The Best Dilemma of All - opinions please

[Xtro]

Morning.

Ok, I've known some of you lot for years. I even (shudder) trust some of you.

I'm going to have to make a choice between two, well sort of three, girls in my life as I don't want to fuck them about and I do want a proper full on relationship rather something casual.

Some of you know I was seeing my Tank Girl (tm) and she was living in France and things were good. Well we split at the end of April - she couldn't handle the distance (even though I met her in New York ffs!) and is a bit young and inexperienced in relationships anyway.

So, we split but she keeps texting and calling and writing etc etc. Then unexpectedly she moved to the UK! She's in Liverpool due to work. This has fucked my head up a bit but nevermind. Anyway we *were* going to meet this coming weekend but I'm not going to bother (See later).

To stop a rant - she still really likes me, I like her BUT she's totally confused and "I like you but I dont know what I want". I cant be doing with this, I'm 33 not 23 and I want to know that there's no bullshit in the relationship. She's got pissed off that I've been asked out by people since we split but erm HELLO if she doesn't want to do the relationship thing then what right has she got to be pissed off?

Anyway....

So we'll call her Tank Girl.

So I'm minding my own business in a club in Leeds and I run into some OLD friends I haven't seen for 10 years. One of them is our second girl - lets refer to her as OLD FRIEND bless her. Now I've known her since 1988 (jesus!). I used to go out with her friend. She said to me in the club that she had ALWAYS liked me (I knew her properly for 6 years and ended up engaged to her mate) and I was gobsmacked as I had always liked her. I told her and she didnt believe me heh. Anyway she's single and so am I - I tell her all about Tank Girl and she doesn't mind and for the last three weeks we have been seeing each other. Note that OLD FRIEND is the same age as me (well a year or two older). We have a LOT in common but a lot of catching up to do so it makes things fresh.

Now...OLD FRIEND is absolutely lovely. But I have nagging doubts about her. I travel - a lot. I love travel - a lot. She doesn't even have a passport. She's incredibly reluctant to leave the UK and I want to emigrate to Canada ffs. Tank Girl LOVES travel - hmm. OLD FRIEND is sweet beyond belief and its not just affection she is horneh too. But besides the travel thing, she lives in a small town (where I used to live) and it has smalltown attitudes and a shitload of bad memories for me. Its hard to get people there to change their ways and get out and about. She has her own house and has already mentioned that if things go ok I can move in. Now I would want her to move HERE, fuck living in Smalltown England again . Anyway I think I should move on...

to NEW GIRL (such great descriptions sorry).

NEW GIRL is fit. I mean *fit*, like wow, she's fit, like hmm god you are HOT. Etc. But thats not the be all and end all. She's 20, same age as Tank Girl. She's a student here but her folks live here too. I first met her (she's a friend of a friend) about Feb, when things were good with Tank Girl so I didnt really pay any interest apart from making a mental note of how nice she is heh. We chatted back then and I did fancy her but was a good boy. So last night I'm out with friends and she turns up. To cut it short - we end up talking all night and I walk her through town to the taxi rank. We hit it off big time and swap numbers then have a quick snog as you do. She tells me that she has been pestering my mate for my number for ages...eh????? She texts me last night and we talk on the phone for hours - result. Seeing her Tuesday. But then I think HELLO, you're meant to be seeing OLD FRIEND. Don't be a TWAT what the fuck is going on....

I'm deliberating all this and then I find out this morning (via a mate who I trust 100%) that TANK GIRL was out Saturday (knew this) and copped off with someone I half know. Fair enough, nothing to do with me but she's going to lie her head off when I ask her about it. I was supposed to meet her this weekend and we were going to talk about things and I was going to tell her about OLD FRIEND.

So summary:

1. Tank Girl - 20, we have already been seeing each other for hmm 10 months or so, split a month back, she cant "handle relationships yet but I love you so much". Tbh, I dont trust her 100% andn thats a bad thing.

