The bf material thread

[Nate]

I decided to make a dating profile.

Want to date an Olympic Champion?

Look no further. I am the worlds best Triangle(remember that musical instrument?) player and am still waiting for the day the IOC recognise it as the push-the-body-to-the-limit sport that it is, dinging at the right time is extremely difficult to master.

Hey, my name is Dave. I am currently seeking a coach to join me on my journey to becoming the first Olympic Athlete Triangle Player. Your duties will include(but not limited to) keeping me at my peak physical fitness with nightly cooked dinners, looking my best for the world to see(when I hit the right ding and the crowd goes crazy!) by doing my laundry and ensuring I don't over exert myself in training by opening doors for us(remember we're a team) and other back breaking actions. Romance will have to wait at least 4 years on my part as I will need to focus all of my body, mind and strength on achieving Gold, there are some tough opponents out there but together with the rhythmic beat we can overcome all obstacles.

I grew up in a harsh environment(South Essex), my parents rarely respected my talent and friends, teachers, neighbours and even strangers would often ridicule me for my incessant beating of the triangle. I was lost in a world of hate until one day I saw an old man sitting on the side of a road to nowhere beating an rhythm on an ancient wooden triangle, people would gather round and listen to the way he played such intricate melodies. They loved him, I wanted to one day be like him(except not old and wrinkly, just an awesome triangle player really). He noticed me with my triangle and for ten years he trained me to become a master of the art of playing the triangle. Times were great in those days, we would bring thousands to our side of the road and even travelled(I do quite a bit of bike riding) the world(I also like to travel, have been to NZ, HK, OZ, and many more!) together headlining festivals and also doing some pretty awesome recreational sports(open sea diving and snowboarding) promoting peace in the shape of a triangle. I gained a faithful companion(my little dog Noodle who is a Jug(Jack Russell cross Pug) and is fantastic!) who would travel with us everywhere, jealous of any attention I'd give to others(it's quite funny really). Until one day sadly the old man passed away, on his last breath he told me "show the world your strength, your rhythm, you are powerful now..you can make history..go to the Olympics".

Re-reading it, it looks fucking mental! YEAH!!!! Does anyone think I'll get replies with this? Lol


How could I improve this? Have any of you guys made one of these before? Post that boring and potentially embarrassing shit!

 

[Punishment]

I just post up an image of me smiling, apparently my female friends say i look a little Rapey and some chicks dig that vibe.

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

I remember posting once that I'm strictly same species only so no rabbits or lawyers.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I think it's perfect, should get you some replies for sure

 

[Nate]

So far, no messages. Where am I going wrong?! Should I put that they need to have small feet so they can get closer to the sink and enjoy washing my dishes knowing they are helping make history?

 

[- English -]

you never added you're emo

 

[Nate]

Fuuuu emoglish! <3

 

[Edmond]

I just post up an image of me smiling, apparently my female friends say i look a little Rapey and some chicks dig that vibe.

Its not 'Rapey', its called a struggle cuddle

 

[Scouse]

So far, no messages. Where am I going wrong?!

Unless there's something wrong with them (mahoosively ugly or more under-confident than their peers) then girls don't have a problem getting laid. If they're using dating sites they're prolly a little bit reticent in some way. Therefore if it's a genuine site (and not fuckmonkey.com or something) they probably don't want all-out funny, they want genuine and unselfconsciously charming.

You can be funny on the date - if you judge it right it's a dead-cert route into pants - but in yer ad you don't want to be all-out funny. They want to know you - not just how funny you can be.


Plus. You've obviously almost as riddled with it as Waz and are only using the dating site as a beard...

 

[old.Tohtori]

Actually some of the hotter girls do have trouble getting laid due to their looks intimidating a lot of men folk away.

 

[Nate]

Plus. You've obviously almost as riddled with it as Waz and are only using the dating site as a beard...

What does this bit mean Scouse? Can you Southernise(make it English) for me please

 

[gohan]

You have so much Aids from bumming menfolk and are using the dating site as a portable closet...... i think that was the gist of it xD

 

[Nate]

You have so much Aids from bumming menfolk and are using the dating site as a portable closet...... i think that was the gist of it xD

I see, so what he's saying is I should make it more lovey dubby and cv like?

Thank you for the translation btw! Google translate still doesn't do northern

 

[Scouse]

Google translate still doesn't do northern

Is "beard" northern?

 

[Nate]

Is "beard" northern?

Yes

 

[old.user4556]

Pussy costs money, dick is free.

 

[Yoni]

Nate, I tried to read that as someone looking for a new relationship and although I am eccentric and have a sense of humour I wouldn't respond to that kind of advert ;/. It was just too full on...I've never used a dating site but I think that women who do are looking for some romance and some kind of stability. Obviously sense of humour is really important but better for her to experience that face to face . Good luck with your search though and keep us all posted

 

[Scouse]

Agree with everything Yoni said there m8.

