier to help out one partner in times of trouble.

Besides the lucky cow will be outearning me in 5 years time given the career she's in

Still i'd have no problem being a DAoC, errr i mean househusband... I work to live, not live to work.

Surest way to make a man walk away from you in terms of chatup lines:

Get the bloke to lean in close and then say "i fuck on the first night ". When he says "lets go then" you say, "sorry i think you've gotten the wrong idea - when i say i fuck on the first night it means I fuck YOU with a strap on." I garuntee you that guy will be gone before you finish your next drink.

Friend of mine used it about 2 years ago on a really obnoxious prick in a Rock/Goth/Punk bar we used to go to a lot. Funny as fuck watching a 6ft 200lb guy in leather with enough metal in his face for BA Baracus to build a tank to get the A-team out of yet another impossible situation, pretend to get a phone call that meant he urgently had to leave.

 

[eggy]

A little bit of common sense and enough of a memory to remember who's turn it is to buy drinks/film/meal out is all it requires. As someone just pointed out seperate finances also mean its easier to help out one partner in times of trouble.

If you've trained them well, they should be offering to pay for you before you even get your wallet out.

If not, you're (generic, not aimed at anyone) a poor excuse of a male and deserve to be robbed blind by the old bat!

 

[Spis]

If you've trained them well, they should be offering to pay for you before you even get your wallet out.

eggy for president!

 

[Naetha]

Gotta say that anyone who doesn't keep their asses seperate is slightly crazy. Something goes wrong you can lose everything. I care about and trust my partner a LOT but theres no way i'd give her access to my savings and bank account, and v.v from her to me im sure. Seen this happen in three sets of close friends who've gone through messy breakups/divorce etc - once the bad times hit people will generally take whatever they can grab.

Take my ex for example - we did a joint account for 2 years, she cleaned it out less than 5 days after we broke up. Thankfully i'd pre-empted the breakup and moved most of my floating money to another account that was in my name only. But still coudl have been nasty...

A little bit of common sense and enough of a memory to remember who's turn it is to buy drinks/film/meal out is all it requires. As someone just pointed out seperate finances also mean its easier to help out one partner in times of trouble.

Besides the lucky cow will be outearning me in 5 years time given the career she's in

Still i'd have no problem being a DAoC, errr i mean househusband...

Word.

I guess people only really do these things if they've seen bad things happen to themselves or freinds/family in the past, otherwise people tend to be a bit....not naiive, but blinkered to what people can be like in a bad patch.

I mean, me and my fella are married, so its not like he could run off with all the cash anyway (or me for that matter) but its a second resource for getting loans (I have a far better credit rating than he does - doesn't help that he has the same name as his dad though) and its useful for switching cash between accounts in times of hardship.

 

[Bugz]

You're not even old enough to drink yet Oo

PS: I have a question: You live in Thanet? Planet Thanet?! I feel truly sorry for you. Is it Ramsgate?

Edit: removed other question, read it again and it sounded really bad

I live in Birchington.

And yes, you should feel sorry for me, not that Canterbury is any better!

 

[eggy]

I live in Birchington.

And yes, you should feel sorry for me, not that Canterbury is any better!

Canterbury is a lovely Cathedral city, 70 pubs and loads of nice restaurants. I love it...plus if you stay away from the Sturry end (which is a different town) there aren't too many chavs.

I visited planet Thanet once and will never, ever, ever, go again. I'm surprised such a well-spoken and above-your-years chap like you lives there. Do your parents own the whole place or something?

 

[Cadiva]

Ding Ding! Round two!

I think once people stop trying to conform to the social stereotypes of man must make first move, man must buy drink, woman must sit and look pretty etc etc people will start getting on a lot more, and have a lot fewer meaningless relationships. Obviously this has to be true on both sides, or it all goes tits up

Oops, there I go with the boobies again - lets get this back on topic!

Edit for those that are interested, I met my husband over the t'internet, when we met up, he bought the first round, I bought the second etc. Nowadays, he cooks, I wash up (due to personal aptitude in each sector) and we both tidy up

At the end of the day, that bollocks about men being from mars and women from venus etc is all a load of crap - everyone's human, just treat them like they have a personality. If they don't respond to that, they're not worth bothering with.