2. Old Friend - 35, known her 16 years, no bullshit off her, REALLY likes me, I trust her totally but am worried she won't free her mind and travel, etc etc.

3. New Girl - 20, good laugh, fit, nice person, a totally new start really, no idea how it will turn out other than she is mega keen.

Ok thats a huge rant sorry.

Who would you pick and what would you do etc etc?

I was going to go to Manc and meet Tank Girl and I know we'd end up doing what you do, rather than me sort things out so I've knocked that on the head. Like I said I want to see someone properly and not be a twat.

Rant over, I'm off to work. TIA

 

[Athena]

ARGHH gimme 20 mins or so to get my head around this one

 

[Athena]

OK so far not A

 

[Wij]

I'd tell Tank Girl to fuck right off and then decide between the other two who best suits your lifestyle. If you think you can get a bit of lifestyle compromise between you and Old Friend then that is probably your best bet but if not you're just gimping yourself In that case try the new young bint out for size

 

[Doh_boy]

It looks as if #2 is the better option but you'll have to have a talk with her and tell her that you have wanderlust and whether she'd be happy to do that with you. She got a job she can/wouldn't mind leaving?


If I was going to choose it would prolly be 2,3,1 BUT I imagine you may get into the same problems as 1 with 3. But then you may not.

 

[pcg79]

cilla says b. else, c

 

[SoWat]

OLD FRIEND sounds a perfect match for you. The fact that she hasn't considered leaving the UK is something you would have to discuss, but most relationships are based on concensus rather than out and out agreement.

TANK GIRL sounds a little immature, but she is quite young so it's not unexpected.

NEW GIRL sounds great for a short term relationship, but there's quite an age difference; fine now, but maybe not so a few years on.

I guess it boils down to what you want yourself... a long term relationship or a fling. The fact that you can't decide yourself could be taken as a sign that you don't yet know what you want, and therefore you're the one not suitable for a serious relationship with any of these girls right now.

Good luck anyway

 

[Athena]

OLD FRIEND sounds a perfect match for you. The fact that she hasn't considered leaving the UK is something you would have to discuss, but most relationships are based on concensus rather than out and out agreement.

TANK GIRL sounds a little immature, but she is quite young so it's not unexpected.

NEW GIRL sounds great for a short term relationship, but there's quite an age difference; fine now, but maybe not so a few years on.

I guess it boils down to what you want yourself... a long term relationship or a fling. The fact that you can't decide yourself could be taken as a sign that you don't yet know what you want, and therefore you're the one not suitable for a serious relationship with any of these girls right now.

Good luck anyway

aye that...

 

[old.Tohtori]

Ask for the "girls" opinions about this.

Nothing more, tell all, see who does what and listen. You should know the answer to this "dilemma".


Now...stop hogging the girls!

 

[Will]

I don't think you should have to decide. But if I had to, I'd go for New Girl. Old Friend, while it seems like a good idea (I am going out with one myself, known Kirsty for 9 years), the small town thing and lack of travelling will lead to you killing her and burying her under a patio. Tank Girl sounds great and all, but you obviously like New Girl better.

 

[Panda On Smack]

go b!

at least talk to her about your plans to move abroad as you are worried she isnt into that. She may change if she knows that's what you want to do.

other 2 girls are too young, dont know what they want and will probably change a lot over the next few years.

 

[old.Tohtori]

other 2 girls are too young, dont know what they want and will probably change a lot over the next few years.

Disagree with that a bit. Most people "evolve" (Yeah i know..harhar..) into what they will be in the years 13-18. Ofcourse some may take a while longer, some a bit shorter, but age is not necessarily(sp?) an issue here.

(Evidently since Xtro went "steady" with Tankie for 10 months)

But whatever you do Xtro, and take this from Teh Seel, don't fail the girls. Be honest and let them know too. Don't keep at the end of a line just "to have a backup plan".