One thing tho - don't settle for something you're not happy with. A mate of mine did, though a dating site, and now has no life and on the (rare) occasions that I see him he's totally miserable. They've got to do some work to attract you too y'know.

And don't fall for a girl that plays games (i.e. makes you work hard for it) or gives off a feeling of self-entitlement. If it's all going well you should be working for each other...


/serious OFF

 

[DaGaffer]

Unless there's something wrong with them (mahoosively ugly or more under-confident than their peers) then girls don't have a problem getting laid. If they're using dating sites they're prolly a little bit reticent in some way. Therefore if it's a genuine site (and not fuckmonkey.com or something) they probably don't want all-out funny, they want genuine and unselfconsciously charming.

You can be funny on the date - if you judge it right it's a dead-cert route into pants - but in yer ad you don't want to be all-out funny. They want to know you - not just how funny you can be.


Plus. You've obviously almost as riddled with it as Waz and are only using the dating site as a beard...

Rubbish. Having discussed this extensively with a number of women (and I do mean a lot - I did the whole online dating thing for 3-4 years and went on loads of shags, awkward put encounters, dates), they like online dating sites because it gives them quality control. Paraphrasing; "You either meet blokes at work, and when it goes wrong its a nightmare, or you meet them in a pub or club, but the ones who are confident enough to chat you up sober usually turn out to be narcissistic arseholes, and the ones who do it drunk...usually means you are as well, which isn't a great basis for making relationship decisions".

Women love online dating, and be aware that not only are they vetting you, all their mates are part of the quality control process as well.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Best relationship choices are made drunk

 

[Yoni]

Best relationship choices are made drunk

Best relationship choices are made after much thought tbh .

 

[Scouse]

Interesting pov Gaff. To be fair, I've not done the online dating thing but I know a few blokes who have and as far as I can tell their experiences show that a lot of the women on online dating sites are high maintenance.

Women love online dating, and be aware that not only are they vetting you, all their mates are part of the quality control process as well.

I take this as fact.

However, maybe women who think they can really "quality control" based on what a man writes on an online dating profile, are fooling themselves a little. The only way to really assess someone is on a date. And genuine guys who use online dating may have awkward or off-putting profiles?

I hate to say this, but:

Best relationship choices are made drunk

has an element of truth to it - if a relationship starts with a drunken partner on a night out then at least you're obviously having a good time together already. Sober works too - if you meet someone in the natural course of events (maybe you joined a club and end up with a bird with similar interests etc).

Best relationship choices are made after much thought tbh .

I also agree with this 100%. But drunken hook-ups are a good start 'cause of the at-least-you're-having-a-laugh thing...

It's fucking hard work either way

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

Best relationship choices are made drunk

In amongst all the utterly-up-themselves posts, something that at least made me chuckle.

 

[Scouse]

utterly-up-themselves posts

Genuine honest attempts to help make you feel awkward Roo?

 

[Yoni]

I hate to say this, but:

has an element of truth to it - if a relationship starts with a drunken partner on a night out then at least you're obviously having a good time together already. Sober works too - if you meet someone in the natural course of events (maybe you joined a club and end up with a bird with similar interests etc).

It's fucking hard work either way

Disagree, whilst a drunken encounter maybe fun beer goggles are not great at differentiating a genuine interest from a complete dawg!

 

[Scouse]

Disagree, whilst a drunken encounter maybe fun beer goggles are not great at differentiating a genuine interest from a complete dawg!

That happens later on tho, surely?

There's got to be some initial *phwoar* doesn't there?

 

[DaGaffer]

Interesting pov Gaff. To be fair, I've not done the online dating thing but I know a few blokes who have and as far as I can tell their experiences show that a lot of the women on online dating sites are high maintenance.

Didn't find this at all. The odd lunatic certainly, and it pays to be honest about not wanting to see them anymore if it doesn't work out (after all, they have your contact details), but "high maintenance" wasn't something that loomed large in my experience.

However, maybe women who think they can really "quality control" based on what a man writes on an online dating profile, are fooling themselves a little. The only way to really assess someone is on a date. And genuine guys who use online dating may have awkward or off-putting profiles?

They're not quality controlling just on the profile, that would be stupid. Most of the time you'd be chatting for a good while before you met up for the first time. Now I know we can all express ourselves differently online to RL, but its better quality control than a drunken fumble in the pub car park.

*edit* forgot to say, most important thing is the photo. Even for women. And there's nothing more annoying than finding out their profile shot was 10 years and 30 pounds ago...

 

[Yoni]

That happens later on tho, surely?

There's got to be some initial *phwoar* doesn't there?

I am not sure that some people's beer goggles differentiate between phwoar and munter

 

[old.Tohtori]

To be honest, i think there's no such thing as a good start to a relationship. A relationship is measured by one thing and one thing alone; how much of the other you can stand. Or patience for short. That's why drunken hookups work so well, you don't give a honeybadgers.

 

[Olgaline]

Girls think, Men drink ?