They Shoot Horses Don't They?

[Edmond]

I have bitten the bullet and spoken to the hospital. I am down as Next of Kin! He's just down as a person to be called in emergency. They don't seem to know why she was 1.taken off the drip 2. put back on it! I'll bet she was off it because no one thought to write up a new one. But they should have told us, they knew we'd said goodbye. They don't get in touch unless she deteriorates.... so I've asked them to make a note that i do not want anything proactive done. she must have so much brain damage and they are not prepared to operate. he just wants to continue her life at all costs. Be different if she was young. i am assured they just do what is best for the patient.... I think that is all I can do.

You've done the right thing, its not easy but she has no quality of life, its pointless prolonging it

 

[Scouse]

What did he say when you spoke to him about your decision @sayward?

 

[sayward]

What did he say when you spoke to him about your decision @sayward?

Haven't spoken to him. In the e mail he sent today you'd think he was talking about a different patient. Once I am 100% we shall have to get there and have a meeting with someone senior.

He just loves being the centre of attention. She always hated the fact he flirted with everyone and being surrounded by nurses will be his dream. He thinks he is God's gift to creation. The longer she manages to hang on the longer he is the centre of the universe. He's in his early 70's so a different generation from her.

 

[Scouse]

I might sound interfering @sayward - but even if you don't like him, and that it's your mum, it's still his partner of many years y'know...

 

[sayward]

I might sound interfering @sayward - but even if you don't like him, and that it's your mum, it's still his partner of many years y'know...

I do so agree. but there's a lot of history here. 'Partner' is a loose term, they have their own houses in the same village, and if she hadn't been so incapacitated, mainly his fault, she would have left him years ago.

 

[sayward]

Having driven over 800 miles this weekend actually saw my mother. She is 'clinically improving'.
To cut a long story short she had absolutely no idea who I was.

 

[~Yuckfou~]

I hope for you this situation ends as well as it can, have a freddyhug

 

[Moriath]

I hope for you this situation ends as well as it can, have a freddyhug

Shes a tall girl. Its my task to give her a freddy hug.

 

[sayward]

The hospital has decided she is 'bed blocking' and needs to move into a care home with 24hr care.

For all those of you worrying about what you eat and drink; she has never smoked; she has never drunk apart from a very odd glass; she stopped taking HRT when all the stupid scaremongering was going on( so her health went down hill from there, bad leg break because her bones deteriorated so much); she stopped sitting in the sun because of a few solar keratoses. And for what? For this. What a bloody waste of a life.

 

[Moriath]

The hospital has decided she is 'bed blocking' and needs to move into a care home with 24hr care.

For all those of you worrying about what you eat and drink; she has never smoked; she has never drunk apart from a very odd glass; she stopped taking HRT when all the stupid scaremongering was going on( so her health went down hill from there, bad leg break because her bones deteriorated so much); she stopped sitting in the sun because of a few solar keratoses. And for what? For this. What a bloody waste of a life.

Do what you like and makes you happy and stop preaching your life style on everyone else. We all end up the same way and a large portion of cancer is just being unlucky.

 

[sayward]

I've had 4 phone calls from the hospital in 4 days after nothing for 6 weeks. This is 1. because they now want to get her out or 2 because they've had a bollocking because of my lengthy complaint or 3 coincidence?

 

[Moriath]

1 i guess. Though dont take her if she has no where to go. Its their problem

 

[sayward]

1 i guess. Though dont take her if she has no where to go. Its their problem

Not an option, she needs 24hr care and should be covered by something called nhs continuity of care.
Anyway I said when we got married that none of the parents were ever going to live with us whatever the circumstances. ( nearly had it written into the wedding vows)

 

[caLLous]

That's an excellent idea for a wedding vow tbh. We had a bungalow on the property when I was growing up and we took my gran in for her last few years. That was nice, except for her other children (my uncles) turning up after she had died to see if there was anything of value to take.

 

[sayward]

This madman has set up a Facebook account for her!! It has one of those awful head shapes instead of a photo. So now every time I log on I get her up as a possible friend!! Sick!

He's wrongly listed her work places and where she's from. And asked anyone who knew her to get in touch with him. He doesn't seem to realise she kept in touch with the people she wanted to and hated the rest. It's all so inappropriate. She would not want all and sundry seeing her like this!

 

[sayward]

Ps forgot to say she has not given Power of Attorney to anyone. Thoughtless selfish woman. So no one can do anything. He can't even sell her bloody car.

 

[Moriath]

Hope things get easier for you.

 

[sayward]

Shall update you all another time. My mother went into a care home before Christmas. she's already been back into hospital twice. Because she has no power of Attorney I am about to sign my life away and apply to become a 'deputy'. Has anyone ever done this?