 

[Jupitus]

OLD FRIEND sounds a perfect match for you. The fact that she hasn't considered leaving the UK is something you would have to discuss, but most relationships are based on concensus rather than out and out agreement.

TANK GIRL sounds a little immature, but she is quite young so it's not unexpected.

NEW GIRL sounds great for a short term relationship, but there's quite an age difference; fine now, but maybe not so a few years on.

I guess it boils down to what you want yourself... a long term relationship or a fling. The fact that you can't decide yourself could be taken as a sign that you don't yet know what you want, and therefore you're the one not suitable for a serious relationship with any of these girls right now.

Good luck anyway

HEAD

THE

ON

NAIL

Good Luck, whatever you decide, Xtro

 

[Whipped]

I would say no. 2, but I did the old friend thing myself for 4 years and even ended up getting engaged to it. Then she strangeled me.

Now I have my own NEW GIRL and am completely head over heals.

So I'd say new girl. Even though she is a little young, it's a fresh start. If it doesn't work out then that's how it goes, but it sounds like there is a little to much history between you and the other girls.

 

[Milkshake]

I don't think Tank Girl should even be in the equation.

Old Friend, well, I think you should tell her straight about what your looking for, why your worried and what's going on. Takes big balls to do that sort of shit, but you'll get an honest answer. Oh, and do it soon.

That way, if she freaks out, you got New Girl to try

 

[SAS]

I've just woken up so this will be sort and sweet .

TANK GIRL: Stay clear. She is too immature. If she can't decide if she wants a full relationship now, by forcing one it will probably end in tears later.

It's easy for me and others to say it, but you have to let go. In time you'll see it's for the best. Who knows she might after a few years decide she is ready and see how you both feel then? But for now move on.

OLD FRIEND: You are probably seeing her and thinking "Amazing" and remembering the old times... I'd wait a good few weeks of constant contact before making your mind up on her. Let the situation die down and see how you feel then.

If things work ok, take her on holiday. See how she copes with travelling. Once she starts she might not be able to stop and there you have a match .

NEW GIRL: One word. Lust? She does not sound like relationship material, and you'll have to keep your head when with her. Could be fun for a bit, but long term prospects are slim. A date will work out what she is like, but I have a feeling you could find she is a high maintance girl. I.e you have to keep her occupied and doing things together all the time. Idea short term, but long?...

You also forgot FUTURE GIRL. There are lots of women out there and you have to ask yourself. Are you on the rebound from TANKGIRL? From the sound of your post I don't think you are, but only you will know for certain.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Why is everyone busting Tank Girls chops?

Why is it immature if you're not clear about your feelings?

She evidently does have feelings if she's getting annoyed by Xtro dating others. (Ok, not the best way to show it but...we all make these mistakes all the time.)

I can understand the overseas realtionship being a relationshipstopper, these very rarely work.

But now that she's in the UK, doesn't she deserve another chance? Atleast if...Xtro still likes her.

 

[mr.Blacky]

Tell them all you made a list and see them all leave

 

[itcheh]

It boils down to what you want from these girls.

If you really want the long-term relationship then I wouldn't pick any of them tbh. The tone of your post pretty much says that any way.

If you're looking for a fling (to fill the time) then New Girl sounds like the best option. As Will said - after the initial spark you'll end up so frustrated by the 'small town attitudes' of Old Girl that you'll end up murdering her and burying her under the patio. And as for Tank Girl, well if she's still confused after seeing you for a relatively long period of time then who's to say she won't still be confused in 2 years time?

Out of interest - do we know why she's back in the UK? Did she come over for you or for another opportunity ... and you just happen to be local?

In fact re-reading it again it sounds like you've already made your decision and are just showing off

 

[Bym]

I changed massively personality wise from the ages of 20-25, so could be a good idea to someone closer your own age if you really want a long-term relationship now - if you're not in for a serious relationship or want a fling before finding someone more serious in a few years, I'd say go with NEW GIRL.

OLD FRIEND sounds better long term, and she could easily change her mind about moving, you haven't seen each other for very long yet. But I'd let her know before you get up to anything else with the younger one!

TANK GIRL shouldn't even be in the picture imo, comfy old slipper and all that.

 

[MYstIC G]

Can you go with 2 and still have 3? I mean 2 wasn't bothered when you told her about 1 so maybe she'll let you take 3 on holiday?

 

[Tzan]

LOL this post really made me laugh! I liked the "HELLO" thingy!
Hehe mate I really think that you should go for NEW GIRL! Old relationships have a tendencie to end up in same way or worse... besides, you should try sth new and if it doesn't work out then go for TANK GIRL or OLD FRIEND ( I would go for neither of them but anyway...) BUT DONT TURN DOWN ANY OF THEM so that you have a "backup" (not a very nice word but don't know the english word).
I am not a sex-relationship expert but that's what I would do... but then again I am 7-8 years younger than you so I don't think that much with my brain! :wub:

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Wow.

You all suggested one of them.

Xtro, you may well regard what I have to say as shite, but I wouldn't go for any of them.

Tank Girl: Clearly good times were had, but going back there won't bring anything great - there seems to be too much shit that will overhang constantly.

Old Friend: Past feelings seem to be catching up with you here, as you don't seem to fully have your heart in here judging from the things you said. Great bit of happiness for now, but for future? Like you say you're still catching up so it's fresh... what happens when you've caught up? You'll be looking at that list of flaws you have..

New Girl: You can't start anything with her, you haven't been totally upfront about your situation so imo nothing productive could come out of it in the end.

*waits for slaps*

 

[JBP|]

may i suggest ....


shag em all






then worry about it if your nob drops off

 

[throdgrain]

The older you get, the higher your expectations of a "perfect partner" (tm).
The middle one is the obvious choice, if at 33 , you want to get into a long term kind of relationship. So she doesnt want to do travelling ? Maybe you will convince her otherwise ? If not, which do you like best, her, or travelling ?
Life is about compromise, no one can have everything thier own way, its just not possible, and the expectation that you can is imo the single biggest cause of the divorce rate being what it is.

Oh, if the answer is , you like travelling better than her, you either arnt ready for a long term relationship or at least, not with this woman, and you'd be better off going out with young bird for a bit.

 

[Yoni]

Personally I would try with "OLD FRIEND". However I would take it nice and slowly to ensure it isn't just a lot of old feelings messing with both of your heads. At the end of the day, if it were me I would prefer "OLD FRIEND" to continue to be thus. The decision to be made is whether you are prepared to risk a life long friend for a "relationship".

If you don't want to risk losing a friend I would give "OLD FRIEND" a miss and also the other two as they do not seem like long term material.

Surely with your charisma you can find someone of your own age who also travels?

 

[Xtro]

Wow, a lot of fine answers there!

Thanks guys, very humbled for the time you've taken to say what you think.

Wazz - no thats good, no slaps for you

I'm at work and more stuff's happened today so I'll post proper later.

Thanks again, ttfn

 

[jaba]

Want piccies! Sod what they are like as a person lets see what they look like and judge on that! naked ones are preferable

 

[Tilda]

Personally I would try with "OLD FRIEND". However I would take it nice and slowly to ensure it isn't just a lot of old feelings messing with both of your heads. At the end of the day, if it were me I would prefer "OLD FRIEND" to continue to be thus. The decision to be made is whether you are prepared to risk a life long friend for a "relationship".

If you don't want to risk losing a friend I would give "OLD FRIEND" a miss and also the other two as they do not seem like long term material.

Surely with your charisma you can find someone of your own age who also travels?

I agree with Yoni, go for OLD FRIEND but take it slow.
If she likes you as much as you say she said she did, it should be possible for you to work something about going abroad out. Peoples attitudes can change, perhaps you can help open her eyes to travling and seeing the world etc.

Tilda

 

[Wazzerphuk]

You'll slap me on this one though Xtro.

Stop fking cradlerobbing!