Amen to that and ditto pretty much. I cook, he washes up, occasionally the roles are reversed when I've had a shit day.
We both tidy up when we can be arsed and we both do the shopping. We take turns to pay when we go out and we're both capable of buying the drinks.

Anyone who thinks in today's day and age that there are still male roles and female roles is daft.

 

[elisera]

I suppose it helps in our situation that we both have pretty equal credit ratings/history and we both also work for the same bank so budgeting is easy!

Any loans we have had are always in sole names (except the mortgage ofc) so even in the event of a default from one of us that wouldn't effect the other.

And as for the blinkered view of assuming he wouldn't run off with all the money if we split up I honestly think if you live your life thinking like that you may as well lock all your belongings in a different room of the house every day as you leave as well in case they destroy it all before they go too... You have to trust people eventually...

 

[TheBinarySurfer]

Amen to that and ditto pretty much. I cook, he washes up, occasionally the roles are reversed when I've had a shit day.
We both tidy up when we can be arsed and we both do the shopping. We take turns to pay when we go out and we're both capable of buying the drinks.

Anyone who thinks in today's day and age that there are still male roles and female roles is daft.

Agreed, traditional roles are pretty much gone - the best relationships ive been in and the most successful ones ive watched people be in are the ones where people flow and adapt to the other person without being ruled by them. Nuff said

Bah more work inc...

 

[eggy]

Anyone who thinks in today's day and age that there are still male roles and female roles is daft.

I wouldn't go out with a new girl to a fancy restaurant, rack up an £87 bill and expect her to pay. No, this isn't because of inlaid social stereotypes, this isn't because I feel males are the breadwinners...no, this is because I want to, as our friend Borat would say, "put my hrahm inside her vagine and make the romance inside of her".

Eightyseven pounds...eightyseven pounds...just remember that golden rule.

In terms of relationships I agree, the roles have pretty much dissolved and that's a good thing on the whole.

 

[TheBinarySurfer]

You have to trust people eventually...

Theres trust and then theres compromising yourself. Look after yourself and your assets as well as your partners...Fs roll on 1800 today - fed up and have LARP kit waiting for me at home to drool over!

 

[TheBinarySurfer]

Eightyseven pounds...eightyseven pounds...just remember that golden rule.

Last past of the day for me probably (lol) - as i keep saying to my friends:

"Have you ever paid for sex?"
Most of them answer "No" To those people i say
"Have you ever bought a girl a drink/meal/cinema/whatever and then slept with her for the first time afterwards"
Most of them answer "Yes" then i say pedantically,
"Then you've paid for sex"
Bah must stop posting in this thread, but too amusing!

 

[elisera]

Theres trust and then theres compromising yourself. Look after yourself and your assets as well as your partners...

I assume you would also not want a joint mortgage?

How do you see a joint account as compromising yourself any more than letting someone have access to the same house/all your belongings?

(BTW I am not being argumentative I am genuinely trying to understand the other side of things? )

 

[eggy]

I assume you would also not want a joint mortgage?

How do you see a joint account as compromising yourself any more than letting someone have access to the same house/all your belongings?

(BTW I am not being argumentative I am genuinely trying to understand the other side of things? )

Joint accounts don't simply allow your partner access to your money and vice versa. This is one side of the coin.

The other side is that your partner will be able to freely see that you spent £296.98 last week on bottles of Peter Lehman and your "incidental expenses" from a trip to Spearmint Rhino totted up to £177.22.

 

[elisera]

Joint accounts don't simply allow your partner access to your money and vice versa. This is one side of the coin.

The other side is that your partner will be able to freely see that you spent £296.98 last week on bottles of Peter Lehman and your "incidental expenses" from a trip to Spearmint Rhino totted up to £177.22.

But thats part of my point, why would you not want your partner to know what you spend your money on? If you don't then tbh you have more problems than just your finances...

 

[Cadiva]

I wouldn't go out with a new girl to a fancy restaurant, rack up an £87 bill and expect her to pay. .

Emphasised the pertinent bit

No, exactly that. On a date on which you've asked a girl out to dinner you would be expected to pay.
However, I would also expect her to offer to pay half and be graciously declined because you invited her out.
I would also expect her to either pay for or offer to pay for the drinks if you meet up for a drink before eating.

Men don't have to pay for everything is my point.

 

[eggy]

But thats part of my point, why would you not want your partner to know what you spend your money on? If you don't then tbh you have more problems than just your finances...

Because some people, even those who are married, like to have their own "lives" aside from that of their partners. Note: this wasn't a flame or directed at you, didn't mean it to sound harsh.

i.e. sometimes you might want to go out with the blokes, waste £200 on curry, wine, beer and nightlcubs. Obviously their wife may not be too happy about this ("£200 could be better spent on improving our home")...yada yada...it's better for her that she simply doesn't know the quantity of cash involved

 

[TheBinarySurfer]

I assume you would also not want a joint mortgage?

How do you see a joint account as compromising yourself any more than letting someone have access to the same house/all your belongings?

(BTW I am not being argumentative I am genuinely trying to understand the other side of things? )

Its ok i have a strange outlook on life mostly bred from a very different mix of experiences.

Belongings and house are non-essential - you can rent a property / room, or buy food to eat and as long as you have money. Money is essential in the modern society where we rely on supermarkets for food. As much as I love my place and most of my property, I can replace them by working more - someone emptying every penny out of my accounts creates more problems then someone running away with my TV/CD collection etc.

Edit: This view comes from having been pertty much property-less and homeless pre-university for a short time - nothing like that for stripping most of your ideas about "essentials" away

I trust people on this basis : "Should it all go tits up and this person strip me of everything they have access to, can i still eat and live with a roof over my head in some form for a while until i can get back on my feet". Long as the answer to this is yes, im happy

For lack of a better phrase - i "make sure im prepared for the worst, and hope for/expect the best".

 

[Bugz]

Canterbury is a lovely Cathedral city, 70 pubs and loads of nice restaurants. I love it...plus if you stay away from the Sturry end (which is a different town) there aren't too many chavs.

I visited planet Thanet once and will never, ever, ever, go again. I'm surprised such a well-spoken and above-your-years chap like you lives there. Do your parents own the whole place or something?

Well, I originally come from East London on a rough estate. Parents wanted to bring me up somewhere 'better' so they came to Thanet. It's not that bad here, mostly just full of wannabe-gangster teenagers and a hell of a lot of estates. But your right with the never ever coming back to Thanet comment. Once I'm done with school at Chatham House (staying there for sixth form so 3 years :x) I'm getting the fuck out!

Why do you call it Planet Thanet btw?

 

[Cadiva]

Because some people, even those who are married, like to have their own "lives" aside from that of their partners. Note: this wasn't a flame or directed at you, didn't mean it to sound harsh.

i.e. sometimes you might want to go out with the blokes, waste £200 on curry, wine, beer and nightlcubs. Obviously their wife may not be too happy about this ("£200 could be better spent on improving our home")...yada yada...it's better for her that she simply doesn't know the quantity of cash involved

But isn't that the point Elisera is making? That if your (generic your) wife would go ape that you've 'incorrectly' spent £200 then something is wrong?

My other half has a reasonable amount of dosh and if he choses to spend £150 on the boxed set of Babylon 5 well, it's his cash and he's entitled to spend it how he likes.
He hasn't spent an £150 that was being put aside for the electricity bill etc, so why should it matter?

If a partner is tipping into the cash that's been set aside for bills then that's a different kettle of fish altogether and you've got problems in the relationship imho.
If a partner is spending their own disposable income how they want to, then I don't see how it's an issue if the other person knows how much it was or not.

 

[eggy]

Well, I originally come from East London on a rough estate. Parents wanted to bring me up somewhere 'better' so they came to Thanet. It's not that bad here, mostly just full of wannabe-gangster teenagers and a hell of a lot of estates. But your right with the never ever coming back to Thanet comment. Once I'm done with school at Chatham House (staying there for sixth form so 3 years :x) I'm getting the fuck out!

Why do you call it Planet Thanet btw?

It's a well known name for the place; so many chavs concentrated on their own little island, it's almost like a new world seperated from the rest of the more socially adept members of society.

Tell your parents to move you the f*ck out of there!

 

[eggy]

But isn't that the point Elisera is making? That if your (generic your) wife would go ape that you've 'incorrectly' spent £200 then something is wrong?

My other half has a reasonable amount of dosh and if he choses to spend £150 on the boxed set of Babylon 5 well, it's his cash and he's entitled to spend it how he likes.
He hasn't spent an £150 that was being put aside for the electricity bill etc, so why should it matter?

If a partner is tipping into the cash that's been set aside for bills then that's a different kettle of fish altogether and you've got problems in the relationship imho.
If a partner is spending their own disposable income how they want to, then I don't see how it's an issue if the other person knows how much it was or not.

I agree...but you have to admit, a large proportion of women don't see things as logically as your fine self.

Personally, I believe people can spend their own money on whatever they please (after the bills have been paid), but a large proportion of women would disagree, thus moaning and whining to high heaven.

 

[elisera]

Because some people, even those who are married, like to have their own "lives" aside from that of their partners. Note: this wasn't a flame or directed at you, didn't mean it to sound harsh.

i.e. sometimes you might want to go out with the blokes, waste £200 on curry, wine, beer and nightlcubs. Obviously their wife may not be too happy about this ("£200 could be better spent on improving our home")...yada yada...it's better for her that she simply doesn't know the quantity of cash involved

Why not agree to have a certain amount of "free" money each month each.. Or why not put so much away each month into a savings account of your own which you can then blow as you see fit..?

Its ok i have a strange outlook on life mostly bred from a very different mix of experiences.

Belongings and house are non-essential - you can rent a property / room, or buy food to eat and as long as you have money. Money is essential in the modern society where we rely on supermarkets for food. As much as I love my place and most of my property, I can replace them by working more - someone emptying every penny out of my accounts creates more problems then someone running away with my TV/CD collection etc.

Edit: This view comes from having been pertty much property-less and homeless pre-university for a short time - nothing like that for stripping most of your ideas about "essentials" away

What about the mortgage? Single name or joint?

 

[Bugz]

It's a well known name for the place; so many chavs concentrated on their own little island, it's almost like a new world seperated from the rest of the more socially adept members of society.

Tell your parents to move you the f*ck out of there!

My parents are full of lost promises.

First it was moving to Yorkshire and then perhaps moving to New Zealand (GIVF NEW ZEALAND) but it always never happens...

 

[elisera]

I agree...but you have to admit, a large proportion of women don't see things as logically as your fine self.

Personally, I believe people can spend their own money on whatever they please (after the bills have been paid), but a large proportion of women would disagree, thus moaning and whining to high heaven.

I would agree alot of women would not like you to spend the money which has been AGREED to be spent on other things (essential bills or other things)

But I find it very hard to believe that (as long as you are earning the money and not dossing about spending her money) that alot of women would complain about you spending money on something you want if the cash is "spare"..

Again I would say that if they are then there are more issues in your realtionship than your cashflows..

 

[eggy]

Why not agree to have a certain amount of "free" money each month each.. Or why not put so much away each month into a savings account of your own which you can then blow as you see fit..?

Sure, that's feasible...not my cup of tea but fair play. Personally I wouldn't set up a joint account with anyone other than at the point where I'm happy to be fully settled down in a marriage and ready to start a family.

Just imo.

 

[eggy]

But I find it very hard to believe that (as long as you are earning the money and not dossing about spending her money) that alot of women would complain about you spending money on something you want if the cash is "spare"..

Many of my friends are married, and out of all of them I can't think of one who's wife doesn't moan at them for spending large amounts of their own cash (after bills etc) going out on the razzle with their mates at the weekend.

I wouldn't call that a problem with a relationship, they're all very happy and in love, I just think it's a general feature of women to be inquisitive/cautious over their partners' spending habits.

Don't forget, I'm not really talking about "objects" here...I'm talking about spending money on something which, effectively, amounts to nothing! Then again, the friends' wives in question are all pretty sheltered and never the night-life types.

 

[TheBinarySurfer]

Why not agree to have a certain amount of "free" money each month each.. Or why not put so much away each month into a savings account of your own which you can then blow as you see fit..?



What about the mortgage? Single name or joint?

Joint, and enter into a Written agreement about the amount of funds you are both putting into it on a monthly basis OUTSIDE of the mortgage agreement.

I'm aware that some girls would take that as an insult, however people need to understand that if you have certain underlying principles that you live your life by, its not a personal thing - those rules would apply to anybody, not just them.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I've noticed that men/women who make less money/stay at home prefer a joint account and those men/women who are "equal" in bringing in the money don't care for it that much.

I wonder why