 

[Moriath]

Not me. Good luck though

 

[Scouse]

Because she has no power of Attorney I am about to sign my life away and apply to become a 'deputy'. Has anyone ever done this?

Nope. I'm just going through the power of attourney thing with my mum now. Not a moment too soon it seems

 

[throdgrain]

Shall update you all another time. My mother went into a care home before Christmas. she's already been back into hospital twice. Because she has no power of Attorney I am about to sign my life away and apply to become a 'deputy'. Has anyone ever done this?

I am a deputy for my auntie, who has dementia. After months and months she is now safely in a lovely care home, I am in the process of selling the house and all is reasonably well. Chin up!

 

[sayward]

Thanx everyone. i downloaded all the forms but i don't think i can face it. 6 lots, about 10 pages each. £400 to be deputy for health, another £400 for finance deputy. Then if we have to go to court cos He would object another £500. If they granted it I'd have to make a big commitment and honestly I can do without more stress. just wish they'd appoint an independent solicitor. None of it would be for my benefit either. I've been to her bank today and they can't help so I can't stop him having access to her accounts, ridiculous.

 

[sayward]

The cretinous boyfriend sent big checques at Christmas to my children. Much more than my mother would've done. Made me suspicious that he has access to her account. I went into the bank and she had given him a '3rd Party Mandate' because of her physical state and all I could do is stop her debit card. Could not freeze her account. Since then he's sent a birthday checque and then a letter to say don't cash it because i can no longer reimburse myself because 'your mother' has blocked the account. Which I haven't, but he's obviously too stupid to get her money any other way than with her card. Fortunately since then I've discovered that if an account holder loses mental capacity it automatically revokes a 3rd party mandate!! Result.

 

[Tom]

I think you should see a solicitor who specialises in deaths, wills, this kind of thing. Get some proper legal advice.

 

[sayward]

Everyone I speak to says I should apply to be a deputy and then I'd have a legal position. But he would object. And I'm not prepared to spend all that money and time. We really need an independent solicitor to take over. But obv that won't happen unless we go to court.

 

[Edmond]

Everyone I speak to says I should apply to be a deputy and then I'd have a legal position. But he would object. And I'm not prepared to spend all that money and time. We really need an independent solicitor to take over. But obv that won't happen unless we go to court.

But surely you are next of kin?

 

[Tom]

Everyone I speak to says I should apply to be a deputy and then I'd have a legal position. But he would object. And I'm not prepared to spend all that money and time. We really need an independent solicitor to take over. But obv that won't happen unless we go to court.

Everyone you speak to probably doesn't know what they're on about. Go see a solicitor, you don't have to spend a load of money. Just get some proper legal advice and then at least you'll know where you are. Nobody but you needs to know about it.

 

[sayward]

But surely you are next of kin?

would you believe Next of Kin has no legal standing. I don't mean just anyone has said this. The GP and her bank manager has said this. Without her Power of Attorney which she can only give if she is mentally capable I would have to apply to the Court of protection to be her deputy. If you look at the post above this would not benefit me at all, would cost a lot and entail a lot of work and stress. I have done all I can without having a 'legal' position.

 

[sayward]

Went to see my mother at the weekend. Last I heard was they were getting her into a chair for an hour a day. OMG it was quite extraordinary. She was in a chair in the day room, she'd just had her hair permed and was in full make up and huge ear rings. Could've knocked me down with a feather. The trouble is altho she is feeding well and getting stronger her mental capacity is still not there. she's a bit like Dementia and Tourettes. The first afternoon she went on and on and on about this bloke, the 'boyfriend'. X is wonderful. i wouldn't be here without him etc etc. sounds good but if you listen long enough I reckon it's learned. He's indoctrinated her!

She named me and hub but she hasnt called me by my 'given' name since I started secondary school. and she thought we were her son and Daughter in law.

most of the time she was talking in phrases again and making no sense. asking odd questions and not answering anything we asked. Really really weird. At one point she asked who were we visiting? and where are you from? Obviously she didn't know who we were.

We are due up again Thursday as there is a meeting to assess her to see if she still needs 24hr care and therefore NHS funding.

Oh and the hospital answered my complaint and based their answer on the fact that he is recorded as next of kin at the hospital. Which would be ok but when we went and she was dying I checked 3 or 4 times to make sure I was down as next of kin. So someone is lying.

 

[Moriath]

Sad what dementia does. My granny had it. Was happy in her own little world most of the time tho.

Seems things are a bit more settled at least.

Oh and those sort of organisations alway fib to save their own backs when they think u cant prove